Theories
Jena Rink
Chapter Four- An interlude (part two/of two...)-Denial...
"Denial, its not just a river in egypt. its a freaking ocean..."Meridith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.
And for those of you that are wondering...
writing like this equals Josie's thoughts
writing like this equals Vaughn's thoughts
February 8th, 2006Note: Fillers are boring, I am apologizing right now! Im sorry! I know y'all wanna know what happens and I'm stringing you along and what not. Promise the next one has a ton! I promise! Wanna peak? Well heres one for you!
"Well, that was smooth..."Lucas said sarcastically, and brushed himself off, standing up. He didn't even have time to look around before he heard a voice.
"You shouldn't be here...he'll know..."he frowned, confused.
"Wait...who..."he turned around to see someone he'd never thought he'd see again leaning on the doorframe.
She was taller, and her hair now fell to the middle of her waist. And her eyes were fixed on him, her lips thinned.
"What are you doing here?"she asked simply. Her eyes betrayed her attitude.
It was still so surreal to him. His life had completely changed the second his mother had come back into his life. His father was a different person, and for the first time in his life Vaughn was seemingly happy. Seemingly happy, but still missing something. He never really had the chance to talk to her, and now he had no idea where she was. Marshall and Corrine had seen her one day last week, and it was only to say goodbye. She was distant, Corrine had told him over the phone, and hadn't seemed to thirlled about being back at all. Something, besides the obvious, had happened to her in the past year. And they had no idea what it was.
When he went for a walk earlier, he hadn't expected to end up where he was now; he'd been packing all day, and after dinner he'd excused himself, saying he needed to think. Some great idea, all he was doing was making himself more miserable. He'd been sitting on the edge of the fountain, staring at the locked door of the school, when he first heard the crying. He frowned, getting up, and made his way around the back, looking for anything that might stick out. And he found it.
In the form of a teenage girl, resting against one of the trees, her head resting on her knees, and a long curtain of red hair hiding her face. Vaughn knew immedietly who it was. He held his breath, watching her cry, and wondered whether or not he should say anything, considering how things had ended before. His heart won over his mind, and he spoke up.
"Josie?" he questioned, and she glanced up, meeting his eyes. When she realised who it was, her sobs increased. Vaughn wondered what he could have already done wrong. He croutched down next to her.
"Josie, you have to breathe..."she barely awknowledged him. He touched her shoulder, and she she jumped.
"I can't...I won't...I don't..."she couldn't catch her breath, and as a result only started her sentences. He pulled her towards him.
"Josie...you're hysterical...shhhh..."he murmered, rubbing small circles on her back,"Breath Josie...in and out..."she slowly calmed down, and hiccuped, locking eyes with him.
What was he doing here? She came here to be alone, and...for some reason she felt better with his arms around her than she had since before she had left. She glanced back up at him, and they both looked away. Her internal diolauge had switched back to bad idea by then, and she tried to get up.
She was leaving? Was she even going to talk to him? Or was she just going to run away from the awkwardness of the situation, like he had originally planned to do. Vaughn had no idea.
"What are you doing here?"she finally asked, looking over at the school.
"Everyone says goodbye in their own way..."Vaughn replied cautiously. He didn't want to scare her off,"And then of course there's us...where no goodbyes are ever exchanged..."she flinched, and glanced at her lap.
"Didn't I tell you once that that was easier for me?"Josie responded softly, playing with the hem of her shirt. He lifted her chin, and her eyes filled with tears.
"Josie..."she blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek. He brushed it away gently.
"Please don't make this any harder..."she breathed shakily,"I don't know if I can..."he kissed her, and she immedietly leant into it, throwing all her doubts out the window for the time being. She put her arms around his neck, and pulled him closer. When it started to rain, they broke apart, panting.
"Do you want to go inside?"he asked, and held up a key. She shook her head yes, and grabbed his hand, running towards the door and stepping inside once he had opened it.
It was like being in a graveyard. Time seemed to stand still until he squeezed her hand and pulled her towards the stairs to the dorms. The beds, although devoid of anything but mattresses, were still there.
"The estate
sale's tomorrow..."Vaughn explained,"That's why everythings
still..." he winced. He sounded like an idiot.
Why would she
even want to know that?
"Oh..."she said, sitting on the edge of her old bed, glancing up at him, confused.She had no idea what to expect from him. He sat down next to her, and she leant against him, shivering softly.
"You're cold?"he asked, and took off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders. She looked up at him through her lashes, and leant up, kissing his cheek softly. She pulled away quickly, her cheeks pink
God...what am I in third grade...that was so stupid! I'm an idiot...a complete... her monolouge was cut short when he kissed her back. She responded tenatively. When she pulled away, they were both out of breath.
"Wow..."she managed, and forgot everything that was currently haunting her, kissing him again. Vaughn laid her down on her side gently, holding her waist like she was a porcelin doll. Her eyebrows raised in a question.
