I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS

So Much For Being Immortal

Orochimaru chuckles.

Orochimaru: Get out? If you think that we're just going to turn tail and run, then you're a bigger fool than Jiraiya.

Kakashi: I figured that you'd feel this way.

The walls around them transforms into a giant esophagus.

Orochimaru: Hello, Jiraiya.

Jiraiya appears behind the immortals.

Jiraiya: Welcome to the Mountain Toad's esophagus.

The digestive juices of the Mountain Toad starts dripping around the immortals.

Kakashi: Be careful, from the stories I've heard, that's not the way you want to leave this world and you will leave this world today.

Kakuzu: Kakashi Hatake, I'm going to enjoy collecting the large bounty on your head.

Hidan: Money? That's all you care about, you wouldn't be allowed within one mile of a Jashin Temple.

Kakashi: So you must be the one I was told about, the one that can survive being dismembered.

Hidan: All thanks to Jashin.

Naruto becomes excited by the prospects of how he can torture Hidan.

Naruto: Ooh! Ooh! I get him, he's mine.

Hidan: Well, let's get started, butt lick!

Hidan charges Naruto.

Kakashi: He's all yours, Naruto.

Kakashi and Konohamaru leave Naruto to battle with Hidan. Hidan attacks Naruto with his scythe, Naruto grabs the scythe and disarms Hidan.

Naruto: Can I give it a try?

Hidan ducks the scythe as Naruto attacks him with but Hidan has trouble dodging Naruto's attacks while the Mountain Toad's digestive juices as they drip.

Hidan: Hey, why the hell aren't you worried about this shit?

Naruto: 'Cuz, you dick, the fox heals me. Now, hold still, damn it. Ah, the hell with it.

Naruto gets frustrated and discards the scythe.

Hidan: Too much for ya'?

Naruto: No, not enough.

Naruto and Hidan charge each other and engage in a taijutsu duel. While Naruto and Hidan's battle rages on, Orochimaru and Kakuzu face off with Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Konohamaru.

Orochimaru: Those two really don't understand being on a team do they?

Kakuzu: Hidan's always like that. It's because of his religion, he has to kill.

Konohamaru: Orochimaru!

Orochimaru turns his attentions over to Konohamaru.

Orochimaru: Honorable Grandson, Konohamaru, was it? Why, pray tell, do they call you that?

Konohamaru: Because I'm Konohamaru Sarutobi, the grandson of Hiruzen Sarutobi, The Third Hokage.

Orochimaru: And I suppose that you want revenge for that, right?

Konohamaru: No.

Orochimaru: You don't, then what?

Konohamaru: I want a reckoning.

A Konohamaru Shadow Clone sweeps Orochimaru from behind, Kakuzu tries to help but Jiraiya and Kakashi intervenes.

Kakashi: Be patient, your time is coming but, for now, let's see how the youngster does.

While he was on the ground, two more clones grab his arms and breaks them.

Konohamaru: Grandfather had the right idea, now you can't do any of your jutsu and I know that without your jutsu, you're nothing.

Orochimaru: Curse you and that rotten old man.

Orochimaru was on his knees as he struggle to get to his feet and Konohamaru delivers a stiff kick to his ribs. Konohamaru tosses Orochimaru into the wall and unleashes a flurry of punches and kicks to Orochimaru. Naruto's battle, on the other hand wasn't as one sided.

Naruto: I didn't think you'd be this good with out your weapon.

Hidan: What's that supposed to be compliment, punk?

Naruto: No, a distraction.

Hidan: What?

Naruto's comes from behind Hidan.

Naruto: Wind Style: Butchering Tornado.

Hidan turns to find a Naruto clone behind him and a tornado forming around him. The wind in the tornado cuts Hidan apart, the tornado subsides and leaves Hidan a pile of arms, legs, torso and head. Naruto stands over the pile of Hidan cackling at him.

Hidan: What the fuck are you laughin' at?

Naruto: Well, wouldn't be laughing if you had just cut your opponent up into a pile of person?

Hidan gives it some thought.

