Obviously I'm not good at keeping promises. My sincerest apologies to whoever was waiting for the final installment of this leap-of-faith story. I will try harder next time.

Agent08 Reporting for Duty!

Now… on with chapter five!

I Forgot to Remember

Remembering

Maybe what was happening was only in his head. Or maybe it really was happening right before his very eyes. He just knew that this was the work of the card that Sakura had called to duty. This was the work of Hope.

Syaoran staggered to his knees the second after Sakura commanded the card. His mind began racing, spinning, dizzying himself when he wasn't even moving. He was traveling to the deepest part of his mind, venturing down into the very depths of his heart.

Suddenly he was alone. And he definitely wasn't at Penguin Park anymore. He was surrounded by black, as if someone had come and placed a backdrop behind him without his knowing. And in the vast, empty, blackness there were tiny white droplets that shimmered and twinkled. Stars, he realized. Was he in space?

He spun around to see where Sakura had gone, but she was nowhere to be seen. Where he expected her to have been standing, a white mist started gathering and taking the shape of a person. He blinked rapidly to make everything focus. His head was still spinning.

When the mist faded, he knew the person standing before him just had to be a card. No ordinary person would be dressed in that attire. It was a little girl draped in a lacy, frilly cape that fell around her entire body, circling her neatly. She had silver, wavy hair, and in her arms she held a heart. The heart, for some reason, had a ticking clock in the center.

He had never seen this card before.

"Who… who are you?" he asked just slightly above a whisper.

The card smiled sweetly. "Hope."

"The… The Hope? I've never heard of you before," he managed to say.

She smiled that same smile. "Come with me, Syaoran Li."

He took a step back and, for the first time in months, felt afraid.

He shook his head. "No."

"Come with me," the card said again, this time with more force, but somehow remained gentle. She motioned for him to join her, but he simply shook his head again, staring in fear and uncertainty.

The card smiled again, this time almost mischievously. The mist gathered around her again, coming from nowhere and swallowing her completely. She disappeared for a moment, completely engulfed in the white smoke. When it parted, she was no longer herself.

She was Sakura. Looking as beautiful and innocent as ever.

But the smile wasn't hers. The eyes didn't have the same spark or twinkle. It was still the Hope Card, taking the form of its mistress.

"Now, will you come with me?"

And then suddenly he felt compelled to say, Yes. Yes, of course. Anything you ask.

He nodded. "Where…?"

The Hope skipped towards him, still in Sakura's form. She probably knew that the only way she'd ever get Syaoran to do anything she asked was if she asked as Sakura.

She took his hand and started skipping again, deep into the blackness. Except suddenly it wasn't black anymore. The backdrop behind them began shifting into a new scene, something that felt somewhat familiar.

He was standing with "Sakura", and he realized with a start that he was in the park again, in the same spot that he was in just moments before. He was standing before the swing sets, watching as the sun began dipping low behind some clouds. It was just in the middle afternoon, though, before this all happened. How could time have passed so fast?

He saw two people approaching in the distance. They looked oddly familiar, just like the scene before him.

"Who…?" he began to ask, but the card shushed him with a simple finger to her lips.

He saw, with some shock, that it was himself, approaching with the real Sakura. She was dressed in a pretty white outfit, probably put together by Tomoyo, and he was wearing a simple green shirt and pants. As his other self and Sakura got closer to where they were standing by the swing sets, he realized that although they'd passed their line of vision more than once, they didn't react. Apparently he was invisible in this world.

He watched as they took a seat upon the swings and realization dawned on him. This was the scene that Sakura had told him about earlier before. When she'd confided in him about being rejected by Yukito and talked about the person she'd one day come to love the most.

He paid close attention, fascinated by their entire conversation. Sakura had summed it all up pretty well. She explained to him the situation, told him how she didn't want to hurt over it, because she knew Yukito would be troubled. His jaw slacked when he saw himself hug and offer her the handkerchief that was presently in his pocket.

He hadn't noticed that the Hope had been watching him the entire time. "Do you remember now?" she asked, after a moment's pause.

