Hollow: chpt 2

Where we left off:

At that Alex stopped, took a breath and looked her co-worker dead in the eye, "It used to matter Beck… a looong time ago," she'd smirked then and they'd continued their walk in silence but the damage had been done. The beautiful fluttering golden light that brought her small moments of pleasure had been dimmed, filmed over with a pall of gray. Becky had a way of ripping the pleasure out of the day for anyone she chose to. The sad part was that she did it without conscious effort or malice. It was just her way sometimes.

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"Come on! We've all been up there already! You have to… seriously…you've been looking through the book all night…" Melanie reached under the book and drew out the slip of paper Alex had slid under it more than an hour ago.

"Mel… I can't…" Alex protested and watched the walking ray of sunshine rise to her feet with a smile that could make the flowers follow her.

"Yes, you can," she grinned sliding her own shot in front of Alex before heading toward the D.J.

"Oh boy…" Alex sighed, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as the wrinkly black and gray figure that leaned nonchalantly against Becky looked pointedly and directly into her eyes. Still, at least it didn't leave its perch and stick its ever shifting face into hers.

I've got my own that's having a feast right now don't I you little bastard? Tell me something I don't know! she thought at the beast that seemed bored with her accusation, as if it could hear her. Maybe they can… I don't know… and I don't really care either… so up yours ass hole! she thought at the thing just as the music faded and everyone clapped for the poor drunk woman who thought she could sing Whitney Houston.

"Alright… let's hear it once more time for Tanya… " the D.J. coaxed as Melanie returned to the table and handed Alex the mic just as her name was called, "… alright let's get a nice big hand for Alex… come on up here Alex…"

Alex took the mic in one hand, slammed the shot with the other, then slugged back several long swallows of her beer and smiled shaking her head as Mel led the cheers from the table. Alex glanced at the D.J. doing her best to avoid noticing the four demons that clung to him. She stood directly before the spotlights and closed her eyes. She nodded when he asked, "Ready?" and began the song she'd chosen.

Music had always given Alex solace of her own and she knew well what kinds of songs she could sing and which were best left to others to muddle through. With her eyes closed the opening notes of Poison's Something To Believe In, put her into the drivers' seat of her car with an open road before her, and she sang.

Once the song was over, her knees stopped shaking as she put the mic back in the stand and returned to the table where her friends were smiling and cheering her on. Mel waved the waitress over and pointed at Alex.

"You did great… see? No one threw anything at you..." she teased as the beer and shot were replaced.

"Thanks… and thank God that's over…"

"We could always put in Long Way To Happy for you…" Becky tormented playfully from a few seats down.

"No, thanks… I'll stick to keeping that one in the car… besides it's probably not even out for Karoake yet…" she smiled and saw movement on the floor at her right. She looked down and shook her head, she'd fallen for it again. No matter how long she lived she knew she'd never stop looking when some creature ran through her field of vision. Even the Wee People as she called them, lumping Sidhe, Leprechauns, various thought forms, fetches, and any other small creature that moved unknown, and for the most part, unseen in the world of men.

Most of the Wee People tended to leave her alone, they knew she could see them but they also knew enough to know that she wouldn't acknowledge them. To openly acknowledge their presence was to open the door further and they could sense her door was already as open as it could get. It was the ever-shifting gray-black 'meanies' as she used to call them, Yeah, well I know they're demons… I'm just not really sure which kind, or if they're all just peoples' personal demons… that actively tormented her, trying to get God only knew what out of her. She'd never seen any of them hanging around her, not in the mirror, not in the reflection of a glass or any other reflective surface, so she often wondered if her own little demons kept themselves invisible to her or if it was a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees, in a manner of speaking.

Oh yeah…it's time to go home… when I start thinking about this crap…she thought.

"What kind of crap?" Mel asked leaning her ear toward Alex's mouth.

Did I say that out loud? she wondered, "Sorry Mel, just thinking out loud…" she grinned. Melanie was a pleasure to hang out with. She was one of the few people Alexandra Bentley had ever encountered that had the Golden Halo that seemed to repel the demons. Wouldn't let 'em get through for anything, and Alex wondered if it was because of her nature or her nurture that it was so. "I think I need to go home… I'm getting a little buzzed…"

"Good! You're supposed to!" Mel shouted as one of the regulars belted out an impressive rendition of Open Arms on stage.

