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My New Roommate
ACT 1
SCENE 1
JD AND ELLIOTS APARTMENT. JD IS LAYING IN HIS BED
J.D.: It was probably not the best idea to have Elliot treat Swan but I thought it was even worse to have Keith treat him. The last few weeks have been tough on Elliot, Keith has been pretty mad at her. But it has been harder for Andrea and I. She had been a third wheel on most of our dates.
FLASHBACK
ANDREA AND JD ARE AT A BAR ORDERIG DRINKS. ELLIOT WALKS
UP TO THEM
Elliot: Hey J.D. can you get me one? I'll pay you back later.
JD: (uneasy) okay
Elliot: Oh I love this song! Andrea dance with me! (pulls her away)
CUT TO ANOTHER DAY, ANDREA'S CAR AT NIGHT
Andrea: There you go Elliot.
Elliot: wasn't that movie great guys?
J.D.: Yup… And the best part…
Elliot: Yeah?
J.D.: Is when we left, now get out! (Opens her door)
Elliot: Wait, aren't you guys spending the night?
J.D.: Uh…
Andrea: Yeah sure….
END OF FLASHBACK
J.D.'S ROOM PRESENT DAY
Andrea: (walks in) I love Elliot…. But I can't take it anymore!
J.D.: What happened now?
Andrea: She just gave me sex pointers because she listened to us last night.
J.D.: But you were fine…
Andrea: They were for you.
J.D.: Oh. Well what are we going to do?
Andrea: We should move in together.
Elliot: (walks in) Yeah! You should move in here!
Andrea: What?
Elliot: You're one of my best friends and it'll always be like the 3 musketeers.
J.D.: Elliot, living with a couple is not as fun as it may sound. Carla and Turk used to drag me into their fights.
FLASHBACK
TURK AND CARLA ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH J.D. IN THE
MIDDLE HOLDING A BOWL OF POP CORN. TURK AND CARLA ARE
GIVING EACH OTHER DIRTY LOOKS.
Turk: So what it going to be J.D.?
Carla: Yeah is it going to be smurffs or Gilmore girls?
J.D.: Uh… to much pressure (throws popcorn in the air and runs away)
END OF FLASHBACK
J.D.: (shakes head)
Elliot: It wouldn't be like that.
J.D.: If would been worse, to live with my girlfriend and ex girlfriend
Andrea: I couldn't go from living on my own to having two roommates. So what do you say J.D.?
Elliot: Yeah are you going to leave me?
J.D.: Normally I would be thrilled with the idea of living with my girlfriend but I had a feeling that it would hurt Elliot and screw me over in the end. But something how I didn't care. Yeah Andrea, sounds good.
Andrea: awesome!
Elliot: (turns around leaves without saying a word)
END OF SCENE
OPENING
ACT 1
SCENE 2
NURSES STATION
J.D: Hey Turk, what are you doing tonight?
Turk: Same ol' same ol', play poker with the guys.
J.D.: so you are going to watch ER and make fun of the bad acting and go to bed.
Carla: Pretty much.
Turk: Hey! How do you know, I might have guys over.
J.D.: I'm moving into Andrea's tonight and I need some help.
Carla: He'll be there.
J.D.: Thanks!
Turk: No problem. Hey! Wait! Fine you're right. I had no plans.
Carla: You never do.
J.D.: And Carla can you take Elliot out tonight?
Carla: Why?
J.D.: she isn't too happy about me moving out.
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 3
ENTRANCE
Andrea: Elliot don't take it so hard!
Elliot: You are a friend stealer! You….. friend stealer…
Andrea: (sarcastically) ouch that really hurt
Elliot: (turns around and faces her) Really?
Andrea: um.. ooh yeah.. still trying to get over that one.
Elliot: Good!
Andrea: Look I have away that you can have a roommate and fix things with you and Keith.
Elliot: How?
Andrea: Ask him to move in with you. That way you have someone to still pay half the rent and you can show him that you are serious about the relationship.
Elliot: I don't know if I can do that
Andrea: Why?
