Disclaimer:I don't in any way,shape, or form own Naruto or any of the pop culture references that show up. If I did own Naruto, Sakura would've been a pirate....she would be A LOT more interesting. I would make Saukra...FUN. ^_^

Chapter 2 of my Crack fic. about Kisame and Nemo the cat in which the fourth wall is destroyed. The Trio are on their way to Petsmart until they find a fork in the road, but each path leads to a horrible fate.

Plus,Hidan's secret past and the reason to why he never wears a shirt Revealed.

Also, look for all the subliminal Skinny Puppy product placement that appear during that flashback.

Enjoy.

Kisame: *is walking along side Hidan while Deidara is hovering a few feet away with Nemo behind them* *is holding up a cruedly drawn map that Pain drew for them* . . .my eyes are vomitting. . .

The Quartet: *reaches a fork in the road*

Hidan: Ok Blueballs, which way?

Kisame: *checks the map* ...according to this, if we take the left path well end up at a large body of water...no..no my mistake, I think that might be a blue crayon smuge...

Hidan: GODDAMMIT!

Kisame: *sighs* I know Hidan! This entire crusade is ridiculous!

Hidan: What?No! I'm upset because those were MY crayons!MINE! How dare Pain use my crayons without asking me first! You have to be like, the rudest fucking person in the universe not to!

Pain: *Using the Rinnegan to make his voice boom from the sky...I believe that was one of it's powers* YOU CAN PROVE NOTHING!

Kisame: yes...well the right path will take us to this.....cat....looking...thing...

Pain: *voice returns* IT'S A SPHINX YOU IDIOT! CAN'T YOU SEE THE WINGS AND TAIL!

Kisame: *turns the map to a different angle*....Oh. OH! I see it now!

Pain: *voice fading* YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!!!!!

Hidan: So which way?

Kisame: I'm really not sure. I really hate to say it, but we need Deidara. Wow. Three words I thought I'd never say!

Deidara: *too busy playing with Nemo to hear Kisame*

Nemo: *batting at Deidara's ponytail like it was a gaint blonde cat wand*

Deidara: Look! He likes me, un!

Hidan: *sighs* A girl playing with her pussy. . .

Kisame: *bonks Hidan over the head with Samehada to silence him* Quiet You!

Hidan: WHAT!? It's true!

Deidara: *sticks all three tounges out at Hidan* Jealous, un?

Hidan: You know what Rapunzel, I'm really not.

Kisame: Anyway, Deidara do you think you could fly up so we could get a better idea of which path to take?

Deidara: I'll do it! Not for us. Not for Nemo. But for the love of art! *Flies up*

Kisame: *waiting for Deidara's report* So...Hidan, I have a question-

Hidan: -I have no answer.

Kisame: Ha ha. Anyway, why don't you ever wear a shirt? Is there some kind of wacky religious reason or do you just not like them?

Hidan: No...that's not the reason...

Kisame: Well...what is it then- *notices Hidan's clenched fist trembeling*

Hidan: *is having a very tramatizing flashback about why he never wears a shirt*. . .

Kisame won't know what happened, but YOU will...Lucky You.

Also look for all the subliminal Skinny Puppy Product Placement. . .

Hidan: *is nine years old* Daddy!? Can I wear your Skinny Puppy T-Shirt??? *big, sparkly, Hidan eyes of Childhood wonder...Jesus, that sounds adorable...Think about it.I want a stuff animal of that. It's precious*

Dracula: Well I don't see why not. Here, my son. *tosses the large Skinny Puppy T-shirt to Hidan* *That's right, Dracula is Hidan's you really that surprised? He's immortal and drinks blood, it's not rocket science people)

Hidan: Yay!Thank you Father! I love you Daddy!I love EVERYTHING! *attempting to put on the shirt* Hmm!~ Smells like a Pine Forest! Now...where is the opening for the head....no...that's not it...where is it!? Daddy, I think this shirt might be too big for me...DADDY!?!?! I CAN'T FIND MY WAY OUT!!!DADDDEEEE!!!!!!!!

Dracula: I knew I should've gave him a compass!! * grabs some scissors* Don't worry Hidan! Daddy's Coming!

Hidan: *is struggling like a opposum trapped in a net* THIS IS WHAT HELL MUST FEEL LIKE!!!

Dracula: *cuts a hole into his Skinny Puppy shirt and pulls out a trembeling Hidan out* Hidan!? My son, are you ok?

Hidan: oh yes father, I'm ok. Everything is rainbows and bumblebees and- HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL!!!I COULD'VE DROWNED SOMEHOW!! YOU CAN GO SUCK A BLOODY FUCKING WANK FOR ALL I CARE YOU FAILURE AS A FATHER!!!!

Dracula: Christmas is ruined!

So in conclusion, Knowing the truth about Iconic band shirts he murdered his father Near the month of November which was Yesterday, Poses the question to Us about body ProPortions and clothing. You decide if he was right.

End of the Subliminal Skinny Puppy Product Placement Flashback. . .

Hidan: *is now lying on the ground, hunched over in the fetal position* ...Piney....Scents....

Deidara: *flying back down to them* Ok. I've got good news and bad news, un.

Kisame: What do you mean by that?

Deidara: Well...theres this lake on the left path...and a sphinx on the right path un...

Pain: *Voice returns* I TOLD you!!

Kisame: So, what's the good news then?

Deidara: Nemo. If you please.

Nemo: *sits up after hearing his name holding an oddly shaped clay sculpture in his mouth* Nyew?

Kisame: . . .you're kidding me. . .

Deidara: *shakes head* Nope, un! Little guy made that clay mouth all by himself! My friends, we are in the presence of a true artistic mastermind, besides me of course. Infact, I should ask Leader-sama about making him my parnter instead of Tobi,un!

Hidan: *still lying on the floor* . . .QUEER!

Kisame: As why Princess K thinks your sexy is still a mystery to me. . .

Deidara: *grins impishly*

Kisame: If we could, can we please get back to this poor excuse of a plot?

Hidan: *Gets up* Fine.

Deidara: *sighs* If you insist, un.

Nemo: Nya!

Kisame: Well, I think we should go right.

Hidan: Why? I figured a fish-man like you Blueballs would take the path that has more water.

Kisame: Normally I would but this is a Princess K fan project. The second we get to the lake she'll probably make us get eaten by some horrible sea monster of something. Or I'll spontaniously explode while you and Deidara do a really graphic yaoi/lemon scene on top of my ashes.

( Princess K: ...What I DO!?)

Kisame: or she'll for no appreant reason, make a very obsure Hellraiser reference!

Back at the Akatsuki Hideout of Doom . . .

Konan: *is playingJenga with Pain, deciding which block to remove* *looking at one of the top pieces*

Pain: ........do that and I'll tear your soul apart.

Konan: *sighs* Pain

Pain: Shut up Square! I'm Pinhead! (Get it? Cuz' he already has all the head piercings!)

Konan: Fine. Pinhead-

Pain: Fine, if thats how your attitude is going to be like, I'm gonna go play with Sasori's bondage equipment...because I'm Pinhead like that...

Back To the Rat Pack. . .

Kisame: ok you see, that's exaclty what I was talking about.

And so, the foursome took the right path with the horrible sphinx. Find out what surprises await them in Chapter 3!!

.....heh heh...Foursome....