The Inspiration

Chapter 9: Red Velvet and Finger Foods

Bella

Okay, so the prospect that I was actually going on a date with Edward was pretty much the most thrilling and yet terrifying thing in the entire world to me at that point. That we would be seeing each other outside of the confines of the museum, the stark white walls no longer surrounding us and focusing our attention.

Would he be different when we weren't in front of the museum's artwork? I mean we'd walked a bit outside together, but hadn't really spent any considerable time doing that.

I rather liked the idea that not a whole lot would change. I knew it wasn't an entirely realistic expectation given that things would invariably change due to the nature of bringing our … friendship? … relationship? I hadn't exactly settled on what to call it mostly because we really hadn't talked about that. Friendship would probably be the best thing at this point. Friendship was the safest route too given I had no idea what Edward's feelings were about the whole thing either.

I really didn't know why I was obsessing over something small like this. I knew him. He wouldn't change that much, if all. If there was one thing about him I could count on, it was his shocking regularity in my life. After all, he had originally been named "Stalker Boy" for a reason. I really didn't think that was going to change a whole lot just because we were seeing each other outside the museum walls.

The museum was closed the next day (the day of our "date") for some reason so I wouldn't see Edward again before the evening. We exchanged phone numbers and me being the total girl that I was, I assigned Edward a special ringtone so if he called I would know right away it was him without even looking at my phone.

Jasper was already home when I got there, cooking up a skillet full of delicious fajitas. My mouth watered at the sizzling steak.

"Hey, Bee. How was Stalker Boy today?" he grinned and flipped some of the onions and peppers over with the silicone spatula.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Edward was fine today. I mean … he kind of askedmeouttoagallerything … but otherwise fine."

The words rolled off my tongue in one continuous loop, trying to get them all out before I could choke on them. Jasper's brows pushed together in confusion, but as soon as he figured out what I'd said, this huge smile broke out across his face and his seldom seen dimples appeared.

"That's great, Baby Bee! So how excited are you?" he said with a hoot.

I bit my lip and attempted to make myself look busy by digging through the fridge looking for cheese, sour cream and guacamole. Jasper clearly wasn't buying it though because he put the utensil down and came over to me, pulling on my shoulder so I'd look at him.

"Bella, you did tell him yes, didn't you?" he asked, his face a mask of seriousness.

My heart thudded in my chest.

"Of course I did … I just … I don't know … I'm nervous?" I said quietly.

Jasper pulled me in for an enveloping hug, his arms tight around me and his grandmother's sweet Southern charm displaying in full force.

"Awww, honey. It'll be fine. You like him and from everything you've told me about him, he likes you too. What's going through that head of yours that has you doubting this?" he said soothingly.

I sniffled into his chest, just now realizing a few traitor tears had escaped my eyes.

"What if he's different? What if he's really not interested in me?" I whispered.

I felt the laughter bubble up in his chest until he couldn't control it and it escaped through his mouth.

Ripping myself from his embrace, I curled my arms in front of my body in a protective stance.

"What?" I asked defensively.

Jasper was nearly doubled over in laughter, slapping his knee and clutching his side.

"What?!" I asked again, stamping my foot like a petulant child.

He wiped away a few tears from his eyes and took a few calming breaths.

"Are you serious, Bee? What if he doesn't like you? Dear lord! What isn't there to like about you? I mean this may sound weird and shit I really don't like thinking about you like this considering you're practically my sister and I've seen you a snotty, sick mess … but fuck, Bella! You're ridiculously hot! Long slender legs. An ass you could bounce a quarter off of. Tiny waist. Great boobs. Beautiful hair. Pouty lips and big round brown eye."

My mouth fell open and I probably looked like a fish out of water with the way I was opening and closing it, making that soft popping noise.

"Holy hell, Jasper!"

He brought his hand up behind his neck as the blush crept across his face, the soft pink tinting his cheeks gently.

"Yeah I know. I feel dirty for saying all that. I'm gonna need to watch some really bad, fake boob porn now to get that image out of my head. You wanna find some online later with me?" he said and looked everywhere in the kitchen except at my face.

Jasper and I did that sometimes. The internet was full of some of the funniest attempts at porn you could ever see. We spent one particularly amusing weekend compiling a list of the most clichéd things in porn from long fake nails on women to thick gold chains on men. Of course the horribly fake moaning was also near the top of the list along with the typical porn music.

I was still in shock though that Jasper would even say those things about me to even comprehend what he was saying. Was I really so perfect? I knew I was cute at the very least, but stunningly sexy like he had made me out to be? How could I have missed something like that when I looked in the mirror?

