Hey again! I am so sorry it has been so long! Really, I've beaten my self up over this and well, today I had enough! Cancelled all my things and just wrote ^^ So I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter! There will be some making up and some revealing ;) I also hope that some of you will feel a bit better after this chapter... because there are some question marks that I hope I cleared up for you all ;)

Warning!: this is a shonen ai! (and there will be yaoi -.- I promise you!) which means boyxboy. If you haven't realized this yet, I think that you are quite thick headed (sorry but you have to agree :O right? :O seven chapters with "Oh Kira! I love you!" XD any way) so if you don't like it, don't read it ^^ cause it is not my problem if we have different interests!

Disclaimer: I don't own the show Gundam SEED and not Destiny either ^^ I'd like to though :( it is so damn wonderful! (I do own the words I have written however so please don't copy ^^' )

Deakka's voice had been trembling so bad, his eyes glossy in a way Yzak had never before seen them. Even though his childhood friend had told him to get out with a voice so furious Yzak had almost seen flames coming out from his mouth, Yzak still had not gotten further away from the room than the meeting room, down the hall. This was where he had stopped to lean against the cold wall in panic, his breath quick as if he had been running a mile.

What had they done wrong? What on earth was missing them? They had always fought, but never like this. The feeling of emptiness was so intense, Yzak was losing his breath only thinking about it, about Deakka's face... his trembling voice. Why had nothing helped...? Why did all his words seem so useless at a time like this when they were needed so badly...?

'Deakka..' he thought as he closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the cold surface of the wall. 'You and me... why did we grow so far apart? Why did I not fight for my right to be closer to you...? why did you... think you stopped understanding me, when you were the only one that has ever gotten this close to me? The only one ever who really... got the real me...'

"Commander Jule!" came a sudden harsh voice from the other side of the corridor as one of the workers came rushing towards him. "They need you back on the bridge, captains orders!"

Yzak sighed and opened his eyes slowly, feeling slightly sick from the rocking of the waves under the ship. His only wish was for him and Deakka to speak again, he could not leave it at this. He needed Deakka... really. Even though he had been denying it for years now, he needed his friend desperately. This was not allowed to happen, and still it had, so now, he needed to speak to him right away! Before it was to late!

"I'll be there in a while" he answered, turning away from the man calling out to him. "tell the captain I'm..."

"No! You needed to come right away they told me!" the man insisted, his voice still showing signs of breathlessness, he had been running all the way there. "We're approaching the Archangel!"

***

Athrun stood restlessly waiting at the door, knowing that in a few minutes it would open and this mysterious friend of his would enter. The friend that was coming to the Minerva because he said he knew Athrun needed him... the friend that obviously knew Athrun really well and yet, Athrun could not figure out who it was! It had been bugging him for more than an hour now, that no matter how many people he had thought of, he could not remember any one that would say something like that... His mind had been spinning and he had had no appetite earlier, which now meant his stomach was screaming like thunder and Meyrin had been worrying...

He had been kept company by her all this time, he mostly just standing there with nervousness written all over his body, she trying to get him first to eat, then to drink something and after failing with both of them she also failed in getting him to talk. Well, she didn't give up though. She had for the last fifteen minutes been trying to get him to talk to her about the reason to why her sister had been spending the night with him, in his bed... which had actually amused him enough to speak up.

"Athrun-san...." she pleaded and tried to use her puppy eyes on him again. "Please tell me? I swear I won't tell any one! And besides, She will tell me later any way so if you tell me now I can act surprised later!"

"If she will tell you later, why should I do it now?" he smiled and watched the time again. The docking ship should be there any moment. "Isn't it better if you don't know? Then you don't have to act surprised when she tells you?"

"But come on!!" she whined and pulled his uniform sleeve. "What if she tells someone else first?! I mean I'm here with you right now, what if she goes to..."

"To whom?" he laughed and put his warm hand on her head, as he imagined a big brother would have done. "You are the only girl here she feels comfortable around after all, Meyrin. And besides, I know you two sisters, and you don't keep quiet to any one if you get in on a secret..."

