A.N. I loved re-imagining this scene(:
Touch Me- Company
S P R I N GAWAKENING
Chapter 5
"Were you given permission to come?"
It was safe to say that Melchior was a little more than anxious to know whether or not the Robel boy could go over to his house. Ernst smiled at the thought and gladly nodded his head. Melchior had to hold in his excitement and bit on his lower lip while smiling. He was at last going to have some quality time with Ernst Robel. As soon as Melchior began his walk back to his desk, Hanschen came strolling by and stopped at the head of Ernst's desk. The boy was too busy looking over his Bible that he didn't notice him until the hovering man cleared his throat.
"Oh, Hanschen! Hello."
Then it struck him. He had kissed this boy no more than three days ago.
"You don't have to blush around me Ernst. As cute as it may be, you have to learn to be more comfortable around me."
Ernst just nodded his head as Hanschen continued.
"I couldn't help overhearing you are to attend dinner at the Gabors' home. Is this information accurate?"
He nodded again.
"Hmm. Very well, do as you please."
Another nod. That was the only action Ernst was capable of performing after remembering his past encounter with Hanschen. He was embarrassed to say the least. Typically, a devout Catholic boy like him should feel ashamed, but he wasn't sure if he was. In fact, a little part of him was longing for it to happen again, but he was for sure not going to request for it. Just then Herr Sonnenstich waltzed on in.
"Settle down and take out your homework assignment from last night."
S P R I N GAWAKENING
The walk to Melchior's house was met with an unusual comfortable silence. The two exchanged glances occasionally and where Melchior smiled, Ernst looked down timidly causing Melchior's smile to widen each time. When they finally reached his doorstep, Melchior knocked three times and then proceeded to yell through the door telling his parents, "I'm home, with Ernst Robel!"
He stepped off their doormat to grab the hidden key beneath it and unlocked his front door. Being the gentleman that he was, he held the door open for Ernst to enter, "Don't be shy. We're not going to keep you here forever. Well, unless you want to stay here forever."
Ernst vigorously shook his head and entered after a second's hesitation. The house was certainly homely. It wasn't extravagant, but it was lacking. It seemed perfectly balanced. The furniture was kept clean with only a slight layer of dust on some of the tables and frames. Suddenly he smelt something so incredibly delightful.
"My mom made cookies. I remember you telling us one time that you loved chocolate chip cookies."
Ernst looked to Melchior and smiled happily. The boy was too busy taking off his shoes to notice though. Melchior finished untying his shoes and stood up, "You don't have to remove your shoes, me? I like feeling as comfortable as possible in my home." Ernst smiled at the thought.
"So you're Ernst! I've seen you all the time; you never miss a Sunday service, do you?" asked Frau Gabor as she entered her living room, towel in hand wiping away the mess she collected from cooking.
"No, Frau Gabor. It's the highlight of my week." He replied politely.
"Humph, if only Melchior had the same way of thinking." She said with a slight smile to which Melchior rolled his eyes. "Well, dinner is ready, Melchior will you go call your father down?"
"Yes, mother."
Melchior ran up his stairs as Frau Gabor led Ernst into the dining area. The table was already set and the food was a beautiful, steaming pile in the middle.
"Thank you so much for having me over, Frau Gabor. I hope I'm not a bother."
"I hope so, too." She laughed a little and took a seat in her usual spot at the table, "Your welcome, dear, and you are certainly no bother to us. I love meeting all of Melchior's friends."
Ernst sat down and waited for Melchior to return with his father. The dinner went smoothly. As expected, Ernst remained as quiet as possible. Melchior's father, although having a somewhat stern sounding voice, seemed unexpectedly pleasant and tried on many occasions to get the boy to hold a conversation for more than three seconds. Melchior's mother was smiling the whole dinner though and kept her comments brief yet delightful.
After dinner was over, Melchior stood up and grabbed both his and Ernst's dishes, "Melchior, I can help."
"Well, most certainly not, you're the guest."
Melchior proceeded to clean up after him and even took his parents' dishes.
"Well, I'm off to bed. Got a big day ahead of me tomorrow. Pleasure meeting you, Ernst." With that said, Herr Gabor stood up and placed his napkin on the table before retreating back upstairs.
"Mom, we're going to head to my bedroom."
"But what about the cookies I baked?"
Ernst's ears perked up at the mention of cookies.
"We'll eat them upstairs. Is that alright?"
"Well, fine. But don't spill; I don't want any insects crawling around the house."
S P R I N GAWAKENING
Meanwhile, Hanschen lay in his bed contemplating what Ernst and Melchior could be doing at this exact moment. His arms were behind his head and he tapped his foot at the edge of his bed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
S P R I N GAWAKENING
"These cookies are delicious, Melchior!"
He smiled back at him and wiped the crumbs from his hands on his pants and looked up to see Ernst enjoying himself to another one.
"Ernst, can I ask you a serious question? Now, you don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"Sure, Melchi."
Ernst was too busy eating his cookies, he was half listening to what Melchior was saying.