Hidan: Yeah, I would.

Naruto picks up Hidan's scythe and starts to kick Hidan's head toward Jiraiya and Kakashi while Konohamaru was still punishing Orochimaru for what he did to his grandfather.

Konohamaru: I think it's time to end this.

Konohamaru creates a clone that helps him form a rasengan.

Konohamaru: This was taught to me by the only family I have left, my big bro, Naruto.

Konohamaru grabs Orochimaru by the hair and grinds the Rasengan directly into Orochimaru's face.

Hidan: Would you stop fuckin' kickin' me?

Naruto: Stop cryin', you're here.

Naruto kicks Hidan's head over to the feet of Kakuzu.

Naruto: Gooooaaaaaallll!

Konohamaru lays Orochimaru's mangled remains at the feet of Kakuzu.

Naruto: What do ya' say, Sage? Should we kill this guy too or do you want him?

Jiraiya: There really isn't any point, leave him.

Naruto turned to Jiraiya in shock.

Naruto: What? What do ya' mean, leave him?

Jiraiya: We all know that Orochimaru wasn't going to die from our previous encounter, so we lured him here in inescapable stomach of the Mountain Toad, the other two were a bonus.

Naruto: So, why'd you let us fight them?

Kakashi: We figured that Konohamaru would want revenge and no one told you to fight.

Naruto: Oh, well, anyway.

Naruto turns to the immortals, cackling.

Naruto: Ya' hear that? Have fun being toad shit.

Kakuzu: Damn it.

Naruto: Oh, yeah, thanks Hidan. I'll be sure to put this to good use.

Hidan: Fuck you, heathens.

The room reverts back to normal and the immortals disappear.

Naruto: Boy, I'm gonna miss them.

Tsunade sits in her office when the 4 Virtues appear in front of her desk.

Jiraiya: Why are you always workin'?

Tsunade: So, how did it go?

Kakashi: Mission accomplished.

Naruto: Yeah, we fucked those guys up.

As Naruto cackles, Tsunade notices Naruto's new weapon.

Tsunade: What the hell is that?

Naruto: Oh, this? I took it off of one of those zombies. What do you think, it's me, right?

The hokage watches Naruto pose with Hidan's scythe.

Tsunade: So, what's your next move?

Kakashi: Kabuto.

Jiraiya: You really have it out for that guy, don't you?

Kakashi: That punk disrespected me, it's time someone taught him some manners.

Tsunade: Just keep me posted when you set out.

Naruto: You got it.

Kakashi, Naruto, and Konohamaru leave from the hokage's office. Jiraiya, on the other hand, spots a golden opportunity.

Tsunade: Why are you still here?

Jiraiya struts over to Tsunade.

Jiraiya: Tsunade, baby, since you're doin' all this work, I wanted to see if you wanted to work it instead. So, how 'bout it, huh?

Tsunade smiles at Jiraiya.

Tsunade: I'm not one of your girls, Jiraiya. You might be charming but you can't charm the pants off of me.

Jiraiya: Yet, but guess what.

Tsunade: What?

Jiraiya: You're wearin' down, baby.

Tsunade: What?

Jiraiya: Oh, yeah, thirty years ago, you would've put me down for tryin' you just now. And I don't mean put me down verbally.

Tsunade: Hmmm. Jiraiya, come here.

Jiraiya moves toward Tsunade.

Tsunade: Oh, no, closer.

Jiraiya catches the suggestive look in Tsunade's eyes.

Jiraiya: (thinking) This must be it.

Jiraiya moves next to Tsunade, she turns in her chair so that she's facing Jiraiya's privates. She strokes the tip of his penis through his pants, feeling him become erect.

Tsunade: Mm-hm, ya' know I just might consider letting you use this on me after you've finished The Akatsuki.

Jiraiya: Oh, yeah, baby.

Tsunade continues to stroke Jiraiya until he blows his load.

Tsunade: That felt good, didn't it?

Jiraiya: The best, baby, the best.