"Do I really look beautiful?" I asked all of a sudden. Jasper's head snapped up so his eyes finally met mine. His eyes shined pride and love only a best friend could give me.

"Of course you do, Bella. You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen and you have no idea the looks you get when we go out. I feel like I have to sub for Charlie with a baseball bat to keep all the drooling pervs off you. The Chief would have my ass if I ever let a guy touch you with anything less than completely honorable intentions. And that man knows how to use a gun! Do you think I'd ever cross him? My nuts would be separated from my junk in less time than it took for you to say 'Jasper's a pussy.' So does that answer your question, Bella Bear?"

Jasper cupped his crotch with both hand and had this half pleading, half humorous look on his face.

It was my turn to blush crimson at his words. Maybe it was time I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror to find the kind of beauty he was talking about.

"Yeah, I think it does," I finally said.

He wiped his brow in mock relief and turned back to the food that was now probably about as done as it was going to get.

We finished up the meal preparation together, working like the team we always had. While we were eating, Jasper confessed there was this girl he had his eye on at work. She was in charge of doing setup on the special exhibits. We gossiped like school girls about the whole thing, though Jasper drew the line when I jokingly suggested again that we braid each other's hair and watch 13 Going On 30. One Jennifer Garner joke and he was over that idea.

I spent the rest of the night in my room, going over some edits I'd made to my book. They were mostly simple things, some typos and grammatical changes I thought needed to be made. There were a few small sections I rewrote. For some reason I couldn't place I was feeling suddenly productive and dare I say, inspired. Sure, I'd been more motivated to write lately thanks to looking at all the artwork at the museum, but I'd been a little lax thanks to spending so much time talking to Edward instead of writing in my notebook.

Not that I was complaining in the slightest.

Okay, I was complaining a bit, but not enough to make it worth to stop talking to Edward.

If I was being completely honest with myself, there was something about being around him that just made me happy. I woke up happy at the thought of seeing him every day and went to sleep wondering if he was thinking of me. I liked talking to him and seeing him laugh. I liked the lewd glint he got in his eye when he stared at my boobs. It made me feel sexy.

So maybe I could see what Jasper was saying. Edward made me feel sexy.

I crawled in bed that night and thought long and hard about how sexy Edward made me feel when his eyes were on me. How my heart seemed to race and my breathing pick up when he was close to me. How his smell was so good, a combination of some type of cologne, man, spice and perhaps a bit of paint around the edges. I thought about that long hair of his and how I wanted to run my finger though it. I thought about his perfect lips and that soft, gentle kiss he'd given me.

That night was the first night I touched myself thinking of Edward, his name a whispered sigh on my lips as I came.

The morning dawned bright and happy, but I rolled over with a groan in bed. I'd had crazy dreams that night, most of them rather sexual and perhaps bordering on obscene if I really wanted to admit it. I felt like some horny teenager who had just discovered the joy of sex. Sure, those first make outs and probing experiences were more exploration and learning than anything. Hell, I think the first time I actually touched a guy's cock I just about burst out laughing. Not exactly sexy. More like super freaking awkward and mood killing.

I felt like I was constantly thinking about sex now. A few time I even checked my undies to see if I'd grown a cock of my own, given that I was proverbially thinking with one so much. Thankfully there were no new appendages in unusual places for me to worry about.

Unfortunately morning brought with it complete and utter nervousness. I was jumpy and could barely sit still for longer than five minutes. I must have cleaned the kitchen five times and the bathroom at least six times. My bedroom was in my warpath as well, and my office got another deep cleaning.

I did that a lot - clean when I had a lot on my mind. I think it was some type of coping mechanism of mine. Keep my hands busy when my mind was otherwise occupied. My apartments in college were always spotless during finals, though that was also due to the fact I was probably avoiding studying more than anything. I never liked finals. They made me nervous.

I was getting the same feeling of butterflies all over again. That feeling of dread in the bottom of my stomach that made me sick and kept me on the verge of throwing up all day. It was a completely irrational fear, I knew that, but irrational fears meant little to an overactive mind. If anything they just fed the fears.

Jasper called around noon and I was so damn jumpy I about hit the ceiling when the phone rang loud and jarring my senses.

I babbled a bunch of stuff on the phone and he calmed me down like his typical Jasper way, assuring me that I was over thinking - yet again - and that everything would be okay. He distracted me by telling me about talking to the girl he was interested in. He told me about the twenty minute conversation they had outside the new exhibit she was currently setting up. I smiled and for a few minutes I wasn't thinking about nerves or Edward or anything like that. It felt good.

