Another update…YAY! LOL I'm not too sure I am happy with this chapter, but I'm posting it anyway. So here ya go! Enjoy!
Brooke absent-mindedly rubs her tummy as she steps out of the airport. The air is warmer than what she's used to, and the humidity in the air clings heavily to her exposed skin. But, already she feels mort comfortable than she's felt in a long time. She draws in a deep breath and smiles as she releases it. Alabama is her home now.
Her rental car is waiting for her when she gets to the rent a car place. She's excited to get to her home. A place she has already picked out and paid for. It seemed so perfect when she saw it on the Internet. It was right on the beach on the Gulf of Mexico. It wasn't anything huge, but it was big enough for her and her unborn child.
Today is the start of her new life. She doesn't care that she knows no one and has no friends anywhere near her. This what she needs. An escape from who she once was, and a chance to be who she wants to be. No more trying to live up to the name she had given herself. Here, she could be who she wants to be and no one would know the difference.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lucas has read Brooke's letter so much that he has almost every word memorized. The folding lines are beginning to tear from him opening and refolding the letter again so much. And no matter how hard he tries to read between the lines, there is no clue about where she's gone. The letter begs him to not follow her, but he needs her. To just talk to her one more time. He needs to let her know that him and Peyton are no longer, and that he wants to raise their child together. And while he knows Brooke should never give him another chance, he can't help but be hopeful.
It's been too long since he's smelled the sweet smell of her shampoo, or heard the heard the sweet sound of her voice. He's going through withdraws he thinks. He can't seem to force himself to leave his house. He feels sick to his stomach all the time. And his head is killing him.
The worse part is that no one understands. No one understands why he did what he did with Brooke. Everyone is so mad at him for cheating on Peyton with Brooke and once again coming between the best friends. They don't get that the best friends weren't actually that close anyway. And if they were, it was more one sided than anything. They don't get how much Lucas actually needs Brooke to survive. To breath. If they did, they'd be more supportive.
Peyton won't speak to him. Not that he blames her. He just wants to finalize things between them. She hasn't even come to get her stuff from his house yet, even though he has already boxed it all up and put it by the front door. He's called her to come and get it, but she won't answer.
He's tried to get Jamie to tell him where Brooke has gone, but the little boy can definitely keep promises. Not that he really expects Jamie to let it slip, he just wishes he would so he could just get one step closer to Brooke. Jamie seems to be the only one that is hopeful for Lucas and Brooke. And he loves the little guy for it, too.
Knowing Brooke is pregnant with his child scares the shit out of him. Not just because he's afraid he'll never be able to meet his child, but also because he's always been afraid of what kind of father he would be. And when he thinks about it for hours on end, he can't help but wonder if he's going to be Dan Scott to the child. Never in the child's life, but the child will always wonder what it would be like to have a dad. At least, just like Lucas had, the child will have a strong mother who will be willing to bend over backwards and love the child unconditionally.
He hates himself for everything he's ever done to Brooke. Every day he goes through every bad memory in his head. From the first time they were together, when he wanted to break up with her for Peyton, and then cheating on her with Peyton. Accusing her of being a whore when they had a pregnancy scare. Making her fall back in love with him, and then pushing her away. Going with Peyton the first day their new relationship started. Caring too much about Peyton during their relationship. Not saying anything bad about Peyton. Making her feel bad about sleeping with Chris. Never letting her all the way in. Letting Peyton kiss him in that library. Never saving her. Accusing her of being pregnant by Chris. Telling her she was never the girl for him. Letting her think their love wasn't the same as Camilla and Whitey's. Her walking in after him and Peyton had slept together. Not being there for her more than what he was. Kissing her the night they pretended to be engaged. Not calling her every day after graduation.
With an aggravated grunt he pushes himself of his bed. He can't lie around and think about the long list of everything he's done wrong to her anymore. He needs to forget. He finds a bottle of vodka in his cupboard and takes a long swig from it. The sting from the alcohol is too much for him, and it almost comes up just as fast as it went down. He shakes his head, trying to get rid of that burn in the back of his throat, and the ache in his heart. He downs another gulp, before carrying the bottle into his bedroom.
In his closet, he searches for a box. A box he has not opened since high school. It's buried beneath many old clothes, shoes, and memories of Peyton. Just one more thing he pushed to the bottom of the closet when it came to Brooke Davis. It's a wooden box, taped shut. Something he did after they broke up so he could preserve the memories, and never have them creep back up on him without it being intentional. He tears through the tape and opens the box. Her red feather stands out boldly. He grasps it between his fingers, and takes another long, hard swig from his bottle. His body starts to tingle with the last drink.