Tsunade: Remember, what I said. There could be more when you take care of Akatsuki but until then…

Tsunade grabs Jiraiya by the balls.

Tsunade: …get to work.

Jiraiya: Nooooo! Okay, okay, just let go.

Jiraiya turns to limp away from around her desk but the hokage stops him, she turns him around.

Tsunade: Consider this more incentive.

Tsunade places one of Jiraiya hands in her blouse, the other down her pants, and gives him a kiss.

Tsunade: Now, get going.

Jiraiya: That hurt, but you make it hurt so good.

Naruto, Kakashi, and Konohamaru were waiting for Jiraiya in front of the hokage's office building.

Naruto: Konohamaru, you've got to loosen up, man.

Konohamaru: Huh?

Naruto: You were so quiet in there.

Konohamaru: I didn't have anything to say. I'd rather let my actions speak for me.

Naruto: Yeah, but…

Kakashi: If he didn't have anything to say, then he didn't have anything to say, Naruto.

Jiraiya limps out of the hokage's office building.

Naruto: Whoa, what happened to you?

Kakashi: You didn't.

Jiraiya: Yeah, I did but never mind that. It's time to formulate our new plan after I go ice by balls.

Naruto: Hey, you guys go do that, I'm gonna go try this thing out.

Jiraiya: Naruto, wait a…

Naruto disappears.

Konohamaru: Does he always do that?

Kakashi: Yeah, but don't worry. When it's time to get down to business, he'll be there.

Naruto had went to try out Hidan's scythe, he decided that he needed a dip in the hot spring after the sweat he worked up. While in the hot spring, he could overhear some familiar female voices coming from the other spring.

Voice #1: She likes him but she's too nervous to tell him.

Naruto: (thinking) Is that Sakura?

Voice #2: Really, so why haven't you told him?

Naruto: (thinking) That's Ino.

Voice #3: W, well I, I don't know…

Naruto: (thinking) That's gotta be Hinata.

Naruto finds a hole in the wall between his bath and the female bath, he looks through and finds Sakura, Hinata, and Ino taking a bath.

Ino: You should just tell him, you're pretty hot, Hinata. I'm sure he'll go out with you.

Hinata: You really think Naruto likes me?

Sakura: Positive.

Naruto: (thinking) Hinata likes me?

Naruto smiles as he gets an idea.

Hinata: Alright, the next time I see Naruto, I'm gonna ask him…

Hinata stops mid-sentence and starts moaning as a strange sensation shoots from her vagina through her body, Ino and Sakura look at each other.

Sakura: Hinata?

Hinata: I'm sorry but I just felt something all through my body just now.

Ino: Wow, you haven't done anything with Naruto, yet and he's already making you tingle.

Sakura: Leave her alone, Ino, she's in lov…

Hinata interrupts Sakura as she starts moaning again, Hinata moaning and breathing increases as the pleasure waves over her body.

Ino: Okay, either she really likes Naruto or this is the best water ever.

Sakura: Seriously, what's wrong with…?

Sakura is interrupted again as Ino begins to moan as well.

Sakura: (thinking) What's going on here.

Sakura moves over to Hinata to try and snap her out of it, as she approaches Hinata, her knee hits something hard between Hinata's legs.

Sakura: (thinking) Wow, Hinata's hairy down there and hard.

Sakura reaches down with her hand to feel the object.

Sakura: (thinking) And she has eyes, ears, and a nose. This is a head.

Sakura pulls the head up.

Sakura & Hinata: Naruto?!

Naruto: Why'd you stop me? You were next.

A panicked Hinata rushes out of the bath.

Sakura: Naruto, I'm gonna kick your ass!

Naruto: Oh, shit.

A naked and cackling Naruto takes off as Sakura wraps herself in a towel and gives chase. Naruto's shadow clone pops his head up in front of Ino in the bath.

Naruto: You gonna kick my ass, too?

Ino: I'm gonna kick your ass if you and that tongue of yours don't get back down there.

Naruto smiles as Ino puts her hand on his head and pushes it back down to her vagina, Ino lays back and Naruto resumes licking her vagina.