The Inability to Continue
Disclaimer: I don't own Kyou Kara Maou, obviously, or those god awful boxes would have never been so ugly and retarded. ((I hate those boxes, I'm sorry. I hate them a lot.))
Chapter 2: A Young King is Confused
The people didn't clear out of the courtyard immediately, even the nobles stayed to talk to one another about what had just transpired. The only people that actually left the courtyard right after the whole ordeal were Wolfram, Conrad, Yuuri, Gwendal, and Gunter. Yuuri made the excuse that he wasn't feeling well so Conrad escorted Yuuri to his room, and since Yuuri had mentioned he wanted to be alone, Conrad didn't stick around. He knew that if Yuuri needed someone to talk to he'd call for him later. Until then Conrad would let Yuuri be alone with his thoughts.
Wolfram headed for the nearest bathroom and splashed water on his face in an attempt to keep himself from crying. He might have cried, but there was so much water on his face he wouldn't have been able to tell if any tears were mingled in there. It made him feel better, not being able to tell if he was crying or not, so he continued to splash his face with cold water for much longer than necessary.
Gwendal and Gunter headed for Gwendal's office where they discussed all of the pros and cons of the engagement being broken off.
"It will make courting a possibility for his majesty." Gunter pointed out.
"Yes, and with courting there are always possible new alliances, or possibilities to make current alliances stronger." Gwendal added.
"But what does this mean for Wolfram?" Gunter asked quietly.
"What do you mean? He said it himself, he'd become the next heir to the Bielefeld estate, which is exactly what he should do. It'll be good for him, if he can handle the responsibility." Gwendal, sitting behind his desk, turned his chair towards the window where he could still make out the people in the courtyard below.
"But are you sure that selfish loafer…"
"He's changed. It's not completely obvious, but when he stated his intentions of inheriting the Bielefeld estate there was a certain determination in his voice I haven't heard before. I think he's ready to prove to us that he is more than just the selfish loafer he's always been. That's what I think, as his older brother."
"What do you make of the decision as an advisor?" Gunter asked.
"I think that Waltorana wouldn't let someone he thinks is incapable inherit the Bielefeld estate and I trust him to teach Wolfram everything he needs to know about being one of the ten nobles."
"So you think this is the best choice for Wolfram?"
"Yes… and no. His majesty has, well changed my little brother. And Wolfram is very… attached to his majesty. I think politically and logically that this is the best decision. But when it comes down to the emotional aspect I don't think Wolfram is going to happy. He'll pretend that this is what he wants, but he's going to hurt for a long time. As Wolfram's oldest brother I don't like his majesty's decision. But as one of the ten nobles I have to agree that this engagement is better off being terminated."
Gunter smiled, "Aw, I didn't know you cared that much about Wolfram."
Gwendal blushed, glad he wasn't facing Gunter. "He's my little brother, of course I care about his happiness."
There was a knock and they both turned around to look towards the door. Gwendal said, "Come in," but was unsure of who it could be. He'd just been looking down at the courtyard and it'd looked like everyone was still there.
"It's just me, big brother." Wolfram said as he came in, closing the door behind him. He'd dried off his face and fixed himself up. He didn't smile, but he didn't hang his head low or try to cover his eyes with his hair.
"I thought you were still down in the courtyard." Gwendal replied, very unsure of how to treat his younger brother at the moment. He wanted to say something reassuring, but he couldn't think of anything. Conrad was much better at that sort of thing.
"No, it's too loud down there. And I didn't want Uncle Waltorana to start showing me off and praising me for my decision." Wolfram looked out the window absent mindedly.
"So why did you come here?" Gwendal asked. Gunter was about to excuse himself but Wolfram made a motion for him to stay.
"Don't worry Gunter, it's nothing personal. I just wanted to know how soon I could leave for Bielefeld." Wolfram looked his older brother in the eyes, and Gwendal nodded his head knowingly.
"You could leave as soon as tomorrow morning with Waltorana. I'll get the paperwork done and signed as soon as possible." Wolfram gave Gwendal a nod and a warm smile; Gwendal was glad he could at least do this much for his younger brother.
"Thank you, big brother." With that Wolfram left the room.
"That was unexpected!" Gunter exclaimed.
"Not really. He wants to leave as soon as possible so that he can't change his mind or regret his decision. I knew he'd come here and ask to leave as soon as he could." Gwendal started going through papers in his desk and got out his quill and ink. There was a good amount of paperwork to fill out, and a couple of important signatures he had to get before dinner.
"If you could tell the maids to bring my lunch to my office today that would be most helpful." Gwendal was already hard at work.
"Would you mind if I lunched with you?"
"…no."
"Then I'll bring it up myself. See you then!" Gunter said happily as he left the room. Gwendal knew that if he lunched with Gunter he'd get less work done. But… it'd be worth it, and it was just more motivation for him to get through more paperwork right now.
Conrad ran into Wolfram as the blonde was heading towards his room. Wolfram wanted to ignore him, but knew that Conrad would want to talk to him and try to console him no matter what he said.
"I don't want to talk out here in the hall, so let's go to my room before you start to try and console me." Wolfram said when their eyes met. Conrad's face expressed his shock for a moment; usually he had to fight to even get a few words through to Wolfram But now his little brother was inviting him to talk one on one in his room? Maybe Wolfram would finally let Conrad be his older brother for a change, instead of some sort of bothersome stranger.
Conrad smiled and nodded, following Wolfram back to his own bedroom, not the one he shared with Yuuri. Wolfram sat on the bed and motioned for Conrad to take the chair at the desk. Well, he'd like to sit next to his little brother but he'd deal with sitting in the chair. It was better than not being allowed to talk to his younger brother at all.