Jasper assured me he'd be home around five p.m. today, earlier than he normally was just so he could see me off to my date and make sure I was sufficiently dressed for the occasion. I goaded him about sounding more like my gay best friend than my straight best friend and he pulled out a fantastic impression of Carson Kressley from Queer Eye that had me laughing my ass off. It was a guilty pleasure show of ours.

As soon as I hung up the phone from talking to Jasper (with a last "go get 'em, soldier!" for him and this girl of his), my phone started ringing again. I stopped dead in my tracks though when Edward's personal ringtone started playing. My hands shook as I picked up the phone, determined not to let my nerves show.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Hey you," he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice.

A bit of my nerves melted away hearing him in my ear, the slightly hard edge to his Chicago accent making me happy.

"Are we still on for tonight?" he asked, sounding a bit nervous himself. I bit my lip in happiness that I wasn't the only one who was apparently a bundle of nerves today.

"Yeah, it looks like it," I replied.

He exhaled, breathing out deeply.

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that. So this thing is at the Masen Gallery two blocks south of Washington on Michigan Avenue. There's no tickets or anything, so don't worry about that. I think a few of my … uh … friends … will be there, so I mean if you want to bring some of yours you can. There's an open bar and appetizers. Pretty good stuff normally if you get hungry. I might be kind of busy cause I kinda … uh … have to do something at it, but I'll definitely be with you most of the time I'm free. It's just … you know … business?"

His ramblings and nonsensical statements were amusing and I giggled softly to myself that he was now clearly nervous at this whole thing. It seemed like such a juxtaposition compared with how I had seen him so far. He seemed to be a fairly confident guy and he seemed so scared that I'd turn him down about going to this gallery thing tonight.

He continued rambling about something or other and I quickly moved to interrupt him.

"Edward?"

"… I just kind of want to see you … and I hope things aren't weird …"

"Edward!" I said into the phone louder.

"Oh shit. Sorry. What?"

I laughed softly again.

"It's okay. I get it. This is a business thing for you. No worries about that. I'm not going to get in the way of you making money so you can lounge around all day at the museum with me otherwise."

He chuckled at me and seemed to be calmer.

"Thanks, Bella. I guess I'm just nervous about tonight. I just … you know … nervous?" he finally admitted shyly.

"Yeah, I know. I'm kind of nervous too," I admitted, thinking that he was talking about the fact this was a sort of date for us.

"So I guess I'll see you later then. It starts around 7 p.m. so just show up whenever. I'll probably be there early so I don't want to drag you along ahead of time if you have stuff to do."

"Sounds good, Edward. I'll be there then."

His nerves were cute, and honestly made me feel a lot better about having my own nerves. I didn't feel like I was the only one who was kind of out of place in this whole thing. Obviously we were friends from having talked so much at the museum, but that didn't necessarily translate to any type of romantic feelings outside of that setting. Granted, I knew I was interested in him and Jasper told me that every indication Edward gave was that he was interested right back, but did I really know that for sure if he hadn't said the actual words?

Needless to say I was a bundle of nerves.

We said our goodbyes and hung up, with Edward telling me there wasn't any type of dress code for this thing. It might have been a dumb question he snorted at, but I didn't know any different given that I'd never been to a gallery opening, event or anything like it for that matter. I'd been to book stuff for my first novel, but those were kind of different … I guess.

My phone closed and resting on my desk, the nerves returned. I made myself busy by baking a cake, red velvet that was Jasper's favorite. I even iced the thing and decorated it to look all pretty. Distracting myself, much?

I flipped the television on and watched some mindless late afternoon reality shows, laughing my ass off at a decade-old episode of Jerry Springer. Those shows never got old, especially the paternity episodes. Those were my favorite.

Jasper got back from work at his promised 5 p.m. He had this huge dopey grin on his face and I punched him in the arm when he refused to tell me if he'd talked to the girl at work any more that afternoon. But the faraway look in his eyes told me everything. He'd definitely talked to her and definitely made some headway right along with it. I was actually really happy for him and proud too.

But he made the mistake of asking me "are you nervous about tonight?" which brought me right back to the situation at hand. Hell yeah I was nervous and the fact that he was asking me if I was nervous made me doubly nervous.

I kept running around trying on clothes like a madwoman, frantically finding something that seemed 'arty' enough for a gallery event while still not looking too formal or too casual.

