So dudes I just watched Labyrinth for the first time last night. Anyone else notice the hard on Bowie had every time he was in a scene with her? Like, no one else, just Sarah XD But he looked as bangable as usual, so ftw for that. I hated Luto, for the record. And pretty much every other protagonist.

I. AM. TIRED. OF. HEARING. ABOUT. MICHAEL JACKSON. YES. OK, HE DIED! WE GET IT! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh my god! I'm multi-tasking by playing the Sims2 on the other computer, and dude! HA! Everything's so huge! Or so tiny!

…aww crap. I just spilled a whole bunch of sour powder into my crotch. And like, it went down my pant leg XD

SADSKFJHSDKJFHSDJKLF NO GOD DAMNIT. STUPID-- RAWRGGHhHADKJSFLJLSDFHLJK!!! Damnit! I was all ready to buy that f-ing awesome David Bowie shirt soon only to find that they went off sale YESTERDAY so now it's 32 dollars again! ADKFJHSDKLJFHDSKLJ -is thoroughly pissed-

--

The person Zexion opted to call in order to get his things up to wherever the hell he was (it's such a mysteriously place that not even I know. OoOoOooh) was none other than Mr. Reno Cunningham of the Turks. Although he was indeed related to Mr. Axel Cunningham of the Bastards, he wasn't that much of one himself. In fact, he and Zexion were rather close friend-wise.

Reno at first was very hesitant in wanting to come and bring Zexion his stuff, but then the boy reminded him that he did really need it, and that Reno did sometimes kind of frequently have to come out there to do odd jobs anyway.

It took most of the day, but finally the redhead arrived, Zexion happily greeting him.

"ARHARhurhurhurarharhrarr it's Reno!" He flailed, running out to the front of the house. "Hey kid, what's shakin'?" Reno asked, giving Zexion a noogie much to his dismay.

Once done, Reno quickly grabbed Zexion and started shoving his tongue down his throat. At everyone's weird and or disgusted looks, Reno looked up and smirked. "Hey, yo, I'm just ex-brother-in-law with benefits!" He explained. "I got every right to do this… Oh hey, speaking of," He turned to Zexion. "That was one hell of a show back there! I mean, I knew you were kind of unsure about it since you told me a day or two beforehand, but hell, I didn't expect that, yo!" He laughed, noogie-ing Zexion again.

"Yes, well, you know." Zexion merely said, crossing his arms and looking away. "Oh, yes. Everyone, this is Reno. He is Axel's brother. Reno, this is Demyx, Leon, Sora, Cloud and Riku," He introduced everyone, and they all said hi to each other.

"Oh, yea, and one more thing, Zex-o. Found this while sneaking around your guys' room," Reno pulled something out from his coat jacket and held it up. It was a VHS tape.

"What is it?" Zexion asked, confused. "Ha, glad you asked, kid. It's conception!" Reno said with glee. Zexion started practically choking on whatever was in his mouth; air, spit, just whatever. Phlegm. Eurgh. "It's what?" He asked, glancing at the others. They, he noticed, all looked curious and amused.

"You know, not that hard to figure out. Considering this," Reno bent down and put his head on Zexion's stomach. "and the date this was filmed. Very hot. Wish I was there too," He whined, standing up straight again. Zexion was horrified, and he glanced at everyone again. They were all smiling, save for Sora. "What?" He asked. "I don't get it! What's the VHS have on it?!" He panicked. Demyx laughed. "It's sex! Silly little Sora!" He told him, patting him on the head. Sora, Zexion and Riku blanched. "O-oh…" Sora squeaked, blushing.

"Oh shut up, don't act as if you haven't done it before. We all have ears, Sora, Riku." Leon suddenly said, smirking. Both Sora and Riku blushed, and no further words were said. "So, what do you mean by 'conception'?" Cloud asked Reno. The latter just grinned, poking Zexion's stomach. "He's pregnant, of course! What the hell did you think this stomach was? Fat? No way in hell! Zex is a fucking twig on normal occasions!" He said. Demyx and Sora squealed and ran over to Zexion, and hugged him tight. "You're gonna have a baby!!" They cooed loudly in unison, both unnecessarily stretching out the word 'baby'. This annoyed Zexion greatly, but he did nothing.

"So then, congratulations, Mr. Callahan. How far along?" He asked. Zexion looked confused for a moment. "Oh, um, yes. The beginning of the fifth month, if I recall." He answered after clearing his throat. Reno squealed and bounced in place on his feet. "What the hell, Reno?" Zexion asked, tilting his head in sheer confusion. "Is it a boy or a girl this time?" Reno asked, throwing his hands on Zexion's stomach once more and feeling it after he pushed Demyx and Sora away.

