Snakes. And snails--
And puppy. Dog. Tails. -hum hum-
**para una limpieza conifable**
Ten points to whoever can tell me what that says.
There's going to be FOUR music references in here. Try and spot them all! I'll give the answers at the end of the chappie.
Oh oh hey, there's a new poll on my profile. GO VOTE, MY LOVERS.
--
By Monday, Roxas had been returned to (Original setting). This was so he could go to school, and of course be with Axel. Currently, though, that was exactly where he was: lying on an Axel on an Axel's couch (he had to get a new one, of course). At the moment, they were watching MadTV on Comedy Central. Axel, it seemed, had completely gotten over Zexion. I mean, who needs him anyway? He was just a waste of breath around the apartment anyways.
As they laughed about whatever stupid stuff was happening, Roxas thought about Zexion, and if he should tell Axel that he knows where he is. "Hey… Axe?" He asked, looking up at him. "Hmm?"
"… I know where Zexion is," Roxas told him, looking away nervously. When he got no answer, he moved so he could look at Axel easier. "Didn't you hear me? I said--"
"I know, I heard," Axel said, sounding very vaguely mad. "Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked suddenly. "I-- I kept forgetting, is all!" Roxas told him. Axel grimaced. "How do you know where he is?" he then asked. Roxas thought for a moment. "Well, the day he ran off, I was in the car he jumped into. My friend, Demyx, drove us all up to his house, and that's where he's staying," Roxas explained.
Axel hmmed and looked as if he were cooking up a plan in his big boiling pot of awesome. "Think you can get us a ride there?" He questioned, carefully pushing Roxas off of him and standing up. Roxas stood as well. "Oh, sure, I think. I can just call whoever's in town and have them take us--"
"Good, because we're going," Axel demanded. Roxas looked worried. "You're not getting back together with him, are you?" He asked. Axel turned to look at him, giving him a look that said, 'are you fucking kidding me?'.
"No way in hell, pipsqueak. I'm just going to give that bastard a piece of my mind," He growled, cracking his knuckles. "and I want the couch back," he added as an afterthought.
-kweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekweekwee-
Three towns over, Zexion was lightly snoozing away on Demyx's bed. That's right. Demyx, it seemed, has decided to become a detective. Those couple of days ago, after everybody accidentally watched Zowie's creation, Demyx wanted to know what was after it.
So, when everyone was out doing whatever, and he had offered to stay behind, he watched the rest of the sex tape (oh, ok, he watched all of it). After Axel had turned off the camera, it switched to something more pleasant and child-friendly. But of course, when it ended, Demyx was anything but happy. In fact, he was horrified! But he wanted to know more about what he had just seen… it wasn't very informing, really.
So Demyx cooked up a plan, and put it in motion! But it would take a while; he knew Zexion, even if it was just for two months. He would have to warm up to him slowly! So what he did first was let the boy sleep in his bed. It was obviously so much more comfortable, and Demyx knew that Zexion fancied him since he was so damn open about it.
… Speaking of cooking, where did those brownies-- over in present time, Demyx was sitting on the kitchen couch, reading Ron Weasley and the Bloody Brilliant Day when Zexion the little purple blimp came shuffling out of the hallway. His hair was askew in every direction possible and he looked as if he were staring straight into the sun.
"What the hell are you doing?" He grunted at Demyx, who looked just as confused as him. "What do you mean? I'm reading of course," Demyx told him. "Yes, I know, but Demyx never reads!" Zexion argued, looking at the title. "Ronald Weasley and the-- what the hell?" Demyx smiled. "I just felt like breaking the habit, is all!" He said, going back to reading.
Just then, someone knocked on the door. "I got it," Zexion mumbled, stalking over to the door. When he opened it, he was immediately taken back by the insane and intense smell of everything floral. Standing in the doorway was a tall man with-- what the fuck? Is his hair pink? He had a pink and white riding hood on, the hood down, and he was wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans. He was grinning too. It was… too happy.
Zexion turned his head back to Demyx. "Demyx, oh my god, Red Riding Hood is on your doorstep! And she's more… well she's got an Adams apple and is a lot taller than I imagined her!" He said, turning back to the man. "What do you want, Pinky?" He asked. The man blinked and continued grinning at him.
"Why hello there! Would you like to buy some flowers?" He then asked in a sweet and horrifying tone. He tilted his head and continued grinning. Zexion's eye twitched. "Ah, no." He deadpanned. The man's grin faltered for a second, but stayed. Then, all of a sudden, Zexion's cheek stung. That crazy man just slapped him!! "I said, would like to buy some flowers?" He asked again. "No," Zexion said again. Now his other cheek stung too!
