Just my first thoughts upon reading the Fan Fic dubbed worst Fan Fic ever; My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie.

Bold = My thoughts.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

'Cause that's so gonna be easy for everyone to remember.....

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)

Of course, her parent's can see the future....duh.

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

Interesting describing word; 'limpid tears'. I wonder if Tara even knows what limpid means. Judging from the author's note I'd say not.

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

At least she's not going with the typical vampire look-alike.

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England

You know, England's a pretty large place. Care to expand?

where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.

Really?! I didn't know goths wore black! Fascinating!

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
Oh dear lord.
"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.
Because we all know Draco's shy.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!
She had help with this story and it's still as bad as it is?!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)

Never a good idea to base a character after a friend.

woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.
Wow. A muggle band having a concert in a wizard-only place. How much more screwed up can this get? Well, judging by chapter 1 and this chapter so far, I'd say a lot more.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
I would hope not.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

Because whenever I'm going to a concert of a band I like with a guy I like I feel depressed enough to slit my wrists too.

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

Probably hasn't stopped you before.

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.
Refer to my second note on this chapter.
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666)

Cliche alert!

and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte

and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

I suppose that's to make you look 'cool'.

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.

Might have been a good idea to land first.

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.
What, Draco won't let his girlfriend have a celelbrity crush?
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
Because we all know how sensitive Draco can be when it comes whether or not his girlfirends like him.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz,

Crawled? Did Draco park it between two giant slabs of stone so it looked like a sandwich?

but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!
Fuck.


Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!

You've kinda missed the point there Tara.

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
Sure.

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
Once again, it might have been a good idea to land it first.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
Because depressing sorrow and evilness is so calming.
And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
Motherfukers?
It was……………………………

3 or 4 full stops are fine when building up to something. Or, like Tara, you could use about 50. Either way, we get the point.

……………………….Dumbledore!

Dumbledore swears now?! Oh well, I guess Ishould have expected it. What was he doing in the Forbidden Forest anyway?

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.
He's shouting. We get the point.
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
So Professor McGonagall and Snape are pyshics now?
"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."
Because Snape always relents that easily.
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
What, no detention?
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
I'm not even going to say anything......

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula

Specially imported for goths

cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
So? You're a vampire. Lick it up or something.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.

Another goth boy?!

He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face

Jeez, you just met him.

and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore

NO! She did not!

and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

Fuck. This is screwed up.

He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent.

What, did you think he might have a French accent?!

He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.
We're not the sickos here. We're just reading this Fan Fic. You're the one thought about it first.
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
Oh hell no!
"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
So you're not a vampire, you just like the taste of human blood?
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.
He whimpered? I roared? This Fan Fic would be an English teachers worst nightmare.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

And left Harry 'Vampire' Potter hanging.

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire.

But Vampire was back in the Great Hall.

Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.

*Sheakes head*

He felt me up before I took of my top.

I thought they had already taken off each other's clothes.

Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
Yes. Where was she during Sex. Ed?
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!

I was so angry.
So we automatically jump to the conclusion that the tattoo is about the character Vampire and Draco just doesn't have a thing for blood sucking freaks. Which doesn't make sense at all as Ebony (or Enoby) has told us she's a vampire herself. So, in fact, she should be kinda flattered that he has a tattoo that could be reffering to her.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
When did they ever get IN the bed?
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what

Again, where was she when class was taking place?

but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
Because everyone else are obviously preps and there for, don't need mentioning.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.