Elliot: Cause last time I asked someone to move in with me I broke up with them before they even brought anything in the apartment.
Andrea: Was it Sean?
Elliot: (nods) that's when… J.D. and I got back together.
Andrea: See this is kind of why I can't move in with you.
Elliot: Yeah.
Andrea: But Keith doesn't know about the whole Sean thing does he?
Elliot: Sean kind of told Keith everything when he was hopped up on drugs.
Andrea: Oh…
Elliot: So that's probably not going to work (walks off)
Andrea: crap.
Perry: So why is newbie, extra annoying today?
Andrea: What do you mean.
Perry: He is more wound up and his voice is higher
Andrea: He's moving in with me today.
Perry: So you're really serious about him huh?
Andrea: Yeah I guess so…
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 4
CUT TO PATIENTS ROOM
Carla: So Keith, you think you'll ever talk to Elliot again?
Keith: Carla, I'm a little busy right. And its pretty unprofessional to be talking about my personal life in front of a patient.
Patient: Who's Elliot?
Carla: His girlfriend, but they aren't talking right now.
Patient: Who names a girl Elliot? Are you sure she is not a he?
Keith: Alright I'm out of here. (starts to walk out)
Janitor: (blocks the entrance) Hey, you. Why are did you upset blonde doctor?
Keith: I didn't do anything… (brushes past him)
Janitor: Maybe that's the problem (to Carla) Now I have a chance! (smiles)
Elliot: (walks past)
Janitor: Hey Elliot wait up!
Elliot: Oh hi Janitor.
Janitor: You want me to beat up Ken doll?
Elliot: (looks over at Keith at the nurses station) Nah… its okay.
Janitor: Aren't you mad at him?
Elliot: No, I'm mad at myself.
Sean: (walks up) Hey Elliot.
Elliot: (surprised) Sean! What are you doing here?
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 5
NURSES STATION
J.D.: Keith, Elliot feels really bad about what happened with Sean.
Keith: Why can't any of you just stay out of my business?
J.D.: She shouldn't have not told you she had planned on moving in with him. But nothings going on. You are being really irrational.
KEITH AND JD TURN TO SEE ELLIOT AND SEAN HUG.
Keith: really?
J.D.: Elliot… You have something on your arm.
Elliot: (turns around) what?
J.D.: the end of your relationship. Nothing, you got it off.
Elliot: Okay.
J.D.: (turns to Keith) gotta go! (gets on the elevator)
ELEVATOR
Jordan: Hey DJ
J.D.: What are you doing here today?
Jordan: Danni took Jack and I'm bored at home.
J.D.: You trust Danni with Jack?
Jordan: No, but you left him with her for Thanksgiving and he didn't die, or get hurt, or destroy anything so I decided to take my chances.
J.D.: Oh… how long does it take for this elevator to go up to the next floor.
THE ELEVATOR JERKS AND STOPS IN PLACE
J.D.: What are we stuck in here?
DOWN STAIRS JANITOR IS STANDING BY THE ELEVATOR
Janitor: And that Scooter is what you get for messing for my van.
END OF SCENE
COMMERICAL
ACT 2
SCENE 1
LUNCH ROOM
Andrea: you are actually happy about this?
Perry: Yeah but don't tell J.D., I don't want him to think I got soft.
Andrea: What is it about you men and not showing your emotions to each other.
ELLIOT WALKS IN.
Andrea: Oh god hide me! (jumps under the table)
Perry: Yeah and I'm the one with the problems.
Andrea: is she gone yet?
Perry: No, but to make things more interesting, Sean just walked in.
Andrea: what? (slams her head under the table) Oh ow!
Perry: Andrea?
THERE IS NO RESPONSE. PERRY LOOKS UNDER THE TABLE AND SEE SHE IS KNOCKED OUT.
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 2
ENTRANCE
Turk: Hey Janitor, have you seen J.D.
Janitor: Who?
Turk: the guy you call scooter?
Janitor: uh… nope… haven't seen him all day.
Turk: Well that's weird, do you think you can help me find him?
