Disclaimer:Unfortunatly no...Hugs Leo and cries "I'm Sorry!!! Hang in there"

Chapter 4:Mutterings

It's been two days since Hun brought Leo back in...he's hasn't changed much...as long as we're quiet he just sits there and mumbles and mutters to himself...if he hears us he starts screaming again...and it takes him a while to calm back down. I'm furious...but terrified...I want to kill Hun...I don't dare to speak...Leo's had seizures when he gets real upset...I thought hearing my brother drag himself over to eat that slop they give us was bad...but hearing Leo seize...it's worse...

The other day...I...I-I...I reached out to touch him when he dragged himself over to eat...he froze and started whinning...all high pitched and full of fear...When I opened my big mouth and tried to calm him...he went balistic...I'll never forgive myself for scaring him like that...

"Dark.....ghosts....don't hurt me...please...leave me alone...I'm sorry...sorry...please..." Leo mumbles.

I flinch as Leo's mutterings grow too quiet to hear again. He thinks we're ghost now...scares him so bad he can't think..what's worse...he...he thinks we're going to hurt him...

Don's sitting in the corner watching Leo...he's as upset as I am...Mikey...he's finally asleep...He just sits and cries when he's awake...he tries to be quiet for the sake of what's left of Leo's sanity...most of the time he just sobs which gets Leo going...either whining real high and scared like or screaming...

Leo....I fought him...was jealous of him...hurt him...both with words and my own hands...I-I never realized how much I needed him...his strength...the big brother in him...nor did I realize how much he needs us...I've heard him mutter my name, as much as Don's or Mikey's....he cries when he mutters our names...just sobs...whole body shaking...it gets to the point where he's wailing our names and that he's sorry for failing us...I wish...I wish that we could convince him its really us...I never realized how much I hurt him when we fought...how deep my words cut...

"I...I'm sorry...I failed....I'm sorry....wasn't good enough....wasn't strong enough....I failed....I failed...I'm sorry"

He trails off again and I feel tears coming...that's the other thing...he blames himself...for everything...I'm beginning to think Leo was depressed before all of this...that he just cracked here...that Hun broke him here...the way he cries when he repeats words from our fights....I-I really hurt him....I feel dirty...like I soiled a perfectly white cloth with cruel words...Leo is that cloth...we broke him down...everything we ever said to him...he took it to heart...

"Raphie? Please...please don't hurt me...please...I'm sorry...please Raphie please...don't be mad at me....I'm sorry"

My walls break as his latest muttering reaches my ears...oh God what did I do to him to make him fear me like this?? Was I that horrible to him? As tears roll down my cheeks I sob out. "I LOVE YOU LEO! I'M SORRY"

there's silence for a minute...I feel a flicker of hope...then he starts whining and whimpering, I can see his body shaking...his legs just lay there...he can't move or feel them...it's like they aren't even there anymore. I mentally kick myself...I did it again...I scared him...

Don looks at me and I see his tears...he looks at Leo as the whining gets louder...it stops and after a little bit he goes back to his muttering. I feel a flicker of relief...he heard me...Leo heard what I said...

"Love you...love all of you...sorry...sorry I failed...miss you....sorry...sorry...I should've been the first....I'm sorry I failed"

Tears roll down my cheeks anew....he heard me...but it didn't really break through...he's still lost to us...trapped in his mind...in his fear...his shame...

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Clings to Leo and hugs him tight.

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