Chapter 19

Tonight

They strode into his office and Pam reached down for something on the bottom level of Eric's bookshelf. As soon as he realized what she held he began mentally berating himself.

Fucking imbecile!

Eric ran his hand through his wet hair. "Shit."

"I think this is most likely what scared her and…reminded her." Pam said cautiously before setting the offending object on top of his desk. The glow from the computer screen reflected off the surface of the pewter statue. It was a likeness of the goddess Kali. He had received it decades ago from a business acquaintance who thought it an appropriate gift to congratulate him on his promotion to Sheriff. It had pleased him at the time and he appreciated the gesture of being given something that represented such power and malevolence. But now he felt only disgust as he looked on the beastly Kali with her eight arms, grasping a severed head in one hand and a curved machete in another. Her tongue protruded from her mouth below a row of pointy sharp teeth. Though he had never had the pleasure of meeting Lochlan or his accursed sister Neave, her reputation as a silver toothed fiend proceeded her in every circle of the supernatural world. As if her flare for inflicting sick and dramatically cruel torture was not enough, there were those damned teeth. Capped in silver, they allowed her to feast on her victims whether human or vampire. Sookie had felt those teeth tear her perfect flesh away. A horror too distasteful for Eric to ponder for very long.

He sighed shaking his head, "Yet again." After turning towards the doorway he gave Pam her final orders for the night "Leave us and take that thing with you." Eric left the office without another word. Pam could feel the weight of guilt on her master's shoulders as he dressed quickly down the hall before joining Sookie downstairs.

Pam quietly slipped down the stairs and approached them. Eric stood behind the couch lightly gripping Soookie's shoulders. She stood a few feet away from where Sookie sat and regarded them both for a quiet moment. Sookie tried to read Pam's expression but the apparent blankness didn't seem to correspond with the words that poured out, "Tonight! For fuck sake!" Her cold eyes flashed between the two of them before settling solely on Eric's "Tonight!" Sookie felt Eric's hands tense on her shoulders and a soft growl vibrated from above. Pam put up both palms in surrender but her eyes, no longer blank, were filled with adoration and warmth. "I will leave in a moment." She approached the couch and stroked one hand down the side of Sookie's cheek while reaching her lips towards Eric's. He allowed her to kiss him. Sookie felt a surprising blush as some unknown part of her enjoyed the feeling of Pam's smooth hand on her face while watching her tongue darting across her maker's mouth. Eric pulled away after a few seconds but leaned his forehead against Pam's. The sight of these two fierce creatures sharing a moment of such intimate exchange was breathtaking and not even a hint of jealousy threatened. She sat dazed by the silent but intense communication the two shared and was once again aghast when she felt anything but ashamed when Pam's lips then met hers for a brief moment. She could taste Eric and Pam and all of a sudden a very urgent yet forbidden need filled a corner of her mind that, until that moment, had not existed. But the sensation was abruptly interrupted by a clear thought that darted from Pam's mind to Sookie's.

Come back to us Sookie. He cannot survive without you and I cannot lose him. My bonded is dead and he is all I have left.

Without another thought or word, Pam headed towards the hallway, picked up a cardboard box lying at the foot of the stairs and exited through the front door.

As the door knob clicked Sookie turned upwards to look on her Viking. Her eyes twinkled with happiness and Eric could not hold himself back from kissing her. The kiss was gentle and tender and he could feel Sookie smile against him as his damp hair tickled the sides of her face. Her excitement suddenly quickened and he was caught unaware as she pulled his hands, that had been kneading her shoulders, down towards her breasts. She squeezed hard urging him to fondle her roughly. As much as he loved where this going he knew this activity would not assist them with the conversation they so desperate needed to have. Somewhere at the back of his mind he heard Pam softly nagging him and Eric begrudgingly pulled his lips and hands away from the soft morsel now whimpering at him from below.

"She's gone now, Eric, you don't have to…"

"Sookie." His proverbial foot coming down even as his libido cried from neglect. "We haven't the time for more games tonight." His grip on her shoulders tried to further convey his seriousness. "There is much to discuss and my time with you is limited." His words seemed to sink in as he could feel her lust waning slightly. Eric rushed around the couch and knelt before her with an expression of hopefulness. He didn't want her light mood dampened just yet as he knew what dark corners they would have to visit together in just a short time. "Sookie, I want to give you your surprise now!" Eric ushered her outside through the sliding doors onto the wood deck that overlooked the lake. She sat down in one of the chairs that surrounded the outdoor table. A candle glowed brightly through the sides of a red glass lantern that sat in the middle of the table. Eric had already set out a plate and cutlery for her and the smells wafting through the cool air made it quite clear she was about to enjoy a meal cooked for her by her bonded. This was special indeed as she knew how vampires seemed to detest being around humans when they fed. The fact that he was preparing the food himself was beyond shocking and she grinned to herself as she watched her vampire tending the fire that burned just beyond the deck in a pit made of cement and stones. The grill that sat above the fire held what looked like large leaves wrapped around something that was currently emanating a most mouthwatering aroma. Sookie's stomach made a verbal protest and growled at her for leaving it empty so long. She could hear Eric chuckle as he turned the leaf wrap over on the grill. "Not long now, my love."