Alex nodded smiling and sat back with her drink in hand. I'll hang for another half hour… she thought and felt a shiver cascade up her spine as a cackle that no one else would be able to hear arose from across the tavern. Through the smoky darkness the sight that filled her eyes was one that never failed to make her queasy. A drawn and ill used woman with meth-mouth and sagging skin sat clutching the bar, her chest heaving, while her cigarette bobbed up and down in the corner of her mouth with each rasping breath she took. She sat there dying, Alex knew she was going to keel over any second, and two demons hovered over her each with a smoky sinister claw hooked into the tattered and grayed remnants of her soul, vying for ownership or perhaps just for a piece of it. Alex wasn't sure which and she didn't really care as her feet picked her up and carried her halfway across the tavern, weaving through the suddenly far too loud crowd. She knew there was nothing she could do to stop this from happening. Once the demons had their hooks into a person's soul there was no going back, it wasn't as if it was the body simply taking a break. This was the soul having been sucked dry, there was nothing left to animate the body even if the shell could be saved, except in those rare cases when a demon was strong enough to reanimate the body itself. Those were creatures that actually frightened Alex. The other entities made her nervous, uncomfortable, and occasionally nauseous, but when she came across a demon in a human suit she had nightmares for days. Thankfully that didn't happen very often as a rule. Yeah but I've seen it happening more and more often over the last few years… more with the soul trapped inside with the demon too…then the woman fell.

The clatter of her stool throwing her to the floor was fairly drowned out for the stereo system, but the people surrounding her, also courting and supporting their own demons were regulars as well, and apparently this wasn't the first time this particular woman had fallen off her barstool. They didn't realize it would the last time. So, thinking her completely inebriated they did what most jaded barflies do when someone goes down. They began to clap.

Alex dodged through the people and knelt at her side as the demons drew what was left of her soul from the convulsing shell on the floor, "Someone call a freaking ambulance!" she hollered furiously as the demons drifted through the sobering crowd still playing their twisted game of tug-of-war. Alex put her fingers on the woman's neck and rested her other hand against the side of her head. She grimaced at the crushing pain rolling back and forth through the woman and felt something slide out of herself as the body on the floor passed to stillness. The eyes looked into hers with a fleeting instance of gratitude as the woman left the world and her body gave up its last breath to a lingering demon that cackled into Alex's face before returning to its own host.

I guess this is why I came out tonight…damnit! she thought angrily as one of the barflies joined her at the woman's side, "Do you know CPR?" he asked.

Alex nodded and went along with the charade, she took up position for chest compressions while he did the breathing until the ambulance arrived and the paramedics took over the exercise in futility.

The bar remained a subdued place for the rest of the evening after the paramedics left with the woman's corpse in their possession. Alex looked up into the faces of her co-workers who were eyeing her as if she were the one who'd just died.

"What?" she asked walking back to the table where she sat for a minute, drank her shot, rubbed her aching forearms and took a few swallows of beer.

"You alright?" Mel asked.

"Uh huh,"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it wasn't me that died," she shrugged frowning at the mystified look that passed between her co-workers. She stood up, finishing her beer and swinging her purse over her shoulder, "Look… I don't know about you guys but I'm beat… I'll see y'all on Monday…" and she walked out, Hey at least she's not gonna get used by a demon… I wonder how many levels of them there are…she contemplated and shrugged once more as she pulled out onto the street and headed home, the driving beat of Pink's Numb pulsing through the car as she pulled onto the expressway heading toward the city.

Thank God it's the weekend… maybe by Sunday night I'll be able to get a good nights sleep again… she thought hopefully and stood blankly on the sidewalk at the end of her block. She wasn't quite ready to go home yet and it was late enough that she shouldn't run into too many people if she just took a little walk.

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She looked at her watch then out at the black water of Lake Michigan. 2:30… not so bad… shhhhh she told her mind and listened to the quiet lapping of small ripples against the rocks she sat on. I don't understand why all this…I don't understand why I'm the only one who sees these things! I can't be the only person who sees strange things… unless I'm just nuts… heh, yeah man but I'm a functional nut job…maybe I should try again…maybe I should just give up…and she thought about all the crackpots who'd e-mail her, all the freaks, psychos, stalkers and generally mentally ill people who'd swear they had regular conversations with Abraham Lincoln, or Teddy Roosevelt, or even a telepathic connection to some obscure alien race living in the Crab Nebula. Then there were the teenagers, those kids who had genuine need of a friend or confidante and would go to almost any length to get that, including pretending to be haunted. The last time she'd put out word that she was seeking others with similar 'abilities' was two years ago. She'd gotten thousands of correspondences, including several invitations from institutions for examination and measuring of her psi, none of which she'd accepted, but out of all those correspondents, she'd found one who could describe some of the things Alex herself had lived her whole life seeing.

They'd talked on line frequently for several months, and finally gotten to the point where they'd given each other their actual names and the cities they lived in. A few months after that he'd stopped responding to her e-mails and instant messages. About a week after he'd stopped responding she'd received notice that he was no longer part of the instant message service they both used and she'd lost him. To this day she didn't have any idea if he was alive, or if he'd lost it and found himself institutionalized, it was one of his greatest fears he'd often said, or what other turn his life might have taken, in the end she'd forced herself to believe he'd played her. That he'd told her things she wanted to hear until he got tired of the game then changed his identity and probably laughed himself silly regaling his friends with tales of some freak in the Midwest who thought she saw extra-dimensional beings. Alex had been despondent for weeks, not having realized just how deeply she'd hungered for contact with someone, anyone at least a little like her.

