Fair Ain't What I'm Looking For
Chapter Six: I Wish To Hell
It was bright and one of the first few times he'd gone out to Saint Morning Hall alone. Usually he and Ryan would go, but everyone except he and Anthony were sick. So Anthony stayed below while he went to fetch food and medicine and the other usual items of want. As he made his way into the market that's when he saw her.
She was beautiful and had a warm smile. She wore a brown shirt and white blouse, like always, her hair spilling over her shoulders. The sun hit her brilliant brown hair and he did his best to pick up supplies and follow her at the same time. He figured himself lucky, the curly haired brunette who he'd once thought was her lover, was not around. He'd discovered in passing that the boy was only her brother. He finished up the last of his purchases and strolled up to her.
"It's a lovely day, isn't it?" he smiled at her.
She cast her eyes down for a second, a smile touching her lips as she spoke, "Yes, it is."
"So, what's your name, just, I see you all the time and I think you're beautiful," they kept walking down the market alley.
Her smile got brighter and she paused for words, "It's Sarah, Sarah Jacobs, and you are?"
"Just Christopher, but Chris works equally well," he loved her smile.
"Well, Christopher," she smiled more as his smile faltered for a moment, "I'm very flattered."
"But?" he looked like he was trying to cover that he was somewhat distraught, but still hopeful.
She laughed, "There is no but."
She stopped at a stall and bought some fruit and vegetables.
He took that moment to go to the next stall and buy some thick blankets, since the nights were getting colder. When Sarah met up with him she frowned, staring at the contents of his bag.
"What's wrong?" his joyful smile faltered again more serious now.
"Nothing, it's just," she pointed at his bag, "why so much?"
"Oh," he smiled again, figuring his story could help him, "some friends of mine are sick and can't leave, so they sent me out to pick up things."
"Crap, you're one of those people aren't you? You're like my brother," Sarah took notice of all the things he'd bought.
"Excuse me?" he looked offended, but not for what would have been the normal.
"Cigarettes, first aid, blankets, home jarred soup, it's like you providing for an army of disgusting sinners," she wasn't even looking at him anymore.
"Sarah, they're people, they have nobody. Is it so wrong to care? They're my friends," he really wanted a reason to keep liking her.
"Yes, you're letting them think it's alright. You can be sent away for that," she flung her hair over her shoulder, her eyes catching something in the process.
"Well, what about your brother," at least he'd picked something important up.
"David's an imbecile. He's going to get himself caught helping that Robert guy hide his disgusting affair with that strange Fletcher," she cast a cold look toward the end of the market road, "sometimes I think he's that way."
Christopher frowned and followed her gaze.
He blinked coming to the realization, "I know where I've seen that guy before!"
Ryan and Nick both paused in the process of cleaning the mess left from the party the night before, "Who?"
"That new guy, Jack."
-x-
David stared at his reflection in the mirror mounted above his drawer. His bed was neatly made and everything a light shade of blue. It was his favorite room because it was the brightest he turned and stared at his room wondering how long it would take to drive himself insane. He'd told Jack to kiss him because he wanted a viable enough reason to not get into any trouble for them being alone in the study.
The fact that Chris and the others knew he was taking Jack to the bathroom completely slipped his mind. Still, wouldn't have been a good enough excuse as to why they were by the notebooks, granted the books were every where in that room. Worse yet, he knew that if he hadn't done anything he would have looked guilty and given them away.
Everything had been fine and they had spoken normally to each other as they'd made their way back to Hedos the night before. When they'd said good night David had practically ran off to his own room and quickly shut and locked the door. That's where he'd gone wrong.
He let the whole thing get over thought. David really didn't understand why he always over thought things. Jack didn't seem to mind at the time. In fact, Jack seemed to be more then ok with what had happened. If anything the look on Jack's face had seemed somewhat confused when they'd separated.
Was it normal to hightail it and run after kissing someone, David really had been beating himself up over that.
He jolted at the sound of a knock on his door, "Who is it- I mean, yeah...?"
"Can I talk to you?" came Jack's voice.
Internally he said no, but when he opened his mouth, "Sure, Jack."
He took a deep breath and opened his door and stepped into the hall.
"You do live," Jack smiled, "I was starting to think you were never gonna come out."
"Yes, yes I do," he started to head down the hall so they could sit downstairs and talk.
David knew it was obvious that he was a little nervous, but Jack just smiled as he followed him down the stairs.
"So, uh, what did you want to talk about?"
"'Bout what happened at the party-"
"I shouldn't have, I just couldn't think of another solution quickly enough-"
Jack smiled while sitting a little more forward in his seat, "Davey, slow down, it's really okay. I'm more then fine with what happened."
"You're- what?" David looked ready to start rambling an apology, but Jack's words had stopped him.
"The last time somebody kissed me like that," he shook his head, "I don't even know, it's...…"
David furrowed his brows, "It's what?"
