In public, Worf and Jadzia looked like they were getting along fine, but the truth was, at home, they hardly talked at all.
When Jadzia got home after her shift, she would announce her presence by slamming her things down on the counter. Then Kang would start crying, either because he was surprised, or because he didn't want to see her. Eventually, Worf would calm him down and carry him out of his room. If Kang looked like he has having a good day, Jadzia would kiss him on the cheek, trying not to get nipped. Then she would go into Kang's room and clean up the toys, dishes and weapons for protection against imaginary Jem'Hadar that had been scattered there throughout the day. Meanwhile, Worf would strap Kang into his high chair and replicate dinner.
"How was your day," Worf would sometime ask, while eating.
"Fine," she would answer.
"Did Kang behave himself today?" she would sometimes ask in response.
"Yes," Worf would lie.
That was the extent of their daily conversation.
Once dinner was done, Jadzia would sit and do her work in the corner while Worf cleaned up dinner and put Kang to bed. Once he was asleep, Worf would sit at the other end of the living room and listen to opera, polish his weapons or do some of the numerous occupational therapy exercises assigned to him by his psychiatrist. At 2500 hours, they would both wordlessly go to bed. As soon as Dax woke up, she would get dressed and go to ops. Later, she would go home, and the cycle would continue.
Some nights, if only to break the monotony, Dax would go see Kira. She was still a bit mad at her, but she didn't have anywhere else to go. Besides, Kira had been very apologetic when Dax had confronted her. She didn't know Dax needed help and she'd thought Dax just wanted to be left alone. Moreover, she'd asked Dax to go for coffee three times and not got an invitation back, so she'd thought that Dax didn't want to be friends anymore. Dax had to admit to herself that she had been quite absorbed with Kang, but she still thought Kira could have tried harder.
Sometimes, when Dax was over at Kira's, they would watch shows on the computer. Terrence and T'Pai was still their favourite, but when it wasn't on they'd watch The Excalibur. It was a comedy about the crew of a rather unfortunate small freighter. One of the running gags was that the captain and first officer of the ship were married but hated each other, and rarely spoke except in insults and demands. Laughing at the latest comedic mishap, Kira screeched,
"I don't see why anyone would ever stay in a relationship like that! I mean why don't they get a divorce already!"
"They'd still be on the same ship," Dax had quipped, but it wasn't what she had wanted to say.
She'd wanted to say "Worf and I are like that," but at the last minute she hadn't. She felt uncomfortable. She felt more than uncomfortable. She felt sick.
Days later, her stomach was still in knots. She wished she'd said something to Kira, maybe she could have helped. Deep down, Dax knew what she was feeling. It was dread finally escaping from beneath denial. She dreaded that Worf wanted to leave her. She dreaded that their relationship, having moved to the point of broadcast comedy, was unsalvageable. And she feared that at the core, regardless of all they had been through, she still loved him.
Dax knew she had to talk to Worf, but she didn't know how. She also knew that time was of the essence. What if Worf was leaning towards leaving her? It was vital to intervene before he got to that conclusion.
So, everyday, she would vow to talk to him. She would rehearse what she was going to say and when she was going to say it. She even planned for contingencies, like if Kang started to cry or if she was paged in the middle.
And then, every day, she would come up with some reason not to have the talk, only to be kicking herself as she fell asleep. She was reminded of her pregnant self, only this time she was fully aware that she was hurdling towards a point at which it would be too late to tell Worf anything.
"Jadzia," he whispered in bed one night, awaking her with a start. Had he decided? Was he going to tell her?
"What?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go see Tara with me tomorrow," Worf mumbled.
"Who's Tara?" she asked, half-worried that it was the name of his lawyer.
"The Starfleet psychiatrist I've been working with. She thought you should come to one of my sessions," Worf replied, sounding a little bit embarrassed.
"Okay," Jadzia replied, wondering whether the time would be spent discussing their relationship or listening to tales of torture at the hands of the Jem'Hadar.
After getting Sirella to watch Kang, Worf and Jadzia walked down to the clinic. At least, that's what Worf called it, it was really disused cargo bay that had been taken over by all the Starfleet medical staff that couldn't fit into the infirmary.
The door was opened by shaky looking Bajoran.
"That's Parr," Worf narrated, "his brain was damaged by drugs given to him by the Dominion in order to induce him to tell the truth. He insisted he be put back to work, so they let him open the door and greet the patients."
"Aiming for a doorman position once you get a clean bill of mental health?" Jadzia joked, suddenly going quiet as she realized that this was the first full sentence she'd said to Worf in a long while.
