Shower time!
Half an hour later they entered House's department. The team was waiting for their boss and their involuntarily visitor. Wilson just collapsed into the chair next to House. He rested his head on his arm and didn't take any interest in the ddx.
The team discussed their latest test results and tried to figure out whether to put the cardiac arrest down as a symptom or as the result of their treatment.
House looked at his white board and back at Wilson. He sighed and turned to Taub.
"You are in charge of the board this week."
30 minutes later he sent them out for more tests and was done for the night.
Again he looked at his sleeping buddy but there was no hope for Wilson. House couldn't spend the night on the chair in his office. Not if he planned on using his leg again in the morning.
This time he shook Wilson's shoulder carefully.
"Time to go home", he told him.
"Let's just stay here. We have to get up in 3 hours anyway", Wilson mumbled and rubbed his eyes.
House smirked. "Usually I would settle on my recliner for the rest of the night but it's a little bit difficult with you at my side."
Wilson groaned. "It's a good thing you have to drive", he yawned.
At half past 4 they finally ended up in House's bed and this time it only took them seconds to fall asleep. Unfortunately Wilson's alarm started 3 hours later.
Tuesday, Day 2, 7.30 am
Wilson opened his eyes and startled because House's face was about 4 inches away from his own. That's the problem when you are chained to another human being and you have trouble sleeping on your back. There is just one side you can roll over and this can bring you really close to your buddy.
The still ringing phone finally completed the job and woke up the second sleeping doctor in the room. House eyes shot open and pierced Wilson's with an annoying look immediately. But House too was surprised about the sudden closeness between the two.
"Put that stupid thing off!", he ordered Wilson.
Wilson did so and rolled on his back.
House yawned really long and loudly while Wilson got uncomfortable again.
"I have to take a shower", he mumbled with that shame in his voice again.
"Well, take a number and stand in line. It's my bathroom so I go first."
"Ok", Wilson shrugged.
"In fact we got our 5 minutes. So I take a shower takes 4 minutes and 30 seconds and we are on the leash just in time and then it's your turn", House explained.
Wilson shook his head. "Oh no. Forget it! I won't waste my 5 minutes sitting around and waiting for you to get showered. I go first then."
"You could use that time to make us breakfast. Some of your pancakes would be great", House suggested.
"Can we just get this over with?", Wilson finally asked him. "You just go first and I'll look the other way."
House stared into space.
"I have an idea. Get ready, we are leaving right now."
Wilson looked surprised. "What? I won't go out like this."
"There's only one way we can take a shower and get dressed in 5 minutes. It only works if we shower at the same time."
Wilson's face changed from surprised to reluctant.
"No way, House! You are my best friend but there are limits!"
House chuckled. "Relax, that's why we are leaving now. We need a place with two showers. Doctor's locker room in the hospital. Come on."
"Can I at least change my pants first?", Wilson asked and House agreed. "Good idea. You first."
Wilson changed and handed House a pair of jeans.
House looked at him for a moment.
"Do you mind?"
Wilson got the message and turned around. House sighed.
"That's not what I meant. I have to sit down to change my pants."
"Right, sorry", Wilson mumbled when they settled on the bed.
House got rid of his pajamas. Before he put on the jeans he rubbed over his thigh for a moment with his left hand. House could tell Wilson forced himself to look the other way.
"You've seen it before. Don't be ridiculous, Wilson", he snapped and got dressed finally.
"I see worse things in my oncology ward every day, House."
"Right, don't worry about the cripple", he snapped and got up to button his jeans.
"Hey, what's your problem? It's a damn scar. If I had looked at it you would have also complained", Wilson yelled.
"Wait a second, let me take a Vicodin so you can lecture me about this as well", House grunted and swallowed a pill.
Wilson got angry.
"Don't worry, House. You rub your damn crippled leg into my face often enough. I don't need any more visuals."
"Well maybe you should have kept my ex from crippling me in the first place so I wouldn't bother you with my disability", House shouted.
Wilson shook his head. He couldn't believe this.
"You're an ass!", the oncologist answered and raised his right hand to end this conversation.
"Let's go", he mumbled and walked towards the door.
"Hold it. The cripple needs his cane", House said and reached for it.
Wilson sighed but kept silent. No need to open another discussion.
"Ok, everyone get their stuff. I'll meet you at the car in 10 minutes", House said before he caught his own mistake.
Wilson laughed. "You don't get this game, right?"
