Title: Kokoro no Sakkaku: The Illusions of the Heart

Chapter: Of Islands and Initiations

Pairings: SoKai, Riku?, Zemyx

Note: Zexion is revealed, and Riku listens to Kairi. References to Chain of Memories. And seeing as how nobody got the symbolism in the last chapter I'll point it out. Later on, in the story. Oh, and 'cause I was bored I put a random fact in here. Nothing to do with the story, buts good to know anyway!

Random fact of the Day: The Word Dude was coined by Oscar Wilde and his friends and is a mixture of the word Duds (meaning pants or clothing or something) and Attitude.

__

Riku stared at the diary sitting in his lap. Kairi and Sora stared at him. The atmosphere brought about by his revelation, that he didn't understand why Demyx should be pitied, cut through the air like Sora's keyblade and suffocated him. Looking up, Riku saw Sora and Kairi staring at him and he understood what the real problem was. With his revelation, came the understanding that because of his past experiences and his brushes with the darkness he had lost a part of him that not many were able to gain back: his compassion. Whilst this shared understanding brought Sora and Kairi ever closer together it served to make Riku fundamentally aware of just how many bridges he'd have to climb before their carefree dynamic of two years ago was resurrected.

"I have to go now." Riku said, stalking out of the door in a hurry. Sora, for reasons unknown, started to imagine Riku in a black cape reminding him of a bat. But despite the humour of this image he didn't laugh. How could he?

Kairi looked at Sora and smiled. She placed a hand on his and spoke "Just give him a little bit. You can't recover from the darkness overnight after all."

*

Riku stalked away from the mayor's house with his mind ablaze. He didn't understand why the nobodies deserved pity, let alone one as cowardly as Demyx. Not being able to feel emotions was often what Riku craved for the most. To be able to detach himself from his inner battle and seek solace in a state of neutrality. However, he also understood that it was that act of giving up that caused him to continue his fight with Xehanort's heartless after the debacle of Castle Oblivion. Thus Riku was torn between envying the nobodies and hating them, for it was in their very nature to not truly feel emotions. They had the gift of avoiding the weaknesses brought about by human emotion but they also had the curse of not being able to truly feel, a state that left them in a state of perpetual twilight not being able to truly belong to good nor evil.

The revelations from that single diary entry never left Riku's head, and they seemed to reverberate replaying those words time and time again. However, one thing stood out in his mind eye: the words that Demyx had written towards the very end. That with the act of taking Xemnas' hand he had pledged his life to him, dedicating his existence ('non-existence' Riku substituted) to serving Xemnas in his quest to gain a heart. He remembered seeing the same form of dedication in someone else: in that of Goofy and Donald's pledge to serve King Mickey through thick and thin.

Revelation hit Riku like a ton of bricks, and he couldn't believe he didn't see it earlier. Demyx saw Xemnas as his saviour just as Donald and Goofy saw King Mickey as their hero and a validation for existence. Just as Donald and Goofy had dedicated their lives to serving King Mickey, Demyx had found validation in Xemnas' cause. Xemnas had become a messiah to Demyx, and Riku wondered right then and there whether this was the same for the others of the Organisation. He stopped dead in his tracks. In order to find out more he'd have to go back, and face Sora and Kairi and the knowledge that he was quickly becoming a third wheel.

Riku turned around and began walking back the way he came, a considerable distance considering that he had been walking home: on the other side of the main island, and had made it halfway there at a half run. The long walk back gave him time to think about Sora and Kairi though. It was plainly obvious that Sora and Kairi were in love, even though they were in plain denial. That left him as the third friend, or third wheel. But Riku was confident in his friendship with Sora and Kairi and he knew that no matter what would happen they would find an arrangement that left no party wanting. Sora would be together with Kairi and he would still maintain their friendship. Sora would finally get the girl like the hero always does, so why did the very thought of this leave a bitter taste in his mouth?

