Let's Get The Quiet Girl Hammered

One evening, Team Gai threw a party. Why? Because parties are youthful. Hinata thought to herself that this would be the perfect time for her to get closer to a certainly white boy in an orange jumpsuit that she may or may not have been completely and totally enamored with. But how could she do that when it was so painfully obvious that she suffers cripplingly low self-esteem, especially when it came to her relationships with the opposite sex (which may or may not have anything to do with the fact the her relationship with her father—Big Daddy Hyuga, head of the Hyuga family—was less than perfect). There had to be a solution… but what?

"We're gonna get you piss drunk!" Ino told her, holding several bottles of vodka in both hands.

"Umm… Ino… Why do are you helping me?" Hinata asked. "I mean, I'm grateful and all… but I don't think you and I have ever even looked at each other straight on before.

"You're right." Ino sighed. "The truth is… I'm just a bitch."

"Okay, true, go on."

"I like getting people drunk and then watching them make complete and total asses of themselves." Ino explained. "Which reminds me, I spiked Rock Lee's drink about an hour ago; he should be picking a fight with someone twice his strength right about now! I better go watch!" And with that, Ino dashed into the living room, leaving the vodka on the kitchen counter.

Hinata stood there for a moment, staring at the many bottles of vodka. She knew that if she drank some, she would lose her inhibitions and finally be able to tell Naruto how she really felt about him. So she picked up a bottle, opened it up and took a swig.

She coughed. "Uck! … Tastes like vomit… Vomit that's on fire."

It was at that point that Sakura entered the kitchen, catching Hinata in the act.

"AHH! Pink-haired girl!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing in here?!"

"Getting some ice. Somebody spiked Lee's drink and now he thinks he's Super Man, so he challenged Sasuke to a duel for my affection… Sasuke punched him in the mouth… Now he's bleeding all over the living room floor." Sakura explained. "Ya know, it's kinda lame having all these guys fighting over you sometimes."

"I hate you." Hinata mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

It was then that Sakura noticed the bottle in Hinata's hand and asked "So Hinata… what's with all the booze?"

"Ino told me it would be easier to talk to Naruto if I was really drunk." Hinata replied.

"Oh don't listen to her, she's a bitch."

"She mentioned something like that."

Sakura lectured on. "And alcohol, you know, is no substitute for good old-fashioned self-confiden—" She stopped herself in mid-sentence, realizing she was actually discouraging someone from trying to take Naruto off of her hands. "Actually, on second thought, drink up. I need to get this ice into Lee before he starts hemorrhaging."

An hour-and-a-half and a bottle-and-a-half of vodka later, Hinata was fully plastered and ready to talk to Naruto. But by this time she was so far gone that she had completely forgotten the reason she was drinking in the first place, and she was off to find her cousin, Neji.

Little known fact about kids from Konoha: vodka makes them invincible! … No, not really, but they certainly seem to think so.

"Hey! Hey you! Nnnnnnnnneji!" Hinata slurred, approaching her cousin who was talking to Tenten, who was trying to convince him that the two of them should go make-out in the broom closet, but he insisted that Shikamaru was in there with some fat chick and he didn't want to walk in on something unsightly. Tenten was going to clarify that the fat chick in question was actually Choji, but she didn't figure it would be helping her case any, so she just kept that bit of information to herself.

"Uhh… Hi Hinata." He greeted. The two of them didn't exactly have the greatest relationship to begin with, and the fact that he had tried to murder her during the preliminaries to the final round of the Chunin Exams hadn't helped things.

"Hi Hinata yourself, douche bag!" She exclaimed. "Ya know… Nuji… I'm… I'm sick of all you… you and your… your prodjijy… projiny… pronajy… ALL YOUR CRAP!"

"Uhh…"

"SHUT UP! … Hinata's talking…" She snapped. "Ya know… you… you're just mad 'cause… 'cause YOUR NAME… starts with a nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…" She explained, or at least tried to. "And it doesn't start with a hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… like Hinata, or Honeybee or… Hiawatha… or whatever the fuck my dad's name is."

Suddenly everything became clear to Neji. "Hinata, are you drunk?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!" Hinata shrieked, before suffering from a massive mood-swing and having a breakdown on the floor. "… Why?! … WHY WON'T ANYBODY LOVE HINATA?!"

The next day, Hinata woke up with a hellish hang-over the next day and vowed never to listen to Ino or any other Sakura-archetype again.

Author's Note: … There really isn't much to say about this one. I like it a lot… a lot, a lot.