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Previously on Teaching Me-
I'm probably contradicting myself, but I can't live without Sasuke. I won't just sit back and let him get away. I need explanations. I need answers. And he's the only one who can give them to me.
Okay, so all that was just a lame excuse to justify my need to talk to him and patch things over. I acted too rashly and I was beyond upset when I walked out on him and thought I could actually walk out of his life. I love him too much to do that. This is why I nodded my head and lied to Tenten. But she didn't need to do that.
I can't believe I'm actually going to do this. I'm going to spy on Sasuke and unravel all of his deepest, darkest secrets, in the hopes of winning him over again. Because I just have to.
Chapter Eight
It's Wednesday and the weather outside is rather gloomy. The sky is full of huge, gray clouds and it's threatening to rain. But that's not going to stop me. I've waited a whole week to put my plan into execution.
Just yesterday I ruined my car so I'd have a good enough excuse to use my dad's car while mine is getting "fixed." On his part, my dad is using the other car he sparingly uses, unless he wants to go to the country and fish or whatever. Now, as I'm in the school parking lot, my dad's car is indistinguishable.
I get in the car and open the glove compartment, taking out a pair of sunglasses and a colorful head scarf. I wrap the scarf around my head to hide my noticeable pink hair and put on the dark sunglasses. I look at my rear-view mirror and smile a little, amazed at the transformation. You can't even tell it's me.
I turn on the radio and wait. I'll admit that as calm as I look on the outside, my heart is beating fiercely. I'm so scared and nervous. What if Sasuke catches me and he gets mad? I don't want him to hate me any more than he probably already does. Everyday in his class is torture. I want him to look at me again…not keep ignoring me like some gross disease. Sometimes, when he passes my desk to help another student, I feel like reaching out to him and grabbing his hand, just to touch him and know I'm not alone. I don't want to forget our memories together, because they did exist secretly.
I look outside and easily spot Sasuke. His hands are inside his coat's pockets and he's looking down as he walks. I see him get into his car and I recognize that as my cue. I slowly back out from my parking space and weave into the after school traffic. He's only two cars in front of me and that's safe enough for now.
I follow him, not too closely. I've spent this whole week researching detective movies so I don't fail at this spying thing. Mistakes are possible, though.
After ten minutes, Sasuke pulls up into a driveway and gets out of his car. I park on the opposite curb, watching intensely. He goes to his mailbox and takes out his mail before entering his house. Sasuke's house is rather small (like how his brother Itachi commented in that letter) but it's pretty and scenic. It's white with blue doors and windows. And the lawn is a healthy green with no weeds and there are a few flowers by the porch. I immediately fell in love with the house and wished I could live there with him.
I had to stop thinking about that, or I'd start bawling again. I sniffed a few times, trying to control my urge to cry. Then I opened my car door and stepped outside. As I walked to Sasuke's house, my fear didn't die down. I was scared that he'd come out any second and discover me. But I pushed that fear aside and crossed the street, looking over my back cautiously.
I made my way to the side window and peeked inside. It was Sasuke's living room, and he was sitting on the couch. The T.V. was on, but he wasn't paying attention to it. Instead, he was reading a letter and smiling the same smile he reserved only for me. I frowned a bit, not knowing what this meant. He was happy, but why? I thought I was the cause of his happiness.
I focused more on hi, my nose touching the glass window plane. Sasuke had his shoes off and his feet were placed on top of the coffee table in front of him. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled again before folding his letter. Sasuke got up and I strained my neck to see where he was going- the kitchen.
A few minutes later and he sat down on the couch again, with a warm mug of tea in his hand. His attention was on the T.V., which was showing a movie about people living in outer space. Totally futuristic. Sasuke changed the channel to a comedy sit-com and left it there.
I watched him for twenty minutes, completely captivated by the slightest movement he made. The feeling of shame hadn't sunk in yet. I should have felt guilty for spying on him, but I didn't. I compromised the situation to not make it seem as bad. He broke my heart, so I had every right to do what I was doing. It's so childish and immature of me, I know, but I don't care.
God must've heard my thoughts and been upset by them because it started to rain profusely all of a sudden. Crap. I ducked down, knowing that most people look out their windows when it first starts to rain. It's an instinctive gesture.
