Chapter 2: Scene 1: The Meaning of Christ's mass
"Oh, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our savior & lord". "What? He is my Savior? I must meat him!" X-avier says. Suddenly, Jebus appears out of thin air. "X-avier, you know the road to hell is paved with good intentions." He said. X-avier slapped him with a piece of meat. If he can appear out of thin air... That means he can defy the laws of physics, whilst still abiding to Newton's Law of Fudge! "How can you be, if I am being, and she is being, yet we cannot appear & disappear? Does this mean that there is NOMEANING TO TIME & SPACE?!!" X-aviers head explodes, and reforms out of pudding. "[|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||]", Jebus said. The old lady jumps out of the window and falls on her own shears. Santa appears, in all his fat, fuzziness. "Yo, dog, what up?" Santa says. "What is this strange language you speak of?" X-avier questions. "I's the language of Gs. If you don't like it, smell ma ass!" "OK." He then smells Santa's buttocks. "Dumbass foo! Anyways, me & my Home dog Jeezus can't make it this Christmas. We gotsta hit some clubs, yo!" "Yes. e must search out sinning souls to show them the way." Jesus chimes in. "Yeah... Whateva. So we need you!" "Well... I'll do it! But only if Jebus teaches me how to disappear." X-avier says. "Deal!"
Chapter 2: Scene 2: X-avier Prepares
"Well, I must firstlearn the ways of Satan" X-avier tells Santa. "I'm tellin' ya, foo, ma name's not Satan! It's Santa!" "Now, what is your first lesson, o fat one?" "DON'T CALL ME FAT!" Santa says and grows into giant proportioins, and then shrinks back. "Our first lesson is how to treat the elves. You must treat them with respect, and- screw dis shit. Hey, you elf! You better work harda, bitch, before I put a bullet in yo ass! See, that's how to talk to dem foos." "I see." The elf once again slacks off, and Santa shoots it with his magnum. "OK, now for lesson 2: the Reindeer. First, you've gotta get on it. Then, you whip 'em." As he says this, he whips some Reindeer with a Cat o' Nine Tails. "Now, they'll just fly." As he says THAT, the Reindeer start to fly. "Alright, biatch, now let's see if you can do it." He says and guides the Reindeer back down. X-avier hugs their bellies, and then whips himself. "Foo. Now, onto our final lesson: Delivering the presents. Them children are greedy bitches, and each one gets 3 boxes. All dem boxes are in these fattass bags. Each one has an address on 'em, and you deliver 'em to the right address or someone's gonne get PISSED! Oh, and whatever you do, don't deliver any presents to Iraq. DO NOT!!!"