Disclaimer: Squaresoft, not me, blah blah blah.
AN: Well, just gotta remember, Zell may have a lot of experience at saving the world, but socially, he's still pretty much a naïve child. And Seifer can be an ass.
Zell stood on the balcony, looking out over the ocean.
"Zell, honey, I really think you should talk to me…" Shiva's mental voice was its usual soothing tone, but had a faint sense of urgency to it.
"I don't fe-. I mean, I don't…I don't know!" Zell gave up trying to articulate his thoughts to his little goddess. "Its just…I don't know, I keep thinking about him. I'm worrying about him being off on-mission, and I don't know why."
A long time elapsed before Shiva's response.
"He's one of your friends, its only natural that you worry. After all, I know, and I do mean know, that you worry every time someone else goes out on a dangerous mission."
"I know, but it's just, you know, not like this. It's not like he's off on some dangerous job or other, just doing some border running, but still. Its just…I don't like it, I don't want to just feel useless!" Zell moved away from the balcony, moving to stand at the wall, sun on his back.
"Zell." Zell ignored her, just starting to shadowbox, relaxing into the flow and familiar burn. "ZELL."
"Alright, alright, don't yell." Zell continued his shadowboxing. "Just cause I want him to hold me doesn't mean you should start yell-." Zell let his hands drop to his side as he registered what he just said for a few minutes, remaining motionless (a feat for Zell). "Shiva…" Zell began uncertainly, his voice shaking a bit.
"Yes Zell?" Shiva's voice was cool, calm, familiar, and laced with trepidation, obviously worried about what might go through Zell's mind.
"I…" Zell let the sentence hang while he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the cool bulkhead of the Garden. "Do I…Can I have a crush on Seifer?"
No response.
"I mean, I, I'm just so…comfortable around him, I just wanna keep sticking around him. I want every night to be like Christmas Eve was." Again, no reply from Shiva, but Zell didn't even notice. "But, he, I mean, he brings a different girl over a few nights a week, so, its not like he likes guys, but…I mean, I can't know if I don't ask, right? He gets back tomorrow…I'll talk to him then."
Again, Shiva kept quiet. She didn't know whether to encourage this and hope it worked out, or to stop it while it was just budding, but possibly stop Zell being happy. She didn't like being this much out of control.
"Hey Seifer?"
"Whats up Zell?" Zell blinked and swallowed slightly; Seifer was dripping wet, wearing only a towel, and Zell had to force himself to meet Seifer's eyes rather than the muscular chest. Seifer didn't seem to notice.
"Seifer, want to go on a date?" Zell kept his tone as nonchalant as he could.
Seifer blinked in surprise, then laughed for a moment. "Okay, okay, your point is made Zell." Seifer went back into the bathroom then, coming back out dressed and ready for a night out, and left quickly.
A few hours later, Zell sleepily looked around at what woke him up, and saw Seifer leading a brunette to Seifer's bed, and after a few long minutes of trying to connect things, realized that Seifer had only ever brought blonde's home; Seifer must have assumed Zell was making fun of that, being a blonde himself. Zell resolved to do better in asking in the morning, after the girl left; they always left, never staying more than one night, and always being local to where the Garden was, Seifer obviously wasn't looking for a relationship with them.
"Seifer…I was serious last night. Dinner, you and me, out in the city tonight?" The Garden was hovering beside Timber, and Zell remembered a restaurant he wanted to visit there.
It was a looooong pause.
"No. I'm not a…gay." Seifer had just barely managed not to use another word, and Zell knew it. He was still sitting on his bed mulling that over, a look of hurt on his face, when Seifer stormed out.
Zell stood on the balcony, looking out over the ocean. "Zell, honey, you should talk to me. Please"
"He hates me." Zell didn't need to say more, those three words held so much pain it made Shiva wince.
"No Zell, he doesn't hate you. He's just confused." Shiva really, really, wished she had advised him against saying anything now.
Zell pushed her mental call out of his thoughts and looked over at the water. It had looked so warm and pleasant the other day, now it looked cold, gray and merciless. Just like it had on his birthday. It had all seemed so simple then, he didn't have these feelings weighing him down, when he had stood on the railing, and he had felt so carefree. He wished he could feel like that again. He could feel Shiva trying to get his attention again, urgently, but he pushed her back, needing time to himself.
Zell had closed his eyes, letting the wind enwrap him, his hands gripping the railing, when he heard the door opening. Probably just a student looking for a place to study Zell thought, and ignored it when heard the door close again, and no sounds of shoes tapping on the floor outside.
"Zell." Zell jumped. Seifer had stood quietly for the last five minutes, and Zell was off in his own little world.
"What?" Zell wondered if had meant to sound that harsh.
"…I'm sorry."
"Shouldn't you be off picking up your entertainment for the night" Again, Zell wondered if he was really as bitter as he sounds.
"Zell, c'mon man.'
Silence.
Seifer stood beside Zell now, looking out over the balcony with him.
"I said sorry. I don't think I ever have before." Seifer sounded really off balance, apparently having expected Zell to accept the apology and be fine.
Zell took Seifer by surprise. One moment, his hands were gripping the balcony rail tight, the next they were holding Seifer's head by the sides, Zell's lips pressing against his, and the next moment after that, Zell was already at the door, leaving.
Seifer pushed open the bedroom door, and saw Zell curled up his bed, back to Seifer's side of the room. Seifer winced; patching things up would be harder than he thought, but then, Zell was being unpredictable, Seifer's hand brushed his lips at that thought.
It was a week later when Zell spoke to him again. Every meal had Seifer eating elsewhere, everyone else apparently taking Zell's side, and not talking to Seifer either, except when they had to.
"Did you mean it?"
"Mean what Zell?"
"What you said. About sorry."
"That? Yeah, of course. We're friends, right?"
"Right…just friends." The bitterness was palpable in Zell's tone.
"Zell, if you, I mean, we can have a date. If you want." Seifer didn't want to raise Zell's hopes, but he couldn't just leave their friendship where it was.
Dinner had been decent, and both had ended up having too much to drink, for very different reasons; Zell had been drinking to get drunk, while Seifer had been drinking more responsibly, but still liberally in an attempt to make things seem better. The result however, was that Zell was practically being carried by Seifer, and they both ended up collapsing onto a bed (Seifer's this time).
"…love you Seifer…" Zell mumbled.
Seifer didn't say anything at first, then mumbled out "I know" Then he grinned drunkenly, "Looks like I didn't go pick up a girl tonight, but I still got a blonde in my bed."
"That mean we'll be the ones screwing all night."
Seifer didn't reply, so Zell pulled him close and laid a kiss on him. Seifer didn't pull away, so Zell whispered into his ear. "Come on, sleep with me. And I don't mean the snoring kind." Seifer was a bit hesitant, so Zell took the initiative and begin to undo Seifer's pants.
It was morning when Zell opened his eyes sleepily, he could tell because of the sunlight streaming into the room. As the memories of the previous night came back to him, Zell pushed back into the warmth of the body holding him, ignoring the slight pain in his lower half as he pulled the taller blonde's arms closer around him, holding them close to his chest, and closed his eyes again, listening to Seifer breathe as he slept, and wondered just what he was going to tell everyone else, let alone Seifer if it turned out he was drunker than he had seemed, but then pushed those thoughts out of his mind and enjoyed the early morning in bed.
AN: Well, hope that advanced the plot enough to make some of you happy.