Author's Note: Please don't hurt me! I know I haven't been updating this lately…okay, lets face it. I've left this alone for almost a year. I'm sorry, but I've been preoccupied with other things. It's a lousy excuse I know, but it's all I have. To be honest, I've kind of lost interest. I don't intend to discontinue this story, but there are so many other things I want to do. There's no way of knowing when I'll pick up on this again, but I do intend to see this through…eventually. You all will have forgotten about me by then, I'm sure.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Must we go through this every time?
Love Hate and Everything in Between
Chapter 3: Lean on Me
Sonic would never know how Tails had done it, but the kit managed to convince a local hospital to lend them an MRI truck. Sonic had tried asking him about it when he spotted the vehicle pulling up next to their house. However, Tails had only smiled sweetly in response and told Sonic that if he answered that question, he would have to kill him.
At first, Sonic had found the idea of little Tails trying to take him on to be more humorous than anything else. But then he remembered the bruise on his arm, and the rather frightening look the boy got in his eyes whenever he was truly angry. In the end, Sonic decided that he had enough people trying to kill him as it was without adding to the list, so he didn't ask again.
Regardless of where it had come from, the fact that they had procured the MRI machine so quickly was very fortunate. Sonic had received enough concussions in his lifetime to know the risks of leaving a possible head injury untreated. In addition, Shadow was very impatient to get the tests underway. Anyone could see that not knowing about his own life was driving him crazy. He wanted answers, and he wanted them now.
Unfortunately, while his wounds were healing remarkably well, Shadow still wasn't strong enough to walk by himself. Therefore, Sonic had to push him to the truck in his old wheelchair. Needless to say, the ebony hedgehog was not thrilled with the prospect.
"C'mon, Shads," Sonic said coaxingly. "It won't be so bad, I promise."
"And since when have your promises meant anything to me?" Shadow demanded sourly. But eventually, curiosity won over pride, and he reluctantly allowed Sonic to help him into the chair and wheel him up the truck ramp.
The inside of the truck was surprisingly spacious. It was cut off into two sections by a small door and an observation window. One half was obviously where the testing took place, as it had the scanner. The other looked like the area where the actual analyzing was to be done. There was a computer sitting on a sort of desk that was built into the wall, and there, sitting in a nearby chair, was Tails. His fingers were already poised on the keyboard, ready to scrutinize any data this scan would provide them with.
As Sonic helped Shadow onto the MRI table, the kit smiled in a way that was most likely meant to be reassuring. "Okay Shadow, if you're wearing any metal you should remove it now. This machine is really just an extremely powerful magnet."
Shadow's only response was a long stare. Did the kid really think he was hiding jewelry under his bandages? Come on.
Choosing to take the hedgehog's silence as a denial of possessing said metal, Tails shrugged. "I knew it was unlikely, but I had to ask just in case. Wearing metal during an MRI can be very dangerous."
Shadow was then instructed to lie back. His body disappeared as the table was pulled into the machine, and the exam began.
"Be sure to stay calm and try to move as little as possible." Tails said. "Movement can compromise the images."
Noting the fox's good natured instructions, Shadow closed his eyes and tried to force himself to relax. It was hard not to be a little unnerved about being closely surrounded on all sides by walls. He felt trapped in this tiny little tube. Scared, helpless, claustrophobic…
His limbs felt heavy, as if someone had filled them with lead. So heavy that he couldn't summon up any resistance as he was dragged like a rag doll to an unknown location. The sedatives his captors had given him were clearly doing their job.
Shadow dimly wondered if they realized that he was still conscious. He doubted it. As he was now, he didn't even have the strength to lift his eyelids.
Besides, they were being extremely cautious in handling him. Even with the sedatives, they had still wrapped heavy chains around his arms and legs, and judging by the many sets of footprints that were within hearing range, he was being escorted by a small army. They were probably armed to the teeth too. If they had known that he was still somewhat self-aware, they would have surely given him another dose.