There was silence, Wolfram stared a Conrad and Conrad just continued to grin. "Go on; give me a pep talk or some words of advice. Aren't you supposed to be good at this sort of thing?"
"What gave you that idea?" Conrad replied, even though he knew he was good at consoling people.
"Well, Yuuri- I mean, his majesty says you are." Wolfram looked away, his cheeks a little pink.
"I'm glad to hear his majesty thinks so, but the fact that you trust his opinion about tells me how much you've really changed, Wolfram."
"Did I say you could call me by my name, Conrart?" Conrad's smile faltered and Wolfram looked towards him just in time to see it. "Well, you can. You can call me by my name, Conrart; you are my big brother, after all." Wolfram looked out the window, pretending he didn't see the way Conrad's face lit up at his comment.
"Thank you, Wolfram."
"Aren't you supposed to be comforting me?" Wolfram asked mockingly.
"Yes, of course. But really I just wanted to tell you that I will miss you, and I'm sure his majesty will, too."
"Yeah, right. He'll be too busy courting every woman from here to Shimaron to care."
"He's a lot less excited about the engagement being broken off than you think. He's been locked up in his room alone ever since the ceremony ended. When I left him he seemed pretty somber."
Wolfram wouldn't let this affect him. "He's probably thinking about how he can use the space in his room once my stuff is moved out."
"I highly doubt that. His majesty doesn't like to see his friends leave."
"How do you know he thinks of me as a friend?" Wolfram glared a Conrad, using his anger to cover up his sorrow.
"I'm sure he thinks of you as a friend, Wolfram, he's told me that much himself." Why did Wolfram feel hurt? He should feel happy that Yuuri thought of him as a friend. He just didn't understand why he told Conrad all this instead of telling him…
"He'd be angry at me for telling you this, but he also said that you're very important to him and he wishes he knew how to make you happy." Wolfram's intensified his glare.
"It is obvious to everyone else what would make me happy. It's just something the wimp- his majesty, isn't willing to do. He can't be, what do they call it on Earth, Geh?"
"Gay."
"There you go, that's the word."
"But couldn't you settle for being his friend?"
"No." Wolfram looked down at the floor. "I know it's selfish, and you can judge me however you want to, but I either want him to love me completely or not love me at all. I can't stand just being another person for him to befriend. I want to be more than that… Or I want to be nothing at all."
"So you're serious about going back to Bielefeld?"
"Of course, there is nothing left for me to do here."
"So do you plan on leaving all of us behind? Will you at least visit?"
"Well, I don't think of it as leaving all of you behind, necessarily. I'll come back whenever there's official Bielefeld business that needs to be addressed. And before you know it I will be one of the ten nobles. So it's not like I'm leaving here forever…"
"What about Greta?" Ouch, Conrad knew how to hit right where it hurt.
"She's always wanted a mother. She'll finally get one."
"I'm pretty certain she wouldn't want a mother if it meant losing her 'papa Wolf.'"
Wolfram just glared at Conrad, still hiding behind his anger.
"How do you know? Girls always want mothers to look up to. It'll be good for her, a woman could show her how to grow up into a fine young lady."
"You could do a better job than any woman, Wolfram, and you know it." Wolfram blushed, but now he was still angry.
"You aren't consoling me very well, I don't feel any better."
"Maybe I didn't come here to console you. Maybe I came here to try and get you to stay."
Wolfram just stared at Conrad in disbelief.
"Maybe I think if you stayed here it would be for the good of the country." Wolfram gave him an incredulous look. "Alright, maybe not the country, but it'd be better for his majesty."
"Okay, let's just pretend I decided to stay. What would be my purpose here? To stand by and watch as Yuuri begins to court women? To stand by and be ridiculed for not being good enough for his majesty? To stand by Yuuri's side unnoticed for the rest of my life?"
Conrad looked like he was beginning to understand where Wolfram was coming from now.
"I don't plan on living in other people's shadows anymore. I'm going to prove to you, and to everyone else, that I am no longer a spoiled brat who can't fend for himself. I'm going to be the best Bielefeld I can possibly be. I'm going to turn my life around. Nothing you can say can stop me." Conrad recognized the fire and determination in Wolfram's eyes.
"Even if I told you that I thought his majesty might love you?"
"…Get out." Wolfram was furious now.
"What?"
"Don't spout nonsense! Get out of my room. You've only strengthened my resolve to leave. Now get out. I don't want to hear any more lies." Wolfram didn't yell, even though his voice was a bit louder than talking level, he didn't yell. He had gained a lot of self control.
Conrad obeyed his younger brother, but turned back towards him just before he opened the door.
"I wasn't lying."
Conrad shut the door behind him, now leaving Wolfram alone with his thoughts.
Conrad looked around before letting himself sigh. Dealing with the two of them was really a pain, because he loved both of them, not romantically, of course. But he wanted what was best for the both of them. Yuuri was slow when it came to realizing what his own feelings were. And Wolfram was too quick to judge. Neither of them realized what was right in front of them. And now it was probably too late. They'd both be unhappy now. Conrad couldn't help but let out another sigh as he walked through the halls.
"I heard that, captain." Josak chuckled as he appeared from around a corner.
"And I'm sure you can understand why I'm sighing."
"Of course! Dealing with his majesty and his naïveté as well as dealing with the bratty prince; you've got plenty of reasons to be exasperated." Josak winked, but Conrad shook his head.