But everyone was shocked when suddenly Reno was backhanded by Zexion, who looked beyond furious with a touch of dismay. "Fuck is the direction in which I wish you would off!" He hissed in a very low voice, even saying 'direction' like 'die-rection'. He, Zexion, promptly spun around on his heel, and stomped into the cabin.

"What was that?" Riku asked after a moment, Reno nursing his face. Demyx had run in after Zexion to see what was wrong a few moments before. Reno smiled. "Ah, it was nothin'. I just touched a nerve is all, yo." He shrugged, turning back to his truck. "What, you're leaving because of that?" Leon asked, an eyebrow raised. Reno turned, doing the same with his beloved red eyebrow. "Uh, no. I'm getting his stuff, yo," he said, muttering something under his breath and climbing into the back of his truck.

Riku shrugged, and dragged Sora back into the house, while Cloud and Leon went to help Reno. Demyx came running out, a grin plastered on his face. "Zexy says that his name is going to be Zowie!" He announced. "Oh, and that he's sorry, he's still just a bit … sensitive. He says that you'd know what he meant," He told Reno, obviously trying to remember what all Zexion had told him. Reno smiled. "Yea, I know," He said, jumping out of the truck and running as fast as he could into the cabin with his arms full.

He totally failed and tripped and fell, landing on the sleeping bags he carried (he was planning on staying a couple nights; no way in he'll he'd just come and leave just like that!), making him bounce a little. Despite a few hitches, everything was put into the living room, Zexion's current domain. Yes, including the sex tape. No one knows where it was put though; they lost it. Oh dear.

--warkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwarkwark--

So. Yup. A good two months later, Zexion was a permanent fixture in the Leonheart-Strife-Jones household. He had not seen nor heard hair nor hide of Axel, and that was a good thing. But the bad thing was that on one of Reno's visits, he informed Zexion that Axel was indeed still hunting him down.

One of the items Reno had eventually brought up was Zexion's and Axel's shared couch-- Zexion had always adored the thing and Reno knew it, so he snatched it for him. When Axel discovered this, he was not amused. They ended up replacing the living room couch with Zexion's, and sticking the old one in the kitchen.

You heard me-- in the kitchen. That way, Zexion could sit and prey on the oven. Or 'cleverly' hide and watch it as it was cooking brownies. Then he could hop (ok, not really. Thanks a lot, Zowie) over the back and snatch the tray when they've cooled off, someone looking or not!

He was now officially seven months pregnant, and was secretly scared shitless. But right now, he was enjoying himself. Right now he was out with his new best friend Vincent Valentine (He was a friend of Cloud's, and was slightly confused when Zexion opened the door instead of one of the others) and his son Michael, and Demyx.(1) Vincent's wife Yuffie was out with her friends Tifa and Aerith, and Cloud and Leon went to pick up Roxas for the weekend.

Vincent had taken Zexion and the other two to a Dairy Queen, Zexion's request-- he just had to try the new Brownie Batter Blast, or whatever that thing is called. Zexion was eating three at once, Demyx every now and then trying to steal a bite, even though he had his own. Vincent had nothing, and Michael, who was a spitting image of his father sort of kind of (he had his hair and eyes, and his mom's spunk), had some other Dairy Queen treat of a thing. I wouldn't know, I haven't eaten there in at least seven years.

"Mister Zexion sir, why are you so chubby?" Michael asked, causing all three other males sort of choke. Vincent shooshed him. "He's not 'chubby', Michael," He told him. Zexion had just snorted and continued eating merrily. "Well then why are ya' fat?" Michael then asked. Zexion was offended this time, and Vincent scolded him. "Tch! I am not fat! Blame Zowie, the little douche monster…" He grumbled, putting his hands on his ridiculously huge stomach. Demyx did so as well, either unaware or ignoring Zexion's glare. "Who's Zoh-wee?" The small boy asked.

Zexion looked at him, his face blank. "You're just full of questions, aren't you kid," He said. Michael just smiled and nodded. Zexion's eyes narrowed for a couple of seconds. "He's my fat." Zexion told him, before waving at the waitress for another blizzard thing. "Can I get like, four more?" He asked her. She giggled after looking at his stomach and nodded, all but floating off.

