"Ow, watch my toes,"
"I can't help it if you're standing where I'm standing."
"You are standing practically on top of me and my back is to a wall, Malfoy; where else do you expect me to go?" Malfoy sulked sullenly for a bit.
"I'm sorry," Hermione soothed halfheartedly. She didn't mean to lose her temper but Malfoy was trying her last nerve. "Let's try again. My feet here, yours over there." Malfoy huffed but did as he was told, placing his feet intertwined with hers. It was 1:12 and lunch ended in three minutes. Hermione had dragged the reluctant blond away from his bangers and mash and has strategically positioned them in a semi-secluded looking corridor that was actually a main thoroughfare. Students headed towards the Greenhouses would find Hogwart's most unlikely couple en flagrante. Sort of. Hermione had determined that if two notoriously unfriendly rivals were caught snogging, gossip and rumors were sure to fly. And if they continued their charade convincingly, perhaps their friends would be more easily convinced. And the most convenient way to start rumors was to give them something to talk about. It was for that reason that Hermione was standing pinned up against the wall next to a portrait of Osgood the Unreasonable, Malfoy's arms resting lightly on her shoulders, fingers taping an uneven tattoo on the stone behind her. Every so often, he muttered under his breath, little fragments such as 'ridiculous' 'backward is my worst angle' and 'stupid Mudblood'. Hermione decided to let his vulgarity pass. Instead, she chastised,
"Malfoy, boyfriends do not put their hands on their girlfriends' shoulders. They wrap them lovingly around their waists. They do not look at their girlfriends as if they are slavering beasts ready to take a piece out of their leg. They gaze lovingly into their eyes. Calm down. Close your eyes. When you feel ready, you can kiss me. Don't worry," she soothed again when he looked distinctly nauseous at this last bit of information, "we are going to be 'caught' very soon so this will be over before it's even begun. Malfoy," she wheedled again when he remained motionless and continued to sulk and mutter under his breath. Finally, he took a deep breath, pouted, sneered, then swiped one hand down carefully, aiming, she supposed, for her waist. When his palm finally reached its destination, it held so soft a touch that Hermione was unsure if it was actually making contact with her hip. The other hand remained resolutely pressed to the wall.
"I don't bite," she reprimanded. "Come on Malfoy! We don't have all day." It was 1:14. He gave her a scorching look.
"I don't want to ever, even by accident, touch your girly bits," he finally explained in a rather petulant tone. He sounded so serious and vexed that Hermione had to hide a grin.
"They don't bite either," she snickered. Malfoy looked disgusted and slightly revolted. He opened his mouth to unleash a scathing comment when Hermione heard the lunch crowd beginning their chaotic exodus to class. Knowing that she had to act quickly or lose her nerve, Hermione reached upwards and hauled Malfoy's face to her own. Their noses bumped awkwardly but she hung on, determined to do this properly if she was going to do this at all. Anxiety, she supposed, caused Malfoy to tighten his grip on her waist to an almost painful measure. She held firmly to his chin and received her first kiss. It was wet. And rather uncomfortable. He bit her tongue. Students began to flow past, some stopping to gawk and point. Hermione broke off mid-snog and looked over Malfoy's shoulder. His friends were looking outraged. Pansy's bulldog cheeks were pulled taut over her face in a pursed frown and Theodore Nott's eyebrows seemed permanently stuck above his hairline. Hermione supposed they really hadn't believed he would go through with it. Other students also seemed confused and slightly unnerved. Padma Patil glanced over through the crowd, staring incredulously at the duo before blinking her impossibly wide eyes and walking down the corridor at an unassuming, slightly melancholy pace. Hermione blushed embarrassedly and nudged Malfoy. He pushed off from the wall and turned, getting a good look at the murderous faces of Harry and Ron. He gulped, gave her a brief farewell smirk, and fled the scene. It seemed their plan had been a success.
"You and Malfoy?"
"No, Ron," she began.