The rain was coming down hard and in a matter of seconds, I was soaked. Shivering, I quickly ran towards my car. But the grass was so wet and muddy that I slipped. Oh great. My jeans had mud stains on them now. But deep down I knew I deserved to fall.
I got up and went to my dad's car, getting the interior seat wet. I cursed, mad at myself. And by the time I arrived home, I was grateful it was raining because no one could see my tears.
"Sakura," my dad said when he saw me. He must've gotten home from work early. I guess there are not that many cases or lawsuits right now. "You're soaking wet!"
"I'm fine dad. It's just…it's just…a-choo!" I sneezed.
"You don't look fine to me. I want you to go to upstairs to your room right now," he said. "We do have those soups in a cup, don't we? You know the ones that you just microwave?"
"Yeah," I said, already on the 3rd step. "I think they're in the second pantry to the right."
"Okay. Well, just lie down and…," dad said, his voice drifting away as he went to the kitchen.
I sighed. I hate getting sick.
I went to my room and took off my wet clothes and put on my pajamas. I grabbed my sketchbook and lied down on my bed. I sneezed a couple of times before finding the page I wanted. Sasuke. I remember when I drew him. We had gone to the art museum that day and ate at a restaurant afterwards. Everything was perfect then. We had kissed and laughed like a happy couple.
Now, looking at that drawing of him, all I see is memories, because that's all we have now. I can't change what happened between us and I'm hoping Sasuke still feels those strong emotions inside him, because I don't want him to forget and move on. I'm not ready for that. I still need him- more than ever now.
He's made an imprint in my heart that won't ever go away. And no matter how many times it breaks, that mark will always be there.
--
The next day I woke up feeling a bit better, although I kept sneezing. My nose was blotchy, but I didn't mind. Dad could fuss over me if he wanted to.
"Are you sure you want to go to school?" he asked, fixing his tie.
"Yeah," I replied, taking a sip from my orange juice. "It's just a small cold. I'll be okay."
"Do you want me to drive you?" dad asked.
"No, that won't be necessary," I said.
"Oh, that reminds me. I was so worried about you yesterday that I never bothered to ask where you were after school," he said. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer.
I took another sip from my OJ, trying to buy extra time to think. "I…umm…I was with Hinata in the library. We were researching for a project," I said. "In fact, we're going there again today. It's a really big project, so I might be busy the whole week," I emphasized.
Dad nodded his head. "Okay. Well, I better be going now," he said. He stood up from his chair and gave me a kiss on the forehead before picking up his briefcase and leaving.
I quickly stood up and practically ran to his private den. I searched through the big drawer near the lamp and finally found the binocular I was looking for. I wouldn't have to leave my car now.
I carefully put things back where they were and put the binocular in my backpack. By the time I arrived to school, the bell had already rung, so I entered the classroom sorta late. Everyone turned their head to look at me. Even Sasuke.
"Next time Ms. Haruno, try to come to school on time," Sasuke said, his gaze not exactly meeting my eyes.
"S-Sorry Mr. Uchiha," I said, clutching tightly onto my grammar book. Come on, please look at me, I'm begging.
"Take a seat," he said with a gesture of his hand. I nodded and made my way to the back of the classroom and sat down next to Naruto. I stifled my gasp. Sasuke didn't even look at me. He…He just…
…blew me off like an insignificant leaf.
And yet- this is the crazy part- I still love him. This is the man who broke my heart, but somehow he's also the glue who's keeping it together.
"Sakura? Hey…Sakura?" Naruto whispered to me, leaning towards me. I looked at him and slowly shook my head.
"Not now Naruto," I whispered back. I opened my grammar book and tried to pay attention to Sasuke's lecture. But the hurt was still there.
A half hour into the class and my nose started to tingle. I sneezed repeatedly. Um…ew. I blinked a few times to clear myself up. I sneezed again a minute later. Suddenly, I felt his presence near me and I looked up to see Sasuke standing next to my desk, concern written in his eyes. He was finally looking at me. I could've screamed with joy.
"Sakura, are you feeling well? Do you want to go to the nurse's office?" Sasuke asked.
"I'm fine," I said, with a small smile, all hope coming back to me.
Sasuke's face stayed still and emotionless as he said," Are you sure? You can always leave if you don't feel well."
