1The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.
12.
The trip to Rio seemed surprisingly short. Nothing seemed to take long enough anymore. Every time I allowed myself to hope I might be distracted by some mundane, or insignificant task, time ceased to exist. When I was sure that weeks had passed, I would come to realize it had only been days. Surely the world continued to turn, the sun continued to set and the moon continued to rise. Did they not? I was no longer sure.
I spent my nights tracking Victoria. A never ending search through bars, clubs, and brothels. When nomads chose to mix into the human population they always chose the seediest places. The more intoxicated a group of humans became the less likely they were to observe anything strange in the beautiful, pale, face in front of them. Even the cold skin and red eyes did little to avert those who were completely, chemically, uninhibited. But, my tracking never improved and as more time passed the reality of finding Victoria became more and more unlikely.
My days I spent hiding in the darkest corners of this already dark region. I endeavored, in vain, to block out the thoughts and voices of the partners surrounding me. Married couples, friends and lovers. Foolish people who fought over the most trivial subjects just to end in tearful apologies and passionate embraces. Heartbeats racing in excitement or joy or desire. Love. In every form. Love. Following me every where I turned.
A mother reading a bedtime story ... and they lived happily ever after ... a woman whispering into the ear of the man lying in her bed ... I've never known anyone like you ... an elderly couple celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary ... and you are just as beautiful today as the day I met you ...
Surrounded by life and, yet, every moment I wished for death. Painful and torturous, slow and cruel. Was I not already torturing myself? I had inflicted more anguish on my own life than I had ever imposed on any other creature. Nothingness would be peaceful. Oblivion would be salvation. In the void there would be no pain, no loss, no memories.
But more than I wished for death, I wished for her. I implored myself to go back to her. I begged to be released of this self imposed exile. This prison of existing without her. Free to go anywhere in the world except for where I wanted to be. The window to her room always awaited me. To be by her side. To feel her warmth, to see her blush, to taste her lips, her skin ...
I continued in this mind numbing pattern for weeks. It had been six months now since I left her. I remembered with hopeful anticipation the bet that Alice had made with Emmett. She had said 'six months', she had all but promised him that we would be back in Forks by now. So where was my sign? Nothing so trivial as my family urging me to go back, with pleading phone calls, but divine intervention. I should have been forced back by now. I should have been drawn out of the depths of this depression, this masochistic punishment. Alice had said she was only trying to make him feel better, but I had hoped she was lying to me. I was wrong. There was nothing to release me from my promise. There was nothing.
The phone vibrated in my pocket again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours. I thought about opening the phone, at least seeing who was trying to contact me. Perhaps it was important.
This chapter flows into Stephanie Meyers New Moon extra entitled Rosalie's News. If you have not already read this 4 page excerpt or would like to read it again visit Stephenie Meyer's website and click on "twilight series" click on "new moon" click on "extras" click on "Rosalie's news" You will need to have read this to continue into Crescent chapter 13. Thank you to Stephenie Meyer for this look inside of Edward.