"I wish Wolfram would be selfish right now because it would mean he'd stay at least a little longer. But now he's got it into his head that if he's selfless and goes to Bielefeld he can prove his worth and everyone will stop calling him a bratty prince or selfish loafer."
"Sorry, captain." Conrad waived it off, he wasn't done talking, he needed someone to listen to him; he was glad to have Josak here.
"If Wolfram stayed just a little longer I'm almost positive his majesty would finally realize that his feelings towards Wolfram are of the romantic persuasion."
"So the kid really does love him?"
"Yes. From what he's told me it seems that way. He just can't piece it all together and realize that his feelings go deeper than friendship. I'm glad his majesty was born on Earth, but there are certain things about his upbringing I wish had been different."
"You mean his fear of liking another man?" Josak laughed, but stopped as soon as he'd started because Conrad shot him a glare. That meant serious business.
"If he didn't have that so engrained into his system he would have realized his feelings a long time ago. Now he might lose Wolfram forever."
"What do you mean? He's only going back to Bielefeld. When the kid finally figures all of his feelings out I'm sure he'll march right over to Bielefeld that instant to reinstate the engagement."
"His majesty will probably convince himself that his feelings were just those of friendship, especially if Wolfram isn't around to make him think otherwise. He'll marry some woman because it's what he thinks he should do. And they'll both live miserable lives."
"You talk like you've had a past experience with this sort of thing." Josak teased.
"You know I never really left you for Julia…"
"I know, I know, stop looking so sullen! Let's go get a drink."
"It's barely past noon."
"But you look like you need it." Josak winked.
Gwendal had gotten a good stack of paperwork done by the time Gunter returned with their lunch. He tried to be as quiet as he could when he entered but Gwendal still looked up at him the instant he'd stepped foot in the office.
"I've got sandwiches?" Gunter's statement turned into a question when he saw Gwendal's glare. But Gwendal's features relaxed when he realized it was just Gunter.
"Thanks, go ahead and sit down. I thought you might be another unwanted visitor."
"Did something happen?" Gunter put the tray down on the part of the desk with the least amount of papers on it before sitting down.
"Not too long after you left Waltorana came in to ask if I was working on the paperwork yet. Instead of leaving when I told him I was in the middle of it he started talking about how happy he was and his plans for Wolfram. I ignored him for the most part. But then Conrad came in here…"
"What did Conrad want?"
"He wanted me to stop working on the paperwork immediately. When I asked him why he just said it'd be better for both his majesty and Wolfram if Wolfram stayed here a bit longer. I told him I disagreed and thought that it was in Wolfram's best interest to leave as soon as possible. He couldn't make a substantial argument so he eventually gave up and left."
"How uncharacteristic of Sir Weller, usually he's pretty stubborn about his beliefs. If he thought Wolfram should really stay I don't think he'd give up so easily."
"That's what's been bothering me. Conrad wouldn't say why it'd be better for the both of them if Wolfram stayed. He obviously had a reason that he didn't feel comfortable sharing with me."
"Well, we'll have to get it out of him later. Right now you should eat, you look half dead." Gunter held out one of the sandwiches to Gwendal.
"Thanks." As he grabbed the sandwich their fingers brushed against each other. Gwendal never realized how much a small interaction like that could make him feel.
Yuuri had been thinking about, well Wolfram, ever since he'd come back to his room. Currently he was spinning the ring he'd bought for Wolfram on the tip of his finger. He didn't know exactly why he'd bought a ring… He'd gone into the store knowing he wanted to get Wolfram some sort of jewelry, but he hadn't expected to end up buying a ring. It'd just felt right at the time. He'd looked through a lot of the jewelry in the store and when he saw this it just looked perfect. It was a gold ring, the color of his hair, with a large green emerald, the color of his eyes, and two small blue gems on either side of the emerald, his favorite color. It'd seemed so perfect… Now he just felt foolish.
Maybe he should have insisted on giving Wolfram the ring. Maybe, well, maybe they'd still be engaged, somehow. It just felt wrong that Yuuri had this ring and he hadn't given it to Wolfram. Yuuri knew Wolfram only knew about whatever Earth customs he told him about and that he'd never really explained how an engagement worked on Earth. Despite that, he still felt as if Wolfram should have this ring, and that if Wolfram had this ring they'd still be engaged.
But why should he want them to still be engaged? He kept thinking of ways he could have stopped the ceremony or at least the outcome, but why? He should be as ecstatic as Waltorana was, if not more, about this decision.
He'd finally be able to date women! He'd have romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, and maybe even one day he'd get his first real kiss!
There had been a kiss; soft, sweet, and perfume scented, but strong and forceful at the same time. Yuuri shook his head. He shouldn't think about Wolfram like that. For one, they were good friends. And for two, it was Shinou in Wolfram's body. But that meant it was still Wolfram's lips that…
Yuuri needed a nice cold bath, that's what he needed. Maybe it'd help clear his head which was so muddled with thoughts. Thoughts about a certain blonde…
Girls. Yuuri should think about girls. He should think about girls in pretty dresses…
An image of Wolfram in that orange dress he'd worn when they'd snuck into Shimaron came to mind. He'd looked very good in it, especially with that flower in his hair, but Yuuri could tell he was a guy, but probably just because he knew Wolfram was a guy.
Wasn't he supposed to be thinking about girls?