"You sure??" Pinky asked. Zexion nodded. "Pretty darn," He said. Pinky then slapped him again, this time harder. Zexion sighed, and glared at the man. "Demyx! Give me some fucking money." He yelled to Demyx, not once taking his eye off of Pinky. As they waited, the man started small talk. "My name's Marluxia! What's yours?" He asked. Zexion glared at him. "That's Major Tom to you, Pinky." Was all he said. Marluxia just smiled back at him, before fanning himself with his hand in a very, very gay fashion. "Oh my galoshes, it's so hot out! I wonder what temperature it is!" Marluxia said. Zexion didn't take his eyes off of him. "Let's go with two-hundred degrees," He suggested, monotone. "It's why people call me Mr. Fahrenheit," He added. Demyx finally came to the door, handing Zexion a ten dollar bill. He looked to Marluxia and grinned.
"Oh hello there! Would you like to buy some flowers?" Marluxia asked him, grinning that creepy grin again. "Don't answer him, just walk away!" Zexion hissed to Demyx under his breath. Demyx, confused and curious, stayed. "Here, take it all and give me a damn flower," Zexion snapped, stuffing the bill into the man's pants and grabbing a couple of flowers from his basket that was on his arm. "Thank you so much, Tom! Now, what about the baby?" He asked. Zexion stared at him.
"Excuse me?" He asked. Marluxia blinked. "I said, what about the baby? It needs some flowers too!"
"He, unlike you, is going to be a normal little boy. He doesn't like flowers," Zexion snapped. "What's his name?" Marluxia asked. Before Zexion could answer, Demyx did. "Zowie! That's Z-o-w-i-e!" Marluxia smiled. "He's going to be a gay baby, he's going to want some flowers," He demanded in a sweet tone. "No he's not!" Zexion demanded.
"Pssh, honey, with a name like that? You bet he is!" Marluxia laughed. "I said--"
Zexion was interrupted as he was slapped again.
"You know what? Fine. Fucking fine. Demyx give him the damn money!" Zexion growled, grabbing a couple of roses. Demyx nodded frantically and tossed a couple of dollars at the man. "Alrighty, bye-bye now!" Marluxia smiled at them, waved in a really gay fashion, then skipped off.
The two stared after him in disbelief, then walked back into the house. "What the hell just happened?" Zexion asked aloud.
-wakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawakawaka-
It turns out, Reno was the only one who would give them a ride. But when he found out Axel was planning on going, he refused. "No way, yo," he crossed his arms and shook his head. "He left you for a reason; he doesn't want to see you again!"
Axel glared at him, before walking up to him, and pushing him out of the way, because Reno had been blocking the front door. "Come on Roxas, we're going," He growled. Roxas jumped up from the couch he had been sitting on, and scurried after Axel. "You know the way from at least the surroundings, don't you?" Axel asked him, walking to the navy pick-up truck that he owned. He got in, and quickly started the car as Roxas got in. "Um, yeah, I think so," Roxas told him, kind of nervous. Axel was acting really weird, and Roxas just had this hunch that if he made Axel mad, it wouldn't be pretty.
Roxas gave him a few instructions, and soon the two were on the way to (INSERT NAME HERE). They stopped at a red light, making an awkward silence. As Axel anxiously tapped his two pointer fingers in no certain beat on the steering wheel, Roxas stared out the car window. Even the quiet buzz of the radio wasn't helping.
"So…" Roxas started, looking at Axel. "What?" Axel asked, sounding a bit harsh. "Nothing-- no, not nothing. Axel, what are you going to do about… Zowie?" Roxas said his name with great distaste as they started driving again. "Who's Zowie? That some weird nickname for Zex?" Axel asked. Roxas didn't like how Axel was still using pet names for his ex.
"…Um, no. It's the baby. What are you going to do about your baby?" Roxas became confused when Axel looked curiously at him. "I don't have a kid! What the hell, Rox, that was super random. The last time I almost had a kid, it had cold feet when it was born, so don't give me this crap about me having one, got it memorized?" Axel lectured, looking sort of annoyed.
Roxas frowned. "Cold feet… you mean, it was stillborn?" He asked. Axel sighed deeply and loudly. "Yes, Roxas, it was dead. Thanks for bringing up such a painful subject. Now, where to next?" He asked, looking totally unfazed. "I'm sorry…" Roxas said, now feeling for Axel. "And, uh, just turn left twice then right then keep going straight for a while…"
After that it was mostly silent save for the radio. "You don't have to say sorry, kid. It's not like you killed her. She just was… already dead," Axel suddenly said about ten minutes later, with a shrug. Roxas was glad, because it broke the tension a bit. "I know… it's just that…" Roxas didn't know how to explain this. "Axel, Zexion's pregnant,"
Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster that the road was empty except for them, or surely, someone would have crashed into them as Axel abruptly put on the brakes. "What?" He asked Roxas, not looking at him. "What??" He asked again. "Z-Zexion is--"
"I heard you!" Axel snapped. Roxas mumbled another apology, and this time Axel didn't answer.
