Ok, I just read the WORST fanfic ever. EVER. So, in honor of that fail, I am "summarizing" it in this little chappie. :) Enjoy.

Human-to-Kittypet-to-Warrior-to-Leader: Revenge of the N00bs

Chapter One: Human to Kittypet

It was a dark and stormy night. (Like it always is when fics like that of the following at written.) A girl sat in bed, staring at the wall, bored. "I is bored," she said. Suddenly, a light flashed and her cat leaped onto her bed. Suddenly (again), the cat started to shake like something on The Exorcist! Time held still as an overly elaborate description was written.

"Did you give the God damn cat its seizure pills!?" yelled the girl's drunken mother.

"No, Mom! Forgot! Sorry!" Than the girl went to sleep.

"Owwwww….Ewwwwwww….Booooooo…" A ghostly sound filled the room. The girl woke up and found herself face to face with a cat she had never seen before! After a few more minutes of "Booooo…" the thing decided to talk.

"Hello, I am Thunderstar, and I have a prophecy for you: 'The two legged mammal will become a sta--" Hey, is he ok?" Thunderstar turned to the girl's still seizure-ing cat.

"Yeah, he's fine. So, what were you saying?"

"Oh. You'll be a star and stuff." The girl cocked her head to the side. I cat sighed deeply before exclaiming,

"You'll be a STAR! ThunderSTAR! FireSTAR! Now, I'll give you a name. You will be Diamond, because, as a cat, I know exactly what those are. Good luck!" The dream ended.

Chapter Two: Kittypet to Warrior

When the girl woke up the next morning, she was shocked to find her upper lip even hairier than usual! "Gee… I better pluck--- OH MY GOD! I HAVE THREE LEGS!" Then, she recounted. "Oh, only four. I'm cool."

With that, she went outside and started catching prey in a random spot in the woods; a great way to meet friends!

"Greetings, kittypet," said a friendly voice from the bushes. Diamond lunged at it, killing it with her super-fantastic-amazing-newly-transformed-cat power.

"Pnwned!"

Than, three more cats came from the bushes. "We have found that you kick serious ass. Would you like to join our Clan?" they said, sweeping the body of the other dead ThunderClan cat to side and licking the blood off their paws.

"Sure!" replied Diamond as she and her new best friends skipped away.

Chapter Three: Warrior-to-Leader

The day after she got her new warrior name, Diamondheart (but you didn't guess that, right?), she-cat realized what had happened to her and started to angst.

"My life sucks! ThunderClan hates me! I can't catch that damn mouse! I don't have a man! MY FISH DIED!"

Suddenly, a vision came to her. "Shut the fuck up! This isn't part of the story! You're suppose to become leader in this chapter!" Thunderstar shouted in vision form.

"Oh…"

*Transition music*

Well, the next day, Diamondheart went on a walk and met a cat. He was a silky coated ash-gray tom with lots of smexy muscles and long, sharp claws that could tear a medium to large sized cat's head off with a flick of the wrist. He was pale and quiet and really hot. Think of Edward in cat form. But hotter and without the sparkles.

"True love!" Diamondheart squealed.

"No, Bella --I mean Diamond-- I am a MONSTER! I am too dangerous for you! Chagrin! Chagrin! " Than, a few seconds later… "Hey, wanna come and join my Clan?"

"Sure!" said Diamondheart, instantly in love. So they skipped off together.

Five minutes later, Diamondheart realized that she was once again following the wrong plot. She left the strange tom and went back to her Clan.

"For your loyalty to the Clan for running off and than coming back, you will be leader!" And with that, Diamondheart became Diamondstar and everyone lived happily ever after.

Ok, my humor failed a little in this, but I typed it up in a hurry. Don't worry, I'll do better next time. By the way, anyone got any suggestions? Anything? Currect cliches?