In Shin Makoku girls didn't show their legs, but back home on Earth girls wore shorts and skirts all the time! Maybe Yuuri would date a girl from Earth… But he'd never been good at getting girls back home, and here he didn't even have to try. Was that really fair, though? He imagined the girls here looked just as good if not better than all of the girls on Earth underneath all of those petticoats. They probably had clean shaven, pale legs…
Whenever Wolfram slept his long nightgown had a way of bunching up slowly, getting shorter and shorter, and by morning it would be bunched up around his thighs, revealing very fine, smooth, pale legs. Not that Yuuri had accidentally (on purpose) touched them when getting up out of bed once or twice.
Shouldn't he be heading for the bath chamber? He really needed a cold bath right now.
He was still sitting on the bed, though, twirling the ring around his finger absent mindedly.
He had this bed all to himself again! Yuuri could count the number of times he'd ever slept alone on this bed using his hand. There were the first couple of nights, before Wolfram started sneaking in. Then there was… the time Wolfram had almost died. Yuuri didn't like thinking about that. He'd been so worried, and that's when he'd made a resolution to be a better fiancé. And he'd tried, but it turned out he hadn't tried hard enough. Then there was the time when Wolfram had renounced their engagement, which had been interesting, and had just resulted in the engagement being reinstated. Could that happen again this time?
Instead of getting up Yuuri fell backwards onto the bed, and now stared at the canopy above his bed. He spread his arms out to try and take up more of the bed, but there was still a good amount of room left. It was a big bed, fit for a king, of course.
He was king; couldn't he just reinstate the engagement himself? If he really wanted to he could, right? He really didn't want to slap Wolfram again, why did it have to be so violent?
Yuuri jumped out of the bed and stood up, his head spinning from the sudden movement but he didn't sit back down. He needed to stop thinking like that. This was for the better. For both of them.
Yuuri finally went to go take that cold bath. He was sure that would help him clear his head.
Wolfram didn't want to be thinking about his wimpy ex-fiancé. But he was. Wolfram didn't want to doubt himself, but again, he was. Had he made the right decision? He hadn't been in any position to make a decision, though, so he couldn't blame himself for the way things had turned out. He could have fought against the decision, caused a scene, but what good would that have been? He would have just solidified his place as a spoiled brat. He was more than that, he knew he was. He knew he could make it on his own. He knew he didn't need to rely on someone else, especially a wimp that couldn't take care of himself…
Wolfram also knew he felt like crying. Conrad hadn't helped improve his mood at all, in fact, he'd made it worse. Wolfram didn't understand why Conrad would want him to stay, didn't this mean Conrad could be closer to Yu… To his majesty? Wolfram would never get in the way again. He'd never sneak into the luggage again, or follow them around and get in the way. No, never again…
Life would be boring in Bielefeld when compared to life here in the castle. There wouldn't be all of the excitement of living in the capital, and he would no longer be surrounded by people he knew. Waltorana would probably make him read a lot of books on Bielefeld's history, most of which he'd probably already read, even if he'd read them a long time ago…
Wolfram used to make trips to Bielefeld a lot, he spent a good part of his childhood there, but it'd always felt more like a summer house, not his actual home. Since he stayed with his mother and she was the Maou he'd grown up in the capital. He knew he was a Bielefeld, and was proud of his family name. He'd even known he'd grow up one day and probably inherit the Bielefeld estate. But those feelings were so old; those responsibilities had seemed so far away. At one point he'd almost become the Maou himself… It'd been sudden. He'd lived eighty-two years before Yu…, His Majesty, had arrived. All of this was happening so quickly, it felt like his life was in fast forward, moving too quickly for him to catch up. He wondered if he moved to Bielefeld would his life slow down again. And if it did, would he miss the excitement?
…Of course he'd miss it. There really wasn't any reason why he should question whether he'd miss all of this or not; of course he would. But that didn't matter. He'd have to get over it.
Maybe one day he'd be able to look back on all of this and laugh… Laugh at his naiveté.
"So did you hear about His Majesty and the boy Wolf yet?" Anissina asked Greta, who was chasing a butterfly around the garden. She decided no one else was going to tell the poor girl and that she had a right to know. Maybe she'd somehow make the boys realize they were both idiots with her female power. If that didn't work the little girl had one irresistible pair of puppy dog eyes.
"What happened to Papa Yuuri and Papa Wolf? Did they get kidnapped again!?" Greta looked worried and Anissina put her hand on the small child's head in a reassuring gesture and ruffled her hair. She remembered doing this to a small Wolfram when he'd been worrying about his big brother in that horrible war…
"No, nothing like that. If they were kidnapped it would be easier to fix." Anissina smiled but Greta just squirmed and frowned.
"What's worse than that?" Greta asked, tears daring to make themselves known.
"They're breaking up." Anissina was a strong believer in 'honesty is the best policy.'
"What? Does that mean they had a fight? They always make up after fights, even Greta knows that." Greta was pretending like she wasn't aware of what Anissina had meant, but the fact that she wouldn't look the redhead in the eye told her that the little girl knew more about what was going on than she'd admit.
"They aren't engaged anymore. And the boy Wolf thinks that means he has to move away." Greta couldn't even look up anymore, her head sunk low and Anissina had to move in closer to make sure she could hear the little girl.
"He can't. They can't…" Greta looked up at Anissina now, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. "Why? They can't do that, can they? And Papa Wolf… He wouldn't really do that, would he?" Her small body was shaking with sobs and she quickly latched herself onto Anissina, who let her cry for a moment but then pulled her away so that they were face to face.
"They're just being typical, stubborn men. Don't forget that they both love you. And don't let them see you cry, Greta, it will only confuse them, because they don't understand. But try your hardest to make them see what you and all of us already know." Anissina gave Greta a knowing smile but Greta looked confused.