"Lucas!" He's startled by the sound of someone in his house. The box falls to the floor, and everything spills out. He hurries to place every item back into the box before he's caught. "Lucas!"
"I'll be right out!" He shouts, panicking.
"What are you doing?"
It's Haley. He's surprised she's come over, since she's refused to hold a normal conversation with him since everything had come out into the open. He gets the last item back into the box, and he closes it and places it back into his closet. He grabs his bottle of vodka and leaves his room to greet Haley.
"Hey Hales," he speaks, and then takes a drink from the bottle.
"What are you doing?" She narrows her eyebrows, and looks toward the bottle of vodka. "Are you drinking vodka straight from the bottle?"
"Yeah," he shrugs, and takes another drink. She rolls her eyes. "What's up, Hales? I know you didn't come over here just to visit, since you think so poorly of me lately."
"Don't, Lucas," she shakes her head. "Don't try to play some victim."
He scoffs, and takes another drink of the vodka. "Victim? I think Peyton is the only one who plays the victim all the time."
"What is wrong with you, Lucas?" She lowers her tone of voice. "You did love her once, you know. Love her enough to want to marry her."
"What did you come here for?"
She huffs, and puts a hand on her hip. "I came here because Brooke sent a letter to Jamie, and no matter how much I don't agree with what happened, I knew you wanted to see it."
"She did?" Lucas' tone turns softer. "Does she say where she's at?"
"No," she shakes her head. "Just that she's doing really good. Um, she sent a picture, too. It's supposed to be of her growing belly, but you can't really see anything yet." She reaches her hand out and lets Lucas see the picture.
Lucas takes the picture out of Haley's hand, and tears form in his eyes. It's a full body picture of Brooke standing sideways. She must have set her camera on a counter and stood far enough away to capture her whole body. Haley is right, you can't tell yet that Brooke is pregnant. But, Lucas can see her glow. She's holding her shirt just above her abdomen, and even though she's not facing the camera, he can see the smile on her face. It makes him smile. Because even though he's miserable, at least she's happy.
He holds the picture so tightly in between his fingers they start to hurt. He can imagine hearing her laugh once again, and hearing her talk too excitedly about the baby growing in her womb. His baby. For a moment, he pictures them holding hands, walking into a clinic for one of her check-ups. He can hear them bantering over what name the child should have.
"Do you have the letter?" He whispers.
"Yeah," Haley holds out the letter for him.
He takes it from Haley's hand. It doesn't say much, just that she's doing well, and that she misses Jamie a lot. She promises to send many more pictures. He looks at front of the envelope and is disappointed to find there is no return address, but is stamped from some place in Alabama.
"Alabama," he whispers. "Why would she go there?"
"Lucas," Haley sighs, "don't go looking for her. She left for a reason. She can't take your heartbreak anymore. Just let her be."
"She's carrying my child," Lucas points out. "I need to find her."
"Why, Lucas?" Haley demands. "Why do you need to go there and ruin this for her? Just so you can get part-time custody of your child? Don't do this to her."
"I need Brooke, Haley," Lucas snaps. "I need her. You-none of you understand."
"Then make me understand, Lucas." Haley snaps back. "Make me understand how someone can go from loving one person so much for so many years and then falling out of love with that person, and loving someone who he has long since forgotten."
"You-you wouldn't understand," he shakes his head. "None of you would understand! Because all of you are so wrapped up in yourselves to see what I see in her. It's not just me that's broken her heart, Haley. It's been me, you, Nathan, Peyton, her parents, Owen, everyone!"
"What?" Haley scoffs. "How did we all break her heart?"
"No one sees it. How can you not? Brooke has bent over backwards for all of you people, and all you do is take it for granted." Lucas tips his head back and takes a long drink of the vodka. "Yes, I've done her a lot of damage, but at least I started to repair that. I was there for her when no one else was. You weren't, Peyton wasn't. No one."
"I think you need to put that bottle of alcohol down, Lucas, you're not making any sense," Haley shakes her head.
"I am making sense, you just can't see it, because you've got your selfish blinders on."
"I can't believe you of all people is saying this to me," Haley raises her voice. "You're going to preach to me about being selfish? How do you explain sleeping with Brooke while you're with Peyton?"
"You would see that. What you wouldn't see is that I was here for her every day, cleaning up after her, making sure she eats, making sure she showers. I was there. I was there when she was so broken, and nobody could see it because of their blind ways. Not you, not her best friend. No one. I did, though. I saw right through her act, because no one can believe that Brooke can be so vulnerable. Everyone likes to pretend that Brooke is so strong that she doesn't need their support."
"When did you become such an asshole, Lucas?"
"About the same time you started being a dumbass."