"Potty training Kang is far more exciting," Worf said stiffly, "And besides, I'm captain of the Rotarran."
Worf hadn't actually stepped onto the Rotarran since Martok's death, but Jadzia didn't think this was a good time to bring that up. She followed Worf down a makeshift corridor and into a room made of plastic dividers.
"Hello Tara, my wife is with me," Worf said as they entered the room, as if he was announcing the presence of an enemy combatant.
"Hello Jadzia," said a monotone voice, clearly Vulcan.
"Hi Tara," said Dax, sitting down and looking at the psychiatrist. She was caught off guard by what she saw. The psychiatrist's voice sounded normal, but sitting in front of Jadzia was the most unusual looking Vulcan she had ever seen. Her hair was not in the usual style, but in a ponytail with long Earth-style bangs, and was complimented by heavy make-up and dangling earrings. To top it off, she wore a flowing dress in shocking pink. Dax decided that maybe she'd been hasty and maybe Tara was a Romulan. But then, Dax had never seen a Romulan wear pink.
"I am glad to see you here," Tara continued flatly, "I have heard you are suffering from marriage problems. Do not be ashamed, marriage problems are very common in alien marriages of the non-arranged variety. I am here to help you resolve these issues."
Dax was simultaneously relieved to hear that this was the reason for the visit, and concerned that this bizarre woman might not be up for the job.
"I studied psychology at Berkley, and I have been a counsellor for eight years. I have worked on eight hundred and seventeen marriages, and only seventy three have divorced. In forty-four of the cases, I thought that it was for the best," Tara stated, as if reading Jadzia's mind.
"I hope you do not find it intrusive if I use my psychic abilities to determine your emotional state," she continued.
"Of course not," Dax replied, hoping that her mind was transmitting sarcastic rays as she spoke. The Vulcan didn't seem to notice.
"Now," she said, handing the couple PADDs," I want you to write down the things you like about each other."
"Why?" Dax asked.
"It might be fun?" Tara responded in an uncertain manner that made it clear that she had no idea what fun was, but thought it might be a good way to motivate her.
Dax decided it was best to play along.
What did she like about Worf? Well, she thought his ridges were really hot. But that should be left for second, she decided, she should put something deeper first. Well, he was good with Kang, but that's not really a quality, so maybe that could go third. For first ... maybe that he was brave. Yeah, he'd like that. And honourable. And devoted. Those were good things to put down too.
"Then," Tara continued, seeming to notice that her mind had quieted "Put down some things you have in common."
That was harder. An enjoyment of hand to hand combat was the first thing she put down. And they liked the same types of food. But really, they didn't have much in common, other than they'd agreed to be together. That was it, that was what they had in common, that they knew their relationship was a choice and agreed to make it work.
She remembered that first night together, when Worf had vowed to do whatever it took to make her happy. And on their wedding night, when he'd promised to love her forever. And that day, soon after he'd come back, when he'd promised to do whatever it took to make things up to her, even though she was also at fault. Sweet, devoted Worf. She wondered when the Vulcan would leave and they could make out.
After the session, Worf and Dax walked back to their quarters. The rest of it had been boring, with Tara droning on about why all the qualities they had written down were good things.
"What do you think of her?" Worf asked.
"Honestly?"
"Yes, honestly."
"I think she's nuts," Jadzia said, deciding it was best not to lie.
"Me too," Worf replied, to Dax's surprise, "But the drug she's given me have been fairly helpful, and I do want to get back into Starfleet eventually."
"I didn't know you were taking drugs," Dax said quietly.
"Just to sleep," he said defensively.
"Well, I'm sure she's competent," Dax continued, "And aren't most psychiatrists a bit strange."
"Deanna, the counsellor on my last assignment wasn't," Worf contradicted. Dax smiled.
"I'm sorry," she said teasingly, "but I think I remember attending a naked wedding sometime in the last few years."
Worf scowled.
When Worf went to get Kang, Jadzia stopped him.
"Do you want to leave him for a bit and have lunch?" she asked.
Worf nodded. They went into their quarters, replicated the usual meals and sat down.
"How's work?" Worf asked. "Really," he added, showing that he wanted a response.
"Bad," she said, "I'm starting to have doubts that we can win against the Dominion, and so is everyone else. It's taking a toll on morale."
"I noticed the same thing on the Rotarran," Worf said, "Of course, Klingons won't mention it, but you can tell. And the sacred text says we should destroy the home world before letting anyone else take it. It's making the crew nervous. They're afraid that in the end they'll have to destroy their own families."
