A/N: Very close to the end now. It looks like 3 more chapters total - 2 + epilogue. Thanks for all the great feedback over the course of this story!
Don returned to the bullpen to find his team gathered around Megan's desk. She looked up when he approached. "Hey Don. New case – this one's financial. Fraud." Don nodded and pulled up his chair as she continued to brief the team.
When she'd finished, Don closed his eyes and rolled his chair back to his desk. While his mind raced, he heard the rest of his team starting to return to their own workspaces. "Wait!" he called out. When he opened his eyes, Colby, David and Megan had all turned to face him.
David was the first to speak. "What is it, Don?"
Don couldn't believe that he was about to ask this. "Can this case wait fifteen minutes?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess. What's up?" Megan gave him a strange look, but Don shook his head gently, indicating that she would hear it at the same time as the others.
"I… need to talk with all of you. Conference room." The team leader stood up and led the way, assuming his team would follow. They did not disappoint him.
Megan could tell that her boss was nervous, but she didn't know why. Maybe something at his counseling session had caused this. As she stepped into the conference room, she desperately hoped that Don wasn't going to do something rash – like resign. Don paced at the end of the room, irritably waving at his teammates to sit down around the table.
Colby couldn't stand Don's pacing for more than a minute or two. The younger agent spoke up when it was obvious the rest were willing to wait it out. He just couldn't take it! "Don? What do you want to talk with us about?"
Colby's voice snapped Don out of his bubble. The lead agent abruptly stopped pacing and faced the team, although he avoided eye contact altogether. He seemed to be trying to come up with the right words, but settled for the burning question on the tip of his tongue. Had he been more successful at articulating his thoughts, it wouldn't have come across so bluntly, but tact was not his concern at the moment.
"Why don't you all trust me?"
Shock registered on three faces in the room at Don's sudden, unexpected question, but Don didn't notice. His gaze darted all around the room, but never even touched the faces of his teammates.
"Does this have to do with last night?" Megan asked softly. Don's eyes flickered to her face for a split second before resuming their surveillance of the room.
"Yes, and no. Not just last night," Don replied haltingly. David and Colby were confused, completely unaware of what had transpired the night before.
"What makes you think I don't trust you, Don?" Colby asked, in an almost wounded tone. It hadn't been very long ago that the team leader had pulled him off a case involving an old army buddy. Don's words about trust had really cut deep into the younger agent, and he'd done a lot to regain his boss's trust.
"It's a lot of things," Don resumed his agitated pacing. "The way you all ask me if I'm okay every ten minutes. The way you look at me with worry or pity. The way you look at each other, trying to figure out if I'm lying to you. The way you won't give me one damn hour by myself without freaking out about if I'm coping alright – then call my family to try to freak them out, too!" Don stopped pacing, leaned onto the table with his fists, and glared angrily at Megan. "Don't you think my family worries enough about me without having to raise false alarms?!"
Megan was taken aback at Don's sudden anger. "Don, I'm sorry. I was just…" she trailed off.
"Worried about me?" Don finished her sentence bitterly. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. Tell me straight up - do you think I'm too stupid to understand that cutting again would cost me everything? Do you think my judgment is impaired? Or do you think I just can't stop myself?"
Don's gaze finally swept across each of the three faces in front of him, settling to his far left, where Colby was sitting. Colby matched stares evenly with the team leader before responding. "I don't think any of us think any of that about you." Don opened his mouth to protest, but Colby kept going. "I, for one, don't think any of that. But if you want to know why we're being so cautious, paranoid even… you lied to us, Don." The memory of Don saying the same thing to him so recently flashed through Colby's mind, but he wasn't done. "We don't know what to think now. For so long, we thought you were coping just fine, and then we find out we'd been wrong for years. How are we supposed to recognize when you're having problems again if we never saw the signs in the first place? If you feel like we don't trust you, Don, remember that you never trusted us with this. We're trying to trust you, but making sure that you're okay is more important."
Colby knew that what he was saying wouldn't make Don feel good, but he was being brutally honest. Rebuilding trust had to start somewhere, and Colby was willing to make the first step, no matter how hard it was.
The former soldier's words cut through all of Don's anger and irritation, hitting him pretty hard. If he hadn't already been leaning on the table, he probably would have stumbled or swayed on his feet. As it was, Don just blinked really hard and stared at the table between his hands. He had been accusing his team of not trusting him, when really he had started the cycle. How could he be so blind?!
Softly, Megan spoke next, seeing that Don wasn't taking it very well. She hoped that he wouldn't have another panic attack and start to hyperventilate again. "Don, we don't think you're stupid, or out of control, or that you have impaired judgment. I just think that you haven't got the greatest coping mechanism, and until you find another one that works, you're at risk. Eventually, the stress of this job will catch up to you, and if you don't have a way to cope with it, you might do something you regret. Everyone has a breaking point. It doesn't make you weak or incompetent; it makes you human. You don't have to bear all of this on your own. Let us help! Let us know what is going on, and we can be your support. Like Colby said, trust has to be mutual. Trust us, and we'll be able to trust you."
Don's heart was racing. He hadn't expected this meeting to go like this. He had envisioned himself telling his team his expectations for their behavior and attitudes toward him, and being done with it. By no means had he expected this kind of onslaught. Without looking up, Don hooked his foot around a chair and dragged it over so he could sit down.
David, sitting on Don's far right, was the last to chime in. "Do you still want to cut?" he asked gently. Don was still staring at the table, but he nodded slowly. "Then we can't really just leave you alone," David responded. "We want to be here for you, but you've got to tell us if you're having problems. Otherwise, we won't have any idea how you're doing and how we can help. If you want to spend some time by yourself, that's fine; we'll help you by leaving you alone for a while. Just keep us in the loop. And try not to get too pissed off when we're concerned about you. If you think I'm being to pushy or overbearing, tell me, and I'll back off."
Don finally looked back up at his team. "So if I agree to tell you when I'm having problems, you all will agree to give me some space and stop second-guessing me?" When he'd received affirmatives from all three agents, he nodded wearily. "Alright. Deal."
"Let's go work this case, then," Colby said after a minute of silence. He and Megan began to stand, but Don and David remained in their seats at the table. David watched as Don's shoulders slumped from exhaustion.
"Are you alright, Don?" David's words stopped the other two agents in their tracks. Megan half-expected Don to get angry or irritated with the question, even despite the conversation they'd just ended. She was mildly surprised, then, to hear how Don actually responded.
Don looked into each of the faces that were intensely returning the gaze. Eventually, he shook his head slowly. "I don't know… I guess not." Three pairs of lungs expelled simultaneously – apparently all three members of Don's team had been holding their breath to see if Don would live up to his honesty agreement. Before Megan could suggest it, Don spoke again. "Can you all handle this one if I sit it out?"
The other three members of the team glanced at each other before assuring Don that they could work this case without him, and that it would be perfectly fine for him to get some rest. "Take as much time as you need," Megan advised.
"I don't think I'll need more than twenty-four hours," Don replied.
Colby walked back across the room to stand beside Don's chair. He offered his hand. Don grabbed it and let the younger agent pull him to his feet. "Sometimes we all need a little help," Colby whispered to his boss. Don smiled and nodded gratefully.
"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon," Don said as he started to walk toward the door.