A/N: I'm back… and I'm ready to write chapters… I think I'm gonna be on mega uploading of everything for the rest of this week. I'm going to attempt to get at least three chapters of each of my existing stories uploaded before Tuesday hits ;). I'll probably try and reupload It's my party after that… it's just it's a lot more work lol.

I hope you guys like this chapter… I'm not so sure about it…

Love

xo

Chapter 14 – Memory: December 27th, 2007

As he sat in his bedroom, his closet poured out onto his blue carpet, all he could remember as he looked down at the items before him was that one day that had put everything that had stemmed from it into motion.

It was one of those days that stuck out in his mind that changed his life into something that he hadn't meant it to, and not for good reasons either. It wasn't one of those good memorable days that were just a haze of happiness and excitement that he wished he could have over and over again as clear as glass. No, the only memories he had that were as clear as they could ever be were the ones that flashed in his mind as he held each and every little thing he'd kept over those painful torturous months that he had been without her.

That one image, that one clear memory had been the downfall to the most loving and wonderful relationship of his life.

That relationship had been happy whenever he tried to remember it. He had few bad memories, his head was simply filled with the ones of kisses and laughter and jokes played on Joe in the morning. He had memories of sleepovers on Friday nights when she came home from filming and games of hide and go seek with Frankie and Noah, where instead of actually going to find them they would just hold each other in her bunk bed and nothing else… just hold each other and remember each other was still there. He could remember every single movie night eating chips from a huge bowl and fighting over the salsa. He could still smell the sugar of the ice cream he would gladly sit and watch her eat everyday. He could only remember the taste of her, and the cookies she would regularly bake with his mother… thought-filled and fine for him to eat. Her heart had made those cookies, all because she'd wanted him to have everything that she's had.

He didn't have a place in that heart anymore.

His hand slipped between the leaves of paper and the card. Each was filled with word upon word of ill-spent messages of happiness and love, both typed and hand-written. He felt the gloss of the photo paper as it skimmed over his fingertips and could remember each and every photo that was in there, shining up at him still, not even slightly perished and still as beautiful as the day that it was taken. His hands ran over the water marks and creases of the literature of her life, the controversy that the glossy pages showed and the nakedness he had never had the honour to touch. He should have told her how beautiful that one image was when he had the chance. His hands skipped from one magazine to the other and his fingers ran over the new smile that she had put in place of the old one. The thing that scared him was that the new smile, with each day, was becoming better than the old one… it was becoming more happy, more normal and more mesmerizing. Her words of truth; her admittance after all that time that she had been stupid enough to fall for him had made everything worse. He had let the failure to produce his own truth turn him into a disastrous ball of fury and anger… all aimed towards her. It had been his biggest mistake. He could remember spending each night listening to those CDs he had bought. He could remember the failure to let tears fall as he heard every single tiny little detail of them as they had been nicely 'disguised' within her music. He lifted the bundle of discs with a sigh as he placed them carefully with the neighbours they had shared for so many months.

He took the purple handkerchief from his pocket and ran his fingers over the dried-up, black mascara stained tears she had left behind. He took it to his nose and let it fill him with happiness as he was reminded of her for a simple second that he would have never otherwise experienced. His nimble, shaking fingers laid it before him on his bed and he folded each corner until it was perfect. He smelt it one more time and put it inside the box.

He sighed when he felt it. He winced as all the memories flashed in his deep dark brown eyes and he saw every moment after that in the dark and painful loneliness he hadn't expected to consume him. His fingertips wormed their way into the elastic string that possessed them and pushed them slowly up his hands until they were encircling his palm and digging into the soft flesh. He ran his fingers over the wooden painted beads he had once made fun of and shook his head.

"Guess who?"

Her giggle was all that he heard, and still after two years it made his heart jump slightly in his chest. Sure, it didn't jump as high as it used to and it wasn't as recognisable, but she still made his chest flutter and a brought a smile to his lips.

She'd adapted to the habit of sneaking up on him after they had finished their shows. It had scared the crap of him the first time, but slowly but surely it had become a routine. He acted normal while she smiled and got his attention. It was simple, but it was who they had become, more than those stupid photos of them together people talked about. Their relationship had been evolving for two years into what it had become… but it wasn't as exciting as it used to be anymore… it didn't fulfil him.

He smiled and titled his head back as her hands still lay across his eyes gently. Her stomach was pressed to the back of his head as she tugged him in to lean against her. He grabbed the hands and stroked his fingertips over the always soft and gentle skin. It had never changed.

"Hey Miles…" he breathed and he began to tug her fingers into his hands, entwining their fingers together comfortably. She smiled as she looked down at him and he tilted his chin up in habit waiting for her to reciprocate. Like clockwork, she followed his actions and swooped down on him to kiss him gently and naively on the lips, lingering for a moment. He felt her wrap her arms around him and the force on his lips become greater, "Stop Miley…" he said as he pulled away, "Not now…"

His heart clenched as he saw her hurt face and he moved to her to kiss her on the cheek quickly.