On some perverse level, Shadow found their precautions to be amusing. What did they expect him to do in this state? Knock their heads off? Maybe blow up the building while he was at it? Both ideas, while appealing, would be impossible to achieve in his current condition.
It may have been a useless exercise, but thinking about what he would do if he had been able of escape was a lot better than contemplating what they were going to do with him now that he couldn't. Shadow was in the middle of a rather graphic dismemberment fantasy when his guards' procession was abruptly halted.
There was a tinkling noise, a faint click, and the next thing he knew the weight of cold steel fell away and was replaced by the feeling of being lifted off the ground.
What were they doing now? Did they plan to kill him? Shadow might have thought so, had his ears not caught small snippets of conversation.
"…much potential…"
"No…too dangerous."
"…needs to be kept contained…"
The words didn't make much sense to him, but he didn't have time to mull it over as he heard the sound of compressed air being released. Carefully, the person carrying him placed him down into what felt like a sort of padded, hollow space.
With an effort that was driven by both fear and curiosity, the ebony hedgehog managed to force his eyes open a tiny crack, just in time to see glass casing seal shut over his body with an audible click.
The thick glass distorted what little he could see outside, and as it was he could just barely make out the sight of white lab coats and the military uniforms of the people standing around him. What was going on? What were they going to do to him?
He didn't have to wonder for very long.
White gas began to fill the chamber, and at the same time, Shadow could feel the temperature rapidly begin to decrease. As his view of the outside world started to frost over, the black hedgehog began to shiver.
No, Shadow thought. Stop. It's too cold. Too cold.
His body was becoming numb, and his eyelids were drooping again. He knew he couldn't fall asleep now. Knew that if he did, he may never wake up again, but it barely registered. He was so tired. So tired…
"No." Shadow whispered, his voice so soft it would have been impossible to detect by the human ear. His eyes slipped shut, and he knew no more.
Sonic had always been a fairly optimistic person. Even in difficult times when it seemed like things couldn't possibly get any worse, he looked on the bright side. It was simply the way he was. So on the rare occasions that he got a bad feeling in his gut, the blue hedgehog was usually correct. Today was no different.
He knew something was about to go wrong the second Shadow was pulled into the giant magnet. It wasn't something he could explain, just something he knew to be true. But before Sonic could voice his concerns to Tails, he was almost immediately proven right.
The tremors started slowly at first, barely significant enough for the scanner to register the movement. But gradually they got wilder and more erratic to the point that Shadow was thrashing so violently he was on the verge of breaking the machine.
"Turn it off, Tails!" Sonic cried. "Turn it off!"
The kit quickly obliged, and the two friends ran to help the distressed patient. But getting Shadow out of the MRI did not help matters whatsoever, except maybe by saving the machine from suffering more damage. If anything, the trembling only got worse because now there were no walls to offer resistance.
"Sonic, hold him down before he hurts himself!" Tails commanded.
Sonic tried grabbing the ebony hedgehog's shoulders, but unlike Shadow's previous episode in the guest room, this time the tremors were much stronger. Sonic couldn't maintain a proper hold on him. He had no choice but to climb on top of Shadow, straddle his bucking hips and hold his arms above his head to prevent him from lashing out.
"Shadow!" Sonic shouted into the hedgehog's face. "Snap out of it!"
But Shadow was beyond hearing Sonic's voice. His eyes were blank and unseeing, glazed over with visions of a living nightmare. His lips were moving in what appeared to be soundless screams, but Sonic realized that if he listened closely, he could just barely make out words.
"…cold. So cold…can't move. Please…no."
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Sonic asked, mostly to himself. "How can I help you? I don't know what to do."
"Keep holding him down for me, Sonic." Tails said, almost as if he were answering the sapphire hedgehog's question, even though he hadn't heard his ponderings. "I'm going to give him a sedative.
Sonic wasn't sure if it was the word "sedative" or the rather large needle Tails was approaching him with, but some part of Shadow seemed to register the danger, and it was all he could do to keep the hedgehog from falling off the table (and kicking Sonic in the stomach in the process).
"NO!" Shadow screamed. "No, no, no, nooooooooo!"
