Thankyou sooo much for all the reviews last chapter! They were so encouraging and now my review count is over 100! I really never expected that when I started this fic so thanks !!!!!!

And I know you're all mad at Lucas, goddamit so am I! But it will get resolved, I think id cry if they didn't get together in this, and seen as im writing this… well, you get the picture.

So here we go….enjoy!!! OH yeah, flashbacks in italics…

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Chapter 17 - Goodbye

The day had come. The day he hadn't expected to come so soon in his life. The cold morning air stabbed straight through his suit jacket and shirt, however he didn't feel anything. He was completely numb inside and out. He didn't know if anything would ever change that.

The last few days had gone by in a blur, everybody asking him questions of how he wanted the funeral to be, but how could he know? Cesca had only just come back into his life after so long, how was he supposed to know what she wanted to have for her funeral? It never really came up in their conversations.

Nathan and Haley had been great throughout it all when he had been about to break. Nathan had sorted out all the arrangements for the funeral and Haley had been looking after Billy. Haley was supposedly good with kids, and yeah, she was good with Billy, but she just couldn't quieten him down or make him smile as much as Brooke could.

There was her name again. It had been running through his mind since the hospital, since he had walked out on her. He regretted it of course, but he had to be faithful to Cesca. How could he have carried on a relationship with Brooke whilst Cesca was back? He should have given more attention to her, and then maybe she wouldn't be… gone. And so that made the part of him blame Brooke for what had happened.

He remembered the last few days, the phone calls and text messages she had been sending, begging for forgiveness, for whatever she had done wrong. Her willingness to declare she was wrong touched him so deeply it hurt, but he just couldn't let her in… not until he could get over Cesca. A very large part of him desperately wanted Brooke to carry on trying to contact him though; it made him realise that somebody out there in the world still wanted him, still needed him.

But one day the phone calls stopped. All because of one scarily final conversation.

It had been the same as every other day since the accident. Accident. It seemed such a trivial word. As though nothing bad could come of it. Because it was just an accident, nothing more. However the "accident" was the thing that had ripped out his heart and tore it into thousands of tiny pieces.

Each day that Lucas awoke, he found a text message from Brooke, telling him good morning, each time ending with the words "I love you". Lucas never replied although he had to admit that her words meant more than anything to him.

Stepping out of bed and checking his main phone, he would also find a voice message telling him to get out of bed quick as it was a wonderful morning outside. It really depended on what you called lovely: the sun shone as brightly as in summer, however the change in seasons was obvious as soon as you stepped outside and the cold air hit your cheeks and made them bright pink within minutes. He knew that Brooke loved this weather, it was the perfect excuse for her to wear her newly bought clothes for the winter season.

These two reminders of Brooke being there kept him going throughout each and every day. Then there were the two messages he received in the evening, basically telling him the same thing, however now she was wishing him a good night.

That evening was different. He didn't get the messages from her. He was beginning to get worried about her; this was getting to be a pattern, what did it mean if she missed it? Was it that she had forgotten? Or had something happened to her.

These worries were interrupted by a knock on the door. Straight away, he knew who it was. And he didn't know whether he'd be able to open it. To face her. Because he knew that if he saw her, all he'd want to do would be to enclose her in his arms and keep her there forever. But he couldn't do that, could he?

Behind the door was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her brown hair framed her face which was now glowing from the cold and her brown eyes sparkled brightly, contradicting her smile which was apprehensive.

"Hey broody." The nickname brought back memories. Painful memories - not because they were bad, but because they were so good, and it reminded him of what he had lost.

"Hi." His voice came out gruffer than he, and she, had expected it to. But it held all the anguish that they had both felt in the last few days.

"Look Lucas. I just need to say this to you. I love you, I don't know why but I do. Maybe it's because of that little thing you do when you smile, maybe it's because of the way I feel you can see right into my soul with just one look, maybe it's just because I am standing here giving you this speech in the freezing cold, yet I am not feeling any of it. I am just feeling you. Now I know that you have had a really hard time over the past few days, and I am not saying that you have handled it badly, it's just that I think that I can be here for you. I can make it better for you. I love you Lucas, and I think that you love me too. So please Luke, please just let me in." Her face twisted in pain as she realised that this was it. If he didn't take her back now then he never would. It was now or never. If it wasn't now then he would never want her, and she would just have to try and be strong and walk away.

"Brooke I think I love you. But I can't. So please, please don't make this harder than it is already and just walk away. Please." The tears were now falling freely down her face. It brought tears to his eyes just thinking about it. But there was no way that they could be together right then, his heart was trying to mend from the loss of another.