At this she wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out to him, blushing with embarrassment and irritation. He just smiled and ruffled her bang with soft fingers, pulling in a deep breath and sighing. This whole thing was getting on his nerves, everything with this friend and all complications with Kira... he just... needed to get some kind of therapy or at least some serious relaxation.

"Come on!" she said again, her bottom lip shaking a little. "I just wanna know... if you really are like... together now or something..."

Athrun even felt his eyes widen at this, seeing how the girl's expression changed from irritated to almost sad. He really did not need more girls to fall for him and this one especially, he had always treated her as his little sister more than any one... Poor girl. Did she really think he and Lunamaria would end up together? That she did not have a chance against her sister's looks and personality..? Yeah, he had seen how Meyrin watched her sister's every move, how she used to look at her self in mirrors, trying to correct her hair... trying to make her uniform fit her better... Meyrin had always been jealous of her older sister but being the sweet girl she was, she had never said it or even tried to make Luna's life a hell. She had just quietly suffered from it, every time Lunamaria was better... older... more beautiful... smarter...

"Meyrin..." he smiled and for a moment forgot about "the friend" and all other problems, placing his warm hands on her shoulders and meeting her deep gray-blue eyes. "...listen to me. I know that you think your sister is so much more than you... I've seen the way you look at her, but believe me, there is nothing between me and her... there never will be. And even though you would say she is still better than you, that will never be true..."

"Athrun-san..." she blushed. She was the only one really realizing how close he was to her. "...I... what are you talking about...?"

"Don't act as if you don't know it Meyrin" he smiled and pulled her into a warm hug, feeling her relax against his chest. "...You and Lunamaria are completely different, good in different way but to me, you are equally beautiful... so don't you worry any more, okay?"

"hai..." she sniffed, gripping his uniform and in that moment he suddenly realized, this was the only thing she needed. She might like him but... what she needed was someone who held her, telling her how beautiful she really was, warming her. He smiled, remembering this most be the same feeling he had had earlier when Lunamaria had come to his room...

"Nothing happened..." he whispered, smiling, still holding Meyrin close in his arms.

"Eh?" she said, shifting her body in his hold, looking up at him.

"Yeah..." he said as their eyes met again, his smile growing stronger. "She came to my room, I wasn't feeling will at all.. she did comfort me the best she could but she was tired and when she sat by my bedside she fell asleep..." He saw a little smile grow on the younger girl's cheeks and he sighed again, closing his eyes slightly. "I put her down in my bed, and yes, I slept beside her but more than that no, I wouldn't have done anything with her..."

"you sure?" she asked, now blushing again. "I mean... she is pretty and beautiful and smart and has the best body and all and she is gentle and kind and..."

"Meyrin" he interrupted with a smile, looking into her gaze again. "you have all that too you know, all you just said, that is you as well... don't forget that, ever."

"But... still.." she whispered while biting her lip. "she likes you, right?"

"Even though she might like me, my feelings towards her will always be the feelings of a friend..." he sighed and he could see the confusion growing in her gaze. "I am not in love with her, and I already have someone else waiting for me... so I would never..."

As his voice broke, all feelings and thoughts returned to him, almost as if they were sent from that look of worry Meyrin was giving him. 'Waiting for me...' he though, feeling his eyes burn like they had not burned in ages. 'Is he really...? Why would he be waiting for me... after what I've done to him.. I don't deserve it... and still... I wish... he was waiting for me still...' Before he cold stop them, the tears fell... slowly making their way down over his pale skin, landing on her red locks...

"Athrun...san?" her eyes grew bigger, her cheeks flushed but there was nothing she could say or do to stop those tears. "W-what's wrong Athrun..?"

He closed his eyes, tired of it all. Why hold back the tears? So what if everyone knew just how sad he was? So what if Meyrin would spread the word all over the world..? If she did, maybe Kira would hear them? Maybe he would hear how sorry he was, how much he missed him... Why? The only thing he needed... the only one he wanted...

In the darkness, strong arms enveloped him onto a warm embrace, softly pressing him against a strong chest, holding him closer than imaginable. He knew he was crying more now, but quietly – still somehow trying to hide his sadness even though it didn't really matter any more. He didn't even question those strong arms for a second, didn't even think twice about where they came from, who they belonged to... Maybe they were just his fantasy, because who and why would any one do this..? Hugging him tightly like this..?