Janitor: uh yeah sure… maybe he is in the supply closet.
Turk: No, that's where Elliot hides.
Janitor: Alright I'll go look in the dumpster.
Turk: Why would he be there?
Janitor: Why wouldn't he be there?
HALLWAY
Carla: Keith, I'm begging you. You don't know how crazy Elliot is about you.
Keith: Then why is she eating lunch with Sean?
Carla: She is what?
Keith: Yeah I saw them together down there when I was having lunch with Dr. Kelso.
Carla: Since when does Dr. Kelso eat lunch with anyone besides Ted?
Keith: He wants to make me co-chief resident.
Carla: Oh and are you going to take it?
Keith: Not if it means working more with Elliot.
Carla: You just need to go talk to her. I'm sure this is a huge misunderstanding.
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 3
ELEVATOR
J.D.: (banging on the door) LET ME OUT!!! HELP ME. (makes a face) Ew whats leaking?
Jordan: My water just broke.
J.D.: HELP!!!! (bangs on the door some more)
OUTSIDE OF THE HOSPITAL
Elliot: Sean, it was really nice of you to come down here and try to talk to Keith, but he isn't even talking to me. It doesn't matter.
Sean: Elliot, you have never been one to throw in the towel of a relationship if it wasn't working. You always try your hardest. Remember when I wasn't going to take you back because you were making the hospital come first?
Elliot: Yeah
Sean: Well, you just have to think of something really great to say.
Elliot: Yeah like that's going to happen. Everytime I open my mouth to try to fix things I just dig myself a bigger hole. Like I forgot to tell him we thought about moving in together.
Sean: Yeah well that was all in the past, he can't hold a grudge against you if he wasn't even with you then. But I got to go. I'm supposed to go pick up Jack. Danni dropped him off at the ymca day care center so she could get her lip waxed.
Elliot: Right.
Sean: Well good luck and hopefully I see you later.
Elliot: Thanks for all your help. (waves)
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 4
DOCTORS LOUNGE. ANDREA IS LAYING ON THE COUCH STILL OUT
Dr. Kelso: So how did this happen?
Perry: She was hiding under the table and slammed her head against the bottom of it.
Dr. Kelso: what was she doing on the floor.
Perry: Trying to dig a hole to china. How the hell am I supposed to know.
Dr. Kelso: Is she going to sue the hospital?
Perry: She works here.
Dr. Kelso: Then I don't care! (walks out)
ELEVATOR
J.D.: Uh… you want me to do what?
Jordan: You are going to have to deliver the baby.
J.D.: But you aren't even having contractions.
Jordan: After having sex with Perry contractions don't hurt.
J.D.: Wait what does that mean?
Jordan: I have been having them for a while now.
J.D.: But how can you know you are already going into labor?
Jordan: I already had one!
J.D.: It usually takes a couple of hours doesn't it?
Jordan: You are a doctor and I'm answering these questions?
J.D.: I'm just nervous.
Jordan: really cause you hide it so well.
J.D.: Uh.. alright I can do this.
Jordan: You don't really have to do much. You aren't pushing a watermelon out of a key hole.
J.D.: (hits the emergency button on the elevator)
END OF SCENE
COMMERICAL
ACT 3
SCENE 1
MATIENCE ROOM. AN ALARM GOES OFF
Turk: What was that?
Janitor: (lies) um… helicopter landing on the roof?
Turk: We don't have a landing pad… no… that's the elevator alarm.
Janitor: Yeah so?
Turk: Someone's stuck on the elevator and you have to go… wait is JD on that elevator.
Janitor: Good deduction Columbo.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE ELEVATOR
Turk: J.D.
J.D. (voice over) Turk!
Turk: Hang on buddy we will get you out of there as fast as we can.
J.D. (voice over) Hurry Jordan's in labor.
Turk: (to the janitor) hurry up and get him out of here. I got to find Perry.
END OF SCENE
ACT 3
SCENE 2
NURSES STATION
Carla: so Keith, what are you thinking about?
Keith: You are just going to nag me until I talk to her aren't you?
Carla: Yup!