"Put it away!" Sonic yelled at Tails. Then, turning back to Shadow, he once again attempted to calm him. "Its okay, Shadow. You're safe. Please calm down."
Unlike his previous efforts, this time something in Sonic's words seemed to get through to the onyx doppelganger. Gradually, Shadow's thrashing began to slow as his breathing evened out.
"That's right." Sonic said gently in an almost croon-like tone. A tone Shadow would have probably resented had he been self-aware. "Everything's going to be okay. I'm right here. I won't let anything hurt you."
Eventually, with the help of the azure hedgehog's tender influence, Shadow finally went still and slowly began to open his eyes.
Shadow had thought he had pretty much grown accustomed to waking up in strange circumstances. You would think that after regaining consciousness in a desolate forest and in the house of a stranger he didn't know but somehow knew him, both of which he had little idea of how he had gotten there in the first place, the element of surprise would have been all but gone.
But that was before he opened his eyes to find himself laying on a padded slab with a blue hedgehog more or less sitting on him. He didn't know why Sonic was there, but at the moment, he didn't care. Just as long as he didn't stay there.
"Get off me." Shadow growled, startling Sonic considerably as he scrambled to obey. Snorting slightly in disgust, Shadow turned to Tails. "What happened?"
"We had just barely started the procedure when you suddenly began to shake violently. The machine was quickly turned off, and we tried to calm you, but you wouldn't respond to our voices. We were afraid that you would end up injuring yourself, so Sonic was forced to subdue you."
As the kit spoke, faint images flashed through Shadow's head. Flashes of pain and cold, of soft words and hazy white figures. But it was like trying to remember a dream. The more he thought about it, the less it seemed to make sense, and what little he did remember seemed blurry, indistinct, and riddled with gaps and uncertainties.
"It was really freaky, Shads." Sonic remarked. "You're eyes were glazed over, and you didn't seem aware of anything. It was like you were looking into a dream."
Shadow frowned at these words, aware that they mirrored his own thoughts. But, despite everything, it hadn't felt like a dream to him. What he had experienced was far too real for any dream. But what else could it have been?
"Did you at least get some information before my…attack?" Shadow asked.
At the question, Tails turned back to the computer and began to type. "Because of your large amount of movement, many of the scans have been compromised. However, there was one thing I noticed before the spasms started."
Tails turned the screen so both hedgehogs could see the image Shadow's brain. "See here?" Tails said, indicating a lit up portion. "This part of the brain is called the hippocampus. It is the brain's memory center. I think that something Shadow experienced in the MRI triggered a memory and caused it to become active."
"But if that's the case, why did I react the way I did? And why can't I remember anything else?" Shadow asked.
"Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with you physically. But there was something else odd about this scan. While I was analyzing it, I kept getting strange energy readings. I cross referenced them with a larger database, and finally realized that I was detecting Chaos energy."
Sonic gasped. "Chaos energy? Are you serious?"
Tails nodded. "I'm positive." Then, quickly remembering Shadow's current amnesiac state, the kit began to explain. "Chaos energy is the positive and negative energy that makes up—"
"—all living creatures. I know." Shadow said. And oddly enough, he did know. It was as if the knowledge had been so deeply ingrained into his mind not even amnesia could push it out.
Tails blinked in slight surprise, but recovered quickly and moved on. "Oh…okay then. Anyway, you and Sonic both have more energy built up in your bodies than most because of you're exposure with the Chaos emeralds—which are huge stores of Chaos energy."
Again, this struck a familiar chord in Shadow's mind, although some of that might have been because he was pretty sure Sonic had mentioned emeralds when he first woke up. What he and that blue hedgehog might have been doing to develop such a wellspring, he'd have to figure out later. He didn't have time to dwell on it now, and besides, he wasn't so certain anyone would answer if he asked.
"How does that relate to Shadow's amnesia?" Sonic inquired.
"I believe that this excess energy is creating a sort of block in Shadow's mind. This prevents him from accessing his memories, and every time he tries that energy reacts." Tails replied.
