hey there :D I'm back again! Be happy, because I am currently working on two stories and this one happened to be top priority ;) at least this week :O Though.. I'll be going away next week so if this is not finished by the end of this week you'll know that you might have to wait. I'm sorry

well, I hope you all are having an awesome time and that you'll keep liking this story and reading it to the very end :D

now, do you remembered what happened in last chapter? :O omg that little girl (you know with the pink hair and big boobs ._. no I don't really like her XD) came in on Athrun and Deakka :O when they were doing something highly suspicious to a yaoi-freak like her!! :O well... here you go ;) what will happen?

Warning: This is now a yaoi/shonen ai and I am so sorry but there is more to come :P (okay I am not sorry at all but I have to say this ;)) so if you don't like boyxboy, don't read :O otherwise... if you do like it... you know what to do ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED or Destiny... no matter how much I asked Santa for it ;___;

-

Deakka didn't really react at first, if he was so scared he did not move or if he didn't care, Athrun did not know, but he would have guessed on the last one. Athrun himself, remembering the last chat he had had with the pink haired girl, now blushed more than ever.

"L-Lunamaria..." he said and she immediately dropped the water bottle she was carrying, waking Deakka from his shock. Both boy's stood up, Deakka first up on his legs, moving over to his bed not to have to look at her but Athrun caught a glimpse of his blushing cheeks. Lunamaria was staring at them and Athrun stood up slowly, correcting his pants, but then he realized that would probably make the whole thing even more suspicious so he stopped, moving to his bed too, drying his still wet hair with his towel.

"Why are you here?" he asked when his heart had calmed down. He had just discovered something he had not been totally prepared for. But if he knew the manly body well enough, he could have sworn Deakka had reacted a little different on that hug than he would have expected. There was no way Deakka was in love with him..? right? So... what could that mean..?

"I..." The girl stuttered and then she bent forward and picked up the bottles from the floor. "I was gonna ask if you could come help me with the Impulse... Athrun..." Her blush was even more intense now that she stood up again, but since Athrun was certain his own had vanished he smiled towards her and nodded.

"Sure, I'll be right out"

She nodded and left in a hurry, the door sliding to close behind her, leaving both boys alone again. Athrun sighed and sat down on his bed, watching Deakka's back in wonder. The blond was zipping his swatter shut and then dried his hair without a word.

"You okay?" Athrun asked when the silence started to get to cold. Deakka stopped for a second, then kept drying, still without a word. Athrun sighed again and stood to walk over to his friend but before he came closer, Deakka turned, his eyes burning with humiliation, or maybe... something else... sadness?

"No, I'm not okay" he answered, throwing the cloth to the ground. "She'll take that the totally wrong way, and all the ship will know within two hours! And then, when Yzak gets here, that will be the first thing he will hear and..."

Athrun realized in that second what it was that was different with the young man in front of him... And Deakka realized he had seen it, because he fell silent, watching his feet again. Athrun smiled a little and walked over to him again, not caring if he'd be hit in the face for it.

"I promise you that I'll talk to her okay?" Deakka looked up at those words again and met his eyes, the fire gone now all of a sudden. "And I promise I won't tell Yzak any thing about this ether... so don't you worry?" Athrun smiled, hesitated a moment before deciding that they had already gotten caught in action as they hugged once, so they had nothing to lose. He pulled his friend up close, smiling more as he got hugged back without any struggle. He would never have guessed Deakka and him were in the same mess... never.

After a little while they let go, Deakka not looking up at him but Athrun sighed in content before leaving the room. That Deakka was in love must be the biggest surprise in history... really, Athrun had never thought he would see the day his perverted friend turned gay. He even wondered slightly when he had any way, had he just realized it him self or... long ago?

"See you later fag.." his blond friend called as Athrun opened the door and he snort as answer, but smiled to the side.

"I should say the same to you... but that would be breaking the promise, you know, fag"

"You..!"

Athrun laughed and let the door slide shut behind him, now facing Lunamaria who was standing with her back against the opposite wall, her cheeks flushing as soon as she met his eyes. She bowed immediately and stayed down while speaking fast in a high pitched voice.

"I'm so sorry Athrun! Please forgive me! I didn't think I was interrupting anything! I'm so sorry for causing you trouble!!"

