Five flights of stair and a trick doorknob later, Hermione had clambered into the boy's dormitory. She pulled Harry's curtains first, not surprised to find him still awake. He looked startled to see her but agreed when she gestured silently for him to climb into Ron's bed. Ron was snoring softly. They both clambered in and Harry clamped the curtains shut. Hermione charmed them still with a powerful soundproof spell. Then she shook Ron awake.
"VISECOUS WALNUTS! UP TO OUR EYEBALLS IN WINDMILLS!" he bellowed. Then he woke up. "Harry, what… 'Mione, huh?" he slurred confusedly.
"Yes, I'm here, look Ron, we need to talk."
"Talk? Here? Now? Well, yes, I suppose, if you insist," Ron seemed to shake off his sleepiness when he realized who exactly was kneeling by his torso. He blinked at Harry who was perched awkwardly on the redhead's ankles, blind eyes peering myopically towards his two friends.
"Hermione, what's going on?" Harry asked quietly.
"Well Malfoy and I are not, exactly…"
"You finally found out about his cheating ways and flaming gayness?" Ron asked rhetorically. Hermione blinked. "Or not. I guess Harry didn't get that far. We don't even know for sure, it could have been before you two were, ah, yeah," Ron backpedaled furiously. Harry rushed to fill the soundproof silence that filled their makeshift conference room.
"I think, we think, thought, you should know," Harry took a beleaguered breath in an attempt to ground himself in some stable reality. "Malfoy may not have been as… faithful as you thought he is, was, uh um," he concluded. Hermione stared impatiently, waiting for the reasoning behind the madness. She had been expecting to be the one revealing secrets, not the other way around. Now she wanted to get to the bottom of this.
"It might be better if we just show you," Harry fumbled. He stumbled out of Ron's bed and rustled around in his trunk for a minute or two. Ron looked sheepishly at his quilt, picking at a loose thread when Hermione tried to catch his eye.
Harry returned, looking as if he had fallen run into the bedpost a time or two in the process. He blinked furiously and handed a black and white wizarding photo to an astonished Hermione. Enshrined in the photo were two blond boys, avidly making out. Upon closer examination, Malfoy could be seen being ravished by a thoroughly tousled Zacharias Smith.
"I'm sorry Hermione," Harry consoled.
"I always knew he was a ferrety git," Ron began, obviously trying to redeem himself.
"No, it's alright. I know. I mean," Both boys looked quite understandably confused. "I mean, I know he's gay. I didn't know he was with Zacharias."
"But he's,"
"Your boyfriend," Ron finished with a distasteful shudder that he could not quite disguise.
"Actually, he's not. I mean, I'm not. I mean I am. I mean he and I," she pinched her hair nervously and regrouped. "I'm not dating Malfoy. I never was dating Malfoy. I know Malfoy is gay," here she paused.
"Why?" said Harry in a small voice.
"What the hell? What in Merlin's name made you, what in what hell damn thing, hell, hell damn why, hell?" Ron added for good measure.
"Well, it wasn't so difficult," she hemmed. "He wasn't a bad boyfriend." Hermione knew she was stalling now, and not making much sense while she was at it. Ron looked completely befuddled. "And it wasn't a hardship for me… much," she continued wildly.
"Hermione, you're not making any sense," Harry interrupted. "What's going on? Seriously. Because you're not telling us the important bits," He looked the bedpost soulfully in the grain, blind eyes pleading. He had lost track of the people some time earlier and every time he looked up, he found a different colored blur to focus on. Damn Harry. Damn him for being right.
"It's just that," here she took a deep fortifying breath. Now is the time. Now is it, come on Hermione, "I'm gay." Ouch, too blunt, too blunt. Her mind recoiled at the utter lack of finesse of her previous statement. That had certainly not come out the way she had imagined it in her head. Ron's eyes bulged and he leaned back quickly into his pillows. Harry looked incredulously at the gap in the curtains. There was utter silence. Hermione wondered why even the wildlife had been shocked into brooding silence when she remembered her silencing charm. Harry started at the sudden noise of Ron having a sudden choking fit, the motion pitching him off Ron's ankles and onto the floor with an unheard thump. Ron sat up wildly at the loss of weight on his legs and yelped as the lack of blood circulation caught up with him. Hermione winced as one of Ron's pointy elbows grazed her temple on its way to massage the injured legs. Harry climbed into the bed again, swaying drunkenly by both his fall and the newly imparted information. Hermione skillfully resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was going to be a long night.
She let out a sigh of long suffering, glad that the entire thing was off her chest, but resigned to the fact that this would take quite a bit of explaining. In Hermione's humble opinion, it was worth it.