"Lucas, can you even hear yourself?! You say you love me! Well I love you too, so can you not make it harder than it already is please and just let me in. I know you don't like asking for help, neither do I, but I am here, just take my hand and come with me. We love each other Lucas, that's all we need." Lucas shook his head, he didn't want to, but it was the only way to protect himself.

"No Brooke, sometimes love isn't enough." Brooke choked on her own tears, shocked at the words which had just come out of his mouth, "I'm sorry Brooke, so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." She looked at him disbelievingly,

"Funny that, 'cos in the end it all hurts just the same."

Brooke had walked away after that, leaving him alone. Since then, there had been no phone calls, no messages, no nothing. She was gone. He had pushed her away and now she was gone. He was hurt that she hadn't tried harder; maybe she really didn't love him at all.

Lucas looked to the side of him, where the fair haired girl stood sombre. She had never known Cesca, however she was still here, right by his side. What he didn't know however was that instead of thinking about the loss of Cesca, she was thinking about another friend. A friend who was so important to her. A friend who she had made amends with.

A friend who had been hurt more than she ever would.

"Brooke, Brooke, is Cesca alright, what's happened?" Nathan rushed up to the brunette carrying the little boy. They looked so perfect together, however the situation which had brought them together was so terrible.

Haley knew by the look on Brooke's face that something terrible had happened.

"Nate, I'm so sorry, Cesca's dead." Nathan's face turned ashen. Cesca had not been around for a long time, yet the time that she had spent with their family he could remember perfectly.

Haley had a vague idea of who Cesca was, but she didn't really know her, so this only shocked her as the death of a person, not the loss of someone she loved or cared for. She knew it was selfish but the main thing she was thinking about was the wedge which had been driven between her and Brooke, and what exactly she was going to do about it. She knew that she had to hear Brooke's side of the story; it's just she didn't know whether she could sit through Brooke telling her all about it. She still didn't want to believe it. Haley had zoned out and not listened to the remainder of the conversation between Nathan and Brooke. When she felt herself float back into the room, Nathan and Billy had gone. It was just her and Brooke in the room right then and she knew that the subject would come up sooner or later.

And Haley betted on the sooner.

"Look Haley, I am so sorry about what I did, and I know that it shouldn't have happened… I know I should have pushed him off me, I know, but I was so out of it, in more ways than one, but mainly with the alcohol and I really couldn't do anything about it when he started to take off my panties, I mean, I tried to scream, but I should have done more… I'm so sorry Haley, I should have done more…" Haley looked disbelievingly at Brooke.

"What do you mean, scream?" Haley couldn't not notice the pain that she could see in Brooke's eyes. And this wasn't just pain for Haley, it went so much deeper; there was something that Brooke had never told her, a secret that was about to come out.

"Look Haley, I know you may not believe what I am about to say, I don't think that I would believe me… but I was a virgin before that night, and I really didn't want what happened to happen…" Brooke was lost for words, she really didn't know whether she could say the words that she needed to say to make everything clear, to make everything better again.

"Brooke, did he rape you?" There was silence. A silence that neither Haley nor Brooke wanted to fill. Because they both knew the answer. They both knew the answer it was just they couldn't bear to say the word. 'Yes'. It was such a simple word, however at this moment in time it was the hardest thing in the world to actually say. "Brooke, please tell me, did he rape you?" Haley's eyes were now filled with tears, "Brooke? Brooke just answer -"

"I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T… I JUST DON'T KNOW!" Haley looked at the broken girl who was standing in front of her. She had been through so much in her short life, yet Haley didn't know anything about it. She was supposed to be her best friend yet they had this huge wedge between them. Haley didn't blame Brooke, how do you bring that sort of thing up in conversation? But it still hurt her to know that her best friend had been carrying this around with her for however many years. And it had all started because of Haley's boyfriend…

Haley went up and held the girl who had broken down in front of her, her frail body needing to be held in the midst of all the chaos and pain which was engulfing them: would it ever let go? Haley didn't know, but what she did know was that she was going to try and make all the people around her hurt that little bit less. However it was that she did that.

"Brooke look at me, no no don't avoid my eyes, I need you to hear me say this. You did nothing wrong. Nothing, do you hear me? I am sorry that I ever doubted you in the first place, but I never expected something this bad to happen. I want you to know that none of this was you fault and that I love you and will be here for you. I am so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you when this all happened. But I promise you that I will be here now." Brooke nodded and tried to smile through her tears just as Nathan returned with Billy in his arms holding some sweets or something.

