A/N: So here is chapter two, I hope it is a lot better… I tried to include the other characters more. I'm sorry they haven't really interacted with that many patients, I'm working on it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
My YumYum
ACT 1
SCENE 1
INT. HOSPTIAL
J.D.: I'm kind of worried about the biopsy today, Dr. Cox said that if I messed this up this would be the last time I would get that close to a boobie. And I am afraid that he isn't joking. (Walking into the hospital)
Perry: Hey Newbie (turning the corner and catching up with him puts his arm around this shoulder) Ready for the biopsy?
J.D.: Come to think of it… Elliot would be better for the job sir. I mean she is a girl. They have the same body parts.
Perry: Get over it newbie… you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later.
J.D.: See I like to do things carefully, like when I go swimming I like to put my foot in the water and get used to it before I jump right in.
Perry: Well you know what I like to do when I go swimming? (they stop in front of the examining room)
J.D.: What?
Perry: Push people in (and then pushes J.D. into the room before he shuts the door)
J.D.: (looks at Andrea in the hospital gown and smiles uneasily) Well… what a nice day to get a biopsy, wouldn't you say?
Andrea: You butcher my boob, I butcher your balls.
J.D.: (scared) that seems fair…
END OF SCENE
OPENING
ACT 1
SCENE 2
NURSES STATION
Elliot: Turk, have you seen J.D.? I have question about our patient Mr. Newbury.
Turk: No, he is probably giving Andrea that biopsy.
Elliot: Andrea is having a biopsy?
Turk: Yup
Elliot: (smugly) what goes around comes around
Turk: Elliot what are you talking about?
Elliot: Well the last couple of days Andrea has been bossing me around and making me do custodial jobs… payback is a witch.
Turk: Don't you mean a bitch?
Elliot: I don't like to swear, its unlady like (burps loudly)
Turk: And that doesn't?
Todd: (walks by) blue
Elliot: Red!
All the other interns and attending yell different colors.
Elliot: oh, Turk looks like you lost.
Turk: Lost what?
Elliot: Oh, well when someone burps around here we all yell a color and the last person to yell a color or doesn't say one has to rub their nipple and say yum-yum.
Turk: Dude that's such an awesome game!
Elliot: Yeah it is, now do it loser!
Turk: (rubs his chest) yum-yum.
Elliot: I'll see you for another round at lunch. (Points to him before walking away)
Turk: Oh it's on! (He calls after her)
Carla: Why do you give into those childish games (walks up)
Turk: Because they are fun baby!
Carla: well I don't want you to teach our child those games.
Turk: well I don't want you to teach our baby Spanish!
Carla: What?
Turk: (unsure of what he just said) you heard me…
Carla: Where do you think you're going? (as he starts to jog) I know where you live!
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 3
DOCTORS LOUNGE
Dr. Kelso: What's wrong Dr. Turkleton?
Turk: n-nothing sir… do the nurses have a key to get in here? (locks door and stares at it)
Dr. Kelso: Did you piss off the entire nursing staff or just your wife? Because if you pissed off the entire nursing staff I'm not going down with you and I will rat you out.
Turk: I told Carla I didn't want her to teach our baby Spanish.
Dr. Kelso: Well good luck with that (pats him on the shoulder)
Turk: aren't you going to help me?
Dr. Kelso: Do you think I even care? (unlocks the door and tries to open it but it is stuck)
FRONT OF THE DOOR. JANITOR AND CARLA ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF IT WITH DR. KELSOS TREADMILL BLOCKING IT
Carla: Thanks for your help.
Janitor: No problem. Punishing doctors is what I specialize in.
Carla: Right… well let him out after lunch. It's gumbo day, I want him to miss it.
Janitor: Sure thing.
DOCTORS LOUNGE
Dr. Kelso: Crap! I'm locked in the room with you.
Turk: are you sure you unlocked the door.
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, I'm the chief of medicine for a reason.
Turk: right sir. Wait… we are locked in the room?
Dr. Kelso: is all the staff as incompetent as you are?
Turk: Today is gumbo day! It's my favorite.
Dr. Kelso: I have been trying to get the cafeteria staff to cut that recipe for two years now. (continues to talk but Turk is freaking out) Turkleton?
Turk: be quite and stop breathing! You're sucking up all the air.
Dr. Kelso: What the hell is wrong with you?
Turk: I'm claustrophobic.
Dr. Kelso: Why don't you stop breathing… maybe then we could have some peace and quiet.
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 4
WAITING ROOM, J.D. WALKS OUT OF THE EXAMINING ROOM
Perry: Soooo, newbie what's the news?