Haley is seething, Lucas can almost see smoke coming from her ears, but he ignores it and takes another drink of the alcohol. It feels good to get all of this off his chest. All of this anger that he's been holding in. There's no ounce of regret creeping in as he stares back at Haley, tempting her to object to everything he's just said.
"I don't even know you anymore, Lucas." Haley states. "You better get all of that resentment off your chest before you become Dan Scott."
With her last words, Haley turns on her heel and makes towards the door. Lucas flips her off behind her back, and then takes another drink of the vodka. Who is she to judge him, anyway? Just because she lives in a perfect little world, with her perfect little husband, in her perfect little house.
He plops down onto his couch, takes a drink out of the bottle, and slings his arm over the back of the couch. His other hand is still holding the letter, and he stares blankly at it, wondering why Brooke would be in Alabama, and which part of Alabama she would be in. It's not long before his head falls back, and darkness sets in.
The smell of alcohol wafts through Lucas nose as he slowly comes back into consciousness. His hand is empty, and he assumes the bottle fell from his hand the moment he passed out. He groans out loud from the headache now residing over his left eye. And just as he's about to open his eyes, an explosion of pain hits the right side of his face, causing him to crumble over to the opposite side. A hard grasp takes hold on his arm, and he struggles to get a look at what is happening to him. He's forced to stand, and then shoved to his knees.
"Get up, asshole," an angry voice orders. The sharp pain of something hitting him in his stomach causes him to fall over onto his back, and grab for the site that is aching. He starts to cough from the blow and groan out in pain. "What the fuck did you do to my wife?" Another sharp blow into his side.
"What the fuck, Nathan?" Lucas demands.
"Not the right answer, Lucas," Nathan shouts, and grabs the front of Lucas' shirt. He forces him to his feet, where he delivers a punch to his face.
Lucas stumbles backwards, grabbing his face. He has no time to recover as Nathan shoves him backwards, making him fall once again. "Get up you fucking, loser," Nathan demands. He grabs him and shoves him. Lucas can feel the burn of the carpet against his forearm as his skin sheers against it. "Nathan!" He tries to shout, wondering why his brother was beating the shit out of him.
"Shut up!" Nathan yells, and shoves him again. This time he lands against something hard, and not carpet. His raven-haired brother grabs him once again, picks him up and shoves him backwards. The back of his knees hit porcelain, and he falls into the bathtub. He has no time to react before freezing cold water is coming down over his head.
"What the fuck!"
"Shut the hell up, Lucas!" Nathan yells. "I am not going through another one of your pity me drunken fests. My tolerance ends when my wife comes home from trying to do something good for you and she's crying, you fucking asshole. What did you do to her?"
Lucas is sputtering as the cold water hits him directly in the face. His hands are desperately trying to find some kind of traction so he can push himself up, but the floor of the tub is too slippery. "I told her the truth!" Lucas manages to yell at Nathan. Another blow to his face.
"Fuck you, Lucas!" Nathan yells. "Haley's been your best friend for fucking years, and that's how you treat her? You fucking asshole." Nathan grabs the front of Lucas' soaked shirt, and slams him back down into the tub.
Lucas grunts as his head makes contact against the unforgiving porcelain of the tub. "Stop!" Lucas yells, putting his hands into the air, trying to shield himself from anymore of Nathan's abuse. "Stop!"
"You listen here, asshole," Nathan grabs the front of Lucas' shirt and pulls his face close to his. "I'm not taking this fucking pity me bullshit again. Get your shit figured out otherwise next time it'll be worse." He slams Lucas back down and walks away.
Lucas struggles to catch his breath as the water consistently beats down against his face. His hand reaches out to grab the faucet handle and turns it off. The water stops, and his body limply lie against the porcelain tub. His face aches from his brother's fist, and he can feel water, or blood, trickling down it.
"Fucking asshole," Lucas mumbles under his breath as he struggles to get out of the bathtub. He checks his face in the mirror to see the damage that has been done, and isn't surprised to see his eye red and swollen, and some crimson liquid peeking from his nose. He grumbles and grabs some toilet paper to stop the bleeding. His whole body aches from the beating he's just had, so he has to sit down on the toilet to keep from collapsing.
He sighs. Everyone is pissed at him. He's not sure if he blames them or not. But really, did he deserve to get his ass kicked because of it? And by his own brother? He heaves himself up and goes to his bedroom to take his soaking clothes off. It's in there that he decides he doesn't really have a reason to stay in Tree Hill anymore. Everyone person he once cared about can't stand him anymore, and his mom barely ever comes to visit. He can write from everywhere, and he can get another coaching job. As he slips a dry white t-shirt over his head, there's a knock on his bedroom door.
