Agent08 Reporting for Duty!

Now… on with chapter four!

I Forgot to Remember

Hoping

The Present

"Well, to be honest, I don't really remember when, or why, you even came to love me," Sakura said, sitting next to Syaoran on a set of swings at the park. She was staring up at the sky, finally seeming to be enjoying her time outdoors for the first time in weeks.

"Okay," Syaoran said encouragingly, hoping she would continue.

"You weren't actually the first person I was ever in love with," she told him casually.

That, for some reason, sent a pang through his heart, as if someone had taken it and pinched it. He couldn't pin the emotion that coursed through him at the thought of this girl sitting next to him, loving someone else that wasn't him.

"Go on," he said in a tight voice.

"I was in love with my brother's best friend, Yukito-san. You remember him, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," he told her. Syaoran remembered everyone… except for her.

"Well, I'd had feelings for him for a long time, for as long as I could remember. I finally mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt one day at this carnival we were at. I told him and he said to me that he didn't feel the same way. That there was someone out there better for me than him that I would love the most."

Sakura spoke so casually of the situation, as if the person that she found that she loved the most wasn't swinging next to her. Syaoran assumed it would be normal for her now. Her goal was to simply help him to remember, so he wouldn't feel badly anymore. He knew she wasn't trying to get him to fall back in love with her again. Somehow he knew, that, if she wanted him to feel that way for her again, she would want it done on his own accord.

"What's that got to do with us?" he asked.

"Well, that day, you walked me home and I asked to make a pit stop to the park on our way. I told you what happened, and you comforted me. You gave me your special blue hanky to cry with and you told me that you were sure, one day, I'd find the person that I loved the most."

"Ah. I see," He patted down the front of his jacket where his blue hanky was burning a hole in the pocket.

"We were on these swings."

And suddenly the swing set was on fire as well. He flinched, as if it burned him to be seating there, as if the swing set really was ablaze. Sakura saw his reaction and immediately felt bad.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I thought that maybe, if I showed you something important or special to our past, it would help you remember more,"

He shook his head. "S'okay."

They saw in the distance Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero return from their suspiciously long trip to the vending machines. They waved at them from their original spot with the picnic blanket, drinks in hand and smiles spread wide. They winked encouragingly at the pair on the swings.

"Have they always been like that?" Syaoran asked.

Sakura giggled. "Yeah, you should've seen them when you first came back here after eight months of being away. All they ever did was try and get us alone, so that I could get a chance to tell you how I feel."

"And why didn't you?" he asked suddenly.

"Why didn't I what?"

"Why did you wait last minute to tell me you that you were… in love with me?"

Sakura shrugged, finally starting to feel as uncomfortable as he was. "I tried, honestly I did. I must've tried a million times, I just… I couldn't do it,"

"Why not?"

"I don't really know," she said, annoyed with herself. "Every time I tried telling you, my heart would speed up so fast, I'd forget the words I practiced a hundred times in the mirror—"

Syaoran smirked. "You practiced in the mirror?"

Sakura smiled sheepishly and stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, shutup."

"Wow, that would've been funny to watch."

"Oh, hush!" she said, "Well, you didn't tell me so brilliantly, you know! You should've been the one practicing in the mirror."

Syaoran's smirk melted right off his face. "I was just wondering… how — how did I tell you?"

"How did you tell me you loved me?"

"Yes," he said nervously.

Sakura bit her lip and looked to the skies once more, remembering the time when he'd told her. She smiled. "It was all very sudden, to be quite honest."

"I want to know," he told her.

"Well," she began, "for starters, I was in the middle of a war with Eriol-kun. The whole world was going to be put in darkness, and I couldn't let it happen. I could only prevent it by doing one thing."

"And what was that?" Syaoran asked curiously.

"I had to transform the Light Card into one of my own. Except, in order to do that, I had to transform the Dark Card too. And that takes an enormous amount of magical powers, if you couldn't figure that out for yourself,"

He scowled at her and she smiled before continuing again.

"Anyway. There was a lot of pressure on me. Yue-san and Kero-chan transformed themselves into a staff for me, so that I could have a better chance of transforming the cards. If I couldn't do it, they'd be trapped inside the staff for forever, just as the whole world would be in darkness for eternity."

