What the Hecksky?

I don't know what was going on in Hueco Mundo during my absence, but I was downright shocked to come home to see Grimmjow and Ulquiorra actually talking friendly to one another. I had to move the strand of hair away from my eye just to see if I was seeing right. My everlasting smile turned into a perfect circle of shock. I had to think to myself, what happened while I was away??

I was frozen at the door leading to the kitchen. As king of the world, I had to rule over Soul Society. It was a tiring job, so I thought I'd take a break and come home to Hueco Mundo. I had been looking forward to seeing the fights that took place between Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. It was classic seeing Grimmjow trying to keep up with Ulquiorra's big words and meaningful sentence structure. Instead, I was frozen at the kitchen door seeing Grimmjow and Ulquiorra sitting at the table talking friendly to one another over lunch. Where's the yelling? Where's the flow of rhythm between their arguments? Why are they just sitting there? My eye twitched. I had to hide it. I had to hide it. I had to hide it. I took a deep breath. Ulquiorra noticed me.

"Lord Aizen?" He was a bit surprised to see me. I smiled at them both my small smile.

"Hello boys, uh, what's going on?"

"We're just talking. Drinking some tea. The us."

The us? The usual? This wasn't normal! Were they mad!?

"So, boys, what's with all of the friendliness? I mean, not that it's bad, but aren't you two always fighting?"

"Oh? Right, Lord Aizen, Grimmjow and I have made a truce. We are done fighting." Ulquiorra said respectfully. Something about the way he said that led me to believe that he couldn't believe this either. I almost blacked out at the new information I received. I gripped the frame of the door.

"Uh, uh, great! I'm proud of you two." I laughed hysterically. They looked at me wide eyed.

"Are you…okay, Lord Aizen?" They asked.

"TERRIFIC!" I flashed them a thumbs up. Grimmjow looked disturbed. I couldn't tell the look I was getting from Ulquiorra. "I'm going to go now." I said ducking out the door. I closed the door leaning against it breathing fast and hard. What the hell?? It was like they were under some kind of spell.

"Heya'. You oka' there?" Gin asked with his always closed crescent shaped eyes. He was frowning. I looked at him and grabbed his collar.

"Since when did Ulquiorra and Grimmjow become friends!?" I asked. Gin opened his mouth astonished.

"They're friends now?!" He asked. I nodded. "This is horrible! If they're not a' fighting, we're not a' laughin'!"

"I know!!!!" I yelled. He pat my head.

"It's a'right, Lord Aizen. We'll get'em snappin' at each otha' again."

"You'll make it all better?" I whimpered. He nodded with his smile back in place.

"Thank….you…" I sniffed. He gently pushed me off of him.

"Now, now, Lord Aizen. I gots work ta' do if we want those two a' fightin' again."

I nodded quickly.

"I understand. If there's anything you need, just ask."

"A' course I will." He walked down the hall. I smiled. There he goes. Off to plan a way to get Ulquiorra and Grimmjow fighting again. I wiped a tear from my eye. I needed to do a little research on this myself, and what luck. Szayel, the Espada researcher, strolls down the hall my way with open arms. Maybe a little creeped out about the open arms thing. He walked right up to me.

"Lord Aizen! This is truly a surprise!" He hugged me. I pushed off, gently, before he could feel around. I smiled at him.

"Szayel Aporro Granz, it's great to see you again," I lied. Out of all the Espada, I feared him most. He was creepy. Pink hair, golden eyes, what the fuck?

"So, what are you up to these days, O king of the world?"

"Hm…before we start into the small talk, I need to ask you-"

"A question?" He smiled wider. I cringed. Almost lost my nerve.

"How long have Ulquiorra and Grimmjow been friends?"

"Oh, that. The sight of it sickens me. They've been buddy buddy ever since noon."

"Noon? I see. I really must be going now."

He grabbed my hand.

"Now, hold on, let's chat for a bit."

I looked into his golden eyes. Oh shit, he winked. I pulled my hand back fiercely.

"I AM SORRY," I said loudly. That's what you're supposed to do if you feel uncomfortable with someone. You make a scene. "I AM SORRY, BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO. I'M NOTH THAT KIND OF KING."