Another good ten minutes later, and he did. "Just-- I'm sorry for yelling at you," He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "How far along is he?" He then asked. "Huh?" Roxas said, confused. "How far along is Zexion?" Axel asked again, sounding annoyed. "Oh… like… seven and a half months?"
"Damn," Axel muttered under his breath. "God, that's right. On his birthday we had mind-blowing sex like, all day," He groaned. Roxas didn't say anything. 'Yea, that's nice to know, thanks,' he thought.
--tralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaatralalaaa!—
Zexion and Demyx sat on the sex couch, watching Punk'd. This time the target was Chris Brown. Lying in between Demyx, Zexion and Zowie was a tray of brownies, already three-fourths of the way gone. As Zexion grabbed another one, a commercial came on. "You know what Demyx?" Zexion asked.
"Huh?"
"I think I'd look sexy with a mustache. I think I'll start growing one,"
"Is that so?"
"Yup,"
"Can you even grow facial hair?"
…
"Alright, Zex, I'll humor you. What kind of 'stache?"
"Hmm… I think a handlebar mustache would do nicely," At this, Demyx put on a face to show he was imagining this. He snorted, then continued to giggle so much he started tearing up. "I'll go parade around the beach with my delicious red thong, and my manly chest hair that will be like Austin Powers'," Zexion proceeded, looking thrilled at the idea. He started to go on, but suddenly the door opened, and Leon and Cloud walked in, a stranger joining them.
"Hey guys," Leon said. "We're back, and I brought a friend," Zexion and Demyx blanched. "It doesn't scream pink, does it?" Zexion hissed. Cloud and Leon looked confused. "No…no, he doesn't."
He turned to the stranger, who was rather handsome. "This is Ffamran Bunansa," He introduced. Ffamran waved and grinned. "Call me Balthier, please," He told everyone. Zexion nearly squealed like a silly little fan-girl. "Oh my god, marry me?" He asked. Balthier just smirked and said, "No, sorry, I can't. 've got to be faithful with my girl back home, you see. Plus, she's with child as well; I really don't think she'd be too happy if I just left her to hook up with you,"
Zexion whined, but grabbed Demyx. "Well I've got my girl too!" Demyx looked at him incredulously.
"What??" He asked, but Zexion ignored him. Then all of a sudden, Zexion's pants started to vibrate. "Whoa, what the hell?!" Demyx yelled, jumping away. "It's just my phone," Zexion told him. He looked to see who it was. 'Reno… why would he be calling? He never calls unless it's an emergency,' Zexion thought. He answered it. "Reno? What do you need?"
"Zex, listen--" Reno was cut off by static; the service was terrible up there! "Axel is--" more static. "Axel is what? Reno, Axel is what??" Zexion yelled into the phone, but he had to hang up. There was just no way in hearing what Reno had to say.
Everyone sat in uncomfortable silence. "It's getting late. Demyx, let's go make dinner while Leon and Zexion entertain our guest," Cloud suggested. "What about Riku and Sora?" Demyx asked. "They're staying at a friend's house tonight," Leon said. Demyx nodded then followed Cloud into the kitchen.
--yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip--
The five at the house were now just finishing up their meals of mashed potatoes, green beans and steak. While Leon and Cloud cleaned up, Demyx, Zexion and Balthier sat at the table playing cards.
"Well, gentlemen, it seems that I have won yet again," Balthier said, smirking as he showed them his hand. Both Demyx and Zexion groaned. "You suck, I don't want to marry you anymore!" Snapped Zexion, causing Demyx to roll his eyes and Balthier to chuckle. Demyx dealt a new hand, and they all looked at there cards. But before Zexion got to get a good look at them, something distracted all five men.
They could all clearly hear the sound of a car door closing, and someone complaining about something. "Damnit, Roxas, why didn't you tell me this place was so far away?" the voice said. Balthier was just confused, and took the time to look at everyone's cards. Leon, Cloud and Demyx all assumed that it was Reno who just got here with Roxas. But of course Zexion knew better. He knew the small, distinct difference between Axel and Reno's voices.
"Oh my god…" Zexion mumbled, looking incredibly pale. "fuck, fuck, fuck! God, now would be a good time to bring the apocalypse, please!" He said, quickly standing up, and running out the back door as fast as Zowie would allow him. Everyone was thoroughly confused at Zexion's behavior, and they jumped when 'Reno' began banging on the door.
"Open this fucking door, Zexion or I'll blast it down myself!!"
--
I'm sorry, but that little part where Balthier comes in… hur hur hur hurrrrr I'd be acting the same exact way as Zex-o-rooni.
Aaannd what else. Oh, the mustache thing XD yea, please don't ask. Same with the Marly thing.
WHO GOT THE MUSIC REFERENCES? There were only supposed to be two, but eh-heh. I'll give you a hint: one Bowie, one Queen and one Muse, and one Linkin Park.