Riku broke into a run and began to weave through the streets, banishing the thought from his mind.

*

Meanwhile at the mayor's house, Sora and Kairi had moved to the Piano stool. Kairi was once more playing Demyx's song, and once more she was met with the feeling of emptiness. She didn't understand what caused these emotions inside of her. All that she knew was that somehow, the music was not complete. It was lacking a crucial element that made the music whole. Instantly she knew what that element was.

Kairi stopped playing and stared at the sheet music in front of her and looked once again at the inscriptions on the sheet music. She examined the teardrops staining the sheet music and understood that what she was missing was purpose. In order for the song to be complete she needed to find the person to whom her song belonged, like Demyx did. Only then would her song be complete, and her heart full. Sora placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled at her. Kairi looked over at him, examining his enormous smile and hands to match and grinned. She knew that she'd find that person some day.

At that moment Riku came bursting into the room like a bat out of hell, startling Sora and Kairi out of their precious moment... Too late however because Riku saw their little scene and couldn't help but grin madly, his friends were so oblivious towards each other.

"So, I guess something interesting happened while I was gone?" Riku drawled slyly, enjoying the looks on Sora and Kairi's faces as they blushed madly.

"What about you, eh?" Sora yelled pointing his finger at Riku accusingly "Where did you run off to in such a hurry?"

He automatically knew it was the wrong thing to do when Riku's face darkened, his grin falling into a scowl. Sora's hand fell and he grew hesitant. He didn't notice Kairi sitting beside him, looking disappointed. At least, not until it was too late.

"Just leave it be okay? Can we read the next chapter of that diary?" Riku asked him softly.

Sora looked up at Riku and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "I'm sorry Riku. I didn't mean it."

Riku looked up at Sora and smiled. Sora remembered that it was the same small smile he gave when he regained his body back on The World that Never Was. "Let's just read that diary Sora. No need to get emotional!"

Sora grinned at Riku, who grinned back. They both tensed up and Kairi sensed what was coming before it happened. That's why she stepped away from the diary and slid it to a bare part of the room, with no breakables in sight. At the same time Riku and Sora dove for the diary, in a battle to see who would read it aloud. As Sora was closer, this time Sora won.

Sora leapt up from his position on the floor holding the diary up like some sort of trophy and grinned madly. "And Sora wins again!" Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku before strutting over to a corner of the room and flopping down onto the floor, his legs spread out in front of him. Sora gestured around himself, clutching his well earned prize, waiting for his friends to join him.

Riku and Kairi grinned at Sora, glad that someone had broken the tense atmosphere of earlier and joined him, sitting with him side by side. He noticed that Kairi sat closer to him than normal, and Sora was almost hyperactively aware of Kairi's presence besides him. He fought the urge to blush.

"So, lets get started then!" Sora exclaimed, opening up to the next diary entry.

Sorry about the wait! Demyx wrote. Dinner took a little more time than expected. I was introduced to the rest of the Organisation! Including me we now have officially 9 members; a fine number if you ask me, but Xemnas insisted that we needed to recruit more nobodies. He said that it was his goal to recruit all of the sentient nobodies, whatever that means! I don't know when he'll stop recruiting but, when he was filling me in on the plan, he said that we'd need a special kind of nobody in order to our plans to work.

Sora gulped before continuing to read, knowing that the nobody that they had needed was in fact Roxas: the nobody of the keyblade bearer. He felt Riku and Kairi rub his shoulders and with that he began to continue reading.

Personally I think I'm a special kind of nobody, but I suppose I'm not what the Organisation is looking for. Xemnas had made it clear that he requires us to fight these creatures called the heartless. I don't think that I'm the right person for the job. I mean, I can handle running and hiding, but I could never fight someone, or anything for that matter. Xemnas had me fight a heartless earlier today to test my worth or something like that. The moment I laid eyes on the creature I automatically thought that it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. Or at least, my brain told me so even if my heart remained unresponsive (because its not here at the moment obviously). Fighting it was the hardest thing I had ever done, and not because it was hard to beat because that was the easy part. No, the hard part was killing the creature when every time I saw it I could feel the shadow of compassion welling up inside of me, telling me that it was wrong.

