­It has been one week, four days and three hours since Lucas left. I can't blame him, but I am alone again. I am pregnant and alone. I have two children, one on the way and I am all alone.

"Mom" I hear Maia say as she comes into my room. "Mom, I brought you some soup and a picture Lola drew for you. She handed me a bowl of soup and showed me the picture. It seemed to be a picture of Lola and I playing dress up and smiling.

"Mom, I know you've been crying. Lola is staying at Aunt Haley's so, I'm here for you. I know you probably don't want to talk, so can I just lay here with you?"
I blinked; it was all I could do. She laid down next to me and I realized that Maia and I hadn't been as close since Luke entered her life. But now, she was lying in bed with me to comfort me, just as I had done when she was little.

"Maia, you should go, be with friends. I'll be okay."
"Mom, you laid with me when I was sad, so I'm going to lay with you."
After about an hour of silence I look over at Maia and she is just lying there. She had been awake and quiet the whole time.

"Maia, you are being too good to me. I don't deserve to have people feel bad for me. I kept a bad secret for so long."
"Mom, you raised me by yourself to protect dad or something crazy like that" she said with a small laugh, "but when I wanted to meet him you sucked up your feelings and did it for me. So mom, I'm doing this for you."
"You know you act way too old to be 14?"
"Yeah, I'd say good parenting, but look at you." She said gesturing towards my messy hair and sloppy pajama look. I laughed a little.

"Smart ass"

"Love you mom"
"Love you too Maia. Why don't you go out though, I'm going to take a shower."

I took a shower and called Haley to tell her I was coming over. When I walked out of my room I walked by the nursery. I looked at the walls; they were only half painted. It was where Lucas had stopped. He wanted to finish, but I told him that Dan killed Keith and he freaked. He grabbed his stuff and went to Karen's. He hasn't spoken to me since even though he has seen the kids. I wonder if I'll have to raise this little boy inside of me alone. Will Lucas take care of him at least? I close the door to the room. Thinking about it all just makes me angrier.

I get in the car and drive to drive over to Haley's but quickly change my mind. Haley lives only a block away. I decide the walk will do me good. I walk down the street and see kids playing and hope that my family can once again be that happy.

When I get to Haley's I open the door and walk in like I do normally. Lola runs to me with her arms out. She jumps up and I catch her, hugging her tightly. I want to hold on to her. She is always so happy and a part of me hopes she can make me feel like I used to.

"Mommy, can I come home with you tonight? I want to sleep in my bed."
"Yeah Lola, you can come home. Mommy just wasn't feeling so good so that's why you stayed at Aunt Haley's. I'm feeling better now though."

"Is daddy gonna come back too?"

"Oh honey, I don't know. But he loves you so much, just like I do."

"Hey Brooke" Haley says walking into the living room where Lola and I are talking.

"Hey Hales, thanks for watching Lola this week. It's just been tough."
"Brooke, anytime." She says smiling and she pulls me in for a hug. "Hey, Lola why don't you go and play with Hannah and Gracie, they're in the playroom I think."
"Ok Aunt Haley." She said turning to walk away "Oh, mommy, did you get my picture?"
"Yes I got it Lola and it was beautiful. It made me feel better. Thank you sweetie."
"I liked it too mommy. I'm gonna go play." She said back, running off to join her cousins.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I looked at Haley and she pulled me close and sat with me on the couch.

"Brooke, things are going to work out. They always work out with you two. After eight years apart, you got married. And you're pregnant, he'll come around."
"Haley, I don't know that he will. This was a big secret. And it wasn't a good secret like Maia. He has no need to get back together with me, and I don't deserve it, I betrayed him. I just hope that he will be there for the kids. I can live with taking him from me, but not taking him from them too."
"Brooke, you deserve him. You didn't keep this secret to hurt him, you did it to protect him."
"I just thought that if he figured Jimmy shot Keith than he would be able to move on easier. It was so hard for him when Keith died. I just never thought about Matt. I didn't think he hurt this much."
"We all hurt. It was one of the worst days ever. Matt wasn't there, he didn't live through it Brooke, but it affected him just as much as Lucas, who knows maybe more? Nathan's been upset too. I mean, his father killed his uncle."

"I know. Haley I am so sorry to have done this to everyone. I should have said something 15 years ago."
"Maybe so Brooke, but you were young and we can't change the past. You'll be okay."
"Have you spoken to Karen or Lucas? Do you know how they are? How's Matt?"

"Lucas is upset, Karen is upset and Matt is shocked. He finally has someone to yell at, and I don't think he is sure what to do. They went to the cemetery today, they're visiting Keith."
"Haley, should I go to the police? I mean, I saw Dan kill Keith, shouldn't I do something?"

"I don't know what to tell you Brooke. Sorry"
"That's okay. Have you spoken to Peyton? How is she? Jenny? What's going on over there?"
"Well, Peyton is fine, but Jenny is going wild. They grounded her and she just keeps sneaking out every night. They are in for some trouble with that one. You're lucky with Maia, you know that?"
"Yeah, this morning she laid in bed with me to make me feel better. She sat there silent for an hour. It was so sweet."
"Brooke, take Lola, go home. Get your life together. Lucas will come back to you or he wont, but you can't put your life on hold. You have two kids and another on the way."
"Haley, you are too good to me. I don't deserve a friend like you."
"Probably not" She said with a laugh, "but I like you anyway so go. I'll talk to you later."

Lola and I left and went home. When we opened the door Spencer ran at Lola, so excited to see her. She played with him while I got lunch started.

"Lola, lunch time, leave the dog alone and go wash your hands."
"Okay mommy"

We ate lunch together and then Lola asked me to play dress up. IT felt good to play with her again. Her personality could make you feel better, no matter the situation, just like Maia could do. It was a perfect afternoon to take my mind off of everything.