"What's wrong?" she asked him and he realised at that moment that he hadn't been looking at her for sometime. She had become a part of his life that he was used to. She was always there, they were always thrown together in someway or another. He just seemed to forget to think about her like he once used to… she used to consume him, he used to live for her and she used to make him feel like he was on the top of the world. That novelty had worn off and he was now left with the empty shell of a first love he currently had. He just wanted some kind of excitement… he wanted some feeling that he used to have… because all that he had once had, apart from the nervous fluttering in his chest, had dissipated with the days of their tour.

"Nothing's wrong…" he smiled and kissed her cheek again, giving her a hug as he began to walk across the room and put away his things, "It's just the doors open and our parents could walk in…"

She advanced on him, standing behind him and he could feel her bright blue eyes boring into his stiff back, "You seem unhappy…" she stated it plainly and their was no hint of hurt in her voice, only curiosity, "We just played one of our biggest shows and did you see how amazing it was out there?" he said nothing, "Why don't you come and join everyone else in the green room… they bought cupcakes and stuff for us to eat… there's left over eggnog and –"

"I've got to pack my stuff together for New York," his smile was as perfect as he could make it and he avoided her eyes and her disappointment as he gazed at her, "You go ahead…"

As he moved around his dressing room, she refused to take no for an answer. She stood in the doorway, still wearing her pink shirt, her pink plaid skirt, her jacket with her name covering the back, her knee high socks and finishing with her favourite chucks placed undone on her feet. Her curls that had once been springy and fresh were dank now and they hung around her shoulders loosely as some swayed in her face from the breeze through Nick's open window.

"There's something on your mind…" she stated plainly and he struggled with an attempt at laughter until he gave up ungracefully avoiding her eyes.

He looked around at her, his packing complete and nothing else to occupy his mind, "It's nothing…"

She shook her head at him and he noticed her nervously begin playing with the wooden beaded bracelet around her wrist. Each bead was painted a different colour and he couldn't help but stare at her hands as they carefully played with it, seeking solace from the simple act. He tried not to smile and she looked down at her wrist guiltily shaking the habit out until her hands were clinging to each other, seeking comfort.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

She shook her head with a smile, and it was that smile, the one that she gave to him when his first lie left his mouth that he had remembered since. It was a smile filled with desperation and fear. She loved him and she probably always would. She'd told him… many… many times and he had listened each and every time. But recently he had found his concentration slipping and the desperation and annoyance in her voice increasing. He had blocked out their arguments of him ignoring half of what she had said or simply ignoring her completely. He had slowly lost his drive for the tour and for her and for music and they had both noticed.

She shrugged her shoulders, "There's got to be something wrong because you've been like this for weeks… I'm starting to think that you don't want to be with me anymore…"

He was hesitantly silent and he stared at her questioningly for a moment. Had she just mentioned that or had he? He couldn't tell because it felt like his mind didn't even work anymore.

"Of course not…" he said quickly.

She noticed the hesitation and her face fell for a moment. In her head, she was probably thinking of a million things she could do to make the end of this conversation work out well for her, and make it seem like everything had been her idea. Nick knew her. He always had since the moment he'd met her and he always would. She thought fast and with daggers when she needed them. She was quick witted and her brain worked faster than anyone else he knew of their age. She was smart and it was one of the reasons he loved her. She always knew what she was doing.

"Do you not wanna be with me anymore?" she asked quickly, snappily and a little scarily to the point that Nick felt himself roll backwards on the heel of his foot away from her, "Because it's fine with me if you don't…"

He rolled his eyes at her and she shook her head. She knew that he knew her. He could read her, while she struggled to read him. He, of course, was much more difficult.

Her hands began to drift down to her wrists again and she tugged the beaded bracelet from her arm and began to tug on each of the beads, pushing them along the elastic string in annoyance and nerves. She was scared.

He however, ignored it this time.

"Of course I want to be with you… I love you…" he stepped forward and kissed her lingeringly on the cheek for another moment, before pulling away, "I just… I have so much on my mind with you and the tour… and writing the new album and our own tour… and the movie and everything else… I don't have anytime to sit down and think for a minute about what I'm doing…" he smiled sweetly, "I just need a little time to clear my head…"

She looked at him and he saw that same care she always possessed when it seemed someone she loved was in trouble or in pain. Her eyes softened and hardened simultaneously and the emotions rippled across them slowly with each rush. Her skin paled and she breathed gently and surely.

"Then maybe we should take a break…" she whispered simultaneously seeming sure and unsure.

He looked at her nervously, "What?"