So yeah, I'm not the right person for the job. I'm not cut out for the Organisation but, there's no way that I'm going to quit. Admittedly it's partially because Xemnas scares me, but also because being in the Organisation is the only way I can feel whole again. I have a purpose here.

Oh, speaking of purposes I have to tell you diary about something. When Xemnas was introducing me to the Organisation members my shadow emotions reacted as well! I mean, when he introduced Xigbar I automatically made a note to become friends with him because as scary as he is with those guns of his, he sounded pretty cool. I liked him, or at least, I could remember that I would like him. Oh geez! This emotion business is hard!

Anyway, the thing is that something strange happened when he introduced me to Number VI, Zexion. I remember it perfectly, Xemnas gestured towards him saying "This is Number VI, number IX." I opened my mouth to ask what his name was, but he spoke first. "My name is Zexion. However, be forewarned that you call me this at your own peril." I'm actually surprised I remembered all of those big words what with the way I was feeling at that moment. At that moment, I felt my chest thump. It honestly felt like my heart skipped a beat the moment I saw him and I heard his voice. I don't understand why… I mean, his hair is all over his face and makes him look sad, and his voice is really monotonic. But, the thing is, the moment I saw him another shadow emotion filled my head. The moment I saw him I knew that I was attracted to him. It was the most painful feeling ever because, what I knew should be filling my heart and my head with fireworks and butterflies, making me giddy with happiness only caused a thump where my heart should be and the knowledge that being a nobody was the worst thing in the world.

I know that I should like Zexion, but at the same time my heart feels empty. It's like the worst of apathy and elation. But, even though I was feeling that way, the moment I left I couldn't help but smile because I had actually felt something if only for a second. I should probably go to sleep now. I have a mission in the morning. I need to do some reconnaissance on Agrabah!

Sora, Riku and Kairi didn't have much to say after that. They sat there staring at the diary in a mixture of surprise and shock. Kairi wasn't so shocked, seeing as how she was the only one to understand the notes in Japanese.

"So, Demyx was gay?" Sora asked.

Kairi nodded, "Yeah, I thought you knew that Sora!" She exclaimed. "It said so right there on the sheet music!" Kairi got up and brought back the tearstained sheet of music. "Boku no ai no tame ni." She read aloud. "That means for my love, Zexion."

Sora poked his tongue out at Kairi, "I'm sorry that not everyone can speak Japanese, your highness!" He teased.

Kairi grinned. "You know it!" She said, not denying the very true statement that she was a Princess. "If I am a princess then you must be my knights then!" She said happily.

Sora and Riku both looked at each other thinking the exact same thin.

"We'd pledge our lives to you, my lady." Sora and Riku said in unison, now kneeling on the ground in front of Kairi. She noted that this was said in all seriousness.

"We'll always be together right?" She asked.

Riku grinned. "We'll always be together. I'll be there for you." Riku said sincerely.

Sora nodded. "I promise that no matter what happens I'll protect you, no matter what." He pledged.

Grinning Kairi said nothing more, gathering her two best friends in a tight hug. Nothing else needed to be said.

__

Meanwhile, on the play island in the secret place trouble was brewing. The small cave was lit by a dull blue light coming from the strange fungus growing on the walls. The door remained locked and remained safe. Yet, as the minutes drew on the shadows in the cave began to grow at an alarming rate before seeming to rise out of the ground into the menacing forms of the neoshadows. One of the shadows cantered its way over to the wall of drawings and stood there for a moment before raking a hand over one of the walls. In its wake the small paopu fruit joining the pictures of Sora and Kairi was now erased from the wall, a row of claw marks in its stead.