"Luna..." he smiled and waked over to her, his head to the side to really show her she didn't need to be so embarrassed about it. "You didn't interrupt us at all... so don't worry ne?"

She raised her head and nodded but her blush didn't disappear, instead she started walking down the corridor beside him in silence. He wondered when he would tell her she shouldn't spread the word, the wondered if he should tell her the truth about why he had been sitting there hugging Deakka randomly like that...

"I told you though, didn't I?" She asked suddenly, now smiling and looking back at him even though her blush wasn't gone. He watched her in surprise and she shook her head to his obliviousness. "That when you say you're sorry, he'll hug you and say how stupid you are and..." She blushed again and walked fasted, Athrun now laughing at her childish behaviour.

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Lunamaria" she sighed and caught up to her, pulling her close with his hand around her slender waist, making her blush even more. "But he was not the one I was talking about..."

"For being gay you're certainly close to woman.." she squealed and looked down at his arm with burning cheeks, it was not like she wasn't affected by the way he looked, oh God she had had a crush on his gorgeousness for the longest of time!

"I'm not gay" he answered, almost in a whisper and before she could argue he continued. "It might be that case that I am in love with another man, yes... but that is just him, no one else..." She seemed to have no objections and since she stayed quiet he kept on. "And when it comes to me and Deakka just now... He knows about what you have so suddenly found out, and he was comforting me, been though it looked more suspicious than that..."

"Oh..." she said, sounding a little disappointed. "So he was just hugging you then? Nothing more between you guys?"

"That's right, and we would appreciate it if you did not tell any one about what you've seen okay?" he said and she looked even more disappointed at that but didn't argue. "You see, Luna, if you'd tell anyone I'd fear for your own safety."

She stared up at him and he laughed, pulling her closer with a smirk, feeling totally satisfied with himself after being hugged by his friend and then finding out he was gay. It was a utterly satisfying experience... okay that sounded wrong.

"I'm just kidding, but please Luna, don't "kiss and tell" okay?"

"Okay I'll do it for you" she snort and he laughed, following her all the way to the Impulse where Yolant and Vino were already arguing what to do next. Vino was pulling his red nap in frustration, the dark skinned boy beside him hitting him in the head.

"You weren't supposed to do anything until Athrun-sampai came here you know!"

Athrun laughed at them, in areal good mood now, remembering how he and Kira had been when they were younger: just like the two boys in front of him, so carefree and open to everything. He was glad most of the crew here were this happy most of the time, almost as if there had never been a war. He actually felt at home with them, more than he had done on the last ZAFT ship he had been on any way.

"So I heard you needed me boys?"

***

Deakka sighed and let the cloth drop down on his pillow, looking out the window at the rainy skies. His head felt as heavy as the clouds over them, his heart beating heard in his chest as he thought of Kira and Athrun... Him and Yzak. To think about Athrun's relationship made it easier to deal with his own feelings, dealing with his own heartache. That day, half a year ago when he had come to the Archangel to fetch his friend he had not known anything, not even his won feelings. He had walked straight to Kira's room, not thinking at all, followed by Murdoch who wanted to speak to Kira...

Now, thinking back on that day, he thought he should have at least knocked before entering, but he had done exactly what Lunamaria had done now, just walked inside without thinking first...

He smiled a little. After that Athrun had been so embarrassed, and it had even been cute to see him like that. Kira hadn't really cared it seemed, when Deakka and Athrun were on their way to leave he had come running, breath in his throat and eyes brightly shining. Athrun had been shocked but had happily and without hesitation what so ever, jumped out of his Gundam and taken the boy in his arms, kissing him deeply, the brown haired one griping his shirt hard. They had longed for each other and since then Deakka had regretted coming in on them... if he hadn't, they might have been something they weren't today. He hated it, feeling like he was the one responsible for their separation. If he just hadn't walked in on them... if he just hadn't forced Athrun to leave with him that day... just waited the night..?

The feeling had always made him down and he had regretted it so badly he had decided to do anything in his power to get them back together, if it was only for one night, he just had to do it. Because he knew, if he couldn't do that for them, nether he nor Athrun would ever rest, and Kira wouldn't do that ether.. probably. Deakka didn't want to cause any of them more heartache than he already had. So this was what he needed to do, even though he didn't really know how...

