Disclaimer; I own nothing! I do however own DVD's and magazines and merchandise… its official I am a geek

A/N; OK so I'm not sure about this chapter, I wrote to versions of this one and this one was more Ianto. But it is shorter than the previous two… But anyway ENJOY!!

To The Last Man

I'm beginning to think that my entire life resolves around Jack Harkness.

Here I am writing yet another entry all about him. I don't really know what he meant. I mean I think I know what he meant, I have a fairly clear idea of what he was on about, but how can I be sure? Jack and I have always been about the subtext, always trying to decipher the hidden meanings behind each others words. Why can't we just say exactly what we mean to each other? I guess it's my fault it's like this though. If I had of just gone up to him and said 'Jack, I want you to fuck me into the desk till I can't move or talk' then I wouldn't be in this mess. But no, I have to say something stupid like 'lots of things you can do with a stopwatch' how vague could I get?

It's not that Jack lies, he has been nothing but honest since he got back from the Doctor. No the only thing that lies now is that bloody tape measure (it's been in me, I know it's long… but come on). Now with Jack though it's more… he doesn't tell me the whole story.

I love you, is it really that hard to say? OK, so maybe it is, god it's the hardest thing to say in any language, especially German. God I remember when I realise just how much I loved Lisa, at first I was freaking out because… love is huge but then, I couldn't tell her. It's not like I didn't try, but every time I did something happened. The first time was Yvonne Hartman, she called us back into work just as I was about to say it. Then it was her mum calling to say that her sister was in labour. And then it was her sister's son, we had been babysitting and he started to cry just as the words started to come out. But in the end I told her just as the Battle at Canary Warf started, she kissed me and said 'I love you too' and went to fight, only to end up being semi converted.

Why am I talking about Lisa for? I decided to write in here tonight so I could try and figure out Jack. Oh god, I've just given the man in white coats the perfect reason to commit me right there. I'm more than positive that both men and women have been driven to insanity by trying to solve the mystery of Captain Jack Harkness. I'm royally screwed now aren't I? I've gone and fallen in love with Jack Fucking Harkness. That's it; the padded car will pick me up in the morning.

The thing that makes this worse; I've fallen in love with him, but I could never tell him. I don't think I could face opening up so completely to another man, I don't open up too people, they open up to me. I don't know what I would do if I did let him know and it all turned out to be a joke; I think I might just brake. Even though he told me that he came back for me, I still have my doubts.

I love Jack, he has saved me so many times and not just from the things that go bump in the night. But for now, that's the closest I'll come to telling him, I can't face getting hurt… again.

I love you Jack

What did you think?