"What is it that Greta and everyone else knows?" Greta wiped her nose on her sleeve and Anissina didn't have the heart to tell her that it was improper.
"That his majesty and the boy Wolf love each other very much."
"But that's so obvious! Everyone knows that, especially Greta."
"That's why it's so silly. Men are so stubborn… Your two Papas don't know that they love each other. I'm leaving you in charge of helping them realize that." Anissina squeezed the small girl's shoulder and she nodded in reply, a determined look on her face. But after another moment it returned to a look of confusion.
"How am I supposed to do that if Papa Wolf is leaving?"
"You'll find a way; you're a clever young female! Those men don't stand a chance against your wit!" They shared a knowing look and then a smile. This was the reason why Wolfram believed Anissina was a bad influence on the girl, but he wasn't here to intervene.
"Go clean up before dinner and then show them what you're made of!" Anissina prompted and Greta nodded in affirmation before heading towards her room.
"Thank you, Anissina-san! You're the greatest!" Greta shouted as she ran back towards the castle. Anissina smiled, her work here was done.
Anissina had thought her device would be used to keep the two boys together, because she knew deep down they both cared for each other a lot. The machine should have shown that, and it almost had! She'd been hurt when it'd failed. The machine wasn't a failure, the machine worked beautifully. But those nobles had been relentless! She hadn't accounted for that… Inspiring Greta to help the two boys was the very least she could do. And if she was right in her predictions, which she usually was, the young girl would definitely help those poor men realize their feelings, even if it took awhile.
Yuuri had been standing at his dresser, looking down at that one little bag in his pile of things from Earth that didn't belong, when Conrad had knocked at his door to tell him that dinner was almost ready. Yuuri hadn't even realized he'd missed lunch. And he hadn't had breakfast, either, when he thought about it. Yet he still didn't hurry to get ready after Conrad had made the announcement. The matter at hand was bothering him more than his rumbling stomach.
Why hadn't Wolfram taken his gift? The one thing Yuuri had managed to give him and it sat there, behind everything, looking very much out of place. Come to think of it, Wolfram had said he was leaving, but when? And if he was leaving soon, why hadn't he come here for his things? No one had even asked about Wolfram's things, but his dresser still stood there, and if it had eyes Yuuri knew it'd be staring him down.
Looking over at the dresser Yuuri recalled the prior night's events, which seemed to have happened a long time ago and just moments before at the same time. Yuuri had tried to make Wolfram happy but the blonde had just ended up crying. He'd been crying before Yuuri had found him, though, so maybe Wolfram had known what was going to happen. Yuuri should have pressed him for information. Again Yuuri thought about how he could have been able to stop this whole thing if only someone had given him a heads up.
Yet, if Yuuri had paid attention to Gunter at all during their lessons this tradition had most likely been mentioned before. And even if Gunter hadn't gone over it Yuuri should have educated himself on the subject. He thought he was becoming a better king, but there was still so much about his own country that he didn't know.
Usually, before a certain ceremony or tradition happened Wolfram was there to educate him on the etiquette he needed to know. Gunter would tell him in convoluted stories that made no sense and went in one ear and out the other no matter how hard Yuuri tried to concentrate. But Wolfram was always there to make sure his uniform was on right, to tell him to sit up straight, how to greet each representative, what fork to eat his salad with, and all of the other little things he was supposed to know but didn't. Wolfram would tell him in a blunt fashion what the ceremony was or how the tradition started, and he'd explain it in a way so that Yuuri actually understood.
Wolfram had always been there for Yuuri, supporting him. Yuuri knew he'd now find out just how much he had relied on Wolfram. He started to think that maybe he needed Wolfram…
But Yuuri was just holding Wolfram back from happiness by keeping him as his fiancé. Wolfram really, well loved Yuuri, in a way that Yuuri had no way of comprehending. Yuuri had two options, let Wolfram go and hope that they both would find happiness, or keep Wolfram here and give Wolfram false hope that he could love him in that certain way that he wanted him to. Yuuri really didn't think he could do that… And even if he eventually realized he could making Wolfram wait around for some unknown period of time would be cruel. In this way he was freeing Wolfram, right?
Yuuri nodded to himself and looked back down at the bag that contained the pajamas he'd bought for Wolfram. He'd put them in Wolfram's dresser so that when the maids came to collect his things they'd take the pajamas, too. Wolfram had probably had a good reason for leaving them but Yuuri had a better reason why he should keep them. Yuuri wanted Wolfram to at least have some sort of present from him, to remind the blonde ex-prince that they were friends.
As Yuuri open the drawer to put the bag in he spotted a book, the one Wolfram had been hiding from him. Curiosity got the better of him and he took the book out, looking around to make sure no one was watching. The cover was plain, no title or anything, just pages bound together between leather. He opened it, and just from the first drawing he could tell Wolfram had made this book himself. Wolfram's art style was very… unique. It would have been popular in modern American art back on Earth, they were into that abstract sort of thing.
Yuuri had gotten better at deciphering Wolfram's drawings, though, and could usually tell when some figure in the artwork was supposed to be him. Judging by these drawings, though, Wolfram had gotten quite a bit better. Yuuri could make out himself and what he thought was Wolfram, by the blond hair and green eyes. Yuuri didn't realize there were words at the bottom of the page until the third page and had to go back to read it from the beginning. Yuuri could hear Wolfram's voice in his head reading it aloud to him:
"Once upon a time, in another world entirely, there lived a king. He was a benevolent king, loved by all. But no one loved him more than a certain blonde. The king didn't see that, he shrugged it off. And so the beautiful blonde lived by the king's side, as his accidental fiancé, to be forever ignored and unwanted."