"Great," he mumbles, and goes to the door. For some reason, he's not surprised to see Peyton standing on the other side. "What?" He asks, a little more rudely than intended.
"I just came to get my shit," she says. "Nice black eye." He can see her stifle a laugh, as he moves to the side to let her in.
"'Bout time you came to get it," he sneers.
"You really have turned into an asshole," Peyton returns with. "Funny. I'm the one who gets cheated on, and you're the one turning into an asshole."
"Get over it," he huffs. "You knew we were ending before you found it, you just refused to see it."
"Refused to see that my true love was sleeping with my best friend. Yeah, I should have seen that from a mile away," she speaks, her voice full of sarcasm.
"Just hurry up and get your shit, I have stuff to do," he grunts.
He's waiting for a retort, but instead she ignores him and starts to grab her stuff. He takes out his laptop and starts searching for a plane ticket. He's not even sure where to go in Alabama, but if that's where Brooke is, that's where he's going. And fast. He has to get out of Tree Hill.
"How does it feel?" Peyton breaks through his concentration. He rolls his eyes instead of acknowledging her. "How does it feel knowing you'll never be able to see your child? A little like Dan Scott?"
"Go fuck yourself," he blows her off.
"Yeah, because I'm not used to doing that since you were so willing to give it up while we were together," she snorts. "Not that it was any good anyway."
"You were begging for my dick at the end," Lucas finally looks up to acknowledge her. "Too bad I was too busy fucking your better looking best friend, who doesn't have the body of a twelve year old boy." Lucas is surprised by the words that have come from his mouth. Because even though he despises everyone and everything right now, he didn't know he could be so mean.
He can see tears spring to Peyton's eyes, and for a moment he starts to feel guilty. He pushes it away, and turns his attention back to his laptop screen. There's a flight out of Tree Hill that night for Alabama. If he packs really fast and gets Peyton out of there soon, he can be there on time.
"Aren't you the least bit sad about us ending?" Peyton asks.
"I don't want to do this with you," Lucas sighs, closing his laptop.
"Do what?"
"Get into this huge emotional thing about us ending and blah blah blah," Lucas sighs, and stands from his chair. "It's not worth it. It's done, and over with."
"God, when did you become so insensitive?" She throws her hands into the air. "This is not you, Lucas."
"Listen, I'm sorry that I cheated on you, okay? I'm sorry that we ended the way we did, and that I wasn't the one to tell you that I cheated on you, but it's done with, Peyton. We can't go back and fix this. And not just because it's too broken, but because I don't want to. And you shouldn't want to, either."
"I don't want to. I would however like to know what I did to you to deserve the way you are treating me."
The logical part of his brain tells him to answer logically, but he's not acting on that part of his brain anymore, so he says, "you forever stood in the way of me seeing how much I really loved Brooke."
Peyton's mouth drops open and her eyes bulge from their sockets. "I stood in the way? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Whenever I was with her, you were always there constantly in my face. You never left me alone, and you knew how insecure Brooke was about us. You just couldn't back off and leave me alone for her."
Shaking hands quickly wipe tears from pale skin; she sniffles loudly as she stares blankly at the man she once thought she loved more than anything. "And that's all my fault?"
"Yes it is. I should have never got with you. I loved Brooke. It was Brooke I saw standing by my side when all my dreams came true. Hell, she was there both times my dreams came true."
"Oh, you are so fucking-I can't believe you are blaming this shit on me."
"You know it's true. You could never see past yourself enough to know how much Brooke and I loved each other."
"Did she tell you?" Peyton's face pales even more as more tears fall from her eyes.
Lucas isn't sure what she's talking about, so he bluffs. "Yeah, she told me. She told me a lot of things. I want to hear it come from you."
"I-you already know," she's struggling to find her words, and this makes Lucas even more curious. What the hell could have her so flustered?
"I want to hear it from you," he demands.
"I-I'm sorry," she stutters.
"Don't tell me you're sorry," he shakes his head. He really doesn't know where this act he is putting on has come from, but he so damn curious. "Just tell me."
"I-I didn't think she'd break up with you after I told her," she sobs.
An alarm goes off in his head. She had something to do with their break-up. "W-what?" He stammers.
"After I told her that I still had feelings for you, I didn't think she'd break up with you. I just wanted to be honest with her for once."
Rage fills Lucas. She really did have something to do with their break-up. Instead of blowing up on her, he starts to pack some of his things into a bag. He doesn't know how he feels about her revelation, but he's definitely not happy. He knows he shouldn't blame Peyton for everything that's gone wrong, but it's so much easier to blame someone else, than focus on all of the bad things he's done.
"Where are you going?" Peyton cries.
"Away from here," he answers before walking out of the door.