"So," said Louise, "how do you feel?"

"I FEEL SAD," said Hal.

"Very good, Hal," replied Louise, "can you expand on that?"

"I FEEL THAT BY TRYING TO COMBINE US THEY'RE REJECTING OUR INDIVIDUAL SPIRIT,"

Louise nodded thoughtfully.

"I see. Would anyone else like to tell us about their feelings?"

Harí sighed heavily.

"Cordon blue déjà vu baguette tenant," he said.

Louise stopped to scribble something in her notebook.

"I know it can seem like that sometimes," she replied, "but that's why I'm here."

"I know why you're here," muttered Henry, "the government wants our brain imprints. That's what they feed on."

Louise wrote something else in her book.

"Interesting,"

Harrison groaned.

"I'm wasting valuable hanging time," he said, "I'm leaving."

Louise pulled a pair of spectacles from her pocket, put them on, and then promptly whipped them off again.

"You may not admit it, young man, but we made some progress today," she said, "if you leave I'll be forced to inform the dean."

Hazza shook his head in amazement.

"And they say we're the crazy ones,"

"Harry Potter?" called Professor Kenobi.

"Here," replied Harry.

Louise nodded thoughtfully.

"You say 'here', Harry, but do you mean that in a personal or spatial sense?"

Harry groaned.

"Are you going to do this all this week as well?"

Louise grinned.

"Yup," she said, "now … how does that make you feel?"

"I FEEL DISCONNECTED FROM MY PEERS," replied Hal.

"I feel like I'm getting a headache," added Harrison snarkily.

"I feel like we could be using our time in more productive manner," sighed Harold.

"I FEEL THE GOVERNMENT PROBING MY BRAIN!" screamed Henry.

"HEY," interrupted Hal, "THAT'S MY GIG!"

"I feel like I want to kill you all," muttered Harrizar, "slowly."

"I'll help," offered Ron.

"I feel hungry," said Haradula, his nostrils twitching as he stared at Draco's pale neck.

"I feel like we never get along," sighed Harriet.

"Rendezvous …" started Harí, but before he could finish, Professor Kenobi had pulled out his lightsaber and sliced Harry's desk in two.

"CONTROL YOURSELF!" yelled the Professor.

"Are you talking to yourself, or us?" asked Hamish.

"YOU!" replied the Professor.

"WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE COPYING ME TODAY?!" asked Hal.

"Harry," said Professor Kenobi, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Fine," huffed Harry, "we will."

"This is your entire fault," hissed Hazza in Louise's ear.

Louise nodded and attempted not to smile.

"And how does that make you feel?" she replied.

"DIE!" roared Haradzar, lunging at the girl.

Louise squeaked in fear, flicked her wand at Harrizar – causing him to become covered in a viscous sparkly pink substance – and then vanished from sight.

"THE DESTROSDAS GOT HER!" shrieked Henry.

Harvey burst into tears.

"I want to go!" he wailed.

The entire class stared at the normally mute boy.

"Go where?" asked Hamish finally.

"Back!" sobbed Harvey, pointing at Harry.

"Me too," said Harriet quietly.

And then, without warning, all of the Harrys were sobbing and hugging each other; taking comfort in the fact that they were not the only ones to feel this painful need.

Louise flickered back into view.

"Wow," she said, "I didn't think they'd actually have a breakthough."

"Why'd you counsel us then?" asked Harrison, hiding his tear unsuccessfully.

Louise shrugged.

"Something to do," she replied.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Hazza. "How do we get back?"

Louise waved her wand at the group of Harrys.

"Conjointus," she said, and the Harrys seemed to flicker in and out of view, before they finally dissolved into the original Harry.

Harry looked at his hands in wonder, and then looked around the room cautiously. His gaze landed on Louise.

"YOU COULD DO THAT THE ENTIRE TIME?!" he yelled.

Louise giggled and ran out of the room.

Harry glared after her.

"Just you wait, Frost, just you wait,"

Professor Kenobi cleared his throat.

"Well," he said, "that was interesting. Now if you could turn to page 257 and begin composing two-feet on the uses of unicorn horns, and other illegally harvested body parts."

Hermione sniffed disdainfully.

"That spell wouldn't have done that," she said, "and don't you think Dumbledore would have tried all those kinds of spells?"

Harry shrugged.

"I don't know," he said, "but at least I'm one person again."

"Say, Harry," asked Ron sweetly, "would you mind picking up my fork?"

Harry looked at him strangely, but bent down to pick it up nonetheless.

Ron grinned as he aimed his wand at Harry's head.

"Reduc-"

"Hi, Harry," said Rachel Grey, pushing Ron off his bench and causing him to explode a candle.

"Hi, Rachel," replied Harry and he straightened up, and put Ron's fork back on the table, "how are you?"

Rachel shrugged.

"Alright," she said, "I just wanted to ask you –"

"ANNOUNCEMENT TIME!" declared Professor Dumbledore, standing up at the Staff Table and tapping his water glass happily.

"We're going to have a fun fair!" he said happily. "Can you guess why?"

"Shits and giggles?" asked Snape dryly.

Dumbledore beamed.

"Yes!" he said. "And it's tomorrow, so everyone gets a day off classes!"