Syaoran bit his lip. "Sounds… scary."

"Oh, it was," she assured him, "I was scared out of my mind. I tried my best to transform the two cards together but I knew I was losing it. Until…"

She trailed off, building suspense. "Until what?" Syaoran coaxed, "Until what?"

"Until you came, from nowhere, and held me."

"I… held you?" he asked, confused. "How did that help?"

"Well, you held me from behind, transferring your magical powers to myself, helping me transform the two cards into Sakura Cards."

"Oh… wow."

"I was so grateful. I couldn't have done that without you, couldn't have captured all the cards without you, couldn't have passed the final judgement without you…. I couldn't do any of it without you."

Syaoran blushed a deep shade of red. "You would've been fine," he told her.

"No, I wouldn't have been," she said truthfully.

There was an awkward silence that lapsed for a moment before Syaoran continued speaking. "So… how does that have anything to do with when I told you that I, you know — loved you?"

The smile re-appeared on her face. "Well, I heard you call my name and I saw you collapse, because you'd spent so much energy with helping me. I ran up to you, really worried, and you held my hand, and then… you just told me."

He stared at her with disbelieving eyes. "Just like that?"

"Yes, exactly like that," she told him.

"I… I see," he said, averting his gaze to the ground. His swinging slowed to a complete stop and he turned away from her, scooting over as far as he could on the swing, to create more distance.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, "What have I done?"

"It's not you," he said, still not looking at her. "It's me, I'm — I'm irritated with myself,"

She looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"Because," he answered, frustrated, "All this talking we're doing, all these memories you're telling me about… it's not working." he exclaimed.

"I'm doing my best…" she said, as though she was being scolded.

"No, no," he said, realizing how insulting his previous words must've sounded, "It's not your fault. It isn't. It's mine. Those things are so important to our past. It should be helping, you know? It should be working, but it's not."

"That isn't your fault,"

"Well it's not your fault, either."

They remained silent for the next little while, and suddenly realized they were alone. Apparently Tomoyo, Meiling and Kero had moved the picnic elsewhere because they were nowhere to be seen. Most likely trying to give them some more alone time.

He removed his eyes from the ground and began staring at her, hoping for something he didn't know. All he knew was that there was more hope for him than there was before, every time he laid eyes on her. But there was also a slight pain in his head that always appeared when he looked at her, too…

"That's it," she whispered. "That's it!"

He stared at her with narrowed eyes. "Sorry, what?"

"The other day – oh God, it must've been weeks ago – you told me you felt something in your head every time you looked at me. What was it again…? A pulsing! That's it. You feel a pulsing."

He continued staring, trying to remember when he'd told her all this. What she was saying was indeed true, that he always felt a short pain in his head when he looked at her, but he just couldn't remember when. Weeks ago, she'd said it was? Two weeks ago she was…

"Asleep," he said in quiet surprise. "You were asleep. You were asleep when I told you that I felt a pulsing in my head. How could you have known that?"

Sakura blushed lightly and looked away. "Well… I wasn't actually asleep. I was… faking."

And for some reason, that made him angry. Really angry.

"What?" he asked, though he heard her perfectly clearly. "You were faking?"

"Well, yes…" she said quietly. "Is it so bad that I was?"

"Not exactly bad," he admitted, "but you should've just told me you didn't want to talk to me! You don't know how much courage I had to muster up to talk to you for the first time. And when I found out you were asleep, I felt really, really stupid."

"Well how do you think I felt when you asked me who I was after I just declared my love for you?"

"That's different," he said stiffly, "and you know it."

They were silent again and both of them thought that they weren't going to speak again. That they would call it a night and continue with the whole thing again another time. But Syaoran was determined.

"What about it?" he muttered with a sigh. "What were you going to say about the pulsing I feel in my head?"

Sakura turned towards him at last but avoided his eyes. "That pulsing must have something to do with your memories of me. I know it. It must have something to do with it."

Syaoran thought for a moment and shook his head. "Nah. I don't think so."