And then came his won problems. Oh God, there seemed to be no end to them. And why did the stupid idiot get to break his arm right now?! This was the worst time of year to be down in a "boat" on the high, stormy sea, and of course they had to send Deakka after him!

Still, Deakka was smiling as he thought of it. It was really like the stupid prick, hurting himself in the passion of battle. He had always been the impulsive one, Nicol the warm-hearted, Athrun the serious, strategic one and he himself... yeah what was he? The sidekick? nah.. more, the only one who could keep Yzak calm and the first one to ask the question "what are we fighting for" for real as he had joined the Archangel after they took him as a prisoner.

"Deakka Elsman?" came the sound from the screen on the wall and he stood up and walked over to it, pressing the button to answer.

"Yeah?"

"We are beginning to close up on the island, so you better prepare to launch, Captain says." The young, dark skinned boy smiled at him and Deakka nodded, seeing Athrun in the background, behind the boy.

"I'll be there in a minute, tell Athrun to stay were he is, wanna talk to him before I leave."

"Sure Sempai!"

The screen went dark and he sighed. That damn Yzak, so foolish and so naive. Next time, Deakka promised himself, he would ether go with him from the beginning and this wouldn't happen, or he would not come to fetch him. Yzak was so spoiled that Deakka always came for him, and why did he? Well because he loved.... oh screw it! There was no way he would admit it yet! Not yet!

***

"Athrun... promise me one thing..."

Athrun looked up at his blond friend in the small jet he was piloting to go fetch Yzak. The older man didn't look back at him when he spoke and Athrun felt as if he had done something to offend him... he was seldom like this, it almost scared him, seeing Deakka like that.

"Anything, Deakka" he answered, stepping up to get closer so that Deakka could speak in normal voice. The blond sighed before continuing.

"...when you see Kira, promise me that you won't wait...?"

"Wait?" Athrun was confused, no question about it. He had some how found out Deakka was gay while having him in his lap, then some how tried to understand still why Deakka was so obsessed with him not letting Kira go... What was going on in his mind? Athrun just wanted to understand him, before it was to late.

"Don't wait until the war is over" Deakka continued, looking up at him now, his intense eyes seeking Athrun's gaze and looking their eyes together. "Show him right away you want him, and make sure he gets it... don't wait until it's to late!"

"Athrun! Come on he's launching! get away from there!"

Athrun stepped down on the floor and backed away. He could still see his friend but the cockpit closed and even though he saw Deakka trying to say something he couldn't hear a word of it. Pain surged through his chest and he sighed, tightening his fists. It sounded like Deakka wasn't going to come back any more... Now that Athrun had seen the soft side of him, that thought really hurt... more than he had thought.

With quick movements he then turned suddenly, heading for the screen on the side of the wall. He needed to get though to him, at least do what Deakka had asked him to: promise. With shanking fingers he blipped some of the buttons, waiting for the screen to show him the inside of the jet. Why his hands were shaking he did not know, but maybe it was determination... maybe fright. Deakka looked up on the screen, his eyes widening in surprise as Athrun met his eyes.

"I promise, Deakka" Athrun almost panted, smiling a little at the same time.

"Athrun..."

"But you have to promise you'll come back okay?"

Deakka went from surprised face, to a smile, to a smirk as he snort and looked down, just as he always did, almost as if to hide what face he was making. Athrun didn't know why he had said it or why he had felt such need for his friend to come back soon. There was something with Deakka now that made Athrun feel both vulnerable and at ease being around him. Deakka was one of the few that knew about him and Kira, he was one of the few that had seen Athrun cry... And he had comforted him. Now, when Deakka looked up again, the smirk was shining but Athrun could see the gentle smile underneath it.

"Ah" he said and raised his thumb. "I'll definitely be back, soon, so don't you worry about it fag"

***

"Hey kid, why are you sitting in a place like this? Sulking again?" The rough voice half laughed and Kira looked up to meet Murdoch's smiling face. The older man was smiling like always and somehow it always used to make Kira feel a bit better when he was found by him, but not this time. Maybe he was sulking, but he had no desire to stop doing so.