"Mmmm, it smells wonderful!" She wasn't the least bit worried about the fact the Eric probably hadn't cooked a meal in over a thousand years. If the lovely flavors swirling through the air were any indication she was in good hands with chef Eric. She giggled when an image of him wearing nothing but a chef's hat popped into her head.

"What, pray tell, is so amusing, my angel?" He sat at the opposite side of the table from her.

"I was just thinking about all your many talents and how I didn't know cooking was one of them."

"I plan on sharing every one of my talents with you, Sookie." He couldn't avoid the sexual innuendo that statement was loaded with. Though he meant it seriously that he wanted to share everything about himself with her, the words came out with that ever present suggestiveness. He couldn't blame himself though, when it was clearly her fault.

She brings it out in me

"I'll hold you to that." She winked at him and knowingly smirked. To avoid her lusty gaze and because he felt fairly sure that the food was adequately cooked, he grabbed a metal platter from the table and jumped down from the deck. With the leaf wrap placed on the platter, Eric strode back up onto the deck and placed it down next to Sookie's plate. She watched him with fascination as he peeled the large leaves, now mostly charred and black, away from a beautifully smoke piece of fish. Next to it was a potato wrapped in tin foil and Sookie's saliva glands went into overdrive. Eric took his seat across from her again as she dove into her food with gusto. He couldn't help the surge of pride as he watched her practically lick the plate clean.

Her tongue worked away at any leftover trace on her lips as she purred "Mmmm, Eric…that was…" she shook her head as her eyes closed in ecstasy.

"I am truly sorry, my love. Obviously the food I've prepared was so unpalatable you have been rendered speechless with disgust. I promise I will never try to poison you again."

"Eric! Are you kidding?" She knew he was. "Did you hear the sounds that were coming from my mouth as I ate that? That was…it was…sex on a plate! If that was you trying to poison me than bring it on! You do realize that I expect you make me dinner every night from now on, don 't you?" All joviality they may have been sharing melted away as the implications of what she'd just said brought back the reality of their forthcoming talk.

Would he even be around every night?

"I plan on doing just that, my love. Every. Night. From now on."

The rational part of her brain knew the unlikelihood of that but the irrational side hoped desperately for it anyway. Eric felt her doubt and sighed. She couldn't sense the truth behind his words through her wall still looming between them. The time for procrastination was over. Everything needed to be laid out in the open and he found himself surprised at how eager he was to shed every layer that made up Eric Northman and bare all to her. He knew his excitement about this would not be mirrored in Sookie when she too would have to unveil certain things she had buried deep down. Considering this he desperately hoped that Pam was right about his blood being the key to her recovery.

Only one way to find out.

Sookie didn't speak or question him as he lifted her out of the chair and walked back into the living room. Eric nestled her into the corner of the couch. In less than a minute there was a pile of wood set ablaze in the fireplace to her left, the lighting had been dimmed and her vampire now sat in a recliner on the opposite side of the coffee table. Sookie distracted herself from the ever-building nervousness by gazing on Eric's luminous beauty in the fire light. He was indescribable, impossibly beautiful and radiated endurance.

What is this ancient, stunning creature doing with someone like me?

How could I ever claim worthiness for this girl, this mortal goddess?

"Eric, I really do love your home. I think it's just lovely and…"

Eric nodded but held up his hand to interrupt her babbling. Sookie pressed her lips together, frowning.

"I know you too well to not recognize when you are trying to charm your way out of something you'd like to avoid. As great a power that is, I would very much like to talk with you without your clever deflections." He waited for her response and when he didn't feel resistance or encouragement for that matter he ventured forward. "I am glad you love my home and I hope that you will soon consider it your's as well…I do." Eric felt the heavy pull of need to be close to her but resisted, promising himself the reward of embracing her once he got these burdens off his chest. "Sookie, I have never betrayed my vow to be always truthful with you but there are things you may not be aware of that I must explain."

"Such as?"

Really Sookie? You're gonna play dumb at a time like this? You know exactly what he's talking about.