He gripped the fabric underneath his fingers hard, closing his eyes even harder, feeling the fabric dampen under his cheeks. The arms tightened around him once more, relaxing his body slowly... his tears cascading like a waterfall down his already wet cheekbone.

"Take me away from here..." he heard his own voice whisper, but he did not get a response. 'oh... it was just my imagination then... after all... no one here would do this for me...' Even though he should not have even thought twice about it, the fact that he was truly alone hurt more than it should... Really, this was a war... he shouldn't be emotional... right? "I don't want to be here any more... please..." so why did he keep trying to reach out for a hand that did not even exist?

"I know Athrun..." a warm voice suddenly answered, the voice of the one holding him... making Athrun's breathing stop and his heart skip a beat. He knew this voice... so well. "That's why I'm here after all... idiot..."

***

"I don't need you..."

Warm drops dripped over his cheeks, sending shivers down his spine. He was so cold, even though the water from the shower was so hot his skin was turning red. He couldn't hear anything else than the sound of the cascading water against the floor, and his fists were squeezed so tightly his nails were about to break his skin.

"I don't need you..." his shaking voice echoed again against the cold walls... but he knew those words were just a lie. It was all just a lie... The warmth from the cascading water was burning, his eyes were hurting... he was crying. The shower was hiding his tears. He didn't care if he got burnt by the water, he didn't even care if he drowned in it... He wasn't even supposed to cry, not alone... 'At least when you cry, let me be there and hold you...' that soft voice whispered in his mind... So why did he cry?

"Yzak.." he whispered as he gave in to his tired legs and sunk down on the white floor. "I'm so sorry..."

The pain caused by his nails slowly faded away as he closed his eyes tightly, quietly wishing for the door to open and seeing his friend rushing inside, but the room was now even more silent than before. Not even the sounds the ship was making could be hared... So he relaxed his eyes, feeling the slight rocking of the ship, feeling the burning water mix with his tears. How long had he been there on the floor..? The time felt like an eternity, still at the same time it felt like only seconds had passed since Yzak had walked out that door...

"I guess... I told you some really bad things... didn't I, Yzak..?" he whispered, his mind dizzy and his vision blurry as he tried to look through the steaming water. "I need to talk to you... Yzak..."

***

"Where is that bastard?!" Yzak cursed as he looked around furiously. He knew he had screwed it all up, he knew it was all his fault, that he had provoked all this... even though Deakka had been the one to tell him to leave.. really, it was all his own fault... And now, even though they had called out through the entire ship that the Archangel was closer than ever, that they would soon be able to make radio contact... where was Deakka? He, who had been so worried...

"Commander Jule!" a voice called but he ignored it, his irritation growing by the second. These stupid people! Couldn't they decide anything for themselves? They had already stopped him from apologizing to Deakka once, were they trying to fuck his entire life up?

"Commander!"

"What?!" He spat and turned, his blue eyes cold as ice and his breath quick. "What can you possibly say that can make me interested in a moment like this?! hugh?"

The man stopped and looked scared but there was something in him, maybe he had been given an absolute order, because even though Yzak looked ready to kill him, he did not back away, and he did not stop himself from telling his message.

"What if they attack?" he asked, his voice shaking a little but his brown eyes clear from fear. "What if the Freedom comes and attacks us? The captain wonders what to do... we have no weapons powerful enough to..."

"The Freedom will not come..." Yzak answered, banging his fist into the wall, feeling his hatred and sorrow mix to a dangerous mixture of emotions.

"But what if you are wrong about..." the man tried but Yzak had had ti with him and all other people who tried to get to him through all this emotional shit. With two quick steps he was so close to the young man they bodies collided.

"If you say another word about this matter..." he hissed through his teeth. "I will personally make sure you and your girlfriend will never be able to have children..." his hand groping the man's pants so hard he cried out in pain and fear. "Got me?"

"Y-yes sir..." the man whined but Yzak did not let go just yet.

"And make sure to tell the captain too..." he whispered. "That if he does not trust my judgment as a commander... he might come straight here and say it to my face, and I'll make sure not to treat him any different than I've been treating you!"