He felt the same, stabbing pain in his head again. The same one he always got when he looked at Sakura. It was worse this time, though, throbbing and aching like a fresh wound. It started up again the first moment Sakura started talking. And it got worse as the scene moved along.

He clutched the sides of his head, taking in fistfuls of his hair. Squeezing his eyes shut, he bent over, trying to make it go away. "No! I can't remember – now make it stop,"

The card looked at him sadly, disappointed, but also concerned that he was hurting. "I'm sorry." She said, though she did nothing to ease the pain.

He opened one eye to glare at her. "Make it stop!"

She shook her head and helped him stand up straight. She ignored the way he winced in pain every second or two, and took his hand again, moving away from the other two as the scene began to morph again.

"Aren't you going to do anything?" he cried, refusing to go another step forward. But she forced him, pulling fast and hard. It was hard to protest while his head was still hurting.

The backdrop became still again, and this time they were at the local shrine. He still felt the ache in his head, but he was able to ignore it for a little while, long enough to watch the new scene.

He saw, not too far off, himself dressed in his traditional capturing clothes, which was a green and white combination. Sakura was dressed in yet again another fancy costume, a big hat on her head and a poofy skirt. She looked beautiful all the same.

He watched himself attempt to follow Sakura, who was walking away from him. His memory-self suddenly yelled out her name.

"Sakura!"

She turned and saw him stagger. Suddenly worried, she ran up to him and caught his hand, helping him slowly to the ground. He could tell he was gripping her hand tightly.

"Syaoran-kun, what is it?" she asked, full of concern.

He bit his lip. "I…" More struggling. "I…"

She smiled at him encouragingly. "Yes, Syaoran-kun?"

"I…"

The scene before him was almost as painful as the ache in his head. Why was he being such a coward? It was three simple words! Three measly words that he had to spit out of his mouth. Why was he stuttering like an idiot? Just tell her already, damn it, just –

"I love you!"

And for the second time, his jaw slacked. Sakura was right. He really didn't tell her so brilliantly. He practically screamed it at her, for goodness sake. He was surprised she didn't break out into a sprint and run the hell away. Who makes a confession like that? Who?

He did, apparently.

"Do you remember now?" the card asked again, after the moment was over.

The pain got worse. He didn't know how it happened, but it definitely got worse.

"Stop – stop it! Make it stop," he cried, keeling over. "I know you're behind this," he hissed between his teeth.

"Behind what?"

"This pain I feel in my head. You're causing it, aren't you!" he screamed accusatorily.

She shook her head at him, giving him a very serious and stern look. "No. I am not."

"Then what is? Tell me!"

She never answered him. Instead, she helped him back up again, and took a few deep breaths with him. The pain was still there, worse than last time, but the soothing breaths helped a lot. She grasped his hand once more and instead of walking again, they stayed put as the scene morphed again. She must've known the pain in his head was too great for him to move.

When finally the things around him stopped moving, he noticed something was different. Unlike the previous two memories he'd visited, he knew where he was. He was completely aware of everything around him, knew what happened and what was going to happen in an instant.

"No," he said, shaking his head vigorously from side to side, ignoring the stabbing pain. "No, I'm leaving."

"You cannot," the Hope said simply.

"Oh, yes I can," Syaoran protested, attempting to move. But he was too late. The scene already began unfolding. And when he saw it, he couldn't find the strength in his legs anymore.

He felt like covering his ears with his hands and shutting his eyes. And though he wanted to very badly, he couldn't. It was near impossible.

"No…" he said desperately, staring straight ahead, "No, I don't want to watch this. I've already seen this. I lived this—"

"Yes, you have. You have lived this as you have lived through all the other memories."

She was right. It made sense. But he couldn't bear to watch this one. Not this one, any other but this particular one. He was only just starting to recover from it. But there was no stopping it now.

He felt the pain in his head become a continuous, staccato throbbing, as if someone was beating his head hard against a brick wall. "…you're my number one," Sakura said quietly, the tears already falling.

He already knew his reply. "Who are you?"