"I'm fine," I said defensively. I can't believe it. The first time he looks at me in days, and he tells me to leave?
He looked slightly alarmed, and then lowered his eyes to the floor. "Okay, then," Sasuke said, continuing with his lecture.
--
Lunch wasn't any better. I was quiet as usual, lost in my own thoughts, when someone decided to interrupt them.
"Sakura, we're going to the ice skating rink tomorrow and you're going to tell me what the hell is wrong with you," Hinata declared.
"Nothing's wr-," I tried to deny, but Naruto cut me off.
"Oh yeah there is," he said. "Sak, we're worried about you and we think you need an intermission."
"Intervention," Hinata corrected him.
"Right. That's what I meant to say."
"Sakura, why don't you open up to us anymore? We used to tell each other everything," Hinata said to me.
"You guys just don't get it," I said.
"Get what?" Hinata asked. I shook my head, not wanting to explain.
"You two love each other, right?" I asked, going with a different approach.
"Of course," Naruto said, putting his arm around Hinata. "And we love you too."
"But not in the same way," I pointed out. "Anyway, if the love you feel is so great and strong, will you do anything to protect it?"
"Yes," Hinata said, "but what does this have t-"
"Just listen, please. Okay, so if you're willing to protect your love-"
"You already said that," Naruto cut in.
"Naruto! Stop interrupting! Will you let me finish?" I said, getting frustrated by the second. "How far would you go to protect your love?" I asked them.
"As far as I could go, I guess," Naruto said. "That's a weird question, though."
"You totally missed the point, Naruto. I think Sakura is trying to tell us that…that she's in love," Hinata said slowly, giving me a sharp, surprised look. "It this true?"
I blushed. I don't think love is a strong enough word for what I feel for Sasuke. At times, I feel like I should despise him, but I can't. My heart knows it would kill me to have those hateful feelings towards him.
"Ooo…Sakura's blushing!" Hinata said. Naruto grinned.
"C'mon. Tell us who it is," he said.
"It's a secret," I said quietly. I found myself smiling, taking pleasure in the only thing I hold dear.
"Do we know him?" Hinata asked.
"No," I said. They don't know the Sasuke I know.
"Well, enough with the suspense. Who is it?" Hinata asked.
"I told you, it's a secret," I said.
"It's not that defendant guy, is it?" Naruto said.
"Who?" I asked, my mind drawing a blank.
"You know, that one guy who kept coming to your house to-"
"Oh…him," I said, remembering the fake guy I made up weeks ago. "No, it's not him." Did I even give him a name? "You two are being so nosy. The point of keeping a secret is that no one knows about it."
"But we're your best friends, Sakura. I'm sure that counts for something," Naruto said.
I shook my head with a small smile, relishing in their discomfort of not knowing. "Sorry," I said. "That's as far as I'm opening to you guys about that."
"We're still kidnapping you to the skating rink," Hinata said. "When was the last time we hung out anyway?"
"Too long to remember," Naruto commented. "You're always busy now."
"Well…," I said, deciding that one day with my friends was a whole lot more interesting than spying on Sasuke. I feel so isolated from them. And the truth is that I miss them.
"Oh, c'mon! You have to go with us," Naruto said. I laughed (my first real laugh in days) and nodded.
"Okay. I'll go, I'll go," I said. "You two win." They both smiled and we continued eating our lunches.
--
Today is a lot easier. Except for the sneezing and diminishing fear, I feel at ease as I look through the binoculars. They work perfectly and I'm amazed at how clear and focused everything looks. Even though Sasuke is so far away, he's so close as well.
Right now he's lying on the living room floor and he's exercising. He moved his furniture to the side to give him enough space. Sasuke's wearing sweatpants (like how I always pictured him in) and a white wife-beater. He looked different; tougher, almost dangerous.
He's doing crunches and I find myself counting with him. 87...88...89...90...all the way to 100. He switches his position and does push-ups: 200 in total. Then Sasuke brings out a stand with a punching bag hanging from it. He begins slow, trying to get a steady pace with every hit. I notice he's not wearing any gloves.
