Ŧ Tom.
Okay, it's been almost three months since Ella came to stay with us and it has been awesome. She's starting to blend in, she even kicked Gustav's butt playing video games last night. She totally beat Georg in a burping contest and she's starting to feel like a little sister to all of us and a little like a mother as well.
I heard from Gustav that one of the crew members tried to flirt with her yesterday and Bill was right up in his face, along with himself and Georg. She's very close to us now, even after just little over two months. We all are growing very attached to our little Ella, and she makes every show of ours amazing.
Bill is suggesting all of our ideas to her, and she usually takes them to heart, making her team work endlessly on what we want. Just to make us happy.
Ella had been amazing, but there was something else. I'm so stupid! I don't even know why I kissed her anyways, I mean, like I said, she's starting to be like a mother/sister to us all. But not to me. I know that I like her, hell she even knows that I like her. She can come to me whenever she needs me, and I'm always gonna be there. I just need to show her that I really do like her more than she thinks and knows that I do.
Luckily, tonight the rest of the boys were trying to get me to go out with them. We were still in L.A. not that I was complaining. I'm all one for a party, but I feel the need to try and explain my point again with Ella.
Ella was sitting at the table watching TV and playing with her MP3 player when I stopped in the doorway. She had been in a bad mood lately, and I didn't really want to test her, but I walked over with high hopes. Probably all edgy cause it was that time of the month or something, but I still didn't want to take any chances.
"Hey." I said as I slid next to her at the table and she turned and looked at me.
"Hey, what's up?" She asked putting her hair behind her ear, concentrating on what she was doing.
"Nothin, I was just wondering what you and Bill were talking about the other day." She and Bill had become awfully close and I can't stand it. Yesterday he was talking to her for a whole hour and he didn't even get up or anything. I couldn't really over hear what they were saying, but I just watched and it made me sick.
Bill wasn't the type of person to steal away a girl when he knew his twin liked her, his older twin. I just had to ask, the question was just burning on the tip of my tongue.
"Oh, that, Bill and I were just discussing the new design plans for the stage on your next concert. Why? Is something wrong?" She got up and walked over to the TV and turned it off, then turned around to face me, her arms crossed while she held her player in one hand.
"Nein, nein, just wondering, that's all." I stated as I got up and walked down the hallway, stopping to turn back and look at her.
Arching one eyebrow at me and shifting her weight onto one hip, striking that cocky pose of hers, Ella smirked a wicked smirk at me.
"Jealous . . . " She started, moving closer to me until I could feel her warm breath on my ear, making me squirm. "Are you jealous of Bill and me? Huh, Tom?" She said quietly, whispering only my name into my ear, sending shivers through my body. Every part of my body, if you get my drift.
Ella let loose a loud shriek of surprise as I frantically pushed her away from me in order to stop anything from "developing." I remembered what she said that time, that we couldn't be together. When she was distracted, I yanked the MP3 from her hand, hugging it close to my chest in an effort to keep it away from her. Since she was shorter than me by a little, I decided to do the meanest thing. I just put my arm straight up in the air and held it above her head.
"Give. It. BACK!" Ella screamed as she lunged forward to pounce on me, tackling me to the floor, me landing on my back with a loud "oof." The MP3 was still tightly enclosed in my hand, though my arm had been pulled away from my chest by her meaningless efforts.
"Nein!" I chuckled out as soon as I got my breath back. Oh how I loved seeing her angry face, filled with frustration.
By this point in time, Ella had climbed on top of me to completely straddle me. I couldn't go anywhere. I was pinned completely underneath her. Not that I was complaining. My breathing was getting quicker and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to fuck my sister-like friend.
I am losing it, my mind was numbing as my carnal instincts began to take me over. I couldn't take it any longer. I like to say I'm "smooth," but this definitely wasn't my finest moment. As I had reached up, intending to pull Ella down to my waiting lips, my hand slipped and Ella's new MP3 player went out the open window. We both sat upright immediately; my actions taking more effort because of the extra weight on my lower half. Our jaws slowly dropped at the same time as her precious mp3 was smashed by a passing semi-truck in the parking lot. Immediately, I knew I was in deep shit.
Now, I can't remember much after that. Perhaps it was because all that came out of Ella's mouth were a series of loud, frustrated screams, confirming my utter damnation. Or maybe it was because all I felt was the sharp pain of her fists making contact with my body, showing her rage quite accurately.
What I do remember though, is the look on her face the whole time. It was a look that threatened to take her innocence. It was extremely painful to see that look on her face; even more painful to know that I had caused it.
I let her continue to take her anger with me out on my body until she was exhausted. The screaming had continued through it all. I didn't care one bit if it hurt; at least her hands were on me. As long as she touched me, I was happy.
When she was finally done, panting because of her "workout," her voice hoarse from the screaming, she just fell back onto the floor. I tried my best to shift so I could get a glimpse of her. She was absolutely livid. Now I'm kinda scared to be honest.