Shadow supposed the kit's theory made sense. It explained the initial amnesia and why his head hurt when he tried to remember anything. But still, some things didn't add up. "What could have caused such a block in the first place? And how am I supposed to get rid of it?"
"I don't know," the kit replied with a sigh. (A sigh that Shadow was becoming very familiar with.) "But being in that MRI today apparently triggered something that even the Chaos energy could suppress. Maybe, if we find more triggers the shield will weaken, and eventually dissipate."
Shadow frowned. What Tails proposed was far easier said than done. Already the images of the past—if that truly was what they had been—were becoming faded and blurry like an old photo. And what little he did remember was very, very unpleasant. It was difficult to imagine trying to rouse something so painful on purpose.
"Well, there isn't much more we can do about it today." Sonic pointed out, "I think that you should be getting back to you're room, Shadow. You look like you could use a rest."
Shadow would have liked to protest. He wasn't a child, and he didn't need to be put down for a nap, but the truth was the azure hedgehog was right. The whole ordeal had made him oddly weary. But before he allowed himself to be wheeled outside completely, Shadow spared one last dark glance at that damn contraption Tails had brought in. It had been supposed to make everything clear, but instead it had yielded more questions than answers.
It didn't take long for Sonic to settle Shadow back into bed, and the second he vacated the room, he found Tails standing outside the door, obviously waiting for him.
"We need to talk." the kit declared. "Follow me."
Slightly confused, but not entirely surprised, Sonic followed the boy down the stairs and into the living room.
"This is about Shadow again, isn't it?" Sonic said.
Tails nodded. "I wanted to come down here because I'm not sure on how good his hearing is."
Sonic frowned slightly. More secrets. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. But the least he could do was hear the little guy out. "All right then. Shoot." Sonic said, arranging himself comfortably on the couch.
"When I told Shadow that I didn't know what could have caused the wall in his mind, that wasn't completely true. I actually have a pretty good idea of what probably happened." Tails said.
"Well, let's hear it. I'm all ears." the hedgehog replied.
Heaving a small sigh, Tails continued, "I think he created it himself."
"What!" Sonic exclaimed. "How is that even possible?"
"Like I said before, both you and Shadow have excess amounts of Chaos energy in your bodies. That energy reacts to the user's will and emotions. I think that as Shadow was falling from Space Colony Ark, he managed to use Chaos control to save himself. But, I also believe that at the time, he was full of so much grief and despair he subconsciously willed himself to forget. With his high level of Chaos energy, especially during Chaos control, that energy responded, creating a sort of mental block."
"But if what you say is true, how are we supposed to help him?" Sonic asked.
"By doing exactly what I suggested before." Tails replied. "We find more triggers to his memory, more familiar things that could break through to him. But, the fact is, the Chaos energy reacts to Shadow's will. In order to remember, he has to want to remember."
"Of course he wants to remember!" Sonic protested. "He wants to more than anything!"
"Does he?" Tails questioned coolly. "Does he really? We both know he has many ghosts in his past, probably more than we realize. Would you want to remember if you were in his place, Sonic?"
The hedgehog was silent for a moment, considering the question, and then he shrugged. "I don't know." he admitted quietly.
Tails nodded. "Exactly. I also worry about what will happen if Shadow does regain his memory. There's no telling how he'll react. This fear isn't going to prevent me from helping him, but all the same, I think we should keep him in the dark about his past for the most part, unless he remembers himself."
"I don't like keeping secrets from him, Tails." Sonic admitted. "He has a right to know about his own life."
"I know how you feel Sonic, but right now the truth could cause him to fall apart. Or even worse, trigger another angry, revenge based rampage. We have to handle this delicately, at least for now. Promise me you won't say anything."
Sonic's frown deepened, and he crossed his arms defiantly.
"Sonic." Tails said warningly, blue eyes boring into the hedgehog's soul.
Sonic closed his eyes and let out a reluctant sigh. "I promise."