"Are you feeling better?"he asked breathlessly, and she nodded, her mind going through a million different thoughts. How on earth was she supposed to tell him now?
"God...you're beautiful..."he murmered, burshing a stray hair off her face. She glanced down, and back up at him, tears filling her eyes. She forced her self-revulsion down, and kissed him again, forgetting about tomorrow. When he put his hands on the hem of her shirt, his eyes met hers in a silent question.
She nodded, and placed her hands on the button of his shirt, beginging to remove them, and leant up to kiss him again. He was so gently. She realised his afterwords, her head laying on his chest.
"What were you doing out here anyways?"Vaughn asked her, his arms holding her close. She shrugged.
"Got in a fight with my mom..."Josie mumbled against his chest, her heart racing,"And you?" Things were about go go in a different direction.
"I was sick of packing..."he provided, his hand stroking her back softly.
"You're moving?" Josie questioned, feigning suprise. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard.
"Just into town..."she frowned, biting her lip,"What's your plan?" he asked, hoping to hear she was staying. He didn't want to even think about losing her again.
"Josie?"she stiffened, wrapping her arms around herself, her back to him.
"I don't have a choice..."she whispered softly. She was tearing up again.
"Josie you can't..."she cut him off, an edge to her voice. She'd switched back into reasoning mode.
"She's my mother...and no matter how angry I am with her...for what she did to us...to your parents...what Avenir did..."she frowned, bitting her lip to keep from crying. That name made her feel physically ill.
"What does Avenir have to do with it?" Vaughn asked, and Josie smiled ironically.
"He's my father..."she mumbled, and glanced out the window. She couldn't look at him. Not now,"He wanted me to do it...what you were doing..."she paused, her voice trembling,"He was so impersonal...I was just a tool to manipulate...the whole time...the second I got back he was there...and I was staring out the window, trying to get it through my head that he only needed me to acheive his own goals...I'd never even met him, and he..."
"I'm sorry..."Vaughn said quietly,"And your mom?" Josie swallowed.
"She doesn't want me to be anywhere near any of this..." he touched her shouler.
"Josie, you're an adult...you can..."she scooted away from him, sitting up. His hand dropped to the matress.
"I think I have to do this..."she mumbled,"But Vaughn, it doesn't..."
"Where are you going?"he asked, and she closed her eyes painfully. She had to lie.
"She says we're just gonna go where the road takes us..."Josie said, staring at the wall.
"When?" Vaughn asked, as if he already knew the answer.
"Tomorrow..."she whispered, her voice meek,"Vaughn..."
"So this is it then?"he said angrily, and she winced,"Were you even going to tell us?"
"Don't be like that...do you think this is what I want to happen?"Josie questioned, her voice raw.
"From the sound of it...yes!" Vaughn shot back, rolling over the face the wall. She lost her composure completely. "What is this? An ultimatum? You're such a child!"she whispered bitterly, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm a child? So are you! You're holding it in!"Vaughn responded. She lost it.
"You were all dead! You all died!"she yelled at him,"Is that what you wanted to hear? I spent a year pouring over the what ifs, the last moments, the things I wished I'd gotten to say...I nearly lost my mind..."he froze. She was almost dressed now,"You were right. I want to go..."she paused, her anger doing all the talking,"In that year, you were all that kept me going. That fact. the hope. That somewhere you were okay. That somehow you cared..."she stopped in the doorway,"You obviously don't..."
She made it out the front door, and ran into someone.
"Should I ask you why you were trespassing or where my son is first?"she shook her head.
"I'm leaving...I'm going to Seattle in the morning...I...did Vaughn ever talk to you about me?"the question was burning in her mind. She had to know.
"He cares about you...something I failed to see until your dissappearance..."she nodded.
"I should have listened to you..."Josie said softly.
"Everything happens for a reason..."Victor said in response, and Josie glanced at the door.He wasn't coming.
"Take care of him..."she said,"I won't be here to..."
"I will..."he answered her, and she nodded. A second later her resolve broke.
"God why can't I stop crying?"she questioned, and he hugged her.
"You've got a lot on your shoulders...and if you ever need to talk about it..."
"I have your number..."Josie said,'Thank you..."she pulled away,"I'll be in touch..."
She had to force herself to move away from the school and back to the hotel. Every moment on the way to Seattle was an internal struggle. But eventually, she started to forget. And eventually, the pain in her heard faded to a dull ache, which was much better then how much leaving had hurt her at first. She was living in denial, and thats what kept her going.
Gah...so thats it...yeah...please review...love you guys! Thanks for being so supportive!
Jena...
oh and ps...thanks for all the FABULOUS reviews...you inspired me to type this after my day...which locking my keys in my car was only the begining of...gotta get out of this rut...ah!
I love you all!