Keith: Well. I dunno…
Carla: and you have the perfect time to make up your mind (walks away as Elliot walks up)
Elliot: Hey Keith
Keith: Hey
Elliot: I know you are mad at me but I really don't have a reason to be sorry. I mean sure I didn't tell you everything about Sean and my relationship but I'm sure you haven't told me about all your past relationships in detail. And that's what it is. Its all in the past.
Keith: I uh…
Elliot: And I know you have doubted me sometimes in this relationship but I want to prove to you that I am ready. So will you move in with me?
Keith: What about J.D.?
Elliot: Oh he is moving out.
Keith: So that's the reason you want me to move in cause he is moving out and you need a roommate?
Elliot: frick on a stick with a brick! No. I asked him to move out. So that I could ask you to move in.
Keith: You're lying.
Elliot: Well I would have but you weren't talking to me and I didn't want to be lonely. But I do want you to move in with me. And that's why Sean and I didn't work. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to live with me but I am sure I want you to.
J.D.: sometimes you just realize something that you have known but it hasn't hit you yet. And when it does it hits you like a ton of bricks.
END OF SCENE
ACT 3
SCENE 3
DOCTORS LOUNGE
Turk: Dr. Cox, you have got to come right now. Jordan is in the elevator giving birth!
Perry: Stay here with Andrea. (runs out to elevator)
ELEVATOR
J.D.: Alright Jordan, the baby is almost here. Just one more push.
Jordan: I can't believe I did this with out pain killers!
J.D.: (rubs his forehead where there is a mark) Well you did.
JORDAN PUSHES AND THE BABY COMES OUT.
J.D.: It's a girl!
THE ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN
Perry: You delivered the baby?
Janitor: You have something on your forehead.
J.D.: What?
Janitor: (hits him where the mark is)
J.D.: Ow! (falls back)
Jordan: (smiles) Per' looks like you got another girl to drive you crazy.
Perry: (smiles) I'm going to be bald before she is three.
END OF SCENE
ACT 3
SCENE 4
NURSES STATION
Andrea: So how long was I out?
Turk: for about an hour. What happened?
Andrea: Well Elliot walked into the lunch room so I jumped under the table because she has been driving me crazy. Then I found out she was with Sean and I knocked myself out.
Turk: Wait what?
Carla: Yeah I knew about it too but Keith and Andrea worked it out.
J.D.: (walks up to them) So Andrea you got yourself a little sister!
Andrea: Jordan gave birth?
J.D.: Yeah I got stuck in the elevator and had to deliver it.
Andrea: oh, well good job.
Carla: What? (to Andrea) Doesn't that bother you?
Andrea: eh… he has seen down there already. And Danni's oh yeah and now my new sisters.
J.D.: Turk… lets go start moving my stuff into Andrea's.
Turk: You only have to move three suitcases.
J.D.: but they are super heavy…
Turk: Alright baby I'll see you later!
TURK, J.D. AND ANDREA WALK OFF. JANITOR WALKS UP.
Carla: How could that bitch give birth before I do?
J.D.: and sometimes you realize you are jealous of someone for something they couldn't even control.
END OF SCENE
ACT 3
SCENE 5
ANDREA'S APARTMENT.
Turk: (comes in with bags) Well that's the last of it.
J.D.: Where should I put Rowdy?
Andrea: In Elliot and Keith's apartment.
J.D.: What no? It was first Turk and my dog. Then Carla made him give it to me.
Andrea: He isn't staying here.
J.D.: What if we kept him in the closet.
Andrea: Fine. (walks into the bedroom)
Turk: You aren't seriously going to keep rowdy in the closet?
J.D.: Only when she is here.
Andrea: I heard that!
J.D.: and then you realize that now that you are living with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with you have to make compromises. Well yeah! Then you have to get rid of that naked picture of Brad Pitt off the wall!
Andrea: Not going to happen.
J.D.: or that I was becoming a man and that meant that in relationships the woman was going to walk all over me.
Turk: (laughs) welcome to a real relationship!
END OF SCENE
FADE OUT