She nodded, "Let's take a break…"

He laughed, "Why would we do that… we're not Ross and Rachel…"

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "Because it'll help." She nodded and the bracelet was in her fingers as something more interesting to concentrate on, "We'll go on a break… we'll put everything on hold until I've finished the tour in two weeks and then I'll come back to LA and we'll talk about everything and see where we go from their…we'll still be together… we'll just be on hold." She looked down at the bracelet in her hands and jumped spontaneously into the air, "Here… you can wear this to remind you of me…"

He looked down to the beads she held out to him and shook his head, "I don't need some beads to remind me that I love you…" he took her hand and drew her closer to him, "I know that I love you…"

And it wasn't a lie. He did love her. He was sure of it…

She smiled and wrapped her spare arm around his waist still attempting to hand him the beads, "It's more to remind other people…" she admitted and he smiled uncomfortably. She blushed and shook her head looking down at the floor, "I just don't want you to forget me… or to forget that I love you."

He ventured a weak smile and took the beads, "I'll take this, but only because I can tell it means a lot to you…" he placed the beads around his wrist and smiled at his own little piece of sighed as she looked at him, "I feel like I should give you something…"

She shook her head, "There's no need…"

"No…" he shook his head cutting through her words and looked around the room for something meaningful, something that would make her know how he was sure he actually felt. This was going to be good for them. She was sure. He had to have the same enthusiasm. She was smarter than him. She had the better ideas… the better mind. He simply had to follow her thoughts and how she worked things out calmly and rationally.

His eyes caught sight of the silver chain and he picked it up and looked at it. It was about time he bought a new one. As he grew, the tag seemed to shrink against his increasing form to become unrecognisable. He could get another just as easily. This mattered more. She tried to stop him as he slipped the silver chain over his neck and arranged it carefully so no one could see his name engraved on the back. If anyone saw, he'd have all kinds of hell to pay from his parents.

"There…" he smiled and kissed her forehead, "Now you'll always remember that I love you…"

She smiled up at him and shook her head, "It's only two weeks…" she nuzzled herself into his chest and shook her head adamantly, "Stop talking like its forever…"

He smiled at her and narrowed his eyes as her big sparkly blues looked into his dark brown pits of confusion. She glared at him and it was almost like she knew something that he didn't know… like she had the answers to every question he had ever wanted to know the answer to. It scared him and he broke their gaze by bending down to kiss her.

And it was at that moment when his lips messily collided with hers in anger, lust, confusion and refusal, that in his head he had wanted that kiss to be their last. His head told him that this was all too much, that she was too much and he was going to lie to her again. He knew that he was going to hurt her. He was going to change his mind.

He pressed the beads to his nose and tasted them against his lips. They oozed her scent as it mingled in the wood of each bead. He sighed and his eyes filled with tears and he shook his head.

"I'm so stupid…" he whispered to himself as his voice caught in his throat.

And he was right… he was stupid. He was an idiot and only a miracle could win her back. Only going to the ends of the earth, fighting with fire in his belly and thinking twenty steps ahead could he ever, ever try and get her back. He had broken her heart. It was in two pieces and she waiting to give one away or for it to be put back together. Breaking her heart was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life and he regretted it with every inch of his soul. She was what he needed. She was the only amazing thing he had ever wanted and the only thing he could no longer have. He would regret and hate himself for the way he treated her for the rest of his life if he didn't ever get her back. When his life was over and he was seeking forgiveness for his sins, he knew that it was hurting her that he would only ever remember. It would be his only sin.

He placed the beads around his wrist and he felt them around his skin for the first time since that last day last January when they had said all that they needed to say, and placed the lid back onto the box sat before him. He stood up, lifting its heavy contents, the entirety of a relationship and groaned in pain. He relished the momentary ache and slowly moved across his bedroom to make way to his closet, hitting the button to his radio on the way, only for his mind to be electrified by the sounds that filled his ears, mid song, but at the most vital and important part of a song that had impacted his life in all the wrong and right ways...

He laughed as the realisation hit him… how could he have not thought of this before… months ago…

The seven things I hate about you
Oh, you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends, they're jerks
When you act like them
Just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the seventh thing
I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

He nodded as he closed the door to the closet and leant his head against the frame with a smile that any woman would fall for in an instant and shook his head.

He knew what he had to do… and there was plenty.

A/N: The next chapter of this story is called "London Calling/Stolen" – this is probably because it's in two parts and one of these parts is very OOC at the moment for someone. Some people might not like it… lol…

There's also a lot of drama coming…

"Helloooo Drama…"

I've officially decided my favourite HM quote of all time is "Sweet niblets… I got me a date with a sweet niblet…"

Cracks me up every time.

Anywho… Feedback? Likes? Dislikes?

Love B xo

PS. I know that my proofing was crappy… forgive me :D