Dreamer
Chapter 4:
The sun will rise and expose all our lies.
So why deny that you and I lead different lives?
The rivers from your eye's can't change my mind.
"So Long, Good-Bye" – 10 Years
It was near sunset; the sky was painted a brilliant orange with touches of navy blue. Percy stood atop the Hotel Carmilla; watching the sky darken. Pulling in a breath; she closed her eyes and held her arms aloft.
"Time, reverse, show me the past of this place."
Godric faced eastward; looking out as the sky turned lighter shades of blue. He was dressed in white clothes; loose fitting and thin. His face was calm; peaceful.
As Percy watched, Eric came onto the roof; walking up to him. She listened as he spoke; his words were passionate, his emotions stronger then his control. He fell to his knees, red streaks marring his pale beauty. He wept at Godric's feet, pleading with him to stay.
Godric's face is full of tenderness; his eyes pleading.
"Let me go, fader, broder, son."
Eric sobbed; his heart broken. But he had no choice; his Maker had given him an order. He stood, against his own passions, and slowly walked away.
Percy saw the human who stood at the stairwell; her blonde hair and red dress, seemed out of place here.
"End Reverse." Percy lowered her arms and pulled in a deep breath. Tears burned her eyes; she looked to the sky. Thunder rumbled as dark clouds gathered. She wept, going to her knees. Pressing her face to her hands; she struggled to feel anything but sorrow.
"Godric," She whispered, "Please," She threw a fist into the concrete. Lightening hurtled into the ground in response. "I can't do this without you. I am sorry; I am so sorry."
She cried harder; gut-wrenching sobs, close to screams, filled the darkening air. Thunder snarled across the city, drowning out her screams. Each fist she threw against the rooftop; threw more lightening into the ground. She screamed harder; louder, as if to wake Godric from his death.
Thunder shook the city; lightening whipped through the clouds; striking the earth. Wind howled like a beast. Storm clouds sat fat and damning across the city of Dallas. A storm threatened to crush the city; leaving nothing but rubble in its wake. The flags atop the Hotel Carmilla snapped like possessed creatures. At the eye of the storm, Persephone knelt unscathed. Her clothes were still against the wind that tore at their surroundings; battering everything around her.
"Percy?"
She turned her head; Eric stood atop the roof; holding up a hand against the windstorm. The force of the winds molded his clothes to his body. His hair flew wildly around his head. She held out a hand to him; the wind was deflected from his body. He stood in the same calm that surrounded her.
He closed the distance and stared down at her, "What are you doing?"
She sighed and looked out at the city. "He's gone. I can't get him back."
He looked out at the horizon; slowly he knelt beside her. Put his arms around her back, pulling her close. He wiped her damp face with his hands; pulling to his chest.
"The humans drove him to it." She insisted. Lightening hurtled to earth, filling the darkness with brilliance.
"And only one human gave him joy." Eric put his hands on her shoulders. "Stop, Percy. This isn't what he wanted for either of us." He rested his head on hers, closing his eyes against the memories.
"He stood here, and asked me to let him go. I walked away from him while a human stood and watched him burn. She kept him company in the final moments. I still haven't let him go; and I never will. But I try to obey him."
"That's why you came back for me." She whispered, "We both loved him enough to die."
Eric looked down at her; her sorrow filled his body. "Yes, we did."
"And yet, we have to keep going. The most painful of choices and we are asked to live with it."
Eric looked at the black storm clouds. "There is no use in calling such a storm, Percy. It would do nothing to bring him back to us."
She closed her eyes; putting her arms around him. Eric watched as the clouds slowly drifted apart; the thunder stopped. The wind died down. The evening was clear and he saw stars twinkle over head.
Within he could feel her anger; her despair. Her own emotions stormed through him like the city had stormed only moments ago.
"I want them to pay, Eric." She whispered softly against his chest. "Make them pay for his death."
Eric closed his eyes, "He would not want that."
"Some body has to pay," She started to cry again, "Someone other then us has to know this pain. It's too much for me, I can't carry it."
"Then let me help," Eric smoothed a hand through her long hair. "Let me carry it with you. As long as we live, he will not be forgotten."
She sighed. "He lives through us, through our memories."
The storm of emotions calmed, they were reigned in. Eric felt the anger leave his being and be replaced with quiet stillness. It was this stillness that pulled Godric to her. He had loved Percy because she was joyous. Right now, though, that joy was pure grief.
"Tell me something," He whispered, "This storm, these emotions you feel, are they your own?"
She lifted her head, looking into his face. "No. I am mirroring what you feel. I am sorry."
He shook his head, "Don't be. I should apologize to you. Godric entrusted you to me and I have done this to you."