He was sitting on the floor, his back resting against the foot of Freedom and his head had been rested on his knees and arms when Murdoch found him. Kira had been sitting there, behind the bid Gundam for almost two hours, not wanting to move and not made a sound as soon as he had heard someone come close. He had heard Cagalli calling for him, then listened to Sai as he had tried to calm his sister when they had been up in the Gundam and realized he was not there. But Kira had not even cared... he always used to care about what other people felt, always putting every one else's happiness and well-being, so why..? Why didn't he care his sister was crying..? Why didn't he care when Miriallia came calling for him, saying it was time to eat, even though he could hear the worry in her voice... It felt like every one had passed him in those two hours, like every one had been up in Freedom to look for him... and it nether bothered him, or even moved him at all.

Now when Murdoch, the worker Kira was most afraid of finding him, had done so, Kira just wanted to sink through the floor. Could he never be left alone when he was sad.... "I never want to see you with that lonely look on your face again kira" Athrun's voice suddenly rang in his ears, making him gasp silently. He shook his head, realizing a little to late that Murdoch was still looking down at him, but he tried not to care. Why did he even think about Athrun now? He should stop it right away! Athrun had moved on... and no matter what he had told Kira in the past, those things shouldn't matter to him any more...

So why..? Why did the tears now fall from his cheeks...? Why did the pain only grow stronger when he thought of those green eyes, that gentle smile, those looks of compassion, friendship, comfort, love... Why did he tremble by those memories? Why did that soft voice ring in his ears so desperately...?

"Kira..." the older man whispered, crouched in front of him while laying a soft hand on Kira's shaking shoulder. "If you're happy, be happy... if you're sad, be sad..."

Kira felt as if his lungs were collapsing, suddenly in need of more air than they could bring him. His hands were shaking more than ever, his mind crying for air as his body dropped and his head bumped hard into the strong chest in front of him, causing the man to tense in surprise. Kira's tears were unstoppable, his voice not reaching his lips as he tried to speak, his hands clasped his heart with fingers squeezing his own shirt so tightly they were about to rip the skin underneath.

"Kira..." the man said again as his shock passed, slowly and hesitant raising his hands to embrace the crying boy at his feet. "I'm here... let it out and you won't be alone any more..."

The cry reached his lips, so heartbreaking and terrifying the rest of the ship looked up. Kira couldn't feel it, nor hear it, but as he screamed the ground was shaking, as he pored his feelings out into the open air, the wind stopped to listen. His limbs were trembling along with his heart, his body heat dropping with the tears falling over his damp cheeks. Murdoch gently lifted him closer, away from the cold ground but Kira's body wouldn't stop shaking, his cries did not stop... No words were hared, only the lonely cry from his heart and the sound of his hot tears... leaving his body cold and empty.

"I..." he sobbed, breathing so hard his muscles cramped in his chest, causing the world around him to change shape and disappear no matter how hard he tried to focus, even the ground underneath his feet seemed to leave him hanging... "I... can't..." His head was pounding, his body suddenly wanting to relax as the need for air still pressed on his chest, like if something big was sitting there, over his heart. He tried to scream the words out, but they disappeared, he tried to squeeze the pain away, but his heart only pounded higher in his ears, he tried to cry it all away... but his tears were to dry away... his voice was nothing more than a weak whisper of sorrow as his body fell numb and the pounding noise of his heart suddenly stopped...

***

"So when will you stop being so grumpy?" Deakka snort as they sat in the waiting room, waiting for Yzak to be discharged, the silver haired one refusing to speak a word for the whole two hours Deakka had been there. Deakka sighed and reached for one of the magazines, looking through it even though his eyes did not see what the pages said or showed, he didn't care. "You know I could have just refused to get you... then you'd be stuck here until someone else had time to get you..."

He could see the quick movement in his friend's lips as if he wanted to say something, but Yzak seemed to have learned how to shut up, just to prove his point, he looked out the window, the opposite direction from Deakka.

"You're troublesome you know..." Deakka sighed, not showing at all how frustrated he was, even hurt. He had done this from his friend and as soon as he had stepped into the room, he had gotten that "what the fuck are you of all people doing here" look that Yzak had always looked at Athrun with...Now Deakka had realized why Athrun and this stubborn one had never gotten along... that look Yzak had given him was enough to shut them both up.

The silence fell and to be honest, that was a part of Deakka's plan, because, knowing the troublesome kid better than any one, he knew how much Yzak hated it when it was quiet. The minutes passed, Yzak looking out the window, Deakka looking through yet another paper. And before he knew it, his plan was working.