Sasuke quickens his pace and beats the bag harder now and I can tell by his facial expression that he's grunting. This continues for almost ten minutes and he's worked up a sweat. He grabs a towel lying on the couch and wipes his face with it. He sits down with his head cradled in his hands, hiding his face from view. I lower the binoculars from my eyes and look at my lap. I realize that Sasuke is all alone in that house. It's just him with his own solitude.
I feel…I want to go with him right now and comfort him. I want Sasuke to know he's not alone; I'm right here and I'll never leave or abandon him. I want him…I want…everything to be perfect again, when we were together and so happy.
I start the ignition and slowly make my way back home. I pull up to my driveway and open the front door. Silence greets me. I turn on the closest light switch and sit down on the couch. I'm alone as well.
That night I paint. Of what, I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that my hand grabs the brush and moves seamlessly across the blank canvas. I chose colors that my mind hadn't registered yet and I realized that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just painting for the sake of escaping my world. And I like that feeling.
Nothing matters.
Time passes. I briefly look up at the clock in my art studio and gasp when I see that two hours have passed. I look back at my canvas and finally see what I've been mindlessly painting for so long.
It's a little boy. He has black hair and dark eyes that are smiling. He's alone in a park and there are hundreds of tulips nearby. The little boy is swinging and I can almost hear him laughing and the wind blowing his hair.
It takes me a second to know what I've just done. I blink, astonished I could create something like that. Sasuke's the little boy and he's playing in the small tulip field we used to go to spend time with each other. He told me he used to play there once when he was small and the old park still existed.
The good old days…where have they gone?
--
The alarm clock ringing woke me up the next day. I yawned and wondered what time I had gone to bed because I was still sleepy. Which is odd for me.
I took a shower and got dressed before joining my dad for breakfast. He looks much older today and he has more gray in his hair. "Good morning, sweetie. Are you excited?" dad asked as I sat down.
"Excited? For what?" I asked, pouring myself a bowl of cereal.
"It's Friday," he said.
"Oh. That fast, huh? Well, I have plans with Hinata and Naruto today," I informed him, being honest this time.
"What are you three doing?" he asked.
"We're going ice-skating," I replied.
"That should be fun," he said.
"Yeah. I haven't gone ice-skating in about four months. Hopefully I don't fall flat on my butt. That'd be so embarrassing," I said. Dad chuckled.
"I saw your painting. It's really good Sakura," he said, changing subjects. I gulped down the cereal in my mouth.
"When did you see it? I barely finished it last night," I said.
"Yes, I know. I saw it when I found you asleep in the art studio. You left the light on, so I thought you were still up. It was pretty late, though. I didn't want to wake you, so I just carried you to your bedroom," he said.
"Oh," I said. "Thanks, dad."
"Where did the inspiration come from? The little boy looked familiar," he commented.
"Umm…it just came to me, I guess. The little boy is no one, just someone I made up," I said.
"You know, you should really enter that painting in an art show. I know it'd win," dad said.
"I don't know…," I said. "That painting is more of a private thing. I don't want people to see it and judge it. There's not much of a message to it."
"But of course there it. You just have to figure it out," he said. I shrugged.
Well, I have to get going. Bye dad," I said, getting up and leaving.
"Bye," he called out. I'm surprised he also hasn't asked me why my car is taking forever to get fixed. Oh, well, he must be busy.
I arrived at school with five minutes to spare. I went to my locker and opened it when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, thinking it was Hinata or Naruto, but I was wrong. It was him.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked.
"The bell is going to ring in a few minutes," I said, my heart beating fast.
"I know. But this won't take long, I promise," he said. I looked at him and slowly nodded my head.
"Alright," I replied. "It's been a long time since we last talked."
"Yeah. I just want to apologize to you. I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you," he said. We were walking along the hallways and ended up near a dark-lit, lonesome corner. The school should really fix that light. "Will you forgive me? I still feel bad, even after all this time."
"Yeah, I forgive you," I said, not one to hold a grudge. Then I smiled. "If it makes you feel any better, I think you're a great guy and you can easily make me laugh."
He smiled at that. "You know, Sakura, I wasn't lying when I said that you're pretty. It's a shame, really…Anyway, my feelings are still sincere." He caressed my cheek. "God, you're so hot." Then he crashed his lips on mine and started kissing me forcefully and desperately. My eyes were open in surprise and that's when I noticed Sasuke standing behind us, frozen in place, and watching everything. Oh, no. No. His gaze met mine and I could see the disappointment in them. Then he walked away.