"Heya baby! Not you Nathan, my baby Billy," Nathan feigned shock as he handed the small child over to her. Haley looked at the two of them. They honestly looked like mother and son; and she honestly did not mean any disrespect to Cesca when she was saying that. It was just that if Billy had any step mom, then Brooke would be the only one perfect for the job. "Okay then Billy, let's go find your daddy and we'll leave Uncle Nathan and Auntie Haley to make some babies of their own 'kay?"

Haley gasped and then laughed, how did Brooke realise that things were going so good between her and Nathan. Brooke winked at her and then turned and walked down the corridor to where Lucas was saying goodbye for the last time.

Haley realised that this conversation had not gone as well as she had hoped. Both Nathan and her had noticed the tension in Lucas, not to mention the fact that Brooke had not been in contact with Lucas or Billy for the last few days, to her knowledge.

Nathan was stood beside her. Her Nathan. It seemed selfish, but whilst everything had been going so wrong for every other couple in the world it seemed, theirs was going from strength to strength. And he knew it too.

Nathan turned to face the woman that he loved. He really did love her. The last few days had shown him that. But the main thing that had shocked him into declaring his feelings for her again was the fear he felt at what it would be like to lose the person he cared most deeply for in the whole world.

"Nathan? What is it? What's wrong? Is Lucas in the hospital?" Nathan had rushed out of the door and into his car, Haley hot on his heels.

"Uh no, it's Cesca, there's been an accident."

"Oh god Nathan, she's not…" Nathan couldn't bear to think about it, she couldn't be, could she?

"I honestly don't know what Lucas will do if she is… I know he has Brooke now, and I hope that she will be able to help him through it, it's just that Luke hates asking for help, and losing Cesca and having Billy forced upon him might just send him over the edge. And that is something that I just can't bear thinking about. I know what he was like when Cesca left him the first time. But this, this wasn't even her choice to go. This is just cruel." Haley and Nathan were both silent. Apart from there was one question which was burning in the back of Haley's mind. Nathan could tell she was wondering something and so prompted her,

"What was Luke like when Cesca left him the first time? It's just that I really need to know, because I can't bear to think what it would do to Brooke. I mean, we're not exactly talking at the moment so what will happen if the one person she has simply turns away? I don't know whether she will be able to cope with that. So come on, tell me." Nathan looked at her and then away again. He knew exactly how to explain it to her, he just wasn't sure what she was going to say about it.

"He will act the way I acted when you left me."

The silence was even worse this time. She knew that he had to say it, to get it out of him, but it hurt her to know how much she hurt him.

"Look Nathan, I am so sorry that I did that, it was just I was so scared with all of the Jonathan thing, and now you know what a bad guy he actually is - I know it's not a good excuse but it's the only one that I have."

"I know Haley. And I forgive you, I forgave you a long time ago. But you did hurt me, more than you'll ever know, and that's the reason that I don't want anything like that to happen again. I love you Haley James, and this time, please don't jump out of the car." Haley giggled nervously. This was the moment of truth. She had to say it, she couldn't just keep running from it.

"I love you too Nathan Scott." He smiled, the biggest smile ever probably, she had just made him the happiest man in the whole of Tree Hill. But then an idea struck him, an idea which would make him the happiest man in the whole world.

"I know Hales, and I want to be able to tell you that every morning that I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. What I'm meaning is, Haley James, will you marry me?"

Haley looked at him and a nervousness he had never felt before spread throughout the entirety of his body. He hadn't expected to say it, he never thought that he wanted to get married, but he was scared about if he would ever lose her like Luke was in danger of losing Cesca. And so he'd said it, no ring, no getting down on one knee… it was just out there.

He loved Haley, he knew it and he thought that she knew it. He wanted to be there forever, for her and for them; when she had a problem he wanted it to be him that she came to for help. They didn't need a piece of paper to prove it, yet he knew what he wanted to do was the right thing for them.

Them. If she said yes, it was never going to be just him ever again. They would merge into-

"Yes." It took a while for Nathan to register why she had said the word, yet when it did the beam on his face matched hers exactly, "Look Nathan I know we need to talk-"Nathan quietened her,

"Yeah, of course we need to talk, about everything, about our past, our present and our future," He grinned at her, that was cheesy, yet the repetition of the word 'our' just felt so right, "But right now we need to be there for Lucas, Cesca, Billy and even Brooke, whatever happens." Haley simply nodded.

The rest of the journey was made in silence. Neither of them could believe the huge step forward they had taken in their relationship in such a short space of time. But Nathan knew that he could never live without Haley in his life, and he needed to protect her.