With those words he let go of the man's groin, feeling a little disgusted with himself for doing something like that but not regretting it. They deserved to be punished... sort of. With his head held high he then left the man in pain on the floor. He had more important things to attend to...

"Deakka!" he shouted outside their room, knocking hard on the door. "You in there? We're catching up to the Archangel... I want you to be there with me!"

There was no answer and immediately his anger bubbled up. At least he tried here, he was trying to make up for what he had said and done... why couldn't Deakka do the same? They had always been friends right? So... even though they might have glided apart... couldn't they both fight to get back to where they once were? Didn't that mean just as much to Deakka as it did to Yzak..?

"Deakka!" his fists hurt when he knocked harder but he did not care. "Please open up! I... I'm sorry okay? I don't want it to be like this... so please just open and we can talk about this!"

There was still no sound... Yzak's heart started to loose confidence now. Was it really gonna end like this...? Was this Deakka's answer..? Or was he somewhere else..? Maybe he had already gone to the bridge? And maybe they had both passed each other without knowing! But... then they wold have called him back there... right?

"Damn..." his sighed, his mind confused again. 'Why do you always make me feel like this... stupid idiot...' He opened the safety lock, quickly opening the door from the outside. He had not wanted to do it, he had wanted to give Deakka the choice, but now he felt like... if he did not see him soon... there would be no going back for them, and he was not ready to give him up... not now, not ever...

"Deakka I'm sorry I just opened the door but..." his voice died away. The room was empty, the bed left in chaos... He stood still for what seemed like and hour before he realized the shower was on... Slowly he walked over there, feeling the warmth from the steam reach his face as he opened the door. The room was so hoot he almost couldn't breath, the steam so thick he first couldn't see anything at all.

"Deakka..?" he asked as he went closer to the shower, trying to see anything through the fogged up glass. "...I... you know... I'm really sorry about what happened..." he continued, trying to wipe the glass from fog, not really thinking about the fact that Deakka was probably gonna be mad if he saw him naked. "...I just... we need to talk so if you can finish..."

In a second, the world turned black and all sounds seemed to go just as foggy as the bathroom had been. Deakka was lying on the white tile floor on his side, his head facing away from Yzak, his body soaked with the hot water. He was not moving...

"Deakka!"

Without even thinking twice he threw open the door separating him from his childhood friend, he didn't even turn of the water before falling to his knees, pulling his friend into his arms. He immediately felt the warm water burn his skin and pulled both himself and Deakka away from it, still holding him in his arms, tightly.

"Deakka, wake up.." he whispered desperately, reaching out to turn the water of, then reaching for a towel to at least try to get Deakka dried up. It was so warm in the room even Yzak started feeling dizzy, no wonder Deakka had fainted. At least there seemed to be no wounds on his head so he might not even have hit it, since he was lying with one arm under his head.

"Come on... please open your eyes..." he said again, his voice shaking so badly he cold hardly form the words. He was getting cold, his soaked clothes slithering close to his skin, but he didn't care... What was the point if caring if Deakka was not waking up? "Please Deakka..! I'm sorry for saying those things, for causing you that pain... I'll never do it again, I promise!" he whispered, pulling Deakka closer in his arms, the big towel wrapped around them both... 'I'll make it better... no matter what I'll have to do, I'll be with you...' he thought as he buried his face in Deakka's chest, his eyes burning.

"I'll do anything for you..." he said into the soft skin, shivering at the feeling of the wet drops finding their way down his spine. "...I'll stop being so damn proud... stop being so stubborn... I'll do anything just, please, wake up... cause I can't stand another minute without hearing your voice... without you"

"...idiot..." a weak response came, whispered out from between those slightly smiling lips and Yzak looked up immediately, his eyes suddenly filling up with tears.

"Deakka... you..."

Deakka's soft hand gently entangled themselves in Yzak's silver colored locks, his eyes still closed but his lips still in a smile, his gentle touch so soft Yzak could hardly feel it at first.

"I said..." Deakka whispered, his grip tightening around his hair. "...I can't really see you doing something like this... Yzak... this really isn't.. like you... you know"

"Idiot!" Yzak shouted without any control over either his tears nor his feelings. "I was worried about you! And still you just make it look like a joke! Don't you even care?! That we had that fight..?! Didn't it even bother you that I was.."