All of this happened in a few seconds before I actually reacted. "Gaara!" I cried out, pushing him away from me. "Snap out of it!"
"I'm sorry. I-I just couldn't help myself," Gaara said, running a frustrated hand through his red hair. I was seething madly.
"Control yourself, dammit," I said.
"I'm so sorry," he continued saying, reaching and groping out for me. I flinched back. "Sakura?"
"Leave me alone, Gaara, please. I really don't want a reason to dislike you," I said, holding myself protectively.
"I understand," he said, looking down at his feet. "But-"
"I gotta go," I said, cutting him off and leaving. I practically ran to class, not wanting to be late again. I almost bumped into Naruto, who was running late also. When we got there, I was relieved to find that we had a minute left.
"Hey Sakura. What's wrong? You look shaken up," Naruto said, concerned. I didn't want to tell him. Gaara is one of his friends and I don't want to ruin their friendship.
"Nothing's wrong Naruto. I'm fine," I reassured him.
"Alright, if you say so," he said, looking doubtful.
"Good morning class," Sasuke said, entering the classroom. Shit. Is he mad at me? I mean, he just saw another guy kissing me. Is he jealous? Hurt?
"Please take out a piece of paper. We're going to take notes today," he said, pulling the over-head screen down. Then he turned on the projector. I watched him, looking for any signs of his emotions. But he kept his face professional. I wish I could just explain to him what happened, but he probably doesn't even care.
The rest of the day wore on. I met up with Hinata and Naruto at the ice-skating rink after school and forgot about everything going on in my life and just had fun. I goofed off with my friends and even fell once or twice, taking them down with me. I definitely needed that.
--
**How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well…
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know…
I groaned under my warm bed covers, but answered my cell phone anyway. "Hello?" I said, wiping my eyes.
"Sakura? Oh, good, you picked up."
"Tenten, is that you? Do you have any idea what time it is?" I said.
"Yeah, it's time that you get your butt here at the café and get to work," Tenten said. "Seriously, where have you been all week?"
"Incognito," I said with a small smile.
"Where?" she asked.
"Never mind," I said. "I'll be there in about 15 minutes, okay?"
"Okay. We've got a lot of catching up to do," Tenten said. "Bye."
"Bye," I said, then hung up. I yawned and slowly made my way to my closet and picked out an outfit. I went downstairs and left my dad a note on the fridge so he wouldn't be alarmed when I was gone.
"Sakura, you're here!" Tenten said when I arrived.
"Hey to you too," I said, grabbing my apron from the hook it was hanging on. "Where is everybody? You made it seem like such a big emergency."
Well, it is. What's going on? Are you feeling any better? How are things with Sasuke?" Tenten asked curiously. I sighed, somewhat prepared for the ambush of questions.
"I think they're even worse," I said. Then I filled her in on the whole Gaara kissing me situation.
"No way!" Tenten said, shocked. "And are you sure Sasuke saw it?"
"Yeah, I'm positive. Our eyes met for, like, a second then he left," I said, rearranging the mugs on the counter. "He won't talk to me, he won't even look at me anymore."
"Men…I don't get them. But it'll be okay Sakura," she said, patting my shoulder.
"When? When will it be okay? I can't take this any longer. Sasuke's still here," I said, placing a hand to my heart. "You told me to give him space, to give him time, but everything's worse. I feel like he's already moved one and I am the idiot who's still waiting for him to take me back." My eyes were tearing up then.
Tenten remained quiet for awhile. "M-Maybe you've got everything wrong. I saw the way Sasuke looked at you…I wish someone would've looked at me like that," she said softly. I stared at her, seeing her sadness.
"Tenten…did something happen to you?" I asked. She laughed dryly.
"No. Exactly the opposite, actually. Nothing happened to me. Absolutely nothing," she said. "No one's ever loved me. Sure, I've had boyfriends, but the relationship always felt sorta empty, like it was missing something."
"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "I didn't know." Tenten shrugged it off.
"Whatever. I don't really care anyway," she said, but I could tell she was lying.
"Has he been coming here?" I asked instead.