After getting his blizzards to go, they walked back to the cabin-- it wasn't too far, and they had walked there in the first place anyway. Halfway there, Michael asked to get a piggy back ride from Zexion. "No," Vincent said. "Doing so won't help him any with all the weight he's already carrying,"

"Are you calling me and Zowie fat?" Zexion asked, glaring at Vincent. Demyx laughed, and put his hand on Zexion's stomach again. "Eee!" He squealed. "He kicked me! He kicked me!" He giggled, putting both hands on the stomach this time. "Demyx," Zexion said.

"Yea?" Demyx asked. "You are fully aware that you are not the father of Zowie, are you not?"

"O-oh, uh, yea, of course!" Demyx said, removing his hands hesitantly. "Then why do you feel the need to pamper me as if you are?" Zexion was in one of his mood swings, that much was clear. Demyx shied away, making Vincent intervene. "Zexion, Demyx is only trying to help. I've known him for many a year, and I do know that he's never had this sort of experience. He is only enjoying himself while it lasts. Plus, if I were you, I'd be wanting this. This would mean that Demyx would love to help change diapers when the child is born," He explained, the last sentence full of sarcasm.

Zexion sighed. "I know," He drawled. "But it's hard to concentrate when his hands are everywhere on my stomach and so close to my--" Zexion glanced down at Michael, who was listening to him intently. "… banana. My banana. Especially since he's so hot," He whined, leaning against Demyx, who was thoroughly confused and blushing.

"Eh? Eh?!?" He asked, eyes wide and his face the color of… Vincent's eyes. Yes. Before things could be explained further (does anything really need be explained? Zexion is turned on by Demyx! No explanations needed there), they reached the cabin, which was eerily silent.

They walked in, only to find everyone, Tifa, Yuffie, Aerith and Roxas included, crammed on the couch with their eyes glued to the television. Sora, Riku and Roxas looked absolutely horrified. Cloud and Leon did too in a much more subtle way, but interested all at the same time.

Vincent cleared his throat, and Riku, Roxas and Sora screamed, jumping at least a foot in the air and falling onto the floor. Super confused, the four-some walked over to examine stuff. Yuffie turned her head, and flipped when she saw her hubby bringing her little monkey over to see what they were watching. "Aah! No! Mikey outside! Play! Now!" She screamed. Confused as hell, Michael could only oblige. The remaining three sat down on the sides of the couch, Zexion taking up the whole of the middle now that the three teens were on the floor, and were now also horrified at what they were watching.

-- earlier that day--

"So, what do you want to do, Roxa-loxi?" Sora asked. "Sora, don't ever call me that again," Threatened. "And I don't know, let's just watch a movie or something.," he suggested a second later. Sora agreed and hopped over to the television and VCR, putting in a tape. "What movie?" Roxas asked. "I don't know! I just put in this tape that had nothing written on it!" Sora said gleefully.

Out of nowhere, it seems, Riku joined them, and soon Cloud and Leon. Everyone must have radars for movies or something. No seriously! Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith just walked in too, looking as if the only reason they were there was to watch the movie, whatever it was… In a few moments, it started… No one really knew what was happening at first, but then Roxas recognized something. "Aah!!" He screamed. What he recognized was his lover, Axel and his psycho scary bright red hair, moving like a smooth running machine on top of none other than Zexion.

The two were on the same couch that they were sitting on now.

Two seconds later, everyone else screamed in unison, but no one moved. They continued watching until Zexion himself walked in (wow, Axel had quite the libido), along with Vincent, Demyx and Michael. Yuffie flipped out and shooed Michael away, after Sora, Riku and Roxas' cerebellums imploded. Five seconds later, Zexion, Vincent and Demyx joined them, thoroughly interested. Zexion was probably the most horrified-- hell, they were watching his sex tape! Aaaah!!

When Axel finally seemed done, he was seen getting up and turning off the camera. You know when you record something already recorded on the VHS tape, and it just switched back to the first recording when the second one ends? Well it did that. When it did, Zexion immediately shot up and ejected it. "Alright, that's enough for today," He said, his tone… I don't know. A mix between horrified and something else.

--

(1)HARHRHARHAHRHAR I did it again! Lolololol get it, get it? Michael Valentine??

Michael plays with stars (OOOOOooohh) So sister, won't you take a ride, in his car, late to call, when you wanted to be all! Baby baby don't be so shy! Something children hold your heads up high! In the night! While I try, and tell the ballad of Val-en-tine! (snazzy guitar)

Lololol it's by the Killers! The Ballad of Michael Valentine! Aren't I clever?-shot- Look the song up on youtube.

Sorry if the ending seems rushed, I'm just super tired.-yawwwwwwnuh-

reviewreviewreviewreview -flail-