'Well, that wasn't a very happy story at all,' Yuuri thought. If this was really how Wolfram felt then this really was for the better. Yuuri didn't want Wolfram to have to live by his side ignored for the rest of forever. His best friend didn't deserve that sort of slow and painful torture…
Yuuri put the book back and finally got ready for dinner. This was going to be awkward, but he'd have to be unwavering in his decision. This was for everyone's benefit, even if he couldn't see the immediate benefit, it was definitely there, somewhere...
"Wolfram's sitting too far away." Greta complained aloud from her seat next to Yuuri, who nodded.
"Yeah, I think he's mad at me." Yuuri whispered to her.
Greta leaned in a joined him in whispering, "Why's he mad?"
"I did something stupid." Yuuri blushed a little.
"That's normal, Wolfram still sits next to papa Yuuri anyway, usually." Yuuri frowned at her.
"That's kind of mean, saying I normally do stupid things." Yuuri was pouting, Greta had to stop herself from giggling.
"Ok, papa Yuuri only does stupid things when it comes to Wolfram." Yuuri still looked troubled, but sighed and smiled down at his daughter.
"I guess you're right. But I did something very stupid this time." Yuuri paused, but even Greta could tell he had more to say.
"Papa Wolf is leaving, isn't he?" Greta gave Yuuri such a sad look that the young king wanted to lie and assure her that Wolfram would be staying with them forever. But he couldn't lie to her like that, so he just sadly nodded his head.
"How'd you know?" Yuuri asked.
"Greta is growing up, papa, and isn't just a little girl anymore." Yuuri gave her a look of disbelief.
"Please don't grow up too fast!" Greta laughed a little.
"Ok, Greta will try to stop growing." Greta chuckled and Yuuri smiled.
"Thank you, I appreciate the effort." They stopped whispering, but it was far from quiet.
The dinning hall was full, which was saying a lot. All of the ten nobles were still there, along with the usual crowd, and there were even other nobles there who had apparently been there for the ceremony and Yuuri hadn't even realized it. Yet the seat next to Yuuri remained empty, Wolfram opting to sit next to his uncle instead. Yuuri couldn't help but keep glancing over at Wolfram, and he noticed that Wolfram never looked over towards him. He knew he shouldn't expect Wolfram to look over at him, but at the same time he felt hurt. Wolfram didn't have to sit so far away when the seat right next to Yuuri was open. He could still sit there without being his fiancé, right? Even if Mazoku tradition said otherwise, surely there could be an exception? The more Yuuri thought about it, the more he realized he needed to talk to Wolfram. He really needed to talk to Wolfram.
"You really shouldn't stare at him so much, your majesty." Conrad remarked quietly.
"It's Yuuri, Conrad," was Yuuri's only reply. Yuuri also looked away and blushed, but couldn't help it and continued to stare. He knew he was staring and that it was rude and probably suspicious but that didn't seem to matter very much. Why did Wolfram look so okay with all of this? Maybe it really was for the better…
"Wolfram looks sad, doesn't he?" Greta commented, taking Yuuri by surprise.
"I was just thinking he looks kind of happy." Greta shook her head.
"Papa?" Greta smiled at Yuuri.
"What is it?" Yuuri smiled back.
"Don't be mad at Greta for saying so, but papa is kind of dumb." Yuuri looked shocked and appalled.
"What? Why?" Yuuri was completely flustered.
"Because Wolfram is obviously sad, and papa Yuuri really should be able to tell." Yuuri had thought he was getting better at deciphering Wolfram's emotions. Apparently not.
"How can you tell? Maybe you could teach me." Greta gave Yuuri a playful sigh.
"Wolfram's eyes."
"What about them?" Yuuri thought maybe he should take notes.
"They're red around the edges." Greta pointed to the edges of her own eyes.
Yuuri looked closely, but it was pretty obvious even from here. "Oh, you're right."
"And Wolfram's hair. It's messed up." Greta touched her own hair.
"Only a bit more than usual, and that might be from the machine shocking him earlier."
"If Wolfram were feeling okay he would've fixed his hair earlier."
"Maybe he's been busy?" Greta shrugged. Then she tapped Yuuri and motioned for him to lean closer.
"Also, Wolfram has been drinking a lot more than he usually does, without eating any of his food." Greta whispered and Yuuri gave her a surprised look.
"I've been looking at him this whole time and didn't even notice!"
"Papa Yuuri has been distracted, hasn't he?" Greta grinned.
"I… I guess you could say that." Yuuri looked away and blushed, though he wasn't quite sure why.
"Papa Yuuri should talk to Wolfram after dinner." Yuuri looked at her and nodded.
"You're right. I should." And so he would.
"You know he keeps looking over here at you, right?" Waltorana commented. Wolfram shrugged.
"No, I didn't know until you told me because I'm not looking at him. But thanks for making me feel awkward." Wolfram was a little drunk. Just a little. It was okay. It helped him not think. And if he focused on the glass as he emptied it and someone else refilled it he didn't have to look over there. There was probably some food on his plate, but he wasn't looking at that either. He was focused, determined even. Wine was such a wondrous thing when one was depressed. He didn't care about the stupid headache he'd have in the morning. He would have had a headache anyway. It was either get drunk and pass out or cry himself to sleep in a pathetic, girlish sort of way. Getting shit-faced was the better option, in his opinion. So that's what he was in the process of doing.
"You shouldn't drink too much…" someone commented from his left. He laughed and continued sipping at his newest glass of wine. Then he laughed again for no particular reason.