Dax shivered at the thought.
"How's Kang ?" she asked, not quite getting the thought out of her mind.
"In better shape than the Federation. But he still doesn't use the toilet all of the time."
Jadzia laughed. They lingered over their meals for awhile, chatting, and then Jadzia had to return to ops.
"Do you want to see Tara again?" Worf asked as she walked out the door.
"Not a chance," she responded, "But we should do this more often."
For the rest of the afternoon, Dax's heart was singing. "We talked!" she kept thinking in excitement. When she got home, she made sure they kept talking. Kang was surprised, he kept interjecting random syllables as if he thought he was expected to talk too.
As the days went by, Worf began to be in higher spirits. He started leaving their quarters more often. He gave up his occupational therapy and started to spend his evenings planning battle drills and fine tuning the Rotarran.
One morning, Jadzia was awoken by Worf moving around the bedroom. He was dressed in his Klingon armour.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"There's a couple of Dominion ships getting close to Bajor. We're going to try and take them out before they cause any trouble."
"I thought you were taking some time off from the Rotarran," she objected.
"I changed my mind," he stated flatly.
A few days later, Dax was glad. She hadn't realized the amount of time Worf had spent moping since Martok's death. Having him in a good mood made everything seem brighter.
Worf and Dax started to cheat a little bit, and would some days spend an hour or two alone after work before they went and got Kang. They mostly talked about the war, and various difficulties they were having with crew members, but one day, Dax decided she was going to break the touch barrier. The talk barrier had gone pretty well, she decided, so there was no reason to put it off any longer.
Worf had gone off on a boring tangent, about how the new phase-induced disruptors were not quite as efficient as the old proto-matter devices. As he spoke, Jadzia slid over next to him, and kissed him. He kissed back for a moment, and then pulled back.
"I thought you didn't want to touch me," he stated.
"Of course I want to touch you," she purred in what she hoped was her most seductive voice. She straddled him, and leaned in to kiss him again. He held her back.
"Not since I got back," he boomed, looking stern.
"I ... I admit I've been a bit of a snit," she wavered.
"That is an understatement," replied Worf.
"Well ... I want to make it right. I want things to be like they were before," she whispered, realizing that that was what she had wanted to say for a long time but hadn't.
Worf glared at her with an exasperated expression, but he eventually loosened his grip and let her fall against him. She resumed kissing, and he didn't pull away.
A few minutes later, they heard the door crashing open.
"I know you haven't come to get him yet, but I thought you would pleased to hear that Kang finally went all day without—"
It was Sirella. She stopped when she saw them.
"I'll come back," she said, leading Kang by the hand out the door.
"No, no," Dax said, standing up "You can leave him here. We're both finished work, and we're really grateful you could watch him."
Sirella smiled.
"Don't worry, I am as much in favour of additional children as the next mother in law," she declared, leading Kang out of the room.
Jadzia sat back down on Worf's lap.
"Do you think we should take her up on that," she whispered into his ear.
"You want an additional child?" he asked, surprised.
"I'm not sure," she said sweetly, "But I know I want you."
She tried to think of a way to convince him, but when she looked back, she saw the wild eyes of a man who was beyond rational thought. When she kissed him, he kissed back ravenously, and she felt his arms clamp around her with the sort of force that broke bones.
When they were finished, he looked up at her with bleary eyes and whispered,
"I love you."
"Oh, I love too," she responded softly, knowing what she said was true.
For the next few days, Dax was indescribably happy. It was a relief to get things back the way they had been. Of course, they weren't quite the same. One of the side effects of talking more was more fighting. And Dax couldn't help but feel that Worf was more detached than usual.
"It's the camp," Worf finally admitted, "I just can't stop thinking about it."
And Dax wished she could make it go away with a few kind words and some wild sex, but she knew the time for that had passed.
The next week, when Dax went to visit Kira, Worf joked,
"Make sure you watch all the latest episodes of Terrance and T'Pai!"as she walked out the door. It pleased Jadzia immensely to hear him joking.
But when Dax got to Kira's, she found out that Terrance and T'Pai was on break, so they watched The Excalibur.
"You know what," Dax said as the captain/husband battled out his latest dispute with his first officer/wife, "I think they still like each other. I think they could get things back together, if they could just spend some time together and make an effort to work things out."
Kira put her hand on Dax's shoulder and smiled as she looked at her.
"I'm glad," Kira said, "I'm glad."