"Yzak..." Deakka interrupted, finally opening his eyes, meeting Yzak's blue ones with the calmness only Deakka could master. "...thank you... for worrying about me."

***

Athrun did not dare opening his eyes, afraid that this would all turn out to be a dream... afraid that the strong arms holding him would disappear as soon as his eyes looked up. He knew that they were back in his room, he knew that the door was closed and that, if he opened his eyes and the person disappeared... he would be all alone again. Still, those arms kept holding him, closely, tightly, with a warmth Athrun had not felt since the last time Kira had held him... His tears had not stopped... no matter how he had tried, they just wouldn't stop exposing his feelings to these warm arms...

'No matter what I do... no matter where I go... he is always on my mind... and still, right now, I don't want this person to let me go... cause even if he is not Kira, even if he can never be... I feel safe... in these arms...'

"I don't care about the war any more..." he whispered, tightening his grip around the red fabric in his hands. Red? had he opened his eyes? he wasn't even sure himself... but even though he had opened them and even though he could clearly see the red fabric of the ZAFT elite uniform right in front of his eyes, the warmth of this embrace did not disappear at all.

"I know Athrun..." The warm voice said, closing their grip tighter around him, half lifting him from the floor with calmness. "...you don't have to care about it any more..." Athrun smiled, knowing that this person, his friend, could never understand how much he was helping right now... still, somehow this was exactly what he needed... so how... how come he came now? How come he knew..?

"You know..." Athrun finally said as he felt his head starting to pound from his returning headache, his tears running out of steam. "...I never thought it would be you... I mean, that you would come here..."

"Hm?" the voice smiled, still holding him close, still comforting him more than any one ever had done. "And why is that..? Isn't that a little unfair, considering that I've been like a brother to you..?"

"I don't know..." Athrun responded, smiling a little now, his stomach starting to feel warm again. 'Thank God it's him...' "...and I'm sorry, but I never thought you would come down here just to hold me..."

"And that is why you don't look at me?" the man laughed and softly traced Athrun's cheekbone with his fingertip, softly making him lift his face their green eyes meeting for the first time in so long Athrun thought it would knock the breath out of him. "Because you can't believe I will still be here if you look at me?"

"Yes..." he almost whispered as those green eyes saw straight through him the moment they met his gaze. How long hadn't he been wanting to see him? how long hadn't he wished they could speak again? Like they had spoken when they were younger? About everything and nothing... about Kira.... After all... they could talk about everything without having to worry...

"But you see..." the older man smiled and shook his slightly orange bang out of his eyes. "I'm still here.... and I'm not going any where Athrun."

"Heine..."

***

"So you're sure you'll be okay..?" Yzak said, pulling on his spare uniform, looking down at Deakka who was half snuggling with his cover. The blond man half laughed and stretched himself out on the bed.

"Of course" he answered and gave Yzak a gaze filled with pleasure. "I get to sleep while you get to work your ass of on the bridge... I've never been better."

"Oh you little bastard..." Yzak sighed and dried his hair some more, still cold from the old uniform which he had been spending some time in earlier, all soaked and cold. "...I'll be back to check on you later then..."

"Yeah, I'll probably be sleeping though" Deakka teased, knowing how tired Yzak was, knowing everything about him since they were childhood friends after all. He had somehow realized just how well he understood that guy... He had just been so scared of loosing him that all thoughts in his mind had been messed up... really... why had they fought in the first place?

"Just so you know..." Yzak suddenly said, his back turned to Deakka, standing right by the door, so close to leaving the room Deakka shivered by the memory of last time he had left. "I... I never meant to treat you badly when I had you escorted of the bridge before... and... you really... are the only person who's ever known me... so..."

"Yzak..." he sighed as he sat up in the bed. "You don't need to say anything... I... was just scared and I know you didn't mean anything by it... I never meant for my words to go as far as you thinking I didn't want to be your friend ever again... God, I should have just... told you how I felt about it instead of saying all those harsh things to you..."

"I guess we are more alike than we'd care to admit..." Yzak smiled and sighed. "...but I'm still... sorry..."