J.D.: Well luckily it was just a cyst and I was able to remove it with a fine needle aspiration.
Perry: But…
Andrea: (before J.D. can say anything, she screams from the other side of the door) Hey doc, pain killers now!!!
J.D.: She is all yours sir. (smiles)
Perry: oh no. I get yelled at enough by Jordan right now because she is pregnant again. I'm not about to deal with another woman with split personality disorder.
J.D.: I just got done listening to her scream and question me every time I did something. I'm not going back there.
Perry: Well you better think of something Newbie.
Elliot: (walks up) J.D. there you are…
J.D.: Hey Elliot, you think you could go in there and talk to my patient while I go take care of Mr. Newbury? (Takes file from her)
Elliot: okay sure (looks confused and begins to open the door)
J.D.: (to Perry) Run!
Elliot: huh?
Andrea: (screams)
Elliot: (goes back into the door way and slams door.) Carla!
END OF SCENE
COMMERICAL
ACT 2
SCENE 1
DOCTORS LOUNGE
Turk: 77 bottles of beer on the wall…77 bottles of beer take one down pass it around 76 bottle of beer on the wall.
Dr. Kelso: tell me again why you are singing…
Turk: Because it claims me down and forgets that we are stuck in this tiny ity-bity room. (Is sitting on the floor in the corner, now in the fetal position)
Dr. Kelso: we have only been stuck in here for ten minutes. (picks up the remote and turns on the tv up full blast) continue singing!
Turk: Damn you made me forget where I was… now I have to start all over again. 100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer…
(cut to outside of the door)
J.D.: (walks up to the door) Janitor, why are you sitting outside of the lounge?
Janitor: There's construction going on in there.
J.D.: (not believe him) oh yeah, what are they building?
Janitor: (makes a face) they aren't building anything.
J.D.: You just said they were building something.
Janitor: No I didn't.
J.D.: Yeah you did.
Janitor: I think I would remember if I said that.
J.D.: You do but you are just lying.
Janitor: I don't lie. Lying is a sin.
J.D.: well that must make you a sinner.
Janitor: if anyone is a sinner around here it is you.
J.D.: Why are you sitting here?
Janitor: I don't know, some nurse told me to.
J.D.: Now was that so hard? (Starts to walk away)
Janitor: I'll get you yet Jason Dorian! (Calls after him)
J.D.: Still wrong! (Calls over his shoulder)
Janitor: what is wrong with me today? (gets up and walks away)
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 2
EXAMINING ROOM. CARLA AND ELLIOT ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF A SLEEPING ANDREA
Carla: Okay she is heavily sedated now. We can take off the restraints.
Elliot: That was a good idea tying her down like that.
Carla: careful taking them off. I don't want to wake her up and have her bite me again. She bit through the skin!
Elliot: She is feistier then Jordan.
Jordan: (shows up) who's feistier then me?
Elliot: Where did you come from?
Jordan: I thought I heard my name.
Carla: we were just talking about your stepdaughter.
Jordan: Stepdaughter, what stepdaughter?
Elliot: (to Carla) she must be in denial that someone could be crazier then her. (to Jordan) Don't play dumb, Andrea.
Jordan: (looks at the sleeping form) her?
Elliot: yeah! How could you forget? She is as much of a loony toon as you and Dr. Cox.
Jordan: (Screams) Perry!
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 3
NURSES STATION. PERRY CAN BE HEARD THROUGH OUT THE HOSPITAL
Perry: (looks at JD) Did you hear that?
J.D.: No but did you hear this (burps) Green!
INTERNS AND ATTENDINGS YELL COLORS OUT LOUD
J.D.: Sorry snoop intern looks like you loose (smiles smugly)
Snoop Intern: (grabs chest) yum-yum.
Perry: Newbie, while I thoroughly enjoyed you making a bigger ass out of yourself then I assumed you where, I have to go hide for Jordan. Her hormones are out of whack and I still haven't told her about Andrea.
J.D.: (walks down the hallway with Perry) What? How could you not tell her?
Perry: Well seeing as I haven't told her about it ever, it hasn't been that hard Barbra.
J.D.: Dr. Cox….
Jordan: (walks up to them) Perry!
Perry: I have to go! (runs and jumps on the elevator)
J.D. :( scared) Hi Jordan
Jordan: Next time you see Perry, you page me or you will never be able to…
CARLA AND ANDREA WALK UP
Andrea: (is using Carla to stand up and she points at J.D.) You. I need more pills. ASAP.