She smiled, putting her hands on either side of his face. "Your blood is his blood. He's in me because of you. What you feel isn't wrong, Eric. He meant the world to both of us. He is the closest thing either of us have known to love."
Eric sighed, relaxing under her hands. "Why is that humans must use that word?"
"What word?"
"Love." He said softly, "I have never known love."
He felt warm lips against his own. They were soft, gentle. It was a tender kiss. Within him, warmth filled his core; spilled into his blood and surged through his being. He gasped and pulled back. Looking into her eyes; he saw something there he had never seen before.
Percy stood up and held out a hand, "It's not being a vampire that keeps love away, Eric."
He took her hand and stood up; he looked down at her. "Then what is it?"
"Those who are like us, who are not like them, are not easy to love." She paused and tears shone in her eyes. "But he loved us. So there must be something good in both of us."
Eric sat on the couch; head in his hands. Was there something good to him? Had he ever been good? It had been so very long since he had thought about it. Goodness hadn't been important when he was a human. He wasn't sure if he was ever good.
The sound of Percy entering the room made him look up. She dressed in one of the hotel's robes. Her wet hair shone in the dim light.
"What qualifies for goodness?" He asked.
She paused, looking at him. She crossed and sat down beside him. "I am not sure. Perhaps it is a reverence for life. A sense of right and wrong. But it's not clear, not even to me. I struggle with it myself."
"Why? You're human."
"Am I?" She asked, her eyes dark. "Am I human, Eric?"
He stared at her, "Of course you are. You have a child, two in fact. You are very human."
She looked away from him; drawing her knees up to her chest. She put her arms around them. Her gaze settled back on him. "Having children isn't enough to define humanity."
"Why not?"
"Because you are Godric's child, in a manner of speaking. And yet you are vampire."
"You have never taken a life," He said pointedly.
"No," She watched his face, "You're right. But I think we can learn from Godric."
"How?"
"It's never too late to ask for forgiveness, if one is truly ready for it."
"Does forgiveness make us good?"
She sighed, "Goodness is a modern thought; a modern requirement. I do not think it fair to ask one like you to be good."
"One like me?" He frowned at her, "What does that mean?"
"You were a man long before this world knew of Christianity's God. You were a husband long before it was defined by the law. So how can a modern world expect you to adhere to it's expectations?"
"So I am not capable of having goodness." He muttered.
"I never said that. You're kind of goodness may not meet modern definition, that's all. You're a good man, Eric. I can feel it in you; see it in your heart. What you are required to be for survival doesn't change the man you are."
He stared at her, no one had ever said that to him. "So you think I am good?"
She nodded, "Yes, and humanity doesn't need to be a requirement. Godric was good too, and he wasn't human."
"You truly miss him, don't you?"
Percy looked at her knees, "I always will."
Eric stood up and crossed the floor; he stood before the fireplace and stared at the empty pit. "For all your powers, can you not reverse time?"
She looked up, "I cannot reverse death, Eric. That is a law of Nature. Even I am bound to that. When a soul crosses out of our world, I cannot bring it back."
He looked at her, turning to face her. "Can you feel it when a person dies?"
"If I am close to that person, yes. Otherwise, no; I would go mad if I was linked to the world like that."
"I have always wanted to ask, what made you love Godric?"
Percy smiled then; it filled her eyes with joy. "I wish I knew. It was a feeling; a sense of alignment. As if part of myself had been missing until he came."
"A soulmate?" Eric asked gently.
She shrugged, "Perhaps, if you want to use a modern term. I don't think about what made me love him. Just that I did. As much as one as like me can love, that is."
"How can you not see vampires as a perversion?"
"Some are, the ones who are corrupt as humans, are a perversion." She spoke quietly, "Those who carry darkness, or evil in them as humans, carry that as vampires. They bring harm and suffering, they bring the darkness to their existence. But those who were good, who were noble and honorable as men, they still carry those as vampires."
He looked away from her, "I was never that way."
"Yes, you were."
Eric looked back at her. "Can you see my past?"
She nodded.
"What do you see?"
"A warrior, a leader among his clan. You loved your wife, and your children. You were brave; you cared about those entrusted to you. You did not give up, not ever."
"I killed many and have killed more, as a vampire."
"That was because you had to. You grew up in a violent time, Eric. Being raised with a sword in hand doesn't make you a bad person. No more then being me, makes me a bad person. It's what we do with ourselves that determines what we are, not who we are." She stood up and came to stand in front of him. She had to look up at him. "Your heart is good, Eric. Never doubt that."
He put his hands on either side of her face. "My nature says to kill."
"But your heart says not to."
He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "I can see what he loved in you."
"Really?"
"Yes,"
"What was it?"
"Your own heart." Eric kissed her again.