I let out a loud groan, clutching my stomach with both hands, rolling around in agony on the floor. My lip and parts of my face were bloodstained. What killed me most was Ella's silence. I was more than used to her violent side now, she had gotten mad once or twice before. But always after, we'd laugh like sick hyenas. Now she was only silent.
I kept moaning as the aftershock pain of the attack still affected me. Coughing as the pain slowly started to ease up on me, I managed to maneuver into a half-sitting position, carefully biting a non-injured part of my lip to distract me from the pain.
"Uh . . . Fuck . . . God Ella, why didn't you just fucking castrate me too?" I whined. I could have sworn I saw a half smile on her face as she stood up and knelt down over me, her hand immediately disappearing into my pocket, searching viciously.
"Ella!" I yelped as I felt her hand rummage around, violating me in every way I had hoped for. My face flushed and I swear I had either passed out or was in some of my best dreams. "W-What are you d-d-doing?!" I squeaked out in a high pitch shakily, hoping I was still alive. If she kept that up for a few more seconds I swear she would have found something.
Satisfied, Ella pulled her hand out of my pocket, my wallet clutched in her hand. Oh come on God, why are you fucking with me? I groaned in defeat, sadly my prayers had not been answered as I desperately hoped. Perhaps I was in hell. That sounded fitting at least . . . Wait . . . my wallet?!
"What the hell, Ella?! Why did you take my-"
"Thanks in advance." She said coldly, the lack of emotion in her voice making my heart ache.
I swallowed hard.
"For . . . ?"
"You're about to buy me a new MP3 player. The most expensive one I can fucking find, Tom-ass!" She calmly got out before yelling the last part, stalking out of the bus.
I groaned once more and fell back to a laying position on my mattress, my head smacking into the wall of my bunk.
"You think you're so funny, don't you?" I moaned out, cursing up at the sky as I rubbed my head.
That cursing didn't even compare to what followed once realization hit me. After Ella had gone out with my wallet, I wanted to comfort myself by looking over a few . . . personal items. Mostly pictures of Ella and Bill and I with, "Liebe" written on the back that we took at one of the many malls we stopped at. Hey, we were bored and I thought it was hilarious, but those stories are for another time.
I went to go into my wallet to find one of the pictures I have and I put my hand in my pocket before remembering that my wallet was in the very hands of the one person who I least wanted to see it.
"FUCK! Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God . . ." I screamed out, my ribs hurting from the earlier beating that I had more than willingly taken.
Starting to hyperventilate, I scrambled painfully to get back to my feet, pacing around the bus. Why do I keep such personal things in my wallet? My wallet is always on me, there is no chance of getting it away from me . . . or so I thought.
"Nein . . . nein . . . nein . . . NEIN! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" I screamed painfully at the top of my lungs, falling face first into my pillow, letting out strangled sobs.
I'm assuming that I fell asleep because a few hours later, I woke up, my face full of mattress. I could hear that the TV was on.
"Ella . . . " I silently mouthed, feeling horror shake me to the core.
It had to be Ella because she was the only other person who wasn't at the club, and the bus driver was out for a while doing God knows what.
It's safe to say that I was a bit more than terrified but I slowly ventured out into the living room. My body was sore, swollen, and bruised, yet at the same time, it tasted a little like bliss. I froze the second I saw her, limping my way over to the table, sitting down next to her. Now I wouldn't be lying when I say that my heart plummeted when I saw her squirm a barely-visible inch away from me. I could have shoved a knife through my heart at that second, had she not swung her legs up onto the chair, a very small distance away from my thigh.
I am always quick to judge I guess, especially with Ella, and even more so once I knew I liked her. Any movement that girl made sent my mind reeling; demanding for an explanation on the spot.
"Listen Ella, I-" I started, shutting up when her hand raised, cutting me off.
"Don't Tom. I realized that it was an accident. I got a new one." She said, flashing me a brilliant smile as she held up the fancy, new replacement player.
"Ugh. How much did that cost me?" I groaned loudly, my head falling onto her shoulder.
Blinking at me, she studied my face. Ella shook her head, her smile fading quickly, much to my disarray. I could feel my heart start to ache as I looked away from her, keeping my head where it was out of plain exhaustion. I was in too much pain to move.
"Nothing. I used my own money. I've wanted one for a while now so I figured it wouldn't be fair to make you pay." She said quietly. Oh thank God. So she hadn't seen my always pocketed little note . . .
"Oh . . . Damn right!" I agreed, trying to regain my lost composure.
"Actually, that's kinda not true . . . " She almost whispered. At this moment, crude words and curses were stringing themselves together in my head. Forming one big line. Or as Dane Cook would say, a cluster fuck. Yeah, I watched him once, he was pretty good.
I was speechless, engrossed in the possibilities that may have exited her lips.