Her question didn't phase him, it only allowed a trickle of hope through that she would not break down from his words and run away terrified by the revealing truth.

Please say she won't run this time.

"Our bond, Sookie…you are aware that there are few who have experienced anything like what we have together. In fact I can confidently say it is a bond of pure uniqueness."

"Because I'm part fae?" The words slipped despite herself. Sookie hadn't wanted to encourage this line of talk as she knew where it would eventually lead. But her subconscious obviously had other ideas.

"That is partially it. Your fae blood brings a magic to the bond that enhances certain \aspects but more then that our bond is fueled by our feelings for each other." Uncertainty briefly flashed through Eric's eyes.

No. I don't need the words when I can feel the hum of it under her skin.

Sookie's breathing quickened slightly. This all seemed so familiar. Sitting here with him talking about their feelings in front of a warm fire. There it goes again…hoping.

Sookie gulped and convinced herself she was brave enough to venture down this path with him. Without meeting his eyes she whispered "I heard what you said to me. I heard you say you loved me."

Not missing a beat or the misplaced grammar Eric countered. "Love, Sookie…I love you. Yes, I loved you. I loved you all those nights ago when you took care of me and sheltered me from my enemies. But I love you now. I love you more fiercely than I did then because I am no longer a brain damaged half-wit. I am myself again, with all thousand years of memories in tact. And even still I am ready to lay waste to my very existence for you. I would sacrifice my life for you. I would kill again for you. I would relinquish my power and lifestyle for you. This is the power I speak of when explaining our unique bond." His eyes lost a bit of their determination when they faltered to the floor. "Sookie. You have to understand that a blood bond is usually a tool vampires use to hold control over a human as if they were…a servant…a slave."

Despite the fact that she really didn't want to know, she asked "Have you ever bonded to a human to use as a slave?"

He expected her question but not the accompanying guilt. She was making his perfectly defined world shatter and the pieces were sliding back together in the most strange and unnatural ways. Eric Northman…wracked with guilt…because of a human girl…he could picture the icicles that must now be hanging from the gates of hell.

"Yes." No elaboration. But he had no believable excuses. She would see through them anyway.

Sookie expected him to explain away this admission, knowing that he knew she would think it abhorrent. But his honesty and candor pleasantly surprised her. "But you've changed now. You would never do that again, would you?"

"No Sookie. I would never seek such a bond after the one I've experienced with you. I do not believe I would be physically or emotionally capable of such a thing even if I desired it." He explained father when he caught the little worry line between her eyebrows deepening. "It is usually the human who ends up losing their mind to the obsession they feel for the vampire they're bonded to. It becomes nearly impossible for the human to be away from their vampire as the separation brings on symptoms of withdrawal and severe depression. Not only does the human become addicted to their bonded's blood, they become unable to function on any basic level without nearly constant physical contact." Eric could feel Sookie's irritation but brushed it aside to clarify for her. "Our bond is not as such. We have surpassed the normal state a bond usually takes as the amount of exchanges we've had far exceeds anything most vampires would ever consider. Do you know why that is, Sookie?"

The question startled her. Eric's voice had almost hypnotized her as she tried to make sense of his words to decipher just exactly what they meant to her. Feeling overwhelmed and out of her depth she simply shook her head.

"There are few vampires who would desire a bond such as ours and that is because the power shifts at some point and instead of having full control as a master would to a slave, the power of magnetism and addiction becomes equal for both human and vampire." A hint of recognition glimmered in Sookie's eyes. "You have just as much power over me, Sookie, as I do you. In fact…" he actually chuckled despite himself "…I'd say your influence over me outweighs any I might hold over you, my love. I am far beyond what you might call 'pussy-whipped'." His vulgar comment and sexy grin lightened her mood somewhat as she tried to interpret his meaning.

"What kind of power do you think I have over you?"

Eric's expression darkened as he recalled her attack on him a couple nights previous. "Other than being so damned in love with you that you could probably convince me to do just about anything…" he seemed more vexed by that than anything but he winked at her all the same. "…you are able to…subdue me with certain emotions."

"Hmm? Come again? Did you say subdue?"

What in the hell is he talkin' about?

"You remember night before last when I came to you after you arrived home from work?"

