Chapter 10: PROMO

I need to get this promo out of the way and it needs to be done right the first time. Im still bleeding over my eye, which is a good thing as far as putting the promo over, but annoying as hell. I hate having stuff drip in my face.

Ive got two guys on either side of me that are the MTs in this little skit. Theres a third guy behind me who is an actual med tech who will clean up the head wound while Im talking. Or try to anyway.

I look to Dillon whos directing this one and on his signal I start in.

MedTech one: Just lay back and take it easy Mr. Carnage

Me: Get your friggin hands off me! Wheres Angle?

MedTech two: Ah.

Me: Wheres Angle?!? Where is that Red-White-and Puke JACKASS?!

MedTech one: Ah

Me: And where is that no good, low life, yellow bellied piece of crap, Undertaker?!?

MedTechs: Ah

Me: Where are they?!

MedTech three: Mr. Carnage, I need you to lay still. You got busted up pretty good out there and I

Me: I got jumped from behind is what I got! Jumped from behind by a couple of cowards who cant wipe their own asses without help! I look right into the camera. Well maybe they NEED to team up! Maybe they NEED to watch each others asses! Because they didnt get the job done! They didnt put me down and make sure I was out! Im still here, Taker! Im still here, Angle! And Im still the champ, which Im sure pisses you both off to no end. You know something though, Angle? Taker? You know something? I already told you that you can have this belt. You can have it OVER MY DEAD BODY!! That appeal to you, punk? That whet your whistle to come gunnin for me? I got an idea. Maybe well find out just how far youre willing to go to find out if I can back up that statement. How far are Big Bitch Undertaker and the Olympic Butt Sniffer willing to go to steal the title from Max Carnage!

Howzabouts you two panty wastes bring your bad selves to that very ring tonight, right here in the Cow Palace! Bring your cowardly, blind-siding backsides to the ring, Angle, Taker. You climb into that ring and well have ourselves a little pas-de-tois for the brass ring, whattayasay? For you uneducated road trash out there, TAKER: pas-de-tois is a THREE WAY DANCE! Thats right, you chud munchers! A Triple Threat match! For this title MY title! World Wrestling Entertainment Undisputed Championship! On the line! All the marbles! But fair warning, chumps: you two bitch boys had damn well better make sure that I am dead and gone, because I sure as hell will make you WISH you were dead!

Cause theres gonna be MAX CARNAGE in the ring tonight, and only survivors walk away. Dramatic pause, and Dillon calls out CUT! That should give Jerry and Jim something good to work with for the viewing audience.

I slump back and let the MT clean up my head. Dillon comes over. That was great, Max! Just great!

Did it look good?

Max, the fans think you are utterly crazed to begin with. Coachman just called in, said there are fans who really think you ARE gonna kill Taker and Kurt! Gonna hunt em down like animals! Its great! The pop is huge, and they havent even shown the promo yet!

Well, well see. Should be a decent match too. Its got some pop. Taker and Kurt will bring heat, Im sure.

Shit, Max! Its a pay-per-view match is what it is! And youre practically giving it away to the television audience! For FREE! Youve really raised the bar, Max. Not bad for your first day as champ! Theres that wonderful word again. When did that word get associated with me again? Oh, yeah: last night, a million years ago.

Think Vince will get pissed about that?

Hell no! He always likes to keep his followup RAW shows as action-packed as the PPV itself. This is great! Beats the living hell out of the tag match we had planned!

Yeah, well I hope Mark and Brandon dont go Cuckoos Nest on me for dropping their match.

Last I heard, Mark and Brandon were camped out at the main locker monitor to watch the festivities. They like watching you work, Max. They know theyll get their shots at you eventually. Besides, we need to build an angle to get them on your case anyway. Need to get you a partner. Need to -

Yeah, yeah. One thing at a time, Dillon! Geez, you can be pushy! I grin, showing him Im funnin with him. It eventually gets through to him and he gives a little laugh.

Ok, ok. Ill back off from that one for now. You get cleaned up and psyched. Youve got about ninety minutes, give or take.

Cool. Hey, when you see Kurt or Taker, let them know I want to see them.

No prob, Champ. And you, Dillon switched his focus to the MT. Dont tie those stiches too tight. Were gonna want juice on this one.

Ok, Dillon, responded the tech, you want juice, you got it.

Juice is the slang term for blood in the industry. Which means this little dance I just thought up is going to get messy. My specialty. Its been awhile since Kurt has been busted open. He usually gets popped in the teeth or the nose and he just trickles. Its pretty sad, really. Steve Regal is the same way. Steve AUSTIN, on the other hand, is a great bleeder. When he gets opened up, its the friggin Red Sea, man. And with that bald head, it just looks awesome from a promotional point of view, of course. I dont really want to hurt anyone, but sometimes we have to make it look like we do.

Actually, there is someone I want to hurt. That dark guy in the alley from last night. But I cant think about that right now. Ive got to get ready. Gotta psyche up to deliver MAX CARNAGE. Let the juices flow.