"Is there anyone you're, well, attracted to?"
"No." Ernst replied half-conscious of what they were even talking about.
Melchior looked slightly disgruntled and continued on, "So I take it you've never kissed anyone then?" he said this as he thought back to Wendla's kiss on his cheek.
At the mention of kiss, Ernst started to choke on his cookie and covered his mouth. His face became red with every cough and Melchior immediately ran to his side and roughly patted his back.
"Drink some water."
Ernst did as he was told and the color on his face slowly returned to normal. Melchior sighed.
"A few days ago, Moritz asked me to write him an essay discussing issues about…now, don't be offended, but, well, about sex, and the male and female anatomy."
Ernst did not like where this conversation was going and nervously gulped down his glass of water choking again. Melchior remained at his side and rubbed his back causing the redness in Ernst's face to return, but for a whole different reason.
"He started asking me how men and women have sex, but before I could explain in more detail, he just abruptly left." Melchior laughed, "He even had me draw him pictures."
Ernst was feeling very uncomfortable now. The subject matter and the fact that Melchior was rubbing his back were not helping at all. But as soon as he started to relax into Melchior's touch, he went sit back down in his chair directly across from Ernst. The two were separated by a small table that held the tray plate of cookies.
"And it got me to thinking. You know, I've read books with accounts of men having sexual relations with other men."
This was becoming ridiculous for Ernst. This was becoming way too much for his fragile mind and body to handle.
"How would a man and…another man do it? How would that measure up?"
Ernst couldn't help himself; he needed to know, "Isn't it wrong to have…sexual relations between two men, or even two women?"
"And who is it that said that?"
"Well, God, the priests, our parents."
"I don't remember hearing God say those words."
"The priests taught us that he did."
"How can we trust the knowledge from those who oppress us from learning things for ourselves?"
"Because they're only trying to protect us."
Melchior was becoming heated, "Protecting and oppressing have very different meanings."
"Our lives are safe, because of what we are told to do and told not to do."
"Our lives are mundane because we aren't free to choose how we want to live our lives! Is that the kind of "protection" you want to have?"
"As long as I'm safe…"
"Ernst… Well, it's certainly not the kind of life I want."
Melchior:
Where I go/when I go there/no more memory anymore/
only men on distant ships, the women with them swimming with them to shore/
Where I go/when I go there/no more whispering anymore/
only hymns upon your lips/a mystic wisdom rising with them to shore/
"Haven't you ever longed for something you've been told was wrong? Is it wrong to yearn for something, to desire something that you know will bring you happiness?"
Ernst took in his questions and closed his eyes. Immediately his visions were filled with Melchior's face, his smile, his laugh, his warm, strong hands, roaming over his back, over his chest.
Ernst:
Touch me/just like that/and that oh, yeah/
now that's heaven/now that I like/God, that's so nice/
now lower down/where the figs lie/
His eyes shot open immediately, somehow his thoughts of Melchior changed into thoughts of Hanschen. His heart started beating faster and he picked up his glass to drink water only to discover it empty.
Company:
Oh-oh-oh, my God/
Oh-oh-oh yeah, yeah, yeah/ (repeats)
"Come on, Ernst, everyone has. People all around you, your friends, your family members, strangers you pass on the street."
Melchior stood up and walked behind Ernst's chair placing a hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay to tell me. I've undoubtedly had my own fair share of fantasies."
Company:
Touch me/ (repeats)
Ernst's face was burning, "I-I have to go!" with that he bolted from the room and down the stairs.
"Ernst, wait!"
Company:
Ah-ah-ah/ah-ah-ah/
Melchior ran to his front door right when it slammed shut. He pounded his fist against it and rested his forehead on the door. On the other side, Ernst leaned back against the cold wood trying to regulate his heart rate and his breathing.
Company:
Oh-oh/oh-oh/oh-oh-oh!/
Otto:
Where I go/when I go there/no more shadows anymore/
only men with golden fins/the rhythm with them, rocking with them to shore/
Moritz:
Where I go/when I go there/no more weeping, anymore/
only in and out your lips/the broken wishes washing with them to shore/
(Ernst and Melchior remain in their same spots at the door as described previously)
Ernst and Melchior (sung over girls' verses):
Touch me/all silent/tell me please, "All is forgiven"/
consume my wine/consume my mind/I'll tell you how, how the winds sigh/
Company:
Touch me/
Georg:
Oh-oh/just try it
Now, there that's it/oh, God, that's heaven/
Oh, I'll love you right/
We'll wander down where the sins cry/
Company:
Touch me/just like that/
Now lower down, where the sins lie/
Love me/just for a bit/
We'll wander down, where's the winds sigh, where the winds sigh/
where the winds sigh//
"Melchior? Has Ernst gone?" His mother asked, dish in hand as she wiped it down with a rag.
Melchior sighed and stood away from the door, "Yes, he has."
"Sweet boy."
"Yes, he is. He loved the cookies; almost choked to death stuffing them down."