I was being a typical woman, something I rarely did.

Jasper kept laughing at me the whole time, his dimples out in full force. A few times I pulled on his blond curls and he yelped in pain. Served him right for laughing at me.

Finally I settled on a green flouncy skirt I'd picked up at one of the Chicago street markets last summer and a cute white v-neck top, knowing that Edward liked staring at my boobs. At least this way I gave him something to look at, right?

My hair was being frustrating as usual so I threw it back into a low ponytail, tucking a piece of hair over the band to hide it like someone had shown me during my book promotions. I swiped some light makeup on my face, mostly because I wasn't a huge fan of the stuff even though I did want to look pretty tonight. Eyeshadow, mascara and powder plus the normal lipgloss. Nothing particularly fancy.

By the time I was done getting ready it was getting close to 6:30 p.m. and my nerves were back in full force. If I thought I couldn't sit still earlier in the day, now it was even worse. I paced back and forth in the kitchen and watched Jasper devour the biggest slice of red velvet cake I'd seen him eat in perhaps a decade. The cake would be enough for me for dinner, but Jasper had an enormous appetite and would probably end up eating the entire cake tonight while I was gone.

The clock in the kitchen ticked away the minutes until I planned on leaving and I swear I heard the second hand click off each second.

Finally I stopped pacing and turned around, eyes wide and focused on Jasper.

"I can't do it," I stated.

Jasper's fork froze in mid air and he stared at me.

"Do what?" he asked, a bit of cake falling back onto the plate.

"I can't go."

He rolled his eyes at me and shoved the forkful of food into his mouth.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said with mouthful of cake.

"I'm not being ridiculous. Okay, maybe I'm being a little ridiculous. I'm just really nervous, Jay. Like really really nervous. I mean, these are art people. And Edward. And me. And art. In the same place. Together. And I have to mingle! You know how I hate doing that. I'm terrible at it. That shit makes me break out in sweats. All the eyes on me and random, awkward smalltalk and what if they want to talk about art that I don't know about? What if Edward's busy all night and I have to entertain myself while he goes off and does whatever he has to do? What then?" I rambled on.

Jasper listened intently and carefully chewed the last bit of cake.

"Well …" he finally said slowly.

"Come with me!" I shouted out.

"Bella! This is supposed to be a date! Or at least an 'almost date.' Guys don't just invite someone to something like this if they're not interested. How weird would that be to show up to a date with a friend? A male friend no less! Talk about mixed messages, sweetie. Everything will be okay. Just smile and nod at people if they want to talk art. Let them talk and do the casual 'oh' and 'ah' I know you're good at," he explained to me.

I waved my arms around in the air at him. "No, really. It'll be cool. He said he'll have friends there too and if I wanted to bring some it would be okay. That means it's totally okay if you come. I mean we don't have to act like we're together and lovey dovey and all that crap. We can do that. We've done it before."

Jay rolled his eyes at me and put his plate down calmly.

"Yeah because that's worked really well before for us…" I heard him mutter.

"What was that?" I asked, my voice sounding high and shrill even to my own ears.

"Oh nothing!" he responded quickly.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Fine. I'll go with you. I didn't have anything planned for tonight anyway. Just reading something and watching V for Vendetta again. Give me five minutes and I'll be back all spiffied up ready to go," he relented and walked towards his bedroom.

"You're a lifesaver!" I called after him while wringing my hands.

"You owe me big, Baby Bee! Like super big! I'm expecting ribs for dinner this weekend, kiddo!" he shouted to me.

I laughed and the butterflies in my stomach jumped a bit.

"You got it!"

True to his word, Jasper was back in no time, looking presentable in a pair of nice jeans and button up shirt. The standard 'guy going out' uniform as we sometimes joked.

"Looking sharp there, Jay," I commented and wolf whistled.

He bowed and took my hand, spinning me around in the kitchen.

"Nothing but the best for my not-date on her almost-date," he laughed.

Finally we were ready to go and I shuffled my feet in the elevator on the way down, clearly still nervous despite Jasper's soothing presence. A few times he grabbed my hand and tried to unclench my tightly wrapped fingers, something I did when I was nervous.

"Everything will be fine" he kept saying.

I wasn't exactly sure I believed him.

We grabbed a cab over to the gallery, the cab driver giving us an odd look when Jasper put his arm around me in the cab to keep me warm. It was a cool night and I'd just grabbed a light coat because I didn't now if I'd have to carry around the coat at the gallery or not. I figured it would be a pretty upscale place if it was on Michigan Avenue, but I didn't want to assume anything.