He looked at me weirdly. It was a 'what the hell is he doing' look. I quickly walked away back to the kitchen. They were gone! I had to find those two 'friends' before they did…something….friendly. I quickened my pace hoping to find the two again when I saw them outside of Grimmjow's room. I tripped but recovered in time to hide behind the corner. I put my face out a little.

"So, Ulquiorra, this seems a little strange, right? Us being friends and all."

Yes! It was very strange! Very out of character! Very stupid! Fight ! Fight! Fight!

"Hm. While it does feel abnormal, I have to say, it still feels nice that I don't have to worry myself with pointless arguments."

"Abnormal?"

"We must educate you." He sighed. I nodded in agreement. I looked back when Grimmjow waved his hand.

"I'm not that dumb. I don't need no edumacation."

Silence. Ulquiorra shook his head.

"Tomorrow, you're coming to my room, so I can teach you proper grammar and vocabulary."

"Grammar? Vocabulary? Slow down, we haven't even started yet!"

"My Aizen." Ulquiorra put his hand onto his head. They walked off again. I put my hand on my chin. Ulquiorra, a teacher? This was a perfect opportunity! Students never get along with their teachers! I would have to see this.

"Lord Aizen?" I heard two voices say. I turned to my right to find myself staring right into the two faces of Aaroniero Arru…Arr…A…however the hell you say his last name! How did he survive the battle anyway?

"Uh, hello Aaroniero."

"Lord Aizen, what are you doing?" The two voices spoke. I take it back. I feared Aaroniero the most now.

"I was just looking for the…bathroom. That's it, yeah, the bathroom."

"Let me explain it to you." The high voice said. Oh my me, they don't have to speak simultaneously??? This was news to me.

"No time. No time." I waved my hands.

"You see, we arrancar, have no excretion system meaning we don't really go to the bathroom. However, since the higher level arrancar have reproductive systems, they must…..where did he go?" The deep voice asked.

"I don't know. My eyes are squinty, remember?" The high voice answered.

I had to shake off the voices I had just heard. I shuddered violently. Maybe it was a seizure. I found the two again. This time, they were in the Espada hang out room. Talking again, over mochas. Yes, I could tell what they were drinking from, like, my distance. What were they talking about now?

"You fool, Kurosaki was not that difficult to defeat. You are just weak."

"Please, I know you did something. You must have."

Were they arguing again? Oh joy!! I jumped and clicked my heels together. I fell flat on my face when I heard Ulquiorra say,

"I used no tricks. You are just weak. Maybe I can help you polish your technique sometime tomorrow."

"Pretty effin' sweet." Grimmjow smiled. I picked myself up. This was despicable. What was Gin up to right now? Wasn't he supposed to be ruining this?? Wasn't he??? I sighed.

"Lord Aizen?" Grimmjow said. I froze and looked up.

"Grimmjow…whenever did you get here?"

"Well, Ulqs over here saw you fall, so we came to help."

"It was Grimm here who suggested we check on you. I said you were strong enough to handle yourself."

N-nicknames!? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! All hope was gone!! All hope!!No more fights! No more! No more! No more!! Why?????!!!!!!

"!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled. They both looked at me. I realized what I was doing, stopped, and coughed into my hand.

"That was No an original piece by me, Lord Aizen. Gotta' go now." I said quickly walking away from the horribly embarrassing scene. Get a hold of yourself Aizen. So, your two bestest Espada who always brought you the joy of fighting. So, they had made a truce. SO, there were never going to be any more fights. SO WHAT? I started hyperventilating all the way to the throne room. I leaned on the big door before I opened it. Breathe, man! Breathe. I took a deep breath. What if those two never fought again? Who was I supposed to watch bicker? Nnoitra and Halibel?? No freakin' way! Did that once, was not a happy customer. All they fought about was their relationship. At least Ulqui and Grimm, damn! Now I was using the nicknames! *SIGH*, at least Ulquiorra and Grimmjow's fights had been interesting. They would always vary, There was who was smarterer, who was more strongest, um, um, who looked cooler, hard to believe Ulqui, damn, Ulquiorra joined in on that argument, there was who should have killed Kurosaki, and sometimes they had contests! Ooh, I remember those. Who could kill more soul reapers, who could kill more humans, who could make it from Japan to Brittania the fastest, and of course who could please me the most! Yay! I sighed remembering the good old days, and as I sighed to myself, arrancar children of all ages gave me a look when they passed by. I would kill them later. I AM NOT A FOOL!!!