The door to the room opened; Pam walked in, she paused. She moved to leave, when Eric lifted his head. Percy turned and looked at her. Pam closed the door.
Percy went to the bedroom and Eric stayed; he rubbed his face for a moment.
"What did you find out about Charlie and the Fellowship?" He asked, settling into something familiar.
"He works closely with Steve Newlin and his family. There are those in the group who are calling Charlie the next leader."
"That's not good." Eric moved to sit on the couch, "We will have to get rid of him before we leave."
"It is just because he could be come leader or is it because he's her husband?"
Eric frowned at her, "He tried to kill her. I have to kill him. I promised I would protect her."
"Are you ever going to tell me what she meant to him and to you?" Pam asked coolly.
"Keep an eye on Admar. They might take him while he's at his friends."
Pam arched a brow, "And if they do?"
"Kill them, they can't be allowed to harm the boy."
Pam nodded and left again.
**
Percy stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom; she kept touching her hair, her face. She stared at her reflection and saw an old woman. Despite the fact that Eric's blood had smoothed her face, and her hair glowed with highlights. She knew it wouldn't last. Even now she could see the lines around her eyes showing through.
She sat on the bed and stared at her hands; she hadn't missed her wedding ring. It had never really meant anything to her. It was loneliness that made her marry; nothing more. It was loneliness that made her have another child. But nothing could fill the gap in her heart. Nothing could make the world feel okay again.
The night Charlie had betrayed her to the Fellowhship, she had been frightened. But as they drove the stake into her chest; and the pain faded, she had felt Death brush across her soul. She had felt the world open to her and seen great light on the other side. She had seen Godric's face. It was the same perfect, youthful face he'd always had. The same beautiful eyes, the same smile. She had seen him standing in that wonderful light; reaching for her. Welcoming her back to his arms. But try as she might she had not been able to cross to him. Her soul had not left her earthly coil.
She had no idea what kept her bound to this place. What kept her alive through that ordeal. For all she did know; she didn't know that. For all that she could see, both past and future, she couldn't see her own end. For all that she could control and command; she could not die when her lover called her home.
Perhaps she was damned; perhaps Heaven did not want her. Percy pulled in a shaky breath as sorrow consumed her once again. Was she truly alone? There was no one to hold her and tell her they loved her. That one man was gone. Even beyond her own reach; he was gone. She closed her eyes and let Godric's face fill her mind.
Godric, she whispered, reaching out with her power, hoping to find him.
My love, his voice filled her head.
Percy opened her eyes, he was not there. She closed them again; seeing his face clearly in her mind.
I cannot go on.
You must. I need you to continue.
Why? She felt tears slip down her face, Please, tell me, why?
You are the reason I died with joy in my heart. You spirit helped me to feel peace in those final moments. When I closed my eyes, your face is the one I saw. When the flames came, I felt your arms around me.
How can I live this life when I am alone? She pressed her face into her hands; Why not take me home with you?
It's not your time. His voice filled her head.
I find myself longing for company; I want you here with me.
I am with you, open your eyes.
Percy did as he asked and stared into Eric's face. He was kneeling in front of her; red streaks down his cheeks. He reached for her hands; she felt his cool touch. But she also felt Godric's presence, a ghost of him lived on in Eric.
He is my son; my brother. Release your pain, my love. Let the world rest in peace, as I do now.
Eric's voice drew her into reality, "I do this out of love for my father." His hands moved up her arms; sliding across her neck to hold her face. He leaned in and kissed her, deeply as anyone can.
Percy let the sense of Godric consume her mind; as Eric's hands moved her onto the bed. There was total calm her mind; peace she had never thought possible, filled her being. She opened her eyes and stared into Eric's gaze. She saw raw pain in those blue eyes; aching loss and a need to be loved. They were both needing the same thing right now. Perhaps Godric had known that when he ended his time; the two people who needed him the most, would need each other more. Perhaps that was why he had asked Eric to be her protector.
Eric was gentle as he ran his hands over her body; he was careful as he claimed her.
May we meet again when it is time, my love. Godric's voice floated in her skull and she felt his spirit in Eric's heart.
They both cried out for the one they had lost; taking comfort in their shared pain. Eric rolled off of her and pulled her close; holding her in his arms; pressed against his chest. His fingers lightly combed through her hair. Percy lay her left arm across his hips; enjoying the feeling of closeness.
"Thank you," She whispered, gently she kissed his chest.
Eric kissed her hair and listened to her hear beat in her chest. "He was here, wasn't he?"
She nodded, "In his own way."
"Then he is not truly gone." Eric's voice carried relief, his shoulders eased. "He is still with me, because of you."
She smiled gently, "I was thinking the same thing."
Silence filled the room and they held one another.