Waltorana might have stopped his precious nephew from his self-destruction or even berated him for making a bad impression as the future heir to the Bielefeld estate, but he didn't. Even he knew how much Wolfram was hurting, though Waltorana thought this would all turn out for the better in the end. So he watched Wolfram with a frown but kept his mouth shut for the most part.
"I think I'll be retiring early." Wolfram smiled as his glass was refilled, "But not just yet."
"Hey, Wolfram! Wait up!" Wolfram heard someone say that and stopped, hoping someone had actually said it and he wasn't just hearing things.
"Eh?" Wolfram turned around slowly to see Yuuri walking towards him. "Oh, it's you."
Wolfram didn't have disdain in his voice, but he didn't look excited to see Yuuri either. Yuuri could smell the alcohol on his breath from a good distance away.
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you." Yuuri smiled, Wolfram didn't seem to care.
"Well, let's talk in my room, since we're almost there anyway. And I can sit down, the world's turning a bit fast right now." Wolfram made sense in his head and couldn't bring himself to care if it made sense out loud.
"Okay." Yuuri replied as he obediently followed Wolfram. He'd been lucky to catch him in the hallway. Yuuri wasn't too sure if he remembered which one was Wolfram's room…
"Stupid door, being difficult…" Wolfram muttered as he tried to open the door. Yuuri opened it for him after a couple more seconds of awkward struggling. "Thanks, wimp." Wolfram smiled, and Yuuri smiled back, glad that he didn't have to hear Wolfram call him 'your majesty.'
Yuuri shut the door and looked around. This room was much smaller than his, sparsely furnished, and didn't really suit Wolfram. Wolfram looked like he belonged in the royal chambers. He looked out of place here.
"So, what do you want to talk about? The weather? It sucks. I hate it when the wind does that, don't you? I can't even hear myself think!" There was no wind in the room, Yuuri noted, but he smiled anyway.
"I just wanted to talk to you, I still want to be your friend, you know." Wolfram smiled at him, and then the smile turned into a chuckle, which turned into full blown laughter.
"That's great, really great. No, really, really great. So great. Thanks. Thank you. That's great." Wolfram said, still laughing a little. He looked over at Yuuri, his cheeks red from the laughter and alcohol.
"I really mean it." Yuuri looked a little troubled, Wolfram wasn't taking him seriously. But what did he expect? Wolfram was really drunk. Maybe this wasn't the best time to talk to him. But now their time together was limited…
"When do you leave for Bielefeld?" Yuuri asked, hoping Wolfram was sober enough to remember.
"Um, ah, let me think… oh yes, in the morning. Whenever that blasted sun decides to rise. I hope he sleeps in." Wolfram giggled but Yuuri could feel the color drain from his face.
"Tomorrow morning?" Yuuri wouldn't believe it.
"Uh huh." Wolfram smiled and nodded. Suddenly he patted the spot next to him on the bed. "Sit next to me, you're too tall. Hurts my neck to look up at you all the time, you know? We're supposed to be the same height, you know." Yuuri conceded, but kept that look of disbelief on his face. Yuuri sat down next to Wolfram and the bed sunk in a bit, which was enough to make Wolfram loose his balance. He fell onto Yuuri's shoulder and continued to lean against him, unable to find the strength or resolve to move.
"I'll miss you." Yuuri decided that's really what'd been bothering him, he had needed to let Wolfram know that he'd miss him.
"Mmmm 'kay." Wolfram mumbled, leaning on Yuuri more and more, enjoying the warmth. He was getting sleepy really quickly. He felt like he was being attacked by sleep ninjas. But he had to fight them and stay awake, Yuuri was trying to tell him something.
"A lot, I'll miss you a lot, Wolfram. If you don't remember anything else when you wake up in the morning, remember that." Wolfram nodded, and Yuuri suddenly felt the need to continue. "I-I don't know what I'll do when you're gone, the room will feel really empty, it already does… Will you write to me from Bielefeld?"
"Um, I guess I could. I'd start the letter with 'Dear wimp, you suck, I miss you, too. Don't marry a floozy just because she bats her eyelashes at you. You can do better. Make sure she's a good mom for Greta or I'll punch you right in your face.' And then I'd draw you a picture right there in the middle of the letter of me punching you in the face." Wolfram smiled, his eyes had been closed for awhile but he opened them up a little to look over a Yuuri, who smiled warmly, making Wolfram feel even more comfy-cozy.
"I don't think I'll marry someone so soon." Yuuri replied, still smiling at the thought of Wolfram's little drawing.
"Why not?" Wolfram asked quietly. "I thought that's why you wanted to get away from me so badly."
"Who said I wanted to get away from you?" Yuuri's brows were furrowed, Wolfram poked at the wrinkles. They looked funny on Yuuri.
"I did. You did. Someone did. It's obvious, no one needs to really say it." Wolfram let his hand fall after poking Yuuri's face and it landed on Yuuri's leg. Oh well, he didn't feel like moving it.
"Well, I'm telling you right now that I don't want to get away from you. And I'm not going to go marry someone as soon as you leave. I'll be too busy missing you." Yuuri thought for a moment that alcohol might be contagious, but that was dumb, he was just spilling his guts because somewhere deep down he knew Wolfram wouldn't remember a single word of this in the morning. In the morning… when he left. It made Yuuri sad but he also felt at ease here in this moment.
"Really? Well, maybe I shouldn't go then…" Wolfram snuggled closer. Yuuri would miss him, how nice. Not as nice as the warmth he was giving him right now, but nice nonetheless.