"Yes. But…I just thought that you…" Sookie stared down at her hands looking for the answer between the creases of her skin. "…I thought you were just letting me take out my anger and sadness on you. And I know that was just awful of me, Eric! I'm so sorry I did that to you." She closed her eyes in shame and palmed her forehead digging her nails harshly into her temples. "I can't even remember the things I said to you but I know they were hateful and I'm so so…"

"Stop it! Stop it!" Eric rushed to kneel down in front of her. "You will not apologize to me EVER AGAIN for anything! Do you hear me?" His roar scared her eyes open and the sight of his face all tangled with rage, love and pain made her want to weep. "I cannot abide it, my love. I cannot." Eric clasped her little hands in his and squeezed. He felt instantly better for being this close to her again. How had he ever thought that sitting so wretchedly far from her was a good idea? "It matters not what happened the other night. What matters is going forward from this point with a clear understanding of our relationship and bond." Eric released her hands and pressed his into the couch cushion behind her. "I refuse to ignore my desires any longer." Pinned between his arms, Sookie could feel his cold breath against her ear as he spoke. "I am done with playing it safe and holding you on the periphery of my life." His head tilted to the side and their cheeks met as he rubbed himself onto her like a feline creature seeking comfort. "Sookie…you are my life…I love you."

With the swell of rapture now bursting from her chest cavity she could only manage one word from the sentence trying to form in her head. "Why…"

Eric pulled back immediately. "I thought that would be plain by now…after everything…"

Her breath sputtered as she interrupted him, "No, I don't mean why do you love me…" she cleared her throat again trying to regain composure after reeling from the arousal a thousand year old cheek had just inspired "…I was trying to ask why it is you…" Sookie blushed realizing how silly the words would sound after fighting against this bond for so long. "…why you won't let me feel it when you say you love me. I know you've been blocking the bond for some reason but now that I know…why are you keeping me from feeling it as well as hearing it?"

Eric pressed his right hand firmly against her chest above her bosom. "I block nothing from you Sookie." Knowing she could not feel his sincerity he tried to express it all through his eyes and in those pools of blue she saw his plea for her trust. "You have barricaded yourself from feeling me through the bond." Sookie opened her mouth to argue but he quickly placed three fingers over her lips. "You have only done this instinctually to protect yourself, Sookie. I know it was not intentional. You simply could not handle all that had befallen you. With everything else your psyche had to cope with, it was just too much for you to feel me with the…" his face crumpled with guilt "…the distance I kept between us."

Dammit, here we go.

Sookie's eyes clenched shut and she pulled back as far as she could, thinking that if she could just melt into the couch she could escape his touch.

"No! Do. Not. Hide from me. Sookie!" His round fingertips clenched onto her chin. "You will not avoid this! I will not let you run from me again. Look at me!" He shook her face until she looked up finally with wet eyes. "Never again, my love. Never will I keep you from me like that again. I swear it."

"Why did you stay away so long?" The sound of her pleading voice made him feel wretched. Eric sat back on his heels and brushed his fingers through his hair.

"I thought giving you space was for the best. I was so sure that smothering you with my love would not help your mental state. Fuck, I didn't even believe I loved you at the time. I didn't know what it was but I knew it was not what you needed."

"Well you were wrong!"

"Yes." Eric nodded while lowering his head.

"Everyone left! At the time I needed you most! You all left me!"

Don't stop, my love. This is the only way.

"And now look at me! I've wasted away physically and mentally because the only companion I've had for months is my own misery! It hunts me, Eric! I don't know if I have any more strength to fight it from taking me whole." Sookie covered her mouth with her own hand, willing herself to stop talking about the beast. It would hear and come for her. And this time she knew her shields would fail. It would take her down into a blackness where Eric could not follow.

He could hear her pulse quicken and beat loudly as if it echoed off the walls. The predator in him knew the look he could see in Sookie's eyes. Thousands of eyes had held that same expression whenever the monster came out to claim his prey. She was numb and frozen with fear.

"Sookie?" His fingers brushing against her cheek brought her clawing back.

"Eric!" She clutched his arm as a life line that would pull her from the murky mire of terror now engulfing her mind. "Please!" Her request was clear…he thought. No more discussion. He knew what she needed and that plea was all the consent he needed from her. Eric bit into his wrist.

"No!" She panted ruggedly as if she was actually running from the beast. "Drain me first!"

Looking down at her he was sure he had miss heard her words. "What did you say?"

More of a growl than words, she barked at him "Do it, Eric!" Her hands seized the cotton shirt clinging to his chest and tugged him roughly to her. She bared her neck to him as she tightened her grip. "No more pain. No more fear. No more weaknesses. I'm ready."

These words he did not question. Unexpected, yes, but very clear was her intent. It hit him like a ton of bricks in one awestruck moment - bewilderment at the timing; shock with her urgency; arousal from her submission; amusement in the irony; sadness for the pain his words were about to cause to her…

"No, my love. No."