A/N So sorry about lack of updates, the next chapter should be up with in the week and then the epilogue soon after. All mistakes my own please let me know of any problems with content, grammar, confusion on something etc. I will fix and be extremely grateful.
Pride
She could smell him before she felt his large arms circle around her body.
"Hello beautiful," he whispered into her neck, placing soft kisses to her pulse point. "How come you always taste so good?"
"Don't you know girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice."
He tried covering up a laugh with another kiss to her neck.
She turned around to look into his warm eyes. "So what are you cooking for me?"
That is when she feels the warm blood getting onto her clothes. His gunshot wound bleeding profusely onto her, covering her. This is the night he proposed, she accepted then they had sex. He was a bit freaked out, she told him not to be a baby. He said that's what he was worried about.
So he should not be bleeding from a gaping wound in chest, yet there he stands jabbering on about the wonderful dinner, him bleeding out, dark blood coming out of his mouth as he talks. She's trying to stop the blood, first with her hand then her clothes, she can actually smell the coopery smell over take his cologne but he keeps talking.
His voice changes, the blood fades away, it is no memory, he is just Tidwell, "Dani you need to wake up."
"No. I don't, I can stay here. I can save you."
"Yes you do Dani."
"I don't want to leave you."
"You never have, dude. Don't panic. I love you, now wake up," he says with a smile on his face.
Dani Reese wakes up, tears are streaming down her face, as she's lying under her soft sheets. She can hear her son Kevin, he was crying again. She wakes from her sleep not rested, more drained and her stomach is killing her with cramping.
She could just stay there. She feels horrible, just wanting to leave her child there in his crib at the foot of her bed. And then there is Charlie.
Charlie who is going to probably be stopping by, like always after a shift. She had wanted to rest, get up, take a shower, set the table for dinner and get ready for the end of Alice in Wonderland. Which seemed silly to her earlier today until she figured out she was having feelings for her partner. She just lost Tidwell earlier this year and now how can she be thinking about anyone? She's betraying Kevin, isn't she? Besides she will just lose Charlie like she lost Kevin. Suddenly she is back in that place where she was just after the funeral. Confused, guilt ridden and every other emotion seems to be magnified a hundred times.
Now she is sobbing, her body rocking back and forth. Burying her face in her hands, she does not want to get up. She can still smell the coppery smell; in fact it is really strong. She looks down her hands that were under her sheets, they are covered in blood.
"What the?"
Did she get her period? She throws off her sheets and looks down. She's losing blood. Fuck, she's really losing blood. A sharp pain shoots through her stomach, Kevin is still crying in the background. A little voice in the back of her head whispers, "Just go back to sleep. You'll never have to wake up again." She wants to listen to that voice, then she does not have to deal with the baby, Charlie, love, loss, her pain and she can feel herself drifting away, she has no idea if she cares or not.
There is a loud high pitch noise filling her ears, in the background she hears the front door open, the sound gets louder, she feels like she is falling down a dark hole. She is Alice going to Wonderland. Crews' shouts hello but she is moving further away. He walks in to see Dani paler than she should ever be. It looks like a murder scene on her pushed back sheets, Kevin still crying for her breast.
Dani barely hears Crews frantic shouts of her name, she is falling down the rabbit hole. She can barely see him and manages to say, "Charlie."
It is a whisper, it is weak and she keeps falling.
She is going down, she hears in the distance Crews getting on the phone and call for an ambulance. Running around trying to quiet Kevin and begging 911 to tell him how he can stop the bleeding.
Her eyes are closed. She does not see his eyes which are full of fear.
She is passed out and does not hear his repeated declarations of his love, pledges of fidelity, prayers, his life for hers, anything, just wake up Dani he starts repeating. He keeps this up even when he's in the back of the brig with the paramedics. The high pitch siren replaced by the sound of an ocean of tears after talking to a mouse. She swims to the shore of a beautiful beach; it covers the sirens of the police escort that gets them to the hospital in record time. Riding the ocean waves as they carry her ashore; drowning out Crews' threat to a young intern who wonders aloud if she will wake up.
She does not see his tears of joy, relief and peace when the doctors say she is stabilized but she needs time to rest. The three days she is asleep he is next to her bed, on day one her parents show up. There was no arguing between Jack and Charlie, just grateful parents that he was there in time. He has her moved to a much nicer single room, with lenient visiting hours, explaining to a hospital administrator he would like the new wing named after his mother. Day two he finally starts talking, telling her about when he realized he loved her.
She however is at a beach and is talking to someone. Well several someones. The first time it is that mouse who gives her a dry lecture on William the Conqueror, in order for them to dry off. Her Grandma the one she never met, the one she is named for, who everyone says they are so much alike, they have the same eyes. The next time it is that little boy from their first case, who wants to talk about Harry Potter. They talk about the book, he just wants to know how it ended. She tells him and he smiles. Then it is him, the drug dealer boyfriend, the love, the hate, her everything before or because of the junk? She can barely recognize him. He tells her to be happy, they dance slowly, delicate for the first time with one another and he walks away into the forest on the island disappearing into the trees.
She goes swimming, floating on her back she looks up at the sky, the clouds are alive and playing. Looking at the ocean, its blue reminds her of Crews's eyes; she dunks herself under the water for even thinking about him. She is distracted by the reef that is alive and prospering under her. She emerges from the water to see him standing there in one of his suits.
It is Kevin.
Tidwell, the only man she would allow to call her dude.