"Well I mean think about it, two people are set on this earth who are meant for each other. Whether we find each other or not, it's up to fate," Jack shrugged feeling a little awkward mimicking someone else's words.
David skeptically raised an eyebrow, "Are you trying to tell me you think we're meant for each other?"
"In so many words…." he shrugged, "not meant for each other, just we met for a reason, I guess."
"Jack, you and I, we're living together. Making things more complicated shouldn't be one of your top priorities."
"You're down here because you're a sympathizer up there, but have you ever been with…. anyone?"
"That's not really any of your business," said David in a clipped tone.
Jack rolled his eyes, looking a little annoyed at David's prudishness as he wanted to call it, "I'm touching nerves again…look David, it's OK."
"Making things worse is not OK and yes I'm changing the subject," David stifled the urge to strangle Jack for asking such a personal question.
"How is this worse?" Jack splayed his hand back and forth between himself and David.
"I like you Jack, I do, but this is crossing a line I know I can't come back from," David tried not to pull out his hair as he roughly ran his hand through it.
"I think you need to relax for a second an-" Jack seemed somewhat taken aback as David cut him off.
"I can't Jack! It's different for people like me or Chris or half of all the other people who live down here to suddenly decided that- Hey, they're not just going to be "sympathizers", they're going to be PART OF THE PROBLEM!"
Jack stared wide-eyed, then looked somewhat offended, "The problem, Davey, get your head around it, what we do, who we like or even love for that matter is never a bad thing or a damn problem. Half you guys spent your whole life being raised to think two people of the same gender could never feel the same as a man an' woman. That's a load of goddamn crock."
"Well aren't you just the grand captain of freaking obvious? Yeah, we were raised to think that way, but we wouldn't be here if we honestly believed all the load of crap they feed to us. I wouldn't be here..." David knew his voice dropped a few octaves as his words tapered off.
-x-
Shawn sat in the study flipping through one of Anthony's green notebooks, blue ones lay open scattered across the desk he sat at. He'd been staring at the blue notebooks all day. There was only so much he could take in. All the information they had on Saint Morning Hall and he still felt like they knew nothing at all. The green notebook reminded him why he'd been pouring over those damn blue ones.
Anthony's system was pretty simple. Green notebooks held memorable events. Blue notebooks, all the information about Saint Morning Hall and their plans. Brown notebooks were filled with the names of those who lived in the city. Red notebooks centered mostly on the behavior of certain people, like Chris, who had developed a recent tendency to disappear, Robert who was clearly never going to get better, and of course there was Nick who liked to pretend everything was a hundred percent ok all the time.
Shawn even found his own name in those red notebooks, along with his little problem. The last of the notebooks, was the black one, rightfully filled with the death count and sometimes accompanied by reason for...
Shawn slammed the green notebook shut at the mention of his name and Anthony recounting the first time he'd ever seen his lover ruthlessly kill someone. When Shawn did things like that he honestly could barely remember doing it. He shuddered.
The large door opened and Anthony quietly shut it behind himself, he looked up to lock eyes with Shawn.
"Hey," Shawn never realized that whenever Anthony walked into a room his eyes always lit up for just a split second.
Shawn remembered those days he'd spent without Anthony's company. The time he'd spent being reformed and the time he voluntarily left to just try and fix everything. He'd known Anthony was worried they'd never seen each other, but at the time he was really determined. Not even the fact that his nightmares kept him up for days could stop him from giving them some sort of real life. Even if it did turn out to be a very depressing one at times.
"How goes the research?"
Shawn shrugged, he really did love Anthony.
"Look, just cause the guy lived in Saint Morning a year before he landed here doesn't mean anything. I mean, look at us, just having people go missing up there doesn't automatically mean they're coming here," Anthony took a seat next to Shawn.
"He should have said something," Shawn started piling the books together.
Anthony rolled his eyes.
"No really, I mean, I trust the guy when my better judgment tells me that I shouldn't."
"Better judgment?" Anthony raised an eyebrow.
"Oh shut up, I want you to send him here. Little Davey can just cool his jets outside for this one, but if he wants to help Jack, well, that's his prerogative."
Anthony picked up one of the green notebooks from the pile and started flipping through it. Shawn watched as pages flocked to the other side of deep green cover. He could feel the skin on the back of his neck prickle with what felt like cold needles and his body tensed somewhat visible in his raised shoulders. He closed his eyes and took in a quiet deep breath when he opened his eyes Anthony was stopped on a page and was staring intently at the eloquent inked letters. Shawn was always paranoid about what Anthony really thought of him; he knew that he still hadn't read all of Anthony's notebooks.
Without saying anything Shawn slammed the notebook shut and violently chucked it across the room.
"What the hell?!" Anthony glared up at him.
Shawn glared coldly down at the person who was possibly his whole world and said, "Send out the fucking summons now."
Anthony decided it was best not to dignify this side of Shawn with any real response except his facial discontent. He knew that look and if bated Shawn always rose to the occasion and would later revert to locking himself in a room for days and not eat. It was better to have a pissed paranoid lover then a self starved leader who was on the verge of losing his mind.
