I left John Paul sleeping; my pillow wrapped firmly in his grip so as to not wake him from my absence from the bed. I glanced at my clock, noticing we had been sleeping for an hour after our… joining.

I smiled at the look the covered his face, he looked so at peace, in blissful slumber. I attempted to quietly dress, dragging my underwear back up and pulling my vest over my head. I tiptoed quietly form the room, trying not to make a sound as he lightly snored, making me chuckle as I filed it away as something to tease him for in a late date.

I calmly walked to the kitchen, grabbing a tumbler from the cupboard and filling it with water from the tap. I drank steadily, placing the glass in the sink. Sighing, I moved to the sofa, collapsing onto it as I tried to delve through the crossover of thoughts that were moving a mile a minute in my mind.

I slept with John Paul. Twice! Within the space of a few hours. After my reaction to our first tryst, I figured I'd be crumbling into the couch in a moment or two, but listening to my heart and my head, they were in agreement.

Being with John Paul as intimately as two people can be made something in my head click on. All I could retract from the vast different thoughts that I was carrying was the loudest of them all – That's what sex is about; what making love is about.

With Sarah, and Darlene, I'd always enjoyed it, figured that was as good as it gets. But being with John Paul… God, it was like my mind was opening to all these new possibilities and feelings and I couldn't wait to experience more, much to my own disbelief.

I yawned, reeling from the exhaustion of the day I've had. I made a stop at the bathroom, to wash my face, clean my bits off and returned to my bedroom, to my sleeping friend; my lover; my everything.

I climbed in beside him, replacing the pillow with my body and sighed as his arms encased me. I brushed a kiss to his a forehead, just basking in the brilliance of the person who was in my bed.

During our copulation, John Paul had said he'd dreamed of this – of us – and, it has to be said of my own jealousy lately, that I had too. Those thoughts of him had haunted me and possessed the very fibre of my being, pushing me to breaking point.

And then this happened, today happened. And I just can't keep my smile from breaking across my face.

I must have dozed off for a time because I woke up to the feeling of JP's butterfly kisses against my face.

I giggled, something that I can't recall doing since my dad ran off with his new family, pushing him away from me. He laughed at me and kissed me a final time on the tip of my nose.

"What time is it?" I asked, rolling onto my back and wiping the last reminders of sleep from my eyes.

"Just gone eight," he replied, sitting up in my too-small bed. "I have to be getting home soon, Mum will be wondering where I've been."

"Wouldn't want Myra reporting ya missing, now would we?" I smirked, leaning up a kissing him quickly. I sighed as he tossed the duvet away, following him as he climbed from the bed. We both began to dress, glancing at each other as we covered our flesh.

I pulled him into my arms once we had finished dressing, I placed numerous kisses to his skin, much to his amusement.

"Look at us, eh? Who'd have thought we'd end up here?" he smiled, resting his forehead against mine.

"I'm going to shoot off now," he said, still not moving an inch.

"Mum will be up soon to make the tea."

He was about to reply when he was interrupted by his phone. He reluctantly withdrew it from his pocket and paled as he read the message.

"What is it?" I asked, worry sweeping through my system.

"It's Spike – I was supposed to meet with him for a drink a half hour ago, to let off some steam before my first exam. I completely forgot, with everything that's happened today…," he said, moving from my arms and towards the exit.

I said nothing as he left, following him down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Where do we go from here?" I suddenly burst out, shocking even myself.

"I honestly don't know, Craig."

And then he was gone.

--

Dinner that evening was an event. I was completely distracted – one moment I'd be following along the conversation no problem and then I'd suddenly realise that I'd slept with John Paul just hours ago and I'd drop me fork and Mum would ask me if I was alright and I'd blush and mumble something nonsensical and continue shovelling food into my mouth.

I'd returned to my room, claiming to do a bit of last minute studying but once I'd closed the door behind me I just collapsed on my bed and clutched my pillow to my chest, smelling in John Paul.

I'd spent about twenty minutes lying there when a knock at the door interrupted my thoughts of what the hell I was going to do.

"C'min," I called out, replacing my pillow and sitting up on the edge of my bed.

The door opened and Sarah rushed in, her face awash with worry. My stomach turned over at the thought of how I'd slept with both John Paul and Sarah in this bed just days apart… and how much more intense and passionate my tryst with John Paul had been.

"Oh babe, are you alright? I tried calling earlier but you're phone was switched off, so I called John Paul and he said you were sleeping at home. What happened today?" She asked, her voice etched with worry as she sat beside me and took my hand in her own, perfectly manicured, hand.

I cleared my throat a number of times, smiling embarrassedly at her infrequently as I used my free hand to rub the back of neck.

"Erm, I was just feeling really sick, so I came home and slept the afternoon away," I lied, my eyes darting continuously around the room. I felt terrible, my stomach churning as she awed and kissed my cheek.