J.D.: Jordan, hold that thought. I have to go! (smiles and walks over to Andrea and helps her back to her room)
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 4
DOCTORS LOUNGE
Turk: No more bottles of beer on the wall!!!
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, you better think of another song to sing or I'll fire you. I have heard that song about ten times now.
Turk: There are windows! (Stands up and points to them) has there been windows in here the entire time or am I hallucinating?
Dr. Kelso: they have been there the entire time.
Turk: (turns to look at Kelso) Why haven't you told me?
Dr. Kelso: because it was more entertaining to watch you make an ass out of yourself.
Turk: (walks over to the windows and opens them up) ahhh…
Dr. Wen: (Voice Over) Paging Dr. Turk to the OR.
Turk: (looks at Kelso) we got to get these doors open.
Dr. Kelso: Son you might not have noticed this but I am not as in shape as I used to be.
Turk: (slamming his body against the door) Help!!!
Dr. Kelso: Just swallow your pride and apologize to your wife and ask her for help.
Turk: Yeah… I should
(cut to outside the door)
Carla: I told you to let him out after lunch!
Janitor: It is after lunch…
Carla: You know what I mean… (Tries to move the treadmill) Will you help me?
Janitor: what's the magic word?
Carla: (sighs and rubs her chest) yum-yum.
Janitor: Okay! (helps her move the treadmill)
Turk: (opens the door) Baby I am so…
Carla: No its my fault. Now just get down to surgery. We can talk about it later.
Turk: (kisses her) love you baby (runs off)
Dr. Kelso: (walks out of the lounge)
Carla :( shocked) Dr. Kelso you were in there the whole time?
Dr. Kelso: Yes I was locked in there with your lunatic husband.
Carla: I am so sorry Sir...
Dr. Kelso: it's quite alright.
Carla: wait? You're not mad?
Dr. Kelso: No, it saved me from doing work all day and I didn't have to get pestered by whiny interns all day. I should be thanking you.
Carla :( uppity) well no problem.
Dr. Kelso: But I wasn't going to. Now get back to work!
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 5
EXAMINING ROOM
J.D.: alright, you should be fine to go home, but we are going to have to do a follow up exam again in a week.
Andrea: (still drowsy) that's just because you want to see my boobs again.
J.D.: oh did I. You need to be careful over the next couple of days and don't lift anything to heavy.
Andrea: Okay doc, whatever you say. (starts to get up and walk to the door but falls)
J.D.: Alright why don't you just stay here while I go find your ride? Working at the hospital has taught me many things. And the one of those things are that relationships are important. You can't do all the work by yourself so you are going to have to rely on someone else.
TURK AND CARLA'S APARTMENT
J.D.: sometimes
things get heated and you say things you don't mean.
Turk: Baby before I didn't mean what I said. I do want our children to speak Spanish.
Carla: I know you were just caught up in the heat of the moment.
Turk: I was. (Silence) now don't you have something to say to me?
Carla: I don't want you to teach our kids stupid games.
Turk: but the games will teach them about the different colors.
Carla: (laughs)
JORDAN AND PERRYS APARTMENT
J.D.: other times you don't say anything at all when you should.
Jordan: How could you not tell me something like this Perry? I know that our relationship is mostly built upon deceit but this is something you have got to tell me!
Perry: (just sits on the couch unsure of what to do)
Jordan: How can you just sit there? Don't you have anything to say to me?
Perry: (removes the cotton from his ears) Are you done yet?
Jordan: Perry… blow it out your ass.
HOSPITAL ENTRANCE
Andrea: (walks up to JD) You think you could drive me home?
J.D: Who was supposed to drive you home?
Andrea: Perry, but I felt bad that I caused him so much trouble with Jordan so I let him go .
J.D.: Yeah alright… but I don't have a car.
Andrea: (tosses him her keys)
OUTSIDE OF ANDREA'S APARTMENT
J.D.: And other times relationships change by hearing something you never expected to hear.
Andrea: Thanks for driving me home.
J.D.: So why are you always so mean at work?
Andrea: That's how I act when I get to some place new because I'm scared.
J.D.: Really?
Andrea: No, but I like you so… I'm being nice.
J.D.: Really?
Andrea: Yeah… but the only reason I'm telling you this is because of the drugs.
J.D.: Yeah I figured.
Andrea: So are you going to come in or not?
J.D.: Do I get to see your boobs and not for just exam purposes.
Andrea: why are you even asking? I know you would come in even if you don't get to see them.
J.D.: You're right. Lets go.
END OF SCENE
FADE OUT