Sakura's brows furrowed together in confusion. She had thought it was a good conclusion, that he would agree with her. But apparently not. And if he didn't agree with her, he could at least try to see it her way instead of shooting her idea down so quickly.

"Uh, well why else would there be a pulsing in your head every time you look at me?" she asked, suddenly becoming angry. "What do you think is the reason behind it?"

He shrugged defensively. "How should I know?"

"Well what else could explain it?" she exclaimed, standing. "Of course the pain you feel in your head has something to do with your memories of me! How could it not? Why else would you feel it when you look at me, specifically? Am I hideous? Is it that painful to look at me?"

Syaoran stood as well, both defensive and just as angry as Sakura. "Why are you so mad?"

"You're not cooperating!" she said exasperatedly, "This is the only thing we've got going for us and you're throwing it away like spare change,"

"What do you mean?"

"The only hope I have left of you remembering is in the pain you feel in your head, and you won't give it the time of day. It's my one hope in this and… and I can't not have any hope! Without hope, what's the point in trying?" she cried desperately, tiny drops of tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"I — I'm sorry, I had no idea –" he began, hoping to stop the water works before they started going nonstop.

Sakura shook her head sadly at him and slumped back on the swing set, her head down and whimpered.

"Oh for crying out loud…" he muttered angrily to himself – why did he have to keep making her cry? "I'm sorry… I'm really, really sorry…"

She wiped her eyes and she was back to looking worn out and tired, the same way she'd looked the first night at Tomoyo's house. "Forget it," she sighed, "I cry over anything now of days."

"You know…" he began quietly, "None of what you said was true."

"W – What?" she asked, still a bit shaky from her crying.

Syaoran blushed a deep shade of red. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and squinted his eyes in embarrassment. "I… I don't think that you're hideous. At all, actually."

Sakura smiled reluctantly. "Oh… r-really?"

"Really," he admitted, "It's not painful to look at you at all… if anything, it's a pleasure. You're really… really, very pretty."

Her smile spread wider across her face, into a shy and innocent grin. Her cheeks turned pink to match Syaoran's red and blinked her glassy eyes at him once. "Thanks," she said shyly.

"Come on… there's still hope. Hope for me. Right?" he asked her.

She nodded slowly at first, agreeing simply to please him, though she really felt like she had no hope. Until suddenly she realized something.

"Hope…" Sakura echoed, gazing at Syaoran from the distance between them as though she were staring from another universe. "Hope…?"

Syaoran stared at her, suddenly concerned. She looked as she did earlier that day, as if she were on another planet, with her own thoughts. "Um, are you…?"

"There must be some hope," she whispered, "there's hope for you,"

"What are you going on about?"

Suddenly she took his hands in hers. She held them tightly and stared hard. Suddenly he was frightened, and he had no idea why. He stared back at her anxiously.

"You say you feel something when you look at me," she said, "right?"

"Right," he confirmed.

"There's hope!" she exclaimed, "there's always hope,"

She took a step away from him and took from her neck the necklace with her miniature staff dangling from it. She placed it in the middle of her palm and recited the incantation.

"Key concealing the power of the stars, reveal thy true form before me. By our contract, I, Sakura, command you! Release!"

Her magical circle appeared beneath her and a sudden gust of wind that came from absolutely nowhere rustled the trees around them as though a hurricane was passing through. The miniature staff grew longer in her hand until she had the real thing tight in her grasp.

"Hope!" she cried out, flipping a card into the air.

Syaoran stared, wondering what she was up to.

She pointed to the card with the very tip of her staff and looked to the heavens as she commanded the card. "Hope Card, help Syaoran-kun. Give us hope. Make him remember!"

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Baaah, so that took just a little bit more than three weeks. Sue me, okay? Haha, jokes, jokes. I really am very sorry for going two/three days past the three week promise. I know it's no excuse, but I have started a new semester at school and the transition period always includes exams and such. Please forgive me, oh darling, honey-sugar readers!

Thank you so much for reading this chapter. There's not much left. Believe me when I say that. Hardly anything left of this fiction at all. So please review and give me all the feedback possible!

Stay safe and take care, everyone!

Signing off,
Agent08 – My life as a secret agent