Whoever had said that it wasn't possible for a person to die of boredom had clearly never spent over two weeks on bed rest in a stark white room. It hadn't been so bad at first, mostly because Shadow had been in so much pain there wasn't space to dwell on anything other than sleep. But as the days steadily dragged by and his wounds began to heal, Shadow became acutely aware of what little entertainment value recovery provided. He wasn't strong enough to move around, and what little he could have done in bed was hindered by the numerous bandages.
More than anything else, Shadow hated the bandages. They stuck to his skin uncomfortably and they itched. Tails, who changed the gauze religiously and always somehow seemed to know when he had been scratching, had let him take of few layers off, but he still somewhat resembled a mummy.
But Shadow knew that he had truly hit rock bottom when he realized that the high point of his day was when Sonic came to visit him. True, the hedgehog was annoying as hell, but spending time with him was better than counting the ceiling tiles (again).
One thing that Shadow rapidly discovered about Sonic was that he liked to talk. This was a bit of a problem because Shadow did not. But that was all right, because Sonic hardly needed his help. Basically, his visits consisted of his own one sided conversations, while Shadow, for lack of anything better to do, listened.
Why the blue hedgehog continued to visit was a mystery to Shadow. He was well aware that he wasn't the most pleasant of company. In fact, most of the time he was rather rude. The only reason Shadow could come up with was that Sonic felt sorry for him, therefore he was trying to do everything he could to make his stay a little more bearable. The knowledge that the only reason the hedgehog was here was because of pity did nothing to soften Shadow's demeanor.
Though, even he had to admit Sonic was truly trying. His attempts had ranged from conversation, to trying (unsuccessfully) to set up a TV in the room. At one point, he even tried to read to the ruby eyed hedgehog, resulting in Shadow throwing a pillow at his head.
However, while the boredom was bad, the feeling of helplessness was worse. Despite Tails's claims, Shadow couldn't make himself heal any faster. All he could do was lie on his back and dwell on the emptiness in his head and the fact that much of his life was currently at someone else's mercy.
That was why one day he decided to take matters into his own hands.
Tails wouldn't like what Shadow was planning to do. He was so afraid of the hedgehog straining himself. However, it wasn't as if he was planning on running a marathon. He just wanted to see if he could walk from one end of the room to the other. So, after Tails had finished changing his bandages and bringing his lunch (by then Shadow was capable of feeding himself), Shadow began to pull himself out of bed.
It was a harder task than he had expected. Shadow had been lying down for so long, he had become a bit stiff, and the sheets seemed to have conformed to his body. Eventually, Shadow managed to get himself in a sitting position on the edge of the bed, and leaning heavily on the bed frame, he began to stand up.
He stood there for several long moments before he finally felt steady enough to take his first small step. He was admittedly a bit wobbly, but Shadow had been expecting that and it didn't deter him from taking another. Making sure to stick close to the wall for balance, the crimson streaked hedgehog slowly but surely began to make progress across the room.
But being stuck in bed for the better part of a month, especially after obtaining serious, not completely healed injuries, could take a toll on anyone. The second that Shadow felt that he had a handle on walking and risked letting go of the wall, he was overwhelmed by a sudden sense of dizziness and his legs crumpled.
Inwardly berating himself for his own stupidity and dimly wondering how he was going to get up again once he reached the floor, Shadow braced himself for the impact…
…that never came.
It was as if the whole world had been going in slow motion as he had been falling, then abruptly sped up again as peach arms wrapped around his torso and pulled Shadow up awkwardly towards an equally peach chest. It was difficult for his mind to process this sudden shift. Therefore it took several seconds of dumbfounded silence before his brain finally caught up.
"Whoa, that was a close one," Sonic said. "Are you all right, Shads?"
Shadow was still too stunned to do anything other than nod stupidly. Carefully, Sonic led him so he was sitting on the bed once again, and then joined Shadow there.
"Okay, I have to ask. What were you thinking?" Sonic demanded, "God knows how long it's been since you've last used your legs, not to mention all the muscle damage from the burns, and what do you decide to do? Go for an afternoon stroll."