As he shut the door behind himself he could hear more things being thrown and breaking. He sighed, at least they had time to clean things up before Jack and David showed up.
-x-
Jack could barely understand why Shawn was so mad at him for not saying he'd been living in Saint Morning Hall for quite some time before falling out with the town. Though apparently Shawn felt it held a lot of sway. It seemed to Jack that something was also a bit off about Shawn today. The look in his eyes was like that day in the City Of Rocks, Jack shivered, he really didn't want to know what would make someone look that way. The tone of his voice seemed so clipped and piercing.
Anthony also seemed very unhappy looking. He'd stood an obvious couple of feet away from Shawn blandly writing notes. The room seemed so full of tension and was a swirl of indescribable emotions. Jack could only stare and nod trying not to irk Shawn, but knowing that it didn't matter because he was getting some sort of punishment anyway. So he'd only mouthed off a little.
He sighed and took the brief pause in thought to stare over at David who had stoically followed him to Rhapsody and to his sentence afterward.
The two of them were knee deep in water clearing it of empty first aid kits, broken chairs, and soaked ratty old dolls covered in torn fabric. He stared at the ceiling as the lights flickered and buzzed. David let out another long depressing sigh and finally just threw a rotting chair back into the water. It splashed and flecks of water hit him in the face as he looked defeated.
Jack walked over to him and hauled him over to what looked like an old dentists chair and they sat next to one another. David stared off to the side and Jack stared down at the molding brunette doll.
"This place is so depressing," Jack's voice came out so low.
David turned and stared down at the doll in Jack's hand, "Kind of makes me afraid to know what really happened down here."
Jack cracked a smile at David's voice, but didn't say anything.
David took the doll from Jack's hand and gently as he could, wrung the water out of the doll and smoothed out the wrinkles. Some of the hair came off and a moldy smell dusted the air, if he opened his mouth he could taste an earthiness like wet dirt and moss.
Jack turned his head at the sound of something bumping on the metal wall, a small box half floated through an open vent near the floor. The tin box looked like it was covered in rust, but got the feeling it wasn't. David leaned down to pick it up, setting the doll down in the process.
Without saying anything and with a small fight from the lid David opened the box. Inside sat a small tape recorder and a couple of tapes; he looked to Jack as if saying with his eyes now what?
Jack rolled his eyes and took out the recorder and hit play.
A loud scream came from the recorder piercing and high then it stopped abruptly, a grainy sound following after. Seconds later a female voice started to speak.
"It was supposed to be a utopia, somehow it turned out to be quite the opposite. Like those dystopia's you read about in books and saw in movies. It's hard to say what really started it all. It was supposed to be our Eden. We could do as we pleased, create as we liked, far from the hands of oppressive thoughts. Continue on in unadulterated, untainted, peace. At some point it went terribly wrong. So many lives..."
Jack and David both stared at each other, she sounded close to tears, then the recorder made another high pitched scream and David hit the stop button.
"I'm sorry, you know, about how I acted earlier. I'm just terrified..." he took the tapes out of the tin box and set the doll in it and shut the lid.
"Of what?" Jack set the tapes aside; he figured maybe Shawn might be interested in them.
"I like you Jack, a lot, and that scares me. I've never felt this way about anyone, then again no ones ever given me the time of day. Not down here or up there. When you spend the better part of your adolescent life alone and then find somebody willing to stick around for any reason, you suddenly realize how scared you're going to be alone," he jumped off the chair, water splashing.
Jack watched as David crossed the flooded room and sent the tin box back through the open vent.
"You have no idea do you?" David didn't turn around.
Jack's voice came out low as he spoke, "I never had friends, people just always seemed to gravitate to me. They thought they knew me, but the person I set out for them, it wasn't ever really me. It can be just as lonely being surrounded by people."
"I find it hard for you to ever be lonely," David lightly smirked at the wall.
"I've been lonely all my life Davey."
David turned around and stared at Jack who was now standing half leaning on the chair. He reflexively tried to half dig his finely trimmed nails into the wall and an awful sound echoed in the stagnant water filled room. Both David and Jack winced.
Finally David spoke, "I suppose...it wouldn't be so bad, if we were alone together..."
Jack smiled softly at David's somewhat hesitant posture,"Me neither Davey."
"I really do like you Jack, don't screw me over."
"Right back at you..."
The two of them just remained in their positions for a little while longer before giving up for the day and quietly walked out of the empty part of The City. If Shawn wanted to complain, he could do it later, all Jack and David knew was that they just wanted to go home and rest. They could pump out the water later.
XXX
A/N: oh my...
Chapter Seven: It Was Just A Sound
Oh Sarah, Oh Sarah what have you done? You sent your brother away and your parents aren't home. Poor little David's caught up in the wake of your faults and mistakes, now you've no one left to blame, and dear Jack's picking up the pieces.