All this brought her back to the same question, Why me? She opened the back zipper of her purse and pulled out a spiral notebook and pen. Sure it was dark out but there was enough light from the streetlamps shining up on the sidewalk for her to jot down a bit about tonight.

She dated the next open line on the most recently used page and began her entry:

"Went out with the girls tonight…didn't want to really but had that compulsion…then a woman died at the bar. I helped her transition… just enough to keep anything from taking over her body and using it…I hate the way it leaves me feeling, just a little more cold, a little more empty every time…I never asked for this, I never wanted it, so why is it that I can't just be left alone? I need to try again and find out of there's anyone else like me out there… after Jeremy though I'm scared… I can admit that here…the girls looked at me like I'm a freak…so what's new? I can't take the loneliness much longer…I used to think all I wanted was a job and a place of my own where I didn't have to deal with people, where I could hide from them and not see their demons feeding on them… but knowing what I know now…there has to be others out there…there has to be some way to… I don't know… fill me up again…if not I don't have much longer… every second that ticks by just tears another shank of my soul, turning it gray and empty… I don't have much more time to waste, I feel it…"

She closed the notebook and wiped her eyes wondering where that catharsis had come from, it wasn't what she'd intended to write, it wasn't at all what she'd wanted to do, which was list the pros and cons of putting her feelers out again. Instead she'd found her subconscious taking over, just like it did when she was in situations when her solace was called for. She wouldn't have walked over to that woman of her own volition, she wouldn't have given her anything other than sympathy as she watched her die, but it hadn't been up to Alex, it was never her choice. Not since she was a kid and thought her well of empathy was a magical vessel that would continually fill no matter how much of herself she gave. She didn't realize back then that the pattern she'd established out of an innocent desire to ease the suffering of another had programmed her in a way no one could have anticipated.

Her body suddenly felt leaden. She looked into the dark water below her feet and wondered if she slipped into it, would she sink? or would she float? Go home Alex, change into your pj's, slide into bed and let yourself sleep…you'll figure out what to do in the morning. She told herself gently and pushed the notebook back into its pocket then rose and started the trek back to her apartment feeling as if something were about to breech the horizon and perhaps show her a path she hadn't realized existed.

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The leaves blanketing the path were slick with cold autumnal rain. They shifted precariously beneath her feet threatening to throw her to the ground as she ran, with her pursuer's heavy footfalls vibrating the ground behind her.

Alex gasped, daring a glance over her shoulder and knew that if she stopped to search the emptiness behind her she'd never escape. The part of her that was almost always aware told her she was dreaming, it was okay to stop running and face what was back there, but her instincts told her otherwise.

Please stop… just leave me alone…she thought with the tearful inner voice of the child she'd once been. In all the years that this particular nightmare had haunted her, she'd never been able to let herself stop running. She'd never been so tired before either, tired of running, of being scared, tired of being the prey, tired of the futility of her own life.

As her foot splashed into a pool of icy cold standing water she felt her balance shift and her hands came out before her. Air huffed from her chest as she landed on the rough plank board flooring of the cabin she found herself within, her palms were stabbed deep with large heavy splinters and she held back a small cry of pain as she peered out of the crack in the closet door. She always wound up in the closet, always peering through that very same crack, at that very same broad man with the horror-movie chef's knife in his hand who sought, and always found her.

His fingers locked into her hair dragging her out into the empty room and just as he always did, he lifted her off the floor holding her by the hair before the ever shifting face she could never see. Yep… there's the flash of light off the blade… I wonder where the light comes from… yep here it comes… ouch! Yep that still hurts… and yep again, and again, and again… come on Alex! Wake up huh? How many times do you want him to stab you tonight before you let yourself wake up? Huh? Come on now… oh hell I lost count already… son of a bitch… well my pants are getting heavy with blood… that's a lot of stabbing tonight… what're you doing this for? What're you letting him do this to you…

WAKE UP!

Her eyes opened and her breath hitched out with a sob. She scanned the room as she always did when the dream allowed her to wake, with wide frightened eyes that thought every shadow or hushed flutter of the drapes in the breeze was there to steal her life away.

Please tell me it's still only Friday night… she looked at the clock across the room, the red LED's shining almost malevolently. She blinked hard clearing the sleep from her eyes and read the time, 5:32 and still dark out… good… question is can I get back to sleep or should I just take a nap later? she rolled over and hesitantly moved aside the sheer fabric of her drape, the neighborhood was eerily quiet for this time of morning so just as she decided to get up and start the coffee a shiver shook her from head to toe, forcing her to cocoon herself in her blankets until apparently she'd shivered herself back to sleep.

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please R&R.