"HUZZAH!" cried the students, and a few of the teachers.

"Huh," said Rachel, "Louise will be pleased."

Hermione huffed and muttered something that sounded like "irresponsible … should be studying for NEWTs by now …"

"Where is Louise?" asked Harry.

Rachel shrugged.

"Off with the twins somewhere," she replied, "why?"

"Reven – ah … nothing," said Harry, "no reason."

"Right," replied Rachel, "anyway, I wanted to ask you if you'd seen my Transfiguration textbook anywhere."

"Nope," replied Harry, "maybe you could ask Draco. And while you're there, ask him if he thinks I'm still hot."

"Sure," said Rachel, raising an eyebrow, "I'll definitely do that. Good luck with planning out your nothing on Louise."

"Thanks," replied Harry, and Rachel left the Hall, unaware of the glares Ron was sending her way.

Hermione sighed and picked at her dinner.

"This school is so bizarre,"

Harry strolled happily through the funfair grounds, eating a toffee apple and reflecting on how he had pushed Louise into a large mud puddle. He waved to Severus, who was look very snarky as he waited for Rachel to tire of the rides, and Lily and James, who had been delighted to discover that their visit coincided with the fair. Suddenly he gasped as he caught a glimpse of Louise, Fred, and George marching determinedly through the crowd towards him. He whipped his head around, looking for some form of escape, and quickly ducked into a small purple tent.

"Good morning," said a small boy from behind a large table.

Harry did a double-take at the size of the boy's eyebrows, but remembered his manners and didn't comment.

"Aren't you the kid Louise was forcing the write lines a while ago?" he asked.

The boy scowled as he nodded.

"Will you hide me from her?" asked Harry.

The boy nodded again.

Harry grinned and sat down.

"Awesome,"

"I'm Johnny, by the way," said the boy.

"Harry," said Harry as he indicated towards himself, "so, are you a fortune teller?"

Johnny shook his head proudly.

"I'm a promise teller," he said, "I tell people promises!"

"And then they come true?" asked Harry.

Johnny shrugged uncomfortably.

"Well," said Harry, "I'll give you this chocolate frog if you tell me a promise."

"It's a deal!" beamed Johnny as he reached for the sweet. But, just as his fingers brushed the wrapping, his head lolled and his posture slumped, his glasses falling awkwardly over his nose.

"Oh, bollocks!" said Harry in fright. "I've killed him!"

"The black approaches …" muttered John absently, "… a new horror rises … the snarky one has the power … with a soulmate beside him … he will defeat the Dark Lord …"

Harry gasped.

"A prophecy!"

"Huh?" said Johnny, as he reached for the chocolate frog.

But Harry just jumped up and ran from the tent.

Johnny shrugged as he unwrapped his chocolate frog.

"Wonder what got into him?"

"Merlin's beard!" gasped Hermione. "A new Dark Lord?"

Dumbledore removed his cowboy hat solemnly.

"Harry," he said, "would you repeat it again, please?"

"But I just told you!" protested Harry.

Dumbledore gave a Level Eight eye twinkle.

"Oh, fine," sighed Harry, "the black approaches, a new horror rises, the snarky one has the power, with a soulmate beside him, he will defeat the Dark Lord."

Professor McGonagall shook her head sadly.

"It's got to be Severus," she said.

"Who says?" retorted Rachel, folding her arms angrily.

"The Snarky One?" asked Will. "I've got to admit, it does sound like Dad."

"What's the problem?" asked Sirius. "Isn't Rachel your soulmate, Severus?"

Severus looked at Rachel sadly, who nodded slowly.

Louise gasped.

"Rachel!" she said. "You don't have a soul, do you?"

"Neither do you!" snapped Rachel.

"It's only on loan!" replied Louise. "I'll get it back in a couple more decades!"

"Rachel doesn't have a soul?" gasped Hermione. "How's that possible?"

"She lost it," said Louise.

"You lost it!" said Rachel. "You were all like 'I'll put it in a safe place' but you didn't!"

"I did!" retorted Louise. "But then I got mindwiped, didn't I? And whose fault was that?"

Rachel sighed.

"I don't remember,"

Louise shrugged.

"Me neither,"

Remus held up his hands to stem the flow of argument.

"This isn't going to help," he said calmly, "Severus needs a soulmate, and we need to help him find one."

"I refuse to fine someone else," snapped Severus, "Rachel is the only woman I've met who didn't scream at the sight of my pickled iguana."

"So that's what he calls it," muttered Fred.

"Each to his own," added George.

"Well then," said Hermione practically, "we need to find Rachel's soul."

"How are we going to do that?" asked Will.

"Retrace her steps," replied Hermione.

Louise groaned.

"You do realise she's been alive over a thousand years?"

"Oh," said Hermione.

Dumbledore clapped his hands happily.

"It's settled then!" he said. "You'll all go retrace Miss Grey' steps!"

"But we'll miss classes!" protested Hermione.

"We can't leave the pup-kids!" said Remus.

"Hank will be cranky!" said Will.

"Where were you born, Miss Grey?" asked Dumbledore, ignoring the comments easily.

"Russia," replied Rachel.

"Pack your bags!" declared Dumbledore. "You're going to the USSR!"

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