Sonic, despite the obvious sarcasm, hadn't intended to come off as harsh or unkind. However, after weeks of boredom, helplessness, and frustration, something in Shadow snapped.
"What was I thinking? Gee, I don't know. Maybe that I'm tired of slowly rotting away in this bed! Tired of watching life go by as I lie here, helpless and trapped in my own body! I'm not allowed to leave this room! My mind is a completely blank slate! I don't even remember what I look like! I'm as weak as an infant and there isn't anything I can do about it!"
If Sonic was surprised by Shadow's outburst, he didn't show it. Instead, he just looked at the hedgehog and calmly asked, "And what made you think you had to do this alone?"
And for all of Shadow's anger and frustration, he couldn't come up with an answer to that.
"Shadow, I know that it's hard to accept, but you're not going to get better by yourself. I want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't let me."
Shadow clenched his fists. The logical part of his brain knew that Sonic was right. But at the same time, he couldn't help but feel that accepting help was the same thing as accepting defeat. And if there was one thing Shadow hated, it was losing. But still… "I want to get better."
Sonic smiled and held out his hand. "Then you're going to have to trust me."
Shadow hesitated briefly, but he slowly reached out and clenched the cerulean hedgehog's warm fingers. However, if he was going to trust this person, there was still one thing he needed to know. "Why? Why do you want to help me?"
Sonic didn't say anything for a long time, and for a moment Shadow thought he wasn't going to answer. But finally, the hedgehog said so quietly that Shadow wasn't completely certain that he had really spoken, "Because I wasn't able to the first time around."
Shadow didn't get a chance to ask what that meant because in that moment, Sonic chose to wrap an arm around his shoulders and waist. Slowlyly he lifted the two of them off the bed, allowing Shadow to lean heavily against him.
"What are you doing?" Shadow asked.
"You said that you wanted to know what you looked like, right?" Sonic replied, "Well, I'm going to show you."
With slow, careful steps the two hedgehogs walked across the room towards a small closet. Taking a moment to readjust Shadow so Sonic had an arm free, he reached out to open the door. There, hanging on the other side of it, was a full body mirror.
It is a rare experience to look at yourself for the first time without judgment or preconceived expectations, and the opportunity was not lost on Shadow. With a free hand, he pulled off the remaining gauze covering his body, not caring about the possible consequences. He wanted to see everything. By now, Shadow's fur had pretty much grown back, and he took note of its black color and crimson stripes.
That's me, Shadow thought wonderingly as he reached out to touch the mirror's shiny surface. The ruby eyed hedgehog looking back at him mimiced the action.
"You look a lot like me, don't you," Sonic remarked, startling Shadow slightly.
Upon closer inspection, Shadow could see that it was true. They did look remarkably similar. There was a difference between coloration and quill shape, but they were of the same size and build, and they had almost identical facial structures. From a distance, it probably would have been impossible to tell them apart.
The knowledge that he was even remotely similar to someone he considered to be an idiot caused his initial awe to be tempered with something close to irritation. "No," he answered hotly. "I look nothing like you. If anything you're the one who looks like me."
Sonic chuckled good-naturedly. "Is there a difference?"
"Yes," Shadow insisted, even though he knew there wasn't one, really. "You can't compare yourself to me. You're just a faker."
Sonic's eyes widened. "What did you just call me?"
"I called you a faker," Shadow repeated. He knew he was being childish, but the word felt good on his tongue. It felt right. And right then, he felt more alive than he ever had in all his limited memory. "However, I think that would be giving you too much credit. You're not even good enough to be my fake."
Shadow had expected Sonic to get angry, maybe fire a few insults back. In truth, it was what he wanted. But instead, when Sonic actually opened his mouth, Shadow could only stare in bewilderment as the blue hedgehog laughed and laughed and laughed.
Author's Note: I know Shadow's flashback wasn't completely accurate according to what happened to him in the games. However, in order to fit my story, let's all pretend that when Maria sent Shadow to Earth, he managed to get out of the escape capsule only to be captured again by GUN and put into cryogenic sleep.