Hello people :D I'm back with a new chapter again :D yay hope you've missed me? ;) Oh and just to warn you... I really like cliffhangers.. so enjoy ;)

Warning!: this is yaoi/shonen ai! And I LOVE it! but if you don't I will respect that :O as long as you don't give me shit about it! so please, if you don't like it, don't read it ne :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED or GS Destiny :O I just wanted you guys to know that... :O If you didn't already ;)

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Lunamaria was so shocked with what she had just discovered that she couldn't even get her words out. Athrun felt his cheeks burn as he watched the table like it was something really interesting, when in fact he just wanted to escape her scary, staring eyes. How could she jump to the conclusion he liked men just by him admitting he wouldn't have anything against kissing Kira? Oh well, maybe being a guy and wanting to kiss another guy made you gay but... it wasn't like he got turned on by all random, good locking men, it was just Kira. It had always been only Kira.

"You..?"she begun again when he didn't answer but to his relief, the door opened behind her before she had time to ask for any more information. So he looked up to get away from her, making her distracted and maybe she would forget it all. But suddenly, while looking at the person who had just entered, he realized he was caught in the gaze of the only person on this ship who also knew his secret... and this one knew everything...

"Deakka?!"

Athrun was now just as shocked as the pink haired girl in front of him. She looked at him and then turned for the door as well.

"Oh sempai! Welcome back!" She smiled, and to Athrun's surprise she didn't say anything about what he had just said, because that would have been just like Luna. Maybe she had decided to keep it a secret for now, and the later on blackmail him about it. The blond, tanned man smirked as he looked down at them from the doorway, then he entered with a slight wave of his hand.

"Yo, Athrun, Luna"

Athrun's shock was total, having not seen his friend in months now, the blond still seemed to not have changed at all. Lunamaria talked to the older, smiling at his teasing and Athrun sat there listening, smiling as well. No, Deakka Elsman had not changed at all.

"So, exactly what are you doing here, Deakka?" he asked, half an hour later as he sank down on his bed, Deakka obviously planning to share his room. The blond smiled a little before wiggling his shoulders, lying down on the opposite bed.

"The other rooms were ether occupied or inhabited with boring people" he joked, Athrun sighing.

"You know what I mean" he said, yawning with tiredness. "Why are you suddenly on this ship?"

"I'm hitching" he smirked, then closing his eyes, sighing almost as if depressed. "Yzak was hurt again... so I'm on the mission to pic him up somewhere along the road. Minerva was the only ship headed this way so..."

"Hurt how?" Athrun asked while thinking back at their companion Yzak and how he and Deakka had always been inseparable. Seeing this man without the silver haired, ill-tempered one was indeed shocking.

"He broke his arm while fighting some new object of his 'Strike-anger'.." came the answer casually which made Athrun laugh, for the first time in months it seemed. Kira had been piloting the Gundam named Strike a long time ago, the first one he had ever piloted. The same time that Athrun had had Aegis and Deakka, Buster. Kira had been unstoppable, no matter how hard they had tried to take him down, even Athrun had fought him and failed. Kira had killed their friends Miguel and Nicol and had given Yzak a pretty scar, which he refused to remove until the pilot of the Strike was shot down.

Athrun had, just like his friends, hated Strike for all harm it caused them, but knowing it was Kira piloting it had made him soft. Yzak had been furious as soon as Strike was mentioned, always wanting to take it down him self, even defying orders to do so. Now hearing Deakka, who also knew Kira by now, talk about the "strike-anger" Yzak still possessed, made him at ease with his friend. Even though they had not seen each other in a rally long while, Deakka joked just as before, the same humour, the same smirk.

"Hm, that's just like him" Athrun snort, looking up at the sealing, almost as if to hide his smile of content. He had actually missed them both, a lot.

"Yup" Deakka nodded, almost in a sigh. "And how about you..? Where is Kira?"

Athrun's hear sank again. When had it become so hart to think about the brown haired one again? It was not like they were enemies this time... kind of. They didn't have to fight each other again and still...

"After what I saw..." Deakka kept on, now looking over at Athrun, not smirking like you would have guessed. "I thought you two would have been inseparable by now..? So, what happened?"