In a flash Deakka had left the bed, stepped across the room with his arms stretched and wrapped them around Yzak's soft waist, earning himself a soft gasp from his friend's surprised body. He couldn't leave it at this. 'You're such an idiot Yzak..' he thought, burying his face in the soft bend of the other one's neck. 'Why can't you see what I'm trying to tell you..? Why do you have to be so damn stubborn when it comes to your feelings...'

"D-Deakka?" Yzak gasped, gripping Deakka's embracing arms in his surprise. "You're still cold..? Should I stay..? The others can wait until I return don' worry... I'll..."

"Shut up for once..." Deakka answered, feeling his skin tingle with the touch of those soft fingertips.

"What are you...?" the silver haired one started but before he knew it Deakka had turned him around, looking straight into his eyes with his violet orbs, holding his wrists tightly against the surface of the door. Yzak was so shocked he couldn't even protest, his mind so shaken his knees almost buckled under his weight, but Deakka held him up.

"I'll never part from your side..." Deakka whispered, his eyes both desperate and strong, his breath uneven, because of his fever or his feelings he did not care... nothing but this mattered. "..."cause I can't stand another minute without you..." so don't walk away from me again, cause right now, I need you more than ever..."

As Deakka came closer the world stopped turning, the ship stopped rocking... even Yzak's heart seemed to stop beating. He could hear nothing but Deakka's breath, see nothing but him, feel nothing but those lips... gently pressed against his own. Finally...

***

"Cagalli... how are you..?" Miriellia whispered, softly wrapping a blanket around her blond friend's cold shoulders then handing her a cup of tea. The older girl sighed, lowering her gaze and shaking her head. Miriellia sighed as well, softly closing her arms around her friend's back, hugging her tightly, forcing her tears back, knowing that she had to be strong... knowing that no matter how much this hurt her, it was thousand times worse for Cagalli...

"It hurts... more than ever..." Cagalli whispered, pressing the cold fingers she was holding between both her tanned hands, her tears falling slowly down her damp cheeks, landing with a soft sound on the soft skin of her little brother. "He is so cold..."

"Cagalli..." Miriellia said softly, hiding her sadness the best she could, trying not to look down at his face because she knew.. if she did, she would never be able to stop crying... "...come with me, please... you need to eat something..."

"I don't want to leave him alone..." Cagalli protested quietly, gripping her brother's hand harder, her tears unstoppable. "...look at him... what if he wakes up when I'm gone..!"

"Cagalli...!" her eyes over flooded by her friends naive wishes, her tears hitting the back of Cagalli's neck. "Please stop this..."

"But... Miri he might..."

"No, Cagalli..." she said, lowering her eyes slowly, seeing his face... like a sleeping angel, so peaceful, all relaxed, yet so cold. "He won't wake up again... Cagalli... no matter how long you sit here... no matter how long you try to warm his hands... they won't be warm again..."

The cry of her friend filled the air, spreading through the ship like the cry of thousand losses. Everyone hared it, everyone felt it... the loss... the sadness.. the pain.

'Kira... ' Miriellia thought, grasping for the wall not to fall. '...I wish... you were still here...'

Oh... well?

A lot happened during this chapter, and still, hardly any time passed it seems. It was a good thing Heine Westenfluss arrived at least Athrun got someone to hold on to!! The stroy of them might be included in chapter eight! but only of you say you want it! :O so please review and tell me if you wanna hear what their story is!

And Deakka and Yzak... "Finally" wouldn't you agree? :D We'll see what Yzak's reaction is to this sudden sexual harassment XD And what will happen when they finally reach the Archangel..? how about Athrun...

and... Kira...? hmm... *ashamed*

Things will start to unfold from now on, and soon this story will be at its end. I hope you all will enjoy the last couple of chapters! And I'll try to upload them soon! Though school starts soon for me so we'll see how much time I get to write. (God I feel awful about this chapter by the way ^^' The last part was not really... easy to write... )

see you asap! and you guys, please review :D I get so hyped from reading your thoughts and ideas that I just can't wait to write another chapter! So please do :D:D And thanks to all of you who have already helped me so much :D love to you guys!