CATCHING FIRE SPOILERS!!!
Hi! For those poor souls who have not read Catching Fire yet and do not wish to be spoiled, this fic is tragically off-limits to you. For the rest of you, how are you? I'm going back to school tomorrow, sadly :( I wanted to give you one last summer update, and here it is! This is Mrs. Everdeen's drabble, and I'm actually glad that I didn't write this before CF, because it's SO much better than it would have been otherwise. And longer, too :P Up next is Random Capitol Person and then Madge. After that, I'm thinking of doing some of the new characters introduced in Catching Fire, so if you have any you want me to write about, just mention it in your review! Oh, and I wanted to ask all of you who HAVE read Catching Fire: Do you think they'll save Peeta? If so, will Katniss end up with him or Gale? Personally, I think Peeta will survive, and that she'll end up with him, because honestly...I used to be okay with Gale, but he was just a complete jackass in Catching Fire. It would be career suicide for her to kill Peeta, or have Katniss get with Gale. I think there's also a good chance that Katniss is/will become preggers, because honestly, why would she have them sharing a bed practically every other page if she WASN'T going to have pregnant!Katniss? Anyway, I just want to hear all your opinions on what's coming next!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.
All parents play the game of searching for similarities between them and their children, whether they'll admit it or not. With Katniss, it was completely pointless, since she was wholly her father's, ever since the moment she was born, practically.
Even from a young age, their personalities were in perfect harmony. He understood our brave, smart little daughter, who scared me sometimes with the things she said about the Capitol. She understood him only as one who is exactly alike can. I loved my husband more than life itself, but I never quite understood him on that level.
One of the best things about Alder and I as a couple was the way we could bring out the best in each other, and keep each other from repeating previous mistakes. Katniss didn't quite do this. She doesn't bring out the best in me, not like her father did, anyway. That's more Prim's strength than hers. But she did keep me from repeating my most grievous errors.
When their father died, and I…wasn't there, I know I failed as a parent. I forced Katniss to grow up long before she should have. She resented me for that, and she still did, even when I came back to myself. And even though it's hard, having a daughter who says your name tinged with bitterness, I know it's better this way. Because when I want to let go again and slip away into nothingness, all I have to do is see the hardened look in her eye and my strength returns to me. Even when she's thousands of miles away, fighting for her life in the Games, and I want so badly to crawl into bed and never come out, I can almost feel her urging me to stay strong. So I do.
Ever since her father died, Katniss became the strong one. She took care of our broken little family, kept us safe. And I know it's pathetic, but that was the best way, for me. I know I'm not strong enough to do what she has to.
But now, our roles have rapidly been reversed yet again. Katniss is catatonic in my arms, and I'm supposed to be the strong one. When the hovercraft bearing her, Gale, Haymitch, and some other men I know only from years of Hunger Games coverage returns, they've had to drug her to keep her from hurting herself, or anyone else. That's how I explain her lukewarm response upon seeing us to Prim. She's not sitting there in silence because her mind is somewhere else, with someone else, far, far away. She's just…tired. Prim barely even pretends to buy my flimsy excuse.
Later, when Prim and I are sorting through what an unresponsive Katniss brought with her out of the Games, Prim finds a pearl, gleaming and perfect in her palm. For a moment, we stare at each other before comprehension dawns. This is the pearl Peeta gave to Katniss, that day in the Games. Before Prim can tuck it out of sight, Katniss is hysterical, her body wracked with hysterical sobs. I pull her into my arms, holding her close, trying to control her shaking. Occasionally she chokes out an audible word or two, like 'Peeta' or 'He's gone', but then she's just crying again.
Once she finally cries herself out, and is lying there, limp against me, I continue holding on to her. I understand her more than anyone else can at a time like this. Some evil part of me wants to say to her, "See how it is, losing the love of your life? Can you start to understand why I was that person I became? Can you pity me instead of hate me, now that you know how it feels?"
But I don't. One, because I'm her mother, and despite all that we have done to each other, I love her. And also because I know that she will pull herself out of this. It may take days, or even weeks, but she will be strong again. She'll be ready to go fight for him, to do whatever it takes to save him. If there were children, like there was for me, she'd come back even sooner.
And, according to the tests they ran on her, there is one. A child, that is. I knew the story about their wedding wasn't true, and I'm sure neither of them knew the pregnancy was real, either, but it is. I know that, if they both survive this war, that child will be the most loved person in the world. But if Peeta doesn't…I can only hope she'll continue to be a stronger person-a better person-than me.
Katniss is both the biggest joy in my life and my biggest source of pain. I suppose that's true for any mother, but even more so for me.
As is becoming evident, I really, really, REALLY like writing about pregnant!Katniss. I suspect it's going to become a common thing in my stories...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!