House smiled. "I don't get it why I'm still playing along. I'll be suicidal by the end of the week."
Wilson shook his head. "Oh don't worry. I'll kill you if you ever talk such shit again."
House looked like a puppy. "You used to feel more pity for us poor cripples", he whined.
"We should watch out. Hanging around together all the time makes us aggressive. Probably not the last fight we will have."
House grimaced. "Don't say fight. Sounds like an old couple."
They collected their stuff and drove to the hospital. It was 8.15 am when they arrived in the shower room.
"5 minutes won't be enough even if we shower at the same time", Wilson said.
"It has to be. Skip playing with yourself and you'll be fine."
"Who cares if we need 7 minutes", Wilson shrugged.
"We are talking about Cuddy here. She'll know if we are 1 second over the time."
"Ok. We get undressed put on the handcuffs again shower and then we have 4 minutes to get dressed."
House thought it over.
"We are talking about taking a shower not winning a Nobel Prize in rocket science. Can we please get started now!"
And so they did as Wilson suggested although it was not easy to wash while holding hands with the guy in the next cabin.
Their cuffed hands both rested on the edge between the shower cabins. Suddenly House's right arm was pulled away. He nearly slipped since he put too much weight on his right leg.
"You stupid moron, what are you doing?", he yelled.
"Washing my hair! I'm sorry", Wilson answered.
"Well use your right hand", House snapped and held his thigh while he clenched his teeth in pain.
Finally they were done and turned off the water. When they were about to get out they heard a snicker. A female snicker.
"Who is this?", Wilson asked.
"This is a men's room. Get out, Cuddy!", House yelled and answered Wilson's question as well.
"You two are marvelous. Nice strategy. How much time is left for getting dressed?", she wondered.
"4 minutes", Wilson told her.
"How was your night?", their boss went on.
"Cuddy, I'm freezing so either get naked and in here or get the hell out! There's a rule. No women in the boy's room, no boys in a women's room. That's why we always have to peek through a hole in the wall."
Cuddy chuckled. "Alright, I'm leaving. Don't cheat because I'll find out anyway."
When Cuddy was gone they got out of the shower each with a towel around the waist.
"Ok, hurry up", House said and unlocked the handcuffs. He got used to those paperclips.
They had to hurry but they made it in time.
"Are these my boxers?", Wilson asked and held out a white pair of underwear. House inspected the other one. "They are both the same. Who cares", he mumbled and put them on. He dropped the towel and got into his jeans.
"This is definitely yours", Wilson said, threw him a crinkled blue shirt and put on a perfectly ironed white one himself.
Wilson even found time to bind his tie before they had to end their freedom for the day again.
When the oncologist brought out his razor House rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on", he whined but Wilson insisted.
"I'll lend it to you", Wilson offered with a smirk.
Eventually House had fun watching his buddy.
The oncologist used his right hand to shave. It was the less of two evils. His other option would have been asking House to hold his hand still. But since he was pulling a razor blade through his face Wilson took the save route.
"Shall I get you some toilet paper for the cuts?", House grinned.
Toilet paper free and freshly cleaned they left 5 minutes later to get some breakfast in the cafeteria.
"Damn it", Wilson suddenly ceased. "I forgot my jacket."
"It's too late now. Don't worry, you look very handsome in your shirt", House smirked. He didn't wear one himself that day. But since he didn't even have an ironing board he looked not as cultivated as his buddy. Luckily he didn't care about it.
They settled at a table with their breakfast and discussed their strategy for the day.
"I have to check in on my team first", House started. Wilson nodded.
"Ok, my ward round starts at 9.30am. I fear you have to come along. And I have meetings with patients in the afternoon."
"Oh God! Why do you have to be an oncologist? Too much patient contacts."
"House, every doctor meets his patients regardless of the specialty", Wilson snapped.
"So your saying I'm not a real doctor?", House asked him.
Wilson was not in the mood for their next slugfest so he waved away.
"You are a brilliant genius, House", he stated in a sarcastic tone.
When they were on their way upstairs Cuddy passed them in the hall.
"You guys have clinic duty this afternoon at 2pm. 2 hours, one for each of you."
House rolled his eyes.
"I don't want to be there during his clinic duty. Usually I'm not even there for my own."
"Think about it before you take a bet like this, House!", Cuddy smiled and vanished.
"Come on, let's see if my patient is still alive", House mumbled and they got into the elevator.