"You know they don't have porno magazines here" Yzak said, his voice not quite as strong as he had wanted it to be but strong enough, and Deakka was pleased so Yzak just had to add an insult. "Fag..."

Deakka smiled down in the paper, his thoughts going for a moment to Athrun, that stupid fag. Then he led the paper fall back down on the table again, turning back to his friend to find him still looking out the window.

"You're not even going to say thank you?" he asked, seeing how the other one twitched a little, tensing his hands but without speaking. "Do you know how many asses I had to kick to get here?" He could hear Yzak smirk and smiled to himself, at least he wasn't mad for real.

"You always kiss asses Deakka.."

"And look where it got me..." he smirked. "Waiting in a cold, white room with a jerk who doesn't speak to me even though we've known each other since childhood... my my, I should really quit kissing ass I guess, at least stop kissing yours since it doesn't get me anywhere" They fell quiet again, but this time Deakka was sure Yzak would be the one to speak next time... and he was right, as always... though, the words coming from Yzak's mouth were not the ones he would have imagined ever hearing from those lips...

"I missed you too..."

Deakka could not help to make a little sound of surprise, making Yzak turn slowly to look back at him again, for the first time in almost an hour. His blue eyes were more intense than Deakka remembered them being an hour ago, the colour was to much to handle as he softly drowned in them without even fighting against it...

"It's been a while... hasn't it?" Yzak then said, still looking straight into his eyes as Deakka nodded. "You did miss me, right?"

"Yeah..." What was the point in denying that? Besides, they were friends, of course they had missed each other, right...? Wait, Yzak had said.. he had missed...?

Suddenly his pocket vibrated, all too close to a certain spot which made him shiver all the way up his spine. Quickly he looked down and then pulled his cellphone up, Yzak staring at it, just as shocked as Deakka.

"Who is calling you?" he asked in confusion, standing up to walk over to Deakka, his left arm in bondage. "I thought I was the only one ever caring to call you...."

"What, you jealous?" Deakka teased, looking at the little screen "Miriellia..?"

As he pressed the green button and looked up at Yzak he suddenly saw a glimpse of that face he was so used to seeing in Yzak's face... pure jealousy. For real?! Why was he jealous now? He had only been joking, not really believing her was... so why? Because Deakka had been called by someone else... or maybe... Miriellia? Didn't Yzak know they had broken up a long time ago..?

"Deakka here, Miri?"

Yzak turned and headed towards the door, before Deakka could react he had left the room. He would have folowed his friend and was even about to tell the girl to call him back later but suddenly he hared her upset breathing and he stopped.

"Miri? what happened? You okay?"

"No I'm not... I mean... yeah but..."

Deakka sank down in the same seat Yzak had been using, pressing the phone close to his ear to be able to hear her though it, as she was talking really far away from the mike.

"Miri, please try to calm down" he said in a steady voice, hating when she was this upset, he had always cared about her but when she was like this his heart ached more than ever. "Take a deep breath and then tell me what happened?" The girl on the other side of the line did as he asked until her breath had calmed enough for her to speak normally.

"There was some kind of accident... I... I don't know what happened..." she breathed out and he tried his best to be able to hear her words. "I tried to reach the Minerva but they are to far away and.. I didn't know who else to call and..."

"Miri, what kind of accident? Are you hurt?! Where are you?" he couldn't stay calm ether, now so worried he thought he might burst open on the spot. He even jumped out of his seat.

"Deakka, you need to tell Athrun!" she cried out, making him drop dead in his movements... he recognised this manner in her voice, she wasn't the one in need... he had heard her speak like this so many times to the Freedom... it couldn't be... "I don't have any way of telling him! He needs to know! Please Deakka..."

"What must I tell him... Miri?"

"Kira... he is..!!"

-

"Kira wa... nani??" What happened to Kira?! :O will he be okay? what is it Miriallia needs to tell Athrun?! Will Athrun find out before it is to late? And will he ever have the chance to tell Kira he is still desperately in love with him...?

And poor Deakka... caught in all this, his own problems hanging over him like a giant balloon ready to burst... What will Yzak do when he finds out his best friend is... well... likes him in a more romantic light than he would have ever guessed?! :O find out soon!!

and please keep reviewing :D and you who haven't done that yet... please tell me what you think :D I'll be so happy! :D