"We..."

"Come on Athrun" the blond said, sitting up and looking straight at him now. "What was it you said to him back then? I heard it you know, don't tell me you regret it now all of a sudden?"

"No I don't! I would never take that back... I just.."

"You just what?!" Deakka sounded more upset that he usually did, in fact, he hardly ever raised his voice concerning something like this. Athrun realized, almost in shock, that Deakka Elsman wouldn't react like this about anything, why he had grown so attached to this particular issue, Athrun did not understand at all. He could clearly remember when Deakka had found out, how he had thought the blond would laugh out loud straight into his face, or at least run and tell Yzak... but he did nether and that was so surprising, Athrun didn't even dare to question him why.

"Athrun" the young man said after the long silence that had followed, his voice once again calm and his light purple orbs locked to Athrun's. "I saw you that night, I saw how happy you were with him, I've never seen you like that before... not in all the years I've known you have I seen a smile like that on your face... don't you throw that smile away!"

Athrun couldn't speak, he knew he was scared to screw it up, scared to tell the boy because he did not want to lose his friendship... but Deakka was right, Athrun was only happy with Kira, and even though it all had become complicated and he had pushed his childhood friend away, he knew his own feelings and they had not changed. He still needed Kira more than ever, the weird think was that Deakka understood it...

"Athrun... you love him right?" the question was enough to cause Athrun's cheeks to dampen as soft tears started falling from his closed eyes. "I don't know what happened between you two okay? but... Athrun, what ever you do, don't throw your feelings for him away like that... I don't want you to go through the same pain I did..."

With those words, Deakka put his head back to his pillow, facing the wall, leaving Athrun with his tears falling silently down his chin. What had he meant with that? Deakka... gone through pain? Must be something Athrun had missed... He closed his eyes harder, thinking silently about what had happened in his life, about Kira. Once again, that painful expression in Kira's face, the last one he had seen, made him shiver with longing to hold him... fearing that would never happen again...

Why had he pushed him away? After all they had been though, why did they come up with the stupid rule of never letting that happen again... Kira had been so happy back then... why did they have to stop..?

***

"Kira? Kira hello?! Cagalli calling Kira Yamato back to earth!!" the blond girl almost shouted as she waved with her hand in front of her brother's face. He had been sitting on the corridor floor, back against the wall, facing the big window, looking at the clouds fly by. It wasn't like he didn't want to speak to her, and no he wasn't ignoring her, he just...

"Kira!!"

With a harsh, clicking sound, the palm of her hand slapped the side of his cheek and he blinked twice in surprise, reaching for his aching, bruised skin.

"Cagalli...?"

"Oh don't you 'Cagalli' me!" she spat, obviously upset for some reason, not that it was weird that she hit him, she always did that, but not as hard as this time. "I've been trying to get your attention for hours, don't tell me you're spacing out again!"

"I'm sorry... I was just thinking" he smiled, that kind of smile which always made her anger drain away. See, it was hard being mad at that innocent boy, especially when you had just slapped him and he didn't even get mad at you.

"It's okay.." she sighed, leaning him a hand so he could stand up easier. Tori, his bird, twittered on his shoulder like always, taking a spin around her head before it returned to his usual spot. "Murdoch wants to see you about Freedom... 'right away' he said"

Kira smiled at her imitation of the worker and then nodded, walking back through the corridor with Cagalli by his side. They walked in silence for a while, both tired and since Kira had not been able to get a good night sleep in days, he must have been even more out of it than she was. And as expected, she was the first one to speak.

"Did you and Athrun have a fight..?"

The question was so absurd, he stopped to a second, not so she noticed it though. He wondered slightly what he was supposed to say... Had they? He didn't even know the answer him self, as it turned out. The last time they had seen each other, it had been right after Athrun had kissed his sister... And of course Kira had been mad. His best friend and his sister... now come one, that could only be trouble. Still, somewhere underneath his ribs, his hear ached more than ever when he remembered the feeling of those lips if his... now knowing that Cagalli was the last one to kiss them made him more angry than he had ever thought possible.

"Well did you?" she asked again, looking back at him as he started walking again. "Because as soon as any one starts talking about him you get that look in your eyes..."