The coffin sank down into the ground below, the mahogany coffin never to be seen again. Inside it was Cesca, the vibrant girl who was also being swallowed into the darkness.

Lucas was stood at the front with his parents, the space for Cesca's parents empty. They both lived in Italy, and Luke knew that he had to tell them sometime, but it would not make any difference if it was a time when Luke could bear to say the words. He needed to tell them whilst being strong, not breaking down over the phone. Cesca had not been in touch with them for over 10 years, but Lucas knew that as her parents, they needed to know.

The last glimpse of the coffin disappeared, and Lucas knew that this would be his last ever sight of Cesca. He couldn't help it - he was scared of the future. He was afraid of the past. Most of all he was terrified of the present. He had no idea what he was going to do and how he was going act. He knew he had to be strong for his son, but he honestly didn't know how.

The people in the churchyard started to filter out slowly, until he, Nathan and Haley were the only ones left. Haley reached out and held him, she knew that even the best of them needed to break down sometime.

Nathan noticed a policeman standing at the side about 10 metres away. It was obvious that he was waiting for one of them, however he was hovering, wondering whether it was ok for him to step forward.

Nathan slowly walked towards him. Whatever this policeman was going to say, he knew it was not going to be good. Why else would he have turned up to a funeral and have such a sombre look on his face?

Nathan gingerly approached the man. He didn't seem unfriendly, but Nathan could tell that the harshness of his job had taken its toll on the man. His face was unreadable, apart from that one hint of sadness. Nathan did not know whether this was what he looked constantly or whether this was just a special occasion.

"Sir, are you looking for me?" The officer seemed to be broken out of his trance and for the first time saw the young man in front of him,

"Are you a Mr Lucas Scott?" Nathan shook his head,

"No but my brother is over there. If there's anything you need to say to him will you please say it to me because as you can see," Nathan gestured over to where the two people were standing, "He is not in a good way at the moment." The police officer looked confused for a minute, wondering whether he should indeed tell this man what he had been sent to say. In the end he decided that he would, he did not want to make it worse for Lucas Scott and he knew how bad people could get when they heard this sort of news. He had also heard that the couple had a son, who was in the car at the time; this would make things much harder for anyone to take.

"Uh, yes, I guess I could tell you. Um, well the thing is…"

XXX

Lucas realised that he had been standing in Haley's arms for a long time. He had not noticed that everybody had left, and he felt bad for not saying goodbye. But then he remembered, there was the reception straight after, they would all be gathering at his house. He didn't know whether he could face it anymore, things were getting too much for him to bear. One minute he was full of anger and the next he was full of sorrow. He didn't know where he was although he did know that this confusion could not be healthy for him or his little boy.

He pulled away from Haley just as Nathan returned, from where he didn't know. The look on his face was… well Lucas didn't know. He couldn't read it. But Lucas knew that Nathan had something to tell him and he knew that it could not be good.

"Luke…" Lucas looked at his younger brother, something was troubling him and he could tell.

"Nate, please, just tell me whatever it is," Nathan looked up at his brother's face. He didn't know what it would look like once he had broken this most recent piece of news.

"Look Luke, I don't know how to say this but.. Cesca's accident, well, it wasn't an accident," Luke's eyes widened and he started to argue back,

"Whoever the son of a bitch is I am going to kill him. Who is it Nathan? Tell me -" Nathan shook his head sadly.

"No Lucas that's not what I mean. Cesca's accident - the police think that she did it to herself," The anger in Luke now bubbled over the top,

"NO! Nathan how can you say this to me? Cesca wouldn't do that?! She could never do that? She had a life! A SON! No, you're lying to me, how could you know?" Nathan looked sadly at his brother. This was going to ruin him even more. Haley was stood at the side of them silently weeping. She knew what Nathan meant, even if his brother couldn't accept it. All Nathan wanted to do was to go and comfort his fiancée, but he needed to get this finished. Once and for all. It needed to be over.

"Luke, there were no brake marks in the place where she crashed. If she had been swerving to avoid something, she would have… she'd have braked when she saw the tree. But she didn't Luke. In fact, they think that she accelerated." Lucas' body began to shake. This could not be happening, why would Cesca do something like that? She had a son. She couldn't just take away her life and endanger their son's life just like that. Why would she do it?

And then something struck Luke. He had been blaming the wrong girl. The girl who had taken her own life so selfishly he had been treating like an angel. Yet the real innocent party in all this he had treated like, well… nothing.

"I have to go. I have to go find…" Haley cut him off, she knew what he was about to say,

"I know where she is."

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Okay so there you go, hope you enjoyed.

Next chapter is the last one, so lots of reviews please?!

xxx