"I'd be happy if you stayed." Yuuri smiled. He realized Wolfram was close, really close, and only getting closer. But it was nice, and above all it felt right. He hadn't felt right all day, but right here, right now, he did.
"But I can't." Wolfram said suddenly, with resolve.
"Why not?" The sudden change confused Yuuri.
"Just, just… can't. I can't remember right now. Something to do with you, something to do with Bielefeld. Maybe I know. Not right now, though." Wolfram was going to fall asleep soon, he knew it. He couldn't fend off the sleep ninjas for much longer.
"But, now is all we have! You're leaving me tomorrow." Yuuri knew he sounded a bit desperate. He didn't care.
"No, wimp, you're wrong. I'm not dying, so it's not forever, and Bielefeld's not so far. If you need me, just tell me, I'll be there. Didn't I tell you that I'd always be there for you? You have to trust me. I can't remember right now, but I've got a good reason. But no reason is too good. If you need me, just tell me, I'll be there. I feel like I've said that too many times. But I can't say it too many times. I'll be there for you. You know, if you fall I'll fall with you." There was a pause, Yuuri thought Wolfram might have fallen asleep. "I love you, Yuuri… I really, really, really do. A lot." Yuuri's face was flushed as he looked down at Wolfram, who was surprisingly looking back up at him.
"Can I try something?" Wolfram asked, looking deep into Yuuri's eyes. Yuuri knew he could do nothing but nod.
"I'm really, really drunk, so don't be angry…" Wolfram whispered as he pulled himself up to bring his face closer to Yuuri's. And then, out of nowhere it seemed, even though he'd been looking at Wolfram the whole time, their lips met. Wolfram pushed against him, and Yuuri closed his eyes. Wolfram tasted of alcohol and something else, but mostly alcohol. And that smell that was so specific to Wolfram was masked by the smell of alcohol. But Yuuri couldn't pull away… In fact, he had to stop himself from pushing back. Wolfram pulled away from a moment, only to lean in again and press their lips together, his hand having found its way into Yuuri's hair at some point. Wolfram's other hand was still in Yuuri's lap, and his body was so close, pressing against him. Wolfram suddenly pulled away and stayed away. Yuuri knew he should have been relieved, but his face showed that he was only disappointed.
"I can't taste you through the alcohol. Bummer…" Wolfram then fell back onto the bed and tried to crawl under the sheets, but Yuuri was in the way. When Yuuri realized what was going on he got up and tucked Wolfram in, still very much confused.
"Thanks. Goodnight, Yuuri." Wolfram turned away and snuggled into the covers. Yuuri stood there for a second, just, well, standing.
"Goodnight, Wolfram." Yuuri finally muttered, but he still didn't move.
"Wait." Wolfram faced him again, not realizing he hadn't moved yet. "I need a kiss goodnight." Wolfram closed his eyes and waited. Yuuri decided that it couldn't hurt. He leaned down and gave Wolfram a soft kiss on his lips.
"I meant on my forehead, that's what a goodnight kiss is, duh." Wolfram said, his eyes squinting at Yuuri through the sleepiness that was trying to keep them closed. "But I liked that one better." Wolfram once again turned away from him and almost instantaneously Yuuri could hear his breathing slow, meaning he'd fallen asleep.
Wolfram would have one hell of a headache in the morning, yet Yuuri couldn't help but feel jealous of him. At least Wolfram wouldn't remember any of that. Yuuri, on the other hand, would remember all of it. No matter how hard he tired, he knew he'd never forget a second.
Yuuri walked back to his room in a zombie-like state from Wolfram's room. Luckily, no one other than Josak saw him, and Josak didn't feel like pestering him tonight. Kid looked like he had enough on his mind.
Try as he might to rationalize it, he knew he wouldn't be able to. Yuuri knew there had been something just now. But he also had to pretend like there hadn't been. If Wolfram remembered in the morning, maybe things would be different. But if Wolfram never remembered Yuuri would have to pretend like it'd never happened. Yuuri felt almost like he'd taken advantage of Wolfram, even though Wolfram had been the one to come onto him.
When Yuuri made it to his room he collapsed onto his bed, but even though he was really tired he couldn't fall asleep. All he could think about was Wolfram. And he shouldn't think about Wolfram. Especially not in the way that he was thinking about Wolfram right now. There shouldn't be a pooling heat in his stomach; he shouldn't have a certain something bothering him about being trapped in his pants. And all of this should definitely not have happened while he was kissing his best friend. He shouldn't have been kissing his best friend in the first place. And all of those beautiful things that Wolfram had said to make him feel so right shouldn't have reassured him.
Wolfram had been drunk. Wolfram wouldn't remember any of that in the morning. None of it… Yuuri felt like he'd used Wolfram but he also felt used at the same time. It didn't matter, though. Wolfram had been drunk. That didn't explain everything that had just happened, but it explained enough. Wolfram had been drunk and Wolfram would be leaving in the morning. Yuuri tried to use these facts to console himself but it didn't work, and for some reason he felt like crying. He didn't know why he felt like crying, he just did. He might have cried, just a little, maybe. But he didn't know why. He was really confused.
Wolfram would be leaving in the morning, and even though Wolfram had said he'd be there for Yuuri, he'd been drunk off his ass. Wolfram was leaving, and Yuuri felt like it was for good.
He didn't want Wolfram to go, that was the only thing he was completely sure of right now. He really just wanted Wolfram to stay. Even if Wolfram wasn't his fiancé, Yuuri wanted Wolfram to stay.
He couldn't believe that Wolfram was actually leaving him…
What had he done wrong?
Oh yeah, everything…