"What look?"

"It looks like you are about to cry, Kira" she whispered, making him shocked on the inside but he didn't show it, just kept walking. Was it so easy to see what he was feeling? He had tried so hard to like Athrun always did: locking his feelings on the inside, not letting his tears slip. He had thought it had worked, but she was his twin after all.

"Well..." he sighed and smiled, putting a soft arm around her waist and pulling her up close to tease. "..me and your boyfriend are perfectly fine... so don't you worry about ether of us." The words he said hurt him but he knew she needed to hear it. Besides, he and Athrun had decided they wouldn't go further... further than they had gone that time, half a year ago. And apparently, Athrun liked Cagalli now, which made perfect seance since she was a woman and a good looking one at that.

"Boyfriend?" She blushed and looked away from him. After all, he was not aware of the love she had once felt for him, on a completely different level than you were supposed to have for your brother. And yes, it was before she knew of course.

"I saw you kiss..." he smiled softly, hugging her still as they stepped into the elevator. She blushed even more at that statement, but she didn't comment, didn't even look at him and he smiled again. She was kind of childish some times. "...so I just guessed you were... together?"

"I'm sorry Kira..." She whispered, looking down at her feet all the time. "I know he is your best friend and all... I should have told you..."

His heart sank in his chest. He had not really thought they were together, only though she had kissed Athrun or something, even though he had clearly seen she was the one being kissed by him. He had thought that if they were officially together, Athrun would have told him? Or at least not slept in his bed... That moment seemed so distant right now. What exactly had happened to "I can't live without you Kira"..? Had anything changed since then? Kira was still in desperate need for his childhood friend, he had though all this time that Athrun had felt the same way.. but that they would wait as they had said, until after the war... Kira had had the same fear before, that his feelings would destroy their friendship, and when he had realized Athrun felt the same he had agreed to wait... But he had never though of any one else... and he had always thought Athrun hadn't ether...

Everything had happened almost half a year ago and since then they hadn't even hugged, at least not as often as before that. Kira had been sad, almost had problems even speaking to his friend, always just thinking about how much he wanted to be in his arms again.

It had been a stormy night and Kira had been out looking for a crashed jet one of their pilots had been piloting. He had been out for three hours when his Gundam had suddenly started to run out of power, he had been to far away from the Archangel and before he had time to even turn around and go back, he had been attacked by some Ginns coming from nowhere. With little power left and no way of contacting the ship, he had fought desperately in the dark, no matter how good he was there had been a small chance of surviving something like that.

At the same time Athrun had been on his way to the Archangel, he was not a part of their crew but he and Deakka had fought on their side and every one on the ship trusted the two of them. Athrun had a message he had to deliver to Cagalli and he thought the best ones to do that for him was her brother, plus he had of course been looking forward to seeing his friend again. However, as soon as Athrun had come close to the Archangel he had been called out to by Miriallia Haww, saying desperately that Kira had gone missing and that soon he' run out of power...

Athrun had told him afterwards how worried he had been, almost crying when he couldn't find him no matter how hard he had looked. After more than an hour of searching the rain had started to pore down even harder and Athrun had almost lost control of his always so composed state, when suddenly he had caught the distress call coming from Kira's Freedom.

When he had finally reached the damaged machine, Kira had fainted due to exhaustion and even though Athrun knew there were enemy re-enforcement on the way, he had stepped out in the rain and fetched him into his own Gundam without hesitation. Before the enemy had shown up he had then picked up Freedom with his own, Justice, and taken him back to the Archangel. Kira had woken up in Athrun's lap inside the narrow cockpit, wet all over since he had crashed into the ocean with Freedom to try to escape the enemy when his armour died.

As soon as they had returned to the ship, Athrun had carried him, bridal style, to his room, all the others worried to bits, bringing them both blankets and food to get them warmed up again. Athrun had sat by his bedside all the time until Kira had seen how he shivered and pulled him down beside him under the blanket with the words "I don't want to be the reason you have to stay here, so don't you get sick because of me."

Athrun had just smiled at that then pulled Kira close to his chest, just as he had done the other night, and whispered, sleepiness filling his voice.

"You are always the reason I want to stay here Kira... So I'll stay, even if I don't get sick this time."