She runs and jumps on to him. Kissing him, they fall to the sand and they make love, looking like Lancaster and Kerr from Here to Eternity. They lay there nude on the beach, talking about everything and nothing. The sun is setting and the moon and every single star that will exist, does exist or no longer exists are coming out, they are silent watching the day end together.
"Dani?"
"Hmm?"
"Let people in."
"What?"
"You will need some help. I don't want you doing this by yourself."
"Don't you have faith in my abilities?"
"Yes it's just, I want you to know it does not make you weak to ask for help. Don't let your pride get in the way."
"How is it that you are pissing me off? Aren't you just supposed to be a representation of my subconscious?"
"Sure why not. I mean look at the island."
"Meaning?"
"You're an island."
"No man's an island."
"Exactly, so why are you trying to be one and ignoring the good?"
"The island is not alone and—"
"Listen," he said interrupting. "I want you to find someone who will love you. Even better than I did."
"No one could—"
"I want you to be happy. Now let's go to sleep. You have a big morning."
"What?"
"Just sleep, I love you."
"I love you," she said and a horrible thought occurred to her. "I'm not going to see you anymore will I?"
"Of course you will, just instead in the dreams it will be you, not me."
"What?"
"Sleep."
And with that they slept holding one another underneath the stars.
Day three she wakes up, it feels like sand is in her eyes and sees a man who looks somewhat like her partner.
"Crews?"
The man looks up and his eyes brighten. "Hey Dani."
It is her partner, he looks tired and his eyes have a strange look in them. He is holding her hand. She rubs her thumb along the back of her hand and she has no idea that his heart just skipped a beat. He smiles at her and some machine makes a funny noise, if Crews knew what that meant he would know hers did too.
Later two doctors show up. Doc One is the medical, Doc Two is the shrink, One stays for four minutes. Two stays for two hours. One has a diagnosis of hemorrhaging and that everything should be fine. Two with a diagnosis of postpartum depression and that it can and will get better.
One recommends rest. Two recommends a good support system, pills and some therapy. They manage to reach a compromise after what some might call a spirited debate. Crews came in during the part where she finally agreed to some anti-depressants and weekly sessions. The support system was the tricky part. Crews convinced Two to step outside, Two came back in the room and said she would return in a few hours.
"Reese I think I have a solution for the support system."
"Crews, I think I know what you're going to say and no. We can't do it."
"Come home with me Reese, stay with me as long as you like," and he said it anyway. "Big house, just me and then there's Ted and my almost new mommy, but their over the garage."
Reese just glared at him.
"Okay maybe not its best selling point. Wait I got it. Look at Seever, a year ago she had her 15 year plan…"
"That probably turned into her 5 year plan with the way Rayburn laid it on thick."
"True but look at her and Crosby, I mean he's a goat herder."
"I thought it was goat fancier."
"Regardless, life goes strange and we had no way of knowing we'd be here right now so lets do it."
"No Crews, I can do this."
"Reese to quote a much more suave man, 'Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.' I already told the doctor you were staying with me. I don't want to come into your place again and find something that looks like our day job. I want to help raise Kevin, I am his godfather after all. So you are coming home with me or staying with your parents.
"Besides I do not know much about Post-Partum but from the sound of it if you did not have it the doctor was going to be worried that you were some sort of advanced human-robot hybrid and the human race was completely doomed."
"Crews, she did not say that."
"Well she did not say doomed, she said Fraked. And according to some people on the internet means she was being slightly serious."
"You're trying to make me laugh."
"Am I being that obvious? Please come stay with me. I like hanging out with you two."
"You know what they say about a 3 month old and their mother's with postpartum, we're barrels of fun."
"I'm serious."
Dani sighed, "We won't be partners anymore."
"Well not solving murders but we will be partners in raising Kevin."
Dani just looked at him.
"Okay yeah, that was a cheesy line but hey we could turn him into the best detective ever. Make Sherlock Holmes look like an idiot. So what do you say?"
She could hear Tidwell next to her on the beach. "Okay. We'll move in with you."
Crews started babbling about all the things he would need to do and said he was going to get those things ready. Dani just nodded in agreement in what she hoped were the right places. She looked at the window shining in with sun and could have sworn that cloud looked like a mouse.
"Crews," she said. "I had a dream about a mouse giving me a dry lecture on William the Conqueror in order to dry off."
Charlie looked at her quizzically then smiled, "Did you also meet a Dodo?"
"No."
He looked her in eyes and held her gaze. It felt like he could see what she dreamt, what she thought and how she felt. It is like she has no control; which is why she reaches up and puts her hand up against his face. She sees the ocean, could remember the peace she felt. The island is not alone, the ocean is there, as blue as his eyes, she smiles at the thought. She is slowly pulling his face towards his and she swears he is leaning towards her.
"Mornin'," says a voice, attached to a nurse interrupting whatever was going to happen. She snatches her hand back and he moves away.
"I'm glad you're awake. I'll go make the arrangements," he says and walks out the room.
She looks out the window again, the mouse still there. The nurse is chatting about something as Dani thinks over her partner, her best friend, the man who saved her life, who loves her son as if he was her own and someone she loves. But in what way? For a second there it seemed like maybe there was something before the nurse came in, but it was probably nothing, just high emotions, not the ones conductive to having a long and loving relationship. Besides she needs to sort herself out first.
And that's when she realizes he called her Dani when she woke up. She allows herself a smile.