Disclaimer; I own nothing
A/N; I'm so sorry for any mistakes but it's really late and I need to get to sleep. Oh and this chapter has snippets from my previous chapter 'to the last man'. ENJOY!!

Adam

Jack toyed with the leather covered book that was sitting in his hands. He found it lying on the floor in the middle of the Hub an hour before and he still didn't know what to do with it. Normally Jack wouldn't be one to snoop through people's diary's… well usually he already knew what was inside so it didn't really matter if he read it or not. But Jack and Ianto hadn't had a real conversation in over a week, and every time Jack tried Ianto would just pull up his pants and walk out the door. And Jack, while he loved sex with Ianto, needed more. He missed the Ianto that would come up and talk with him well into the night. The one who would play naked hide-n-seek and only slightly complain when Jack cheated.

Jack made up his mind and started flicking through the diary until he found an entry that jumped right out at him.

I'm beginning to think that my entire life resolves around Jack Harkness.

Jack's attention peaked at a whole new level at this sentence.

The immortal had to read the next paragraph several times to decipher the meaning behind the words. And it didn't help that when ever he read; 'Jack, I want you to fuck me into the desk till I can't move or talk' he got very vivid images that caused certain parts of his anatomy to twitch. After reading the paragraph five times he realised that Ianto was in fact talking about the night Jack had told the other man his real feelings… in a round a bout sort of way.

Jack knew that he was probably being cryptic that night, but he was fairly certain that Ianto knew where he was coming from. Well if what happened afterwards was an indication of anything.

No the only thing that lies now is that bloody tape measure (it's been in me, I know it's long… but come on).

Jack couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Ianto simply refused to believe that the measuring tape that he had since he was a boy was telling the truth. But Jack was adamant in the fact that they never lie.

Now with Jack though it's more… he doesn't tell me the whole story.

Jack couldn't argue with this, but it did hit home slightly. He really is trying to protect the team from his past. And after what 'John' did when he came to visit, he wasn't willing to share his past too quickly.

I love you, is it really that hard to say?

'Yes' Jack thought to himself. It was the hardest thing he had to admit in many years and near impossible to say. He had told himself too many years ago to count that he wouldn't fall in love again, that he couldn't afford it. He said that who ever he loved would end up being hurt anyway.

I'm royally screwed now aren't I? I've gone and fallen in love with Jack Fucking Harkness.

Jack sighed as he realised that with all of the mistakes the two have made, they were here absolutely in love with each other. This thought should be one to cheer him up, but it didn't, not in the slightest. They shouldn't love each other. Jack should hate Ianto because of everything that happened with Lisa. And Ianto should hate Jack for abandoning them to go travel through space and time in a small wooden box.

Even though he told me that he came back for me, I still have my doubts.

'No' Jack thought. Ianto should never doubt that he is loved and that he was the reason… well one of the main ones for Jack's return.

I love Jack, he has saved me so many times and not just from the things that go bump in the night. But for now, that's the closest I'll come to telling him, I can't face getting hurt… again.

I love you Jack

Oh and I made a request for Torchwood to get character lists and then they asked me to send all of the characters names, so hopefully we will have them soon :D

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