(Yes, don't worry I have upped the rating for this one!)

Erik's Requiem

Worse Than Staring Into The Mouth Of Hell

"Well I never. In all my years of loyal servitude to that dandy, I have never witnessed anything like I have just witnessed now.

I am obedient; I'm devoted and trustworthy. I do my job; I serve my purpose without cause or effect. I am a good sparring partner, I allow him to beat me and I don't complain (much). I stand quietly, I don't make a sound (save the odd creak now and again.) I keep a constant watchful eye over the gallery and make sure there's no mischief or mayhem. I also bring a certain amount of class and heritage to his home, something not all suits of armour can do I might add!

All in all, I think I carry out my role very well; all I ask in return is a certain amount of care, attention and general respect. Yes he may be polishing me a little more often, and sure the unprovoked attacks aren't quite so frequent, but I really do think the respect thing needs some serious addressing. I doubt he realises its actually give and take, not just take.

I mean, I am old now. I've been around for centuries now. I've done the crazy teenage thing where you're out till all hours quaffing ale with the boys and chasing the pretty dairymaids. (I tell you, 1386…that year was a riot…I'm sure that pig never walked again. I must tell you the tale some day.)

Anyway, where was I….oh yes as I was saying.

Dear old Erik is a delicate soul and I need stability in my life now, not nasty surprises and shocks! I shouldn't be privy to some of the things I see around here! I wouldn't say I'm a sensitive fellow, I'm hardier than most people give me credit for. I've seen all sorts in my time, but some things you just do not ever want to see.

For example, what I have just seen now should never have been viewed by my eyes, I feel like they're burning in their non-existent sockets. Why didn't the cad just scar me for life? In fact I think he may have…the image just won't leave my head…it's disgusting! Some things in life are fine viewing like a Picasso or a Rembrandt. However other things are not good for viewing; they should be kept secret or locked away or something. A revolting, abhorrent mental image; one that will undoubtedly stay with me for the rest of my now miserable days. In fact dear readers, I am so ashamed of what I have viewed I feel it is my duty to share with you what my poor eyes saw. Nay I cannot paint you a picture (god…you wouldn't want me to) but I can describe it, and I shall not scrimp on the detail. At least that way you can make up your own mind as to whether or not it was fit for general viewing.

About half an hour ago, Evey emerged from her room after being in there for bloody hours. I must say, even by my standards, she was dressed rather skimpily; wearing only a tiny little vest top and some almost non-existent little shorts. (She looked very fetching, but I feel it was a tad inappropriate as you see the heating has packed in down here so it's mightily cold! I've tried to get the charlatan to fix it but he's crap with anything too technical!) Anyway, she came waltzing in like lady la da and swept right past the dandy with a flick of her curls. He caught a glance of her and his attentions soon shifted from the dusty old tome he was so intently reading.

She graced the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea. She prowled around like a cat, moving slowly and suggestively as she went. It was highly over exaggerated; much bum wiggling and bending over seductively; and yes although the dandy tried desperately to read his book, he slyly kept his attentions upon her and her assets! When she had finished making her tea, she swept back into the living room where he was sat and she placed herself right next to him, extending her long legs into his lap! The cheek of it! The fop had no idea what to do and even I could feel the heat radiating from him! The little minx said not a word, she simply kept licking her lips and sipping her tea most suggestively; all the while the cad trying in vain to concentrate on his book.

This little perverse game continued for some minutes and I kept a watchful eye upon its developments. There was more licking of lips from the minx, some stretching, a few moans and groans and some hair flicking thrown in there too. I must say the dandy controlled himself very well, even if he did afford himself the odd sly glance. It mustn't be easy having a young nymph gyrating in your lap like that! I did wonder what she was up to…probably reading that damn Cosmopolitan again…(corrupter of young ladies in my view!)

It looked like this naughty little game was seemingly having little effect upon the rake, so little Miss Hammond took herself and her suggestiveness back into her bedroom. She upped and left the couch with a wiggle of her bottom and the most seductive walk back to her room. Once the door was firmly closed behind her, the cad let out a huge sigh. At first I thought it was one of relief but then it morphed into more a sigh of frustration! And as we all know very well, when the cad is frustrated, there is only one person that can rid him of it…me.

He leapt from the couch in a fury, grabbed his foil and guffawed loudly. I closed my eyes for a moment, preparing to receive the thrashing of a lifetime. I expected to have heavy, angry blows reign down upon my head and to be attacked furiously about my body. I thought I would truly feel his wrath and the true measure of his pent up frustration!

And then it happened.

That is the moment I lost my faith…that exact moment.

And since that moment I have and will continue to pray for deliverance, or some form of divine intervention to rid me of this plague.

I have seen things others have not and probably never will see. I have stared into the mouth of hell and laughed. I have gazed into the eyes of evil and stood my ground. I have seen the world fall about me and I have never flinched. But what I saw in that instant was truly more horrific than anything else I have ever seen. Acid in my face would have been a hundred times more pleasant than what I have just viewed.

Yes dear readers, I saw it…I shudder to even bring myself to explain it to you. You're too decent to hear such a thing.

As the cad spun around to face me, through the mask I sensed his demonic frustration, but something was awry. When vicious blows did not strike me as they normally do, I peeled open one eye gently to see what was the matter. And there it was; like a sore thumb, like a flashing beacon, like everything else in that room did not exist and there was only that. I retched as my eyes fell upon it…

I gagged as my eyes fell upon the full effect that the vixen in her skimpy outfit had had on him.

(I can bearly get the words out to tell you, I feel sick.)

There it was, plain as day, brash as you please…no shame or abash…

Oh dear god…I can hardly say it…

Yes…it was there…I saw that bulge in his pants."