We pulled up outside the address Edward had given me, light shining through the big glass windows of the gallery already. There were a few people mulling around inside and there was a huge painting that looked quite familiar in the window.

My hand went over my mouth and I gasped.

"Oh god. This is for EC!" I squealed.

"Who's EC?" Jasper asked as he forked over cash to the driver to pay for our ride.

"The artist Edward and I have been admiring at the museum. We practically live in his special gallery. This is so exciting!" I said, practically bouncing with anticipation.

The nervous butterflies were still there, but they were mixed with the new excitement of seeing other works by EC that weren't hanging in the museum. And perhaps even meeting the artist himself.

I took a deep breath and pulled Jasper towards the front door, pulling it open and walking into the warm gallery. It was just like I pictured an independent art gallery would look like. Light wood floors, white walls, overhead lighting framing the artwork. Pretty much exactly like the museum except nobody was being as quiet.

There were people milling about, some snacking on goodies loaded onto little palm sized plates. All around there were several groups of people standing in front of paintings and quietly talking about them. In the corner as promised, there was a bar and table of finger foods.

I scanned the faces of people to see if I recognized anybody and hoped I'd see Edward.

Unfortunately there was nobody I knew and certainly no Edward.

I told myself that made sense since he was probably doing something related to whatever business he did in the art world. He was probably off making deals or talking to critics or something. The logical part of my brain knew that.

The illogical part was telling me he stood me up, despite that clearly being untrue.

My breathing picked up and I felt Jasper's hand rubbing between my shoulder blades in a comforting action. I turned to look at him and he smiled at me. I smiled back, silently thanking him for being such a good friend. He could have easily told me to go by myself tonight or worse, but he didn't. He supported me even though he thought I should have gone alone. Jasper was just good like that.

"Edward!" I heard a female voice squeal and my head turned towards the sound instinctually.

There in the back of the gallery, almost out of sight I saw a beautiful blond woman quickly moving through the crowd of people towards a door that I hadn't noticed before. The sea of people parted and right in the middle stood the person I wanted to see the most tonight.

Edward looked amazing in a park of dark washed denim and crisp white button up shirt with a grey vest. I hadn't seen him looking so good all the time we'd known each other and I think I may have actually drooled a bit.

His head snapped towards the sudden noise and for a brief second our eyes connected across the room. The smile that lit up his face was magnetic. I couldn't help a matching smile racing across my face.

"There's my Edward!" the woman squealed again and she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and no doubt pushing her breasts right into his chest.

My Edward? The words hung in my brain and I couldn't make sense of them.

She curled her arm around him protectively and turned back to the crowd.

It was then that I recognized her.

It was the blond woman from the painting in the museum.

The beautiful one that left me speechless and feeling a little more than unworthy.

"I love this man," she said proudly, possessiveness clear in her voice.

All my air left my lungs in a whoosh and Jasper's head snapped to my face. Having witnessed the entire exchange between the blond woman and Edward himself, he put his hand on my shoulder, a steadying act of comfort.

I felt … I just … I don't know what I felt.

The pit of my stomach dropped out and for a second I thought I actually might vomit right there on the beautiful wood floor. Nothing like dry heaves in public to really make yourself know, right?

I looked back up at the scene in front of me and Edward's eyes were locked onto me from across the gallery.

Big green eyes that I'd looked into for so long and wondered if he was as interested in me as I was in him.

I can't believe I'd been that stupid.

I turned away from him, breaking the connection between us. Jasper's arms wrapped around my body and I tried to maintain my composure. I could do this. No big deal. Edward and I were friends and we could still be friends. Just because he had this Amazonian woman who looked like she could stamp me out with her Jimmy Choos didn't mean we couldn't be friends.

Right?

Oh who was I kidding.

I was stupid for even thinking he was interested.

Edward

I stood there with Rosalie claiming me like a bitch in heat and my heart broke seeing Bella's face from across the gallery.

I should never have done this. I should never have not told her everything.

I was such a fucking moron.

But then my world broke even more.

The guy next to her … he just … pulled her in for the most tender, most loving hug I'd ever seen. Protecting her. Loving her. Just being there with her.

There was no other explanation than the clear one.

They were obviously together.

If I was a fucking moron for not telling Bella everything, I was an even bigger moron for believing someone so great would be single.

I can't believe I didn't see this.

I should have known.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

*hides for playing the cliched miscommunication card ... I'm sorry*