"What's this?" She sighed out slowly, holding up the picture of her I had stashed in my wallet.
My heartbeat quickened to an unfathomed pace. The palms of my hands started to get sweaty as I started to get incredibly nervous. I immediately removed my head from her shoulder, backing up to get a good look at what was in her hand. Sure enough, there was a picture of her in between her hands. I tried to act as innocent as possible.
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I got out defensively. Okay, I realize that I wasn't too convincing but I had to try somehow.
"Its me, Tom. I was in your wallet." She spoke slowly, as if trying to convince not only me, but herself.
"Why's that in my wallet. I told you I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
"Tom-ass, why was I in your fucking wallet?!" She screamed at me, obviously annoyed, throwing my wallet at me. When it hit, I have to admit that it sure as hell hurt, but not as much as her words. I gasped and rubbed my head, looking down. I didn't know if she meant it or not but her words stung.
"Y-You . . . ?" I half whimpered out, trying my hardest not to cry. Well hell, I knew I was strong emotionally but God, Ella. Way to fucking rip out my heart and put it in a blender and hit crush.
"Well I-" She started before the door opened and inside came our bus driver.
I refused to look up at him as I grabbed my wallet, ripping the notes out of Ella's hands and quickly getting up from the table, rushing to the empty room that would soon be Ella's. I slammed the door and locked it immediately. With my back to the door, I slowly slid down it until I hit the floor, letting out a soundless cry as the tears fell from my eyes. "Tom-ass" was something she often used on me. It was something she always called me when we fought or disagreed but now it had a new meaning.
I slowly crawled my way to the middle of the room, collapsing face first onto the carpet. All I did was just lie there, trying but failing to keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes. I remained in that position long after the tears had dried up, my face just straight into the carpet, my eyes tightly closed, and my whole body sprawled out randomly.
After the bus driver left a few hours later, to my shock, I heard a knock on the door. I groaned in reply, my face still shoved into the carpet. Ella hesitantly walked in and I shifted my head so I could see with one eye. All I saw were her feet, followed by the rest of her as she sat down right next to me, sighing heavily. I frowned and rolled over onto my back before sitting up slowly, glaring into her eyes.
"What do you want with me? Tom-ass doesn't feel like talking to you." I spat out at her.
"Tom I-" She started.
"You what? You think it's funny to throw those words around right now?!" I yelled at her, still glaring.
"Tom I didn't mean it like that! You of all people know that I say that shit without thinking!" She retorted.
I shook my head and looked away from her, crossing my arms over my chest. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I turned to look at her. Her face was a cross between apologetic and something else I couldn't quite make out. When her eyes met my own, she sighed the same frustrated sigh I had let out a minute or so earlier.
"I didn't mean it, okay? I ALWAYS call you that. I'm sorry, okay?" She sighed out as if it had been rehearsed. She had been calling me that a lot lately, probably because I have been bugging her about us I didn't really mind, it just hurt so much now.
"It wouldn't hurt if you actually meant it. Now I'm really left out in the open with how I feel about you. Worse than before." I frowned, standing up, moving towards the door to exit the room.
As soon as I was about to exit the room, her hand wrapped around my left ankle, causing me to trip and fall. Luckily I fell to my knees and not on my face. I shook my leg continuously, trying to free it from her grasp. It was pointless as with each shake, she held my leg tighter. I turned around to flash her another glare. My heart was slowly splitting in half and it felt like she wanted the front row seat. I finally gave up on escaping from her, her hand still wrapped tightly around my left ankle, not easing up one bit.
"Is it not enough for you to hurt me emotionally? Do you have to keep going until I'm broken all over?!" I yelled at her, louder than I ever have, struggling to hold back my cries. The shock on her face was more than evident.
She slowly released her hand; the second look on her face was shocking. It was a look that I had hoped would show on her face. She grabbed my wrists and pulled me upright and looked me straight in the eye.
"Seriously? Tom, its just a picture, I'm not mad."" She quietly stated.
"I thought we already established this. When I said that stuff that one time." I sighed out, not sure if the look on her face was true or not. By one time, I was referring to that morning that I had a really bad hangover from the night before.
She looked at me hesitantly before looking away. Her face turned a soft shade of pink and I tried so hard to stop myself but I couldn't help but brush the back of my fingers across her cheek. Ella turned her eyes back to me, blinking in shock. She didn't turn away or slap me! This is good, we're making progress! I quickly took the opportunity and slowly pressed my lips to hers, and she pressed back. Finally. This time it was better than all the others.
"I'm sorry Tom . . . I shouldn't have . . . done that . . . " She said sighing and pulling away slowly. Nein! Nein! Nein! This was all going so well! This isn't good . . . Not going according to my plans. She got up and walked to the door, and turned around. She looked at me with sorrow in her eyes, then she just . . . walked away.
She always walks away.