"No, not really," Tenten replied.
"Oh," I said, not surprised, but still hurt. He is avoiding me, trying to prevent us from meeting at certain places. Except at school, which is inevitable. I should get used to this, but I can't. Life seems more meaningless now. I can only hope with all the strength left in my heart that Sasuke will reach out for me again. I caught a glimpse of his loneliness before and I know he can't put himself through that misery any longer. He is human after all, and he'll have to give in to temptation again. The apple is riper this time.
--
I ended my shift at 1 p.m. and drove around until I found myself at Sasuke's house. I just sat in my car, staring at his peaceful home. Then I heard the sound of a loud, annoying engine and I turned my head to see a shiny, red mustang. Whoa. What is a car like that doing here?
To my complete surprise, the mustang parked in Sasuke's driveway. The door opened and out came a woman. I couldn't see her face since her back was to me, but she had long, beautiful dark hair. She was wearing an elegant parka and the graceful movement of her walk suggested to me that this lady was classy. Very classy, indeed. She knocked on Sasuke's door with a gloved hand.
I didn't know what to make of this. Who was this woman? What was she doing here?
I didn't have to wait long to have my questions answered because Sasuke opened the door. His whole face lit up and he hugged the woman tightly. I actually gasped out loud, my voice stuck in my throat. My eyes welled up with unshed tears. Is Sasuke in a relationshipwith this woman? Was she the reason why he ended things with me? Why he couldn't love me?
I forced myself to look up again and hated what I saw. Sasuke was greeting her inside to his house, his hand placed gently on the back. Jealousy, anger, and sadness all tore me up inside at the same time. I almost couldn't breathe; I was sobbing so hard. I rested my head on the steering wheel, trying to erase those images in my head, but I couldn't help it. They were burned into my mind.
My hands clenched around the wheel, grasping onto something to numb myself. I didn't want to feel anymore. I feel so betrayed and deceived to. Didn't our time together mean anything? Was I not good enough? Did Sasuke want a woman, not a girl? Did he want someone who was elegant, intelligent, beautiful, and could fulfill his desires?
Damn it all.
I heard an engine starting and looked up just in time to see Sasuke and his mystery woman leaving. I tried to catch a glimpse of her face, but I was too late. They were gone.
Minutes passed. I calmed down after a while. I stepped out of my car and hastily walked to Sasuke's house. I went to a window that seemed big enough and carefully opened it. My body was halfway through it when I realized what I was doing- sneaking into Sasuke's house. In the back of my mind, I knew this was wrong. But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I needed answers and they were all lying inside his house. What would I find? Pictures of the two of them? Her clothes lying around his bedroom?
It felt strange to walk on the same carpet that Sasuke walked on. I could smell him everywhere, his scent lingering. I pushed those thoughts aside and looked at the photos on the wall. There had to be something…
There was a picture of Sasuke with a guy who I assumed was his brother Itachi. They bore a unique resemblance to each other. There was one picture of Sasuke during his high school graduation that stuck out to me. He looked my age and so incredibly handsome.
I walked to a lamp table and tried to find something about the woman. But the only picture there was one of a younger Sasuke with another boy taken during his birthday. Sasuke was smiling (and missing a few of his teeth) and had his arm around the light blue-haired boy with sharp, fang-like teeth who was giving Sasuke "rabbit ears" behind his head.
I picked the photo up from the table and touched the Sasuke in the picture with my finger. I smiled bitterly, yearning to touch him again in real life.
"What are you doing here?" a voice said behind me.
I dropped the photo in my hands in utter surprise, the frame landing with a loud thud. No. No. No. This isn't suppose to be happening, but it's way too late to hide now. I've got to face this.
--End of Chapter Eight--
A/N: Finally! It took us longer than expected to finish this chapter. And we just love cliffhangers! It's great to leave people guessing and wondering WHAT THE HELL is going to happen in the next chapter. It really isn't fair to you guys though, so the first seven people to review will get a *special* sneak peek of the upcoming chapter.
**Anyway, Sakura's ring tone in the chapter is "Decode" by Paramore. Awesome song, we totally love it. And if you haven't heard it yet, go hear it. It's also in the Twilight soundtrack, which we can't wait for! From all the hype it's receiving, the movie better not disappoint.