"No!" he cried, and almost in unison with the memory-Sakura, fell to his knees.

"Do you remember now?"

Ignoring her, he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to tolerate the pain, and the heartbroken sobs that he heard coming from Sakura's mouth. He held the sides of his head and pressed hard on his temples and ears, willing the ache to dull and the sobbing to stop. But neither let up.

When he opened his eyes again, he was back in the black, empty space, still on his knees. The Hope card was standing before him, staring at him in sadness and disappointment. She walked towards him, getting down on his level and closing her hands around his wrists.

He stared up at her with pained, amber eyes that seemed to glow bright in the darkness. The card sighed sadly, and then suddenly, something about her changed. She remained the same, still in her mistress' form, but he noticed the face was more personalized. The eyes were brighter, the dimples deeper, and the sadness more sincere.

"Oh, Syaoran-kun…" the card said.

"Hope," he replied pleadingly. "Hope, please…"

She shook her head. "No, Syaoran-kun it's me. It's me, Sakura." He felt her grip around his wrists tighten. It felt very reassuring.

He pressed his hands harder against his temples. "Sakura?"

"Yes, Syaoran-kun. Yes, it's me,"

He calmed himself by hardening his jaw, and tensing his entire body, which had been trembling the entire time. He was stiff as a board as he lowered his hands from his head, taking Sakura's hands into his own. He stared hard, greeting her shiny emeralds with his burning amber.

It was a risk he was taking, he knew, but he did it anyway. Leaning forward slowly, he pressed his lips hard against her own, and waited to see what would happen.

For just a split second the pain in his head grew unbearable, like someone had forced a bomb inside and detonated it. But the moment passed, and there was no longer pain, only memories that flashed through his mind, like a slideshow.

The memories reeled through his mind, showing him bits and pieces of moments that he shared with Sakura. He saw himself capturing cards with her, helping her face the final judgement, blushing whenever she did something cute. He pulled away from her after the slideshow had come to an abrupt end, the final memory being when she'd told him she loved him.

When they were separated, Syaoran was breathing hard and Sakura was in a state of shock, blinking rapidly and flushing pink. It seemed that when they were kissing, his hands had somehow made their way up to her face. He could feel the pleasant warmth beneath her cheeks.

"Syaoran-kun," she said quietly, "Syaoran… do you remember now?"

He nodded once and pulled her close to him, pressing her head so hard against his chest she could hear his heartbeat. "I'm so sorry."

Sakura shook her head and buried her head further into his shirt. "Why? Why did you forget me?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it. I couldn't not love you and still have those memories of you. It was impossible. If I still had those memories, it wouldn't have worked. I would've still had my most important feeling," he explained, suddenly realizing why it had happened.

"That would've been alright with me," she pouted. He laughed.

"It would've been too painful to not love you but still remember all the reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place," he explained some more. He kissed the top of her head and added more quietly, "I'm sorry I made you cry."

"You're forgiven," she answered, "and I'm sorry for causing that pain in your head."

Slowly he took her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "You were the behind it all?"

She shrugged, slightly shamefaced. "I'm really sorry. I figured it out after you told me it only happened when you looked at me. I figured the pain in your head must've been your stronger sense of self, telling you to snap out of it and remember me already!"

"What did you even do to me? I felt like I went back in time."

She stared at him. "You did, silly. I used the Return Card."

"With the Hope Card as well?"

"Yes," she answered.

He frowned. "Promise me you will never use those two cards on me again unless absolutely necessary."

She smiled wickedly. "I'll try to remember."

His frown deepened, but his eyes twinkled. "That's not funny."

And just before she rewarded him with another kiss for finally remembering, she answered, "Oh yes. Yes it is."

-

-

The End

-

-

Like I said, I'm no good at keeping promises when it comes to updates. I really, truly hope that those who waited (though I doubt there's many of you) can forgive me for taking ages to add this. I hope you all had good holidays and best wishes for 2010! Look out for more of my stuff, if I happen to write anything else :)

Signing off,
Agent08 – My life as a secret agent