"No, Hermione, Ron is right. We need to talk," Harry interrupted. The trio was piled into an abandon classroom, Ron and Harry bunched together in front of the door, Hermione standing a few feet away from the raging duo. Hermione scanned the rest of the room hopefully but escape was not in the cards. All the desks were in a jumbled pile in one corner and the room's sole source of light was an ancient window with cracked casing and the remains of the curtains hanging from rusting hooks like shredder streamers. The boys had snatched Hermione while she was leaving Ancient Runes, pulling her into this dilapidated room for a bit of privacy. Ron looked confrontational, red hair slightly static. Harry looked worried and hurt, his green eyes adorably confused, like someone had pulled a rug out from his feet and he was still looking for up, but not quite angry. Not yet. He collected himself and gave Ron a nod to continue.
"You and Malfoy?" Ron repeated. Harry seemed to realize that Ron was beyond interrogation skills.
"There never was a Gay Equals Happy campaign, was there," he stated perceptively.
"You and Malfoy!" Ron continued, a slightly hysterical note creeping into his voice.
"When were you planning on telling us?" Harry continued, the calm façade barely wavering.
"You and Malfoy? Malfoy!"
"Enough Ron! Yes, Malfoy and I. We've been together for about two weeks now. He asked me out last Saturday."
"He asked you out?" Ron asked incredulously. Even Harry looked surprised.
"Yes," Hermione said waspishly. If her best friends couldn't handle her dating an unpopular (in their eyes at least) boy, she couldn't imagine how they would handle her dating a girl. She was stung and resignedly bitter. "He asked me out."
"And you said yes?" Ron continued.
"Apparently," she bit back. "Forgive me; I was unaware that my dating habits and candidates were under your inspiring authority. The next time I am inconveniently asked out while not in your presence, I will be sure put my plans on hold until I can consult your prodigious opinion on the matter," she spat out acerbically.
"But Malfoy," the redhead plowed on, regardless of her chilly stance and aggressive vocabulary.
"Is none of your business," she concluded. Ron looked ready to burst. "Goodbye," she concluded. Harry was forming a semi-permanent worry line between his eyebrows. Hermione pushed past her friends and stalked out of the room, rattling the doorframe as she slammed the door.
Later on, after sitting with Malfoy at dinner and skulking in the library until lights out, Hermione wondered why she had been so defensive of Malfoy. All during dinner, she had sat quietly with a face as expressive as marble, ignoring the jeers and taunts of the Slytherin crowd. Eventually they slacked off when she continued to take absolutely no notice of them. By the end, there was even an air of slight respect for someone who had not left in a bundle of tears after their dinner barrage and who was, after all, dating their prince. Ron and Harry had been twin balls of fury at her defection. She had ignored them and hidden in the library.
Hermione was still unsure why she had defended Malfoy to Ron and Harry. She didn't like him, not romantically. Not in anyway really. He was rude, pushy, haughty, and unbearably snobbish. Perhaps it was the fact that he was gay. He was like some tenuous connection to a community she had no other link to. Perhaps it was that he knew of her orientation and was perfectly accepting of it. There was no awkwardness in that regard. Perhaps it was that she really was becoming fond of the towheaded brat. He was no better in his attitudes and prejudices; he certainly hadn't cleaned up his vocabulary. However, Hermione now saw many of his behaviors as teasing and playful banter, not as openly hostile as she had once believed. In the past few weeks she had gotten to know him better and it pushed all her buttons to see her own friends judging him based on their preconceived notions. Also, this year he had been slightly more bearable; since their 'relationship' began, his insults had become more teasing than cruel. The more she thought about it though, it was more the fact that Harry and Ron had not even waited for an explanation, only exploded and raged, ignoring any and all comments she made.
Hermione supposed she could have told them better, before everyone else, not shoving it in their faces with no time to react. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She knew she had some explaining to do. When another sigh, she stood up from her desk, letting her cramped legs regain some feeling before packing up her remaining books and exiting the library. She resolved to tell them the following evening.