The days went by and the months went by and somehow, Jadzia got through them. At first the grief seemed unbearable, but eventually it waned, and things slowly returned to normal. Or at least partially normal. The war was getting more desperate and casualties were mounting, so normal was starting to consist of fourteen hour shifts, or longer every day. The mood was different too. There was less joking and socializing, but perhaps it was because no on e had the time. The only plus side was that she didn't have to put up with excessive sympathy, because one dead child was the least of anybody's problems.

Jadzia worried about Kang. He seemed traumatized by her having been gone so long. After their reunion in the infirmary, Kang had refused to leave Jadzia's arms until he fell asleep, and he screamed for her as soon as he got up in the morning. Every day, it took longer to get him to Sirella's, he always threw tantrums on the way. She really thought he would calm down if she could just spend more time with him, but when she had asked Captain Sisko, all he could say was that his hands were tied.

"I'm worried about Kang," Jadzia had told Sirella when she dropped him off, screaming, one day, "He seems so anxious. It can't be good for him to be so upset all the time."

"That's not what I would be worried about," she replied stiffly, "There were three child casualties in the last attack on the station."

"I don't know what I would do if..." she whispered, lowering her head. But that wasn't true. She knew exactly what she would do, she would jump out an airlock. She had decided on this after having a nightmare where Sirella's quarters were obliterated by a photon blast. She had woken up terrified, and had consoled herself by thinking that if it happened in real life it couldn't be as bad as in the dream, because she would only have to face reality for thirty seconds. It would only take thirty seconds to get to the nearest airlock.

At first, Worf had been vehement about having another child, Jadzia suspected in his mind he was somehow trying to replace the last one, but eventually he relented. He admitted that his faith had been shaken for awhile, and he hadn't wanted to be resigned to the will of the Gods, but now he was willing to wait and see what had happened. Jadzia knew she should have insisted on something more severe than waiting and seeing, but on some level the hope that she would eventually have another baby was keeping her together.

Those first few weeks, Jadzia was worried that Worf would completely lose it. He had started lashing out at every little thing, the glass of water he had dropped, the towel he had slipped on. He also seemed detached, some nights he would spend hours staring into the stars.

"Maybe you should talk to Tara about this," Jadzia has suggested finally, after Worf had said he was staring into space because he was wondering whether Alexander was still alive.

"I have stopped seeing Tara," Worf replied.

"Why?" she asked.

" I have come to realize that I do not wish to return to Starfleet," he said, "So complying with their course of treatment for combat stress is no longer necessary."

Jadzia was shocked.

"But Starfleet was your life! Why would you want to leave?"

"The time I spent in the camp as well as the time on Klingon ships has changed me. I no longer think that I would fit in. Moreover, Starfleet is something I no longer wish to be a part of."

"You should have discussed this with me!" Jadzia insisted.

"Jadzia," he breathed, "If you could be anywhere right now, and did not have to worry about being court-martialled where would you be?"

"Somewhere I could spend twenty-six hours a day with Kang if I wanted, " she admitted.

"Exactly," Worf spat.