"House, are you serious about that bet?", Foreman greeted his boss when they entered the diagnostic department.
"No, we ended it but now I can't live without Wilson. Who told you guys?"
"Cuddy. She told us to keep an eye on you", Taub explained.
"Of course she did", House mumbled and checked the file for the latest development.
"Just get used to it. Wilson will be our guest this week but I'll be out of here most of the time anyway. You guys do the work then you find me and tell me about the results. See, it's business as usual. Now go and get a piece of his heart. We finally have to find out what's wrong with it. I'll be somewhere in the oncology ward."
Wilson's day started in his office. There was a huge pile of files on his desk right next to his mail. House collapsed in his chair that he brought along from his own office and got his PSP. Unfortunately Wilson needed his left hand.
"I need both hands. How am I supposed to kill these guys?", House complained while he concentrated on the screen.
"I told you to let me my left hand but you wanted to drive the car so live with it. You should be thinking about your patient."
"I have to be busy while I'm thinking."
"So get your ball or your yoyo or anything else you can do with one hand", Wilson told him while he went through his mail.
"And you better check your watch. You are late", House smirked.
"Oh shit. Let's go", the oncologist ordered. They got up and Wilson grabbed his lab coat.
House laughed. "Nice try. This will be interesting."
Wilson sighed. This was so annoying. No lab coat, no jacket and with a colleague in tow who looks like a hobo instead of a doctor. That would need some explanation.
House puckered his lips and shock his head.
"How will you make it through the day without your sacred pocket protector?"
"Can we please go now. My residents are waiting", Wilson said in a slighly desperate voice.
At 9.50 they met with a group of young doctors. Again they were greeted by skeptical and questioning faces.
"Good morning everyone", Wilson greeted them. "Ahm, I think you all have heard of Dr. House. He will accompany us during this week. I apologize already for any discriminating or insulting comments especially to the ladies. Feel free to get violent if he annoys you. Now let's start with our first patient."
While the 5 residents gathered around the middle aged woman Wilson held back his buddy for a moment.
"If you behave well I'll get you some macadamia pancakes for breakfast tomorrow", he whispered and caused a smile in House's face.
"You think I'll embarrass you?", he wondered.
"Hmm, I wonder why I could think that."
"You can make us pancakes while I'm still in bed?"
"No, while you sit next to me in the kitchen. Sorry, there's no delivery service for my breakfast specialties."
"Fine, but I won't help!", House decided.
"Ok", Wilson agreed relieved.
When the group was talking about patient number 5 right after Wilson had explained for the 5th time why he was chained to a colleague (and no, he did not tell the truth but told his patient it was a special sort of study about the lack of privacy) Foreman stepped in to talk to his boss.
"I see you found your personal hell", the neurologist smirked and handed his boss the test results.
"Why don't you start a new drug trial? Oh right, you can't you would lose your license because you screwed up the last one", House grinned and opened the file. "So the heart is fine and still it isn't. Is he back to a regular sinus rhythm?"
Foreman shook his head.
While Wilson still taught his fellows the neurologist and the diagnostician started their own discussion.
"Excuse me, Dr. House", a young woman finally interrupted them.
"What?", he snapped.
"I can't hear Dr. Wilson. Could you please turn it down a little?"
House raised an eyebrow.
"Don't worry. You don't need this stuff anyway. All your answers so far have been total crap so I doubt it you will ever be a decent doctor. Why do you still waste your time here?"
"House!", Wilson interfered, "Shut up!"
"I'm working here. Trying to save a life while she complains that she can't get the 25th time you explain the difference between a tumor and cancer. They want to call themselves doctors but all this is oncology 101 here."
"Just keep it down please. We are nearly done", Wilson whispered and returned to his lecture.
"So what do we do?", Foreman asked House now.
"We are losing power. There's something wrong with the electrical insulation."
"I take this as a "find out if it is a neurological problem in the heart""
House nodded. "Exactly."
"What do you get if you guys win the bet?", Foreman wanted to know.
"Why do you care?"
Foreman shrugged. "I wonder if it is really worth this."
House smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I think it is."
"Ok. Have fun, House!"
Two more patients and they were done. Time for lunch in the cafeteria.
"Can I get some extra garlic for my salad?", House asked the woman behind the counter.
"House! Please don't do this", Wilson asked him.
"Hey, I have a bet to win", House said and swallowed a Vicodin. He turned to the woman again. "Come on, don't be greedy!"