The dark one had fallen asleep shortly after that but Kira had just been lying there, looking up at the young man's face, not knowing what he had meant with that. He had not wanted to let that moment go, wanting to lie so close for ever... it was only weeks before that that Kira had realized his feelings were not as they had used to be for his childhood friend. He had thought so much about him and wanted to see him so badly... soon he had understood that wasn't really the normal way of feeling for a friend... especially when he suddenly had found himself in a "hard" situation one morning after dreaming about him. Now, when he was lying so close, he had no idea of what to do. But obviously his body had thought it a good idea to sleep, because that was what he had done.

He had woken up later the same eventing by thunder and had been wanting to crawl up against Athrun's strong chest when he suddenly had realized he had been left alone in the bed. When looking up from underneath the sheets he had seen Athrun walking around in the room, lightening candles...

"Kira?" Cagalli said, poking his forehead with her hard fingertip. "Come on, I know I should have told you but... I promise I won't hurt him okay? And even though he is your best friend.. don't be mad at me for spending more time with him from now on..? please?"

He smiled and shook the thoughts of his mind as he smiled, feeling his heart hit the rocky bottom of his stomach. That had been half a year ago, of course Athrun had moved on since he... did that with her and all. Maybe he did that to show Kira he should move on too? Feeling that was impossible he just wanted to kill his sister there on the spot... still, he loved her so he wanted what was best for her, Athrun being the best guy he had ever met, so kind and warm-hearted, he must be the best for her... Even though Kira didn't want it to be true.

"Of course I won't hate you" he then said, stroking her blushing cheek softly, resting his forehead against hers to show his affection for her. "Athrun is the best guy there is... And I want what's best for you, don't you worry, because since I know him... I know how good he is for you.."

She smiled, and because he was so close to her, she couldn't see the sadness in his smile, or notice the tears in his eyes, which was just what he had planned. She shouldn't need to worry about him in a time like this, besides, it made perfect seance that he liked her and Kira shouldn't be angry... after all she was a woman... more Athrun's type...

***

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" the blond man asked as they made their way into the bedroom to change clothes after being out on deck, surprised by a thunderstorm. Athrun sighed and pulled of his uniform, shivering to the bone, happy to relieve himself from the wet clothes. Deakka was playing clueless, as if what he had said the other day had never happened, but Athrun knew him enough to know that that was his way of saying he was listening.

"I kissed Cagalli..." He answered after unbuttoning his pants, his back turned to his friend but he could hear the older one stop in his motions, listening. "And Kira saw it..."

"You what..?" Deakka seemed upset again. Why did he care so much about this? He hardly knew Kira, and yes, he respected him and all, but to be so upset about something like love was not at all like the blond brat. "Why the hell did you kiss her? And you're so stupid you let him see it too?! Are you mad? I had faith in you man!"

"Well I can't help it!" Athrun spat, turning furiously to him, tears threatening to overflow his green eyes. "I didn't tell him I was going but he found out from somewhere and came to the storage! She was already there and when he came in I couldn't take my eyes of him!! I wanted it to be him in my arms and I don't fucking know how it happened but suddenly she was kissing me back and I was..." his voice broke as the tears fell. He had almost not even realized how much it had hurt him to do it. He had just thought about how bad Kira must be feeling... not of how much pain he had also caused himself.

"You kissed her... because you wanted him there..?" Deakka asked, looking away. He had always had a hard time when someone was crying, not knowing how to comfort as Nicol had described it. Nicol had always been the one comforting every one...

Athrun could only nod, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath before his words returned to him. "And now he must be thinking I've moved on... And I'll never get him back... cause we are moving the opposite direction from the Archangel... I won't see him again for another six months..."

The tears were unstoppable and he couldn't control his breath. His hands clenched at his sides as he could hear Kira's voice ring in his ears 'So I'm always your reason for staying, ne Athrun? Then I'm always with you... since you can't always be here... I'll always be in here in stead... in your heart with you...' His knees collapsed and he fell to the ground, his cry piercing though Deakka's heart with such pain he gasped for air, Athrun, hitting the floor with his fists so hard he thought his bones would break.

