The lights came on in a disused classroom. Louise and Rachel were seated behind a desk, both dressed in professional looking blouses and suits. Louise cleared her throat.
"Good evening," she said, "and welcome to FanFic Watch. I'm Louise Frost,"
" – and I'm Rachel Grey," concluded the other girl. "Tonight we bring news that may shock our listeners. Harry Potter and the Return of the Literary Errors, the sequel to that highly acclaimed product of a disturbed mind, Harry Potter and the Cliches of Doom, has been abandoned."
"Indeed," continued Louise, 'this announcement comes to no surprise to readers who have been awaiting the next instalment for an indefinite period for some time now, but may shock readers who actually believed the Author's claims that she would update once she had time, finished university, got the Internet at her house, recovered from her debilitating illness, concluded the negotiations for a movie contract, and ended all prejudges against llamas."
"And so," added Rachel, "please join us in a moment of silence as we mourn the loss of yet another literary masterpiece."
The girls both paused.
"That's long enough,' said Louise.
"No big loss, really," muttered Rachel, "this has been FanFic Watch with your hosts Rachel Grey,"
"- and Louise Frost," finished Louise, "Tune in next time for an update on the typing monkeys. Goodnight."
"Goodnight,'
The lights dimmed and went out as Louise and Rachel shuffled papers and smiled benignly.
A long echoing groan was heard throughout the school.
The lights came on again.
Louise and Rachel grinned as they danced on the desk, now dressed in bright yellow chicken suits.
"How do you say 'this was all an elebroate prank in order to convince readers that the fic was never going to be updated again whilst also satisfying a need to include the 'indefinate hiatus cliché'' in Gnomish, Louise?"
"J'me etl swi-nj!" proclaimed Louise happily.
"And now in Louisian?"
"Tricked you! Bitches!"
"Once more in Australian?"
"Don't crack the shits, mate, but this wasn't ridgy-didge! Crikey!"
"Again in English?"
"Cor blimy! 'Cuse me, Gov'na, but I'm terribly sorry to report that this has all been a tricky-mickey."
"And … for the Americans?"
"Oh. Mi. Gawd. I can't believe y'all all fell for that!"
Rachel sighed happily.
"Do you think that's enough?"
Louise grinned.
"I hope we get flamed for this."
"Me too, Louise, me too."
And, with that, the lights went down yet again and all readers had the simultaneously pissed off and curiously pleased.
THE END