"But you're alright now?" She asked, giving my hand a squeeze that just made me feel even worse – here she was, playing the caring girlfriend brilliantly whilst I was lying through my teeth at her… she really was kind and sweet – and it was then that I had a revelation: I didn't love her… not like I loved him.

And at that moment, my face paled and I removed my hand from hers. She gave me a look as if to ask 'what's wrong now?' and I just shied away from the topic altogether, jumping to my feet and grabbing my notes from my desk.

"I was just about to study for the morning, I have to pass these exams well; better than I did last year," I said, leaving the request hanging in the air between us, unspoken.

Gratefully, she picked up on the question and got to her feet as well, a slight wobble thanks to the highest of high heels that she was wearing.

"Oh, alright, I'll leave you to it so. You sure you'll be okay?" She asked once more, her heading tilting as her eyes searched my face for something which she seemed to find. I nodded my head and inclined in her direction as she placed a kiss to the side of my mouth.

Once she had left, I crumpled to my chair, ran my hand over my face and sighed a breath I hadn't realised I was holding.

And then my phone rang, vibrating on my bedside table as the lights flashed constantly. I rolled over, still in the chair, to retrieve and failed to stop the smile that cracked my glum face wide open.

I answered the call with as an enthusiastic, "Hey!" as I could manage, considering what just happened moments ago.

"Someone's in a good mood!" he replied, chuckling down the line to me.

"Well, I keep thinking over this hot guy I slept with this afternoon – my legs are still wobbling from the sex," I attempt to joke, but feeling like a lying toe-rag.

"How hot is hot?" he replied, and I could hear the smirk through his voice.

"Smokin' hot; salivating hot…" I whispered, as I reclined in the seat.

"Okay, I get the picture!" He laughed once more – it was like music in my ears, "Oh, I meant to tell you – Sarah called me earlier asking if I'd heard from you. I told her you were ill."

Once more that day, I paled. I stammered and stalled and then, when I couldn't drag it out any longer, I replied, "I know, she called over not so long ago to check up on me. I felt terrible, for lying straight to her face John… I don't think I can do it again."

I waited for his reply, hoping to gain some insight; some form of explanation that can aid my life at the present time. When he spoke, it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear.

"I know, Craig. I've been there. It's difficult to come out as gay, but at least I'll be there for you. I'll be there if the fallout becomes unbearable. So, we just need to time our break ups so it won't be obvious when we tell our families that we're together, eh?"

"But I'm not gay!" I shouted down the line at him, cringing at the anger in my voice. I calm myself down; run a hand through my mussed hair.

"Listen, alright, I've looked on the web about… you know, naked men, and all that, and I could think why he might be attractive or good looking, and I do feel myself getting turned on, I then see a naked woman and I'm getting hot under the collar as well, so I think I'm bi, alright? And, I do like your plan, I just can't see myself handing the dumping of Sarah. I mean, I fought so hard to win her back after we broke up the last time, and now I'm dumping her without an explanation or without issue? She's not that thick mate, she's gonna figure it out!" I rushed out, getting off the chair and collapsing on my bed.

"I know Craig, but do you really want to stay with someone you don't love or do you want to string her along when in reality you want to be with me?"

I sighed, knowing he was right, and I couldn't falter his logic.

"I'm just scared I think. All my life, all I've heard is that what I feel is wrong and sick. Even mum, who claims to be friends with these gay fella's from her theatre days still takes the piss out of them behind closed doors. I'm terrified that once I tell her, she'll kick me out, disown and never speak to me again." I felt myself welling up, and I took a deep breathe to calm myself.

"If, and that's a big if, you can always stay with me, mum wouldn't complain, our house is like a drop in centre in some cheesy soap!"

I laughed at his attempt at humour and just rested on my bed… the bed that we had shared only hours before.

"I wish you were here with me," I mumble, fighting my sleep-addled brain as I tried to send me to the land of slumber.

"I do too, but we can't – not yet. We have exams and still have to end our other relationships."

I wish I could be as level headed as he was at that time, but I was still terrified.

"Right, well I'm going to attempt to revise some more, then go to bed. I'll talk to you in the morning, yeah?" He said, his voice full of regret to have to end our conversation.

"Course, night."

Neither of us hung up.

"I'm going this time."

"Me too." I replied, smiling away as I pictured his face.

"Alright, goodnight. I love you."

I gasped at his admission, still full of wonder that the coolest bloke at school was in love with geeky old me. And it was that admission that made me build up my courage.

"I… I love you too."

This time he gasped.

We ended the call there. I wrapped my arms around my waist, fighting to keep this warm feeling locked inside me for as long as possible when I started sliding into safe and caring arms of Morpheus.