"Athrun..." Deakka said, his voice calm but worried as he knelt at his friend's side, slowly reaching out a hesitant hand over him before softly stroking his back, affectionately. "...I'm so sorry..." Athrun was shaking, his entire body in shock from the wave of emotions suddenly caching up with him. Deakka took a deep breath and sighed it out, then reached out more, taking Athrun's hands and pulled him close to his own chest, resting his arms around his friend in a warm hug, Athrun so shocked he almost stopped crying. "Kira loves you... so don't give up on him, no matter what you do, don't let him go... I understand that it's hard okay... but you can't give up... I don't want to see you cry like this... got me?"

Athrun felt his tears dripping down even more at those words and he dug his fingers into Deakka's new, dry shirt, crying more than ever as he felt his arms tighten around his own shaking body. This wasn't like Deakka ether... What had happened to that smug teenager he had once known? He would never have done anything like this, he would have told Athrun to get up on his feet and stop crying before he made a fool of himself...

After what seemed like hours Athrun finally calmed down, Deakka's swatter now wet again, Athrun with red eyes and damp cheeks. He looked up at his friend and the older one blushed slightly, letting go of him and stood up, leaving Athrun on the floor, but not before he had made sure Athrun was okay.

"Now get up on your feet and stop crying like a fag..." he snort, looking at Athrun from the corner of his eye. "..before you make a fool of yourself..."

Athrun couldn't help but let a weak laugh leave his lips as he met Deakka's tenderly smiling eyes. He had always been the same, and now Athrun had seen the other side of him, the side he had never thought existed in his friend. He was happy, knowing and understanding now why Deakka had been so upset... he had been caring about a close friend, just like Nicol had been caring. There was a lot they didn't know about each other, Athrun realized, and now he wasn't alone... The feeling was warm. He stood up on slightly shaking legs, resting his weight against the bed and he saw from the corner of his eye how Deakka made a movement as if to be ready to catch him if he fell. Then, when Athrun had regained his balance, the blond turned to his bed again, changing his pants.

"And not one word about this to any one... or I swear I'll kill you with my bare hands.."

"Oh i wouldn't dream of it" Athrun laughed and pulled a T-shirt over his naked skin, feeling the warmth of it calming his nerves a little more, then changing his pants. "But I might just let it slip when I talk to Yzak... you never know..."

"No way!?" Deakka jumped him and pinched the laughing Athrun to the floor, his eyes almost both scared and upset. "Swear you won't or I'll punch your face in!"

Athrun couldn't stop laughing even though he almost couldn't breath from the tight grip on his throat. Deakka had certainly both changed and not changed at all, which was funny, since Athrun had always thought he had him figured. Now seeing that face made him smile, not caring about the situation he was in.

Deakka had always held his back, even without Athrun knowing it. Softly he put his fingers around the blond ones hand and pulled it away from his throat, Deakka not fighting against the movement, he was in shock apparently. When the blond ones hand was out of the way Athrun sat up and immediately hugged him tightly.

"Thank you Deakka..." he smiled, feeling Deakka first tense in surprise then relax a little, even hugging him back. It was warm and Athrun smiled as he could feel Deakka's strong arms hug him, getting the feeling of a big brother all of a sudden. None of them really thought about what position they were in: Athrun on the floor, Deakka sitting over his lap, one leg on each side, holding each other in a tight hug with closed eyes... But Athrun couldn't care less. Besides, Deakka was good at hugging like this... And he needed a hug like this, now more than ever.

Knock. knock.

"Sempai? Athrun?"

The door opened and Lunamaria stepped inside, stopping abruptly in the doorway, her smile draining away at once, her mouth open wide in shock.

-

What the F is wrong with that girl?! :O she always stumbles on secrets doesn't she? ;) well there wouldn't be much of a cliffhanger if she didn't right? ;) And hey Kira, come on! Does he really think Athrun have moved on? Does he seriously think Athrun has fallen for Cagalli now all of a sudden? And how come Murdoch and Deakka know what happened that rainy day? "What was it you said to him back then? I heard you you know" that was what Deakka said :O hmmmm?

There is a lot going on now :O please review